This is a lovely item. I was deeply moved by the sentimental qualities this item has. I am sure many people would be able to relate to this particular item to because most of us have little keepsakes of people we were once close to that have sadly passed on.
I do have some suggestions for improvement and they are as follows:
1. Line 1- I would remove the '&' and replace it with 'and'. It will further enhance the item's quality.
2. line 5- Remove 'So' at the beginning of the line. It is not needed.
3. Line 6- Capitalize the first letter of 'It's' because it is the beginning of a sentence.
4. Line 7- Once again, remove the '&' to replace it with 'and'.
These are suggestions only. You are the best judge of what is right and wrong for your work.
Well done. This was a touching read.
Write on.
1418268}
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This is a touching Poem with many emotions running through it. The further I continued to read on I was confronted with sorrow, regret, and a yearning for something more. All of these emotions were unveiled to the reader smoothly.
This item was paced well and was flowing along quite nicely and then it ended abruptly, leaving me to wonder what I had missed. It feels like a large section of this item is missing.
This Poem would greatly improve if you were to add more body to it, so the tale does not feel as though it is to be continued.
There were no visible errors in this item.
Well done and best of luck with your future writings.
Write on.
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Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1417074 by Not Available.
Being a dark writer myself, I really liked where you were going with this.
The message itself is haunting and with some minor edits will impact upon your reader with force.
The format is what is letting this item down. It reads like a runaway freight train because there are no pauses or divisons within the Poem.
Usually that would be good in dark writing but in this particular Poem it would be best if you gave the reader necessary time to reflect on what you have said. Breaking this up into stanza's would be a good way to do this.
This item is also in desperate need of punctuation to help stabalize your rhythm. Of course not all writers like to punctuate Poetry but this item would greatly improve if you did.
The last lines were excellent. They were gripping and chilling and if supported by the rest of the Poem they would have the ability to make even the toughest of reader's turn and have a look behind their backs.
Well done. I hope to have the opportunity to read more of your dark items in the future.
Write on.
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Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1417074 by Not Available.
This an excellent starting point for something much deeper. What you have so far is very good and well written, but there is plenty of room for you to add more to make this grip your reader.
A topic such as this, can be expressed in so many different ways and with many different emotions depending on the reflection of the individual.
My suggestion for improvement is to dive into this a little deeper and get to the heart or the core of the subject.
There were no visible errors in this item.
Well done and best of luck with your fututre writings.
This an interesting and creative write. I see the message you are trying to express but in some areas of this Poem it loses strength in particular sections.
The comparison between emotions experienced from a broken heart and the ocean is artistic. However your words did not impact on me with as much force as they usually would because I believe the format you have written this to is not allowing this to happen.
My suggestions to you are:
Try writing this to another Poetry format to see if it will allow extra emphasis to be put on your words.
Strengthen your message within the content. Make it more vivid to your reader so they are able to understand what you are expressing loud and clear.
These are merely suggestions. Only you know what is best for your work.
Well done and best of luck with your future writings.
Write on.
This is a very sad Poem that has been wonderfully written.
The wordplay you have used creates a melancholy tone in this item that is haunting and heartwrenching.
The start of your item begins strong and you jump directly into the tale you are unfolding to your reader. It was direct and because you got straight to the point it strengtheed the grip it had on me.
In lines 7 and 8 you have used the word 'only' four times. This is too repititive for such a small area. The two mentioned lines would flow much smoother if you were to replace one or two of the repetitions with a similar word.
The end of your Poem picks up pace and races home to the reader. The last line is written elegantly and sums up your feeling of sorrow further.
There were no visible errors in this item.
Well done to you for a great write. This was a pleasure to read.
Best of luck with your future writings.
Write on.
This Poem has such a tranquil feeling to it that swept me up right from the beginning. Your descriptive wordplay made it very easy for me to picture in my mind the place you call home.
You have directly expressed that country living can be quite fulfilling as opposed to people thinking it could be quite dull because of the isolation. This Poem has been written so invitingly that I found myself wishing I could share the same experience.
There were two errors that I did notice and they are as follows:
1. The beginning letter of the 3rd and 5th stanza are not capitalized.
2. At the beginning of the 6th stanza you have written 'I'vs' this would read smoother as 'I've'.
Well done for creating a nice soothing Poem for all of us to enjoy. It was a pleasure to read.
Write on.
This is a fantastic write.
I enjoyed the content and the format in which you have written this is striking, driving your words home to the reader with extra strength.
It is a short item but it definitely has no problems with getting your message across loud and clear to the reader.
I enjoyed the wordplay you have used in this item. It is vivid and leaps out at the reader, pulling them into your Poem.
You have written this directly and that is the highlight for me. You have said what needs to be said and nothing more.
The title is a little mild for this item. Yes, it is a basis of the content but it did not pique my interest. An item written as well as this should have a more flamboyant title to draw in a larger audience. This is just my opinion though.
*Tip- You are missing your fullstop or (period) at the end of your item.*
Besides this minor error there were no other visible errors in this item.
Well done. This was a pleasure to read.
Best of luck with your future writings.
Write on.
This has a very sweet content and radiates sincerity. It is very moving.
You have categorised this under the 'other' genre and I am wondering exactly what you view this Piece of writing as?
When I was reading this, the repetition of the words were coming to me as lyrics, but without the chorus. You will have to let me know so the mystery does not kill me.
I did notice some visible errors and they are as follows:
1. Line 6 does not form right and requires some attention.
2. Line 22- 'groanded' should be 'groaned'.
I do have one suggestion for you. You should consider spacing your content at the start of each repetition. This would slow down the flow and create more of a melodic feel to the content. This is just a suggestion though, only you know what is best for your work.
This is a fantastic Dark write! I am a dark writer so I was drawn to this item immediately.
There is some incredibly dark expression within this Poem. Its electrifying.
I was completely mesmerised and could not force myself to look away. I enjoyed it so much that I actually read it over three times.
Well done. I look forward to seeing some more dark writes come from you.
Write on.
I love this Poem!
You have created an extremely vivid portrait of winter for the reader to wrap themselves up in. I was able to 'SEE' this Poem with ease.
The blue font enhances your tone of winter and was a nice special touch.
The wordplay is descriptive and flows like a melody giving this Poem a very tranquil feeling.
The format you have written this to is also enjoyable and works very well in the final verse.
My only suggestions for improvement are:
The beginning letter of each verse should be capitalized because it is your starting point. You should also capitalize the first letter of the first word in your title too.
There were no visible spelling errors in this item.
This Poem is packed full of so much vivid imagery. I was able to visualize this effortlessly.
The wordplay is descriptive and this Poem has a nice soothing tone to it.
The references to the Goddess was a nice touch in this Poem.
The indirect rhyme gave this a nice steady rhythm and heightened the significance of the content.
There were no visible errors in this Poem.
Well done to you, it was a pleasure to read.
Write on!
The title of your Poem is great. It suits this piece perfectly considering it is all based on the perception of time.
The flow and pace of this Poem are well done because they are fast, further enhancing how quickly time slips by us.
The wordplay is general and there is not much imagery for the reader to get involved in.
My suggestion to you for this item is to focus on those two points and enhance them.
This is a well written Poem with a melancholy content. Loneliness is a strong emotion to feel and definitely one that is suffocating and toxic. I hope you have gotten passed this emotion.
You have written this Poem with some beautiful wordplay. It is fragile and delicate and reaches out to lightly stroke the reader and draw them in. The feminine feel of this enhances the melancholy you are expressing.
My only suggestion to you is to punctuate this to emphasize the flow. Adding punctuation will make this item pack more of a punch to the reader and it will help them to focus on the rhythm of your words.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this Poem. This Poem reads like a demonic lullaby and that was fantastic!
Your descriptive words enhance the darkness in your content and makes it more vivid for the reader. My sole attention was focused on this and I could not look away. It was hypnotic!
There were no visible errors in this item and I have no suggestions for improvement. I enjoyed this Poem exactly the way it is.
This is a sad Poem of accepting something that you would rather not accept. Having someone we love walk away from us and not being able to do anything about it is a hard burden to bare. You have expressed these emotions in your Poem well.
There were no visible errors in this item but I will make one suggestion to you.
The fourth verse is very long in comparison to the others and looks odd. The flow would be greatly improved and the display of your Poem would also improve if you are able to cut this down and shorten the length of this verse.
This was a pleasure to read. Well done and best of luck with your future writings.
You have expressed yourself well in this item.
There were many things that I liked about this Poem. I enjoyed the message within it, the wordplay and the rhyme.
My only suggestion to you is to add some length to this.
It ended too abruptly and you have left plenty of room to add some extra imagery into this.
Well done. This was different making this item even more appealing.
Write on!
I love this Poem! The topic is well selected and it is something that I can relate to. I was a tomboy in my childhood years too. I still am now in behaviour.
The rhyme in this is great and adds some extra quality to this item. It had a very sing-song feeling and tone to it which was very enjoyable.
There were no visible errors.
Well done and write on!
The flow of this Poem appealed to me. It was slow and melodic and if it had of gone on longer it would have entranced me.
The wordplay is above average in this and the imagery is vivid making it easy for me to get a mental picture of everything that was written.
I did notice some visible errors in this item that I will point out to you as follows:
All of the (i's) in this item need to be capitalized.
The (b) in blue (first word, first line) needs to be capitalized because it is your starting point.
This is one of the best Acrostic's I have had the pleasure of reading.
The word choices in this are fantastic and reached me with ease. The rhyme incorporated into this enhanced this Poem even further.
It was great!
There were no visible errors.
This was a pleasure to read.
Well done and write on!
This was a very powerful story. The rationalization of the son trying to understand why he was not moved at his own Father's funeral was amazing to watch unfold.
The plot of this story is gripping. You definitely have a talent when it comes to manipulating your readers attention because once again I could not look away from the words until I was finished.
I like the direct way in which you write. You tell the story and nothing more. I do not have to decipher a bunch of purple prose to reach the core of the story.
You have an amazing talent and I look forward to reading more of your work.
Now I have to try and force myself out of your port.
It is safe to safe that I am a fan of your writing.
This story was just as good as the previous one but in a different way. The romance in this was touching and could be felt.
The imagery you created was vivid and it was easy for me to get a mental picture of the surroundings of the character.
There were no visible errors.
I enjoyed everything about this. Thank you for a great read.
Well done and write on!
Your story is fantastic! I was completely glued to the screen and hanging on every word.
I love stories of the paranormal. You obviously have a flair for these, which is good for me because I am more than happy to read and enjoy them.
There were no visible errors in this item. Everything was perfect!
This is a nice Poem with lots of vivid imagery incorporated into it. I do feel that your message in the item is somewhat lost and not as strong as it could be because it has been lost in the descriptive wordplay.
My suggestion to you is to find a way to strengthen your message to the reader. The imagery is splendid though. It was very enjoyable.
Well done.
Write on!
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