I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
I love the title. It caught my attention and made me want to read your item.
I like that this Poem was written in free verse. It gave your item more elasticity to move and stretch in which ever direction it wanted, because you were not boxed in by rhyme.
Your item has a light and airy feel to it which I found to be relaxing and invigorating.
There were no visible errors but I do have two small suggestions-
1. Capitalize the beginning letter of each verse. It is your starting point and as such requires it.
2. Your item would gain more momentum in pace and flow and also more quality if you were to apply general punctuation. Something for you to think about.
Well done. It was a pleasure to read.
~Goth Angel~
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
First of all, great title. It connects with the essential theme very well.
You have used tight, compact lines in each of your stanza's which strengthens the pace and flow of the item.
For the most part your rhyme reads well but there are a few lines which cause a slight bump in the road.
2nd stanza- 'different' and 'listened' do not rhyme. You may want to try and smooth this one out.
4th stanza- 'confused' and 'do' also do not rhyme. Another section for you to take a brief look at.
Suggestion- You should consider adding the appropriate punctuation. Of course this is strictly your choice but it really does help add strength to your writing.
In general this is a well written Poem. Easy to read and the message you are expressing is loud and clear.
Well done and write on.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
I love the title. Its simplicity piqued my interest and drew me in to read it.
This is a short, dark write which I think is a perfect template to build upon. The succession of the word 'black' featured at the ending of the first four lines is somewhat distracting and disrupts the natural flow rather than enhance it. It is established from the title and the first line that 'black' in general is the feature or highlight of your Poem and the repetition would serve best to be removed and replaced with fresh content to keep the reader engrossed in your Poem.
A few small errors that were noted. - The {i's} in your item need to be capitalized. This is always required when making reference to yourself. - You have over-used your placing of commas. It is not necessary for them to be used on every line featured in the Poem. - Last two lines should read as {It's}
With some further attention placed upon this Poem and some minor edits, your item will shine.
You have a good starting point here.
Well done and best of luck.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
There is a strong sense of regret coming through to the reader, stroking the heart strings and forcing us to connect with your item. The long winding passage you have used to display your item enhances the melancholy nature of your theme.
I did happen to notice a few areas you may want to touch-up when given the opportunity. They are as follows:
4th line- Its should read as It's.
5th line- Remove 'As' at the beginning and allow the line to flow naturally.
Line 8- Consider removing 'to' and replacing it with 'I'. This seems to flow smoother.
Last line- Remove the exclamation mark at the end of the line. It is not needed.
This is a beautifully written Poem. It is elegant and soft in tone, narrated with a melodic and peaceful 'voice'. The flow, pace and rhyme are all perfect and require no adjustments. I did detect one small error on the 6th line- You have capitalized the (i) in 'is'. It is not needed.
Thank you for sharing your talent with us all here at WDC.
Write on.
I am here on behalf of 'Simply Positive'. All comments are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
After looking endlessly through a sea of Christmas themed cNote shops to find the perfect card for some of my friends, I stumbled upon your shop and my search ended. I love all of the cute little cNotes you have displayed and will most definitely be purchasing notes for my friends from your shop. I can't pick a fave note because I like them all.
I will be adding your shop to my favorites...makes it easier to find my way back.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
As a dark writer myself, I have an appreciation and attraction for anything written in this genre. The depression you are experiencing is being clearly expressed in the item and leaps out at the reader. The format could do with an adjustment though, because some of the lines are so long and they feel as though they drag on for an eternity. In breaking your content up and delivering it more appropriately you will smooth out your flow, strengthen your pace and enhance the impact your item has upon the reader.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
You have managed to create an item that lingers in the mind and caresses the thoughts and emotions of the reader viewing it. Beautiful wordplay is being displayed in your item and the insatiable hunger and need for the 'Goddess' is striking. The main feature for me in your item is that you have 'shown' the viewer the effect the Goddess is having upon you in all different areas as opposed to 'telling' us.
I feel this item needs no change in wordplay or content but rather some major adjustments in your format. There are many grammatical issues in your item which require some further attention such as a space after your period points, some sentence structure and the appropriate capitalizations.
One error I did happen to notice was 'innocense'. It should read as innocence.
If you do decide to edit, please let me know because I would love to take another look at this.
Well done and keep up the great work on the wordplay!
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
You explain conception in your item in a brief but creative way. The word count is perfect and you have not exceeded your limit of 55 words. My only suggestion is to reconsider the last two lines. Can they not be replaced with something higher in quality and more impacting upon the reader?
I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
Write on.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
You have written in your description for this item that it holds a strong ending. You are right, it does have a strong ending but its depth is missed because the previous verses are not strong enough to deliver it appropriately. Although you are tring to express 'dark humor' your item lacks any 'real' depth and your attempts remain barron. Perhaps with an occasional insert of 'witty humor' incorporated into your item it would receive enhancement or simply by removing the 'slang' and speaking to your audience on a more common ground it would strengthen.
Don't give up on this one. Persist with it because it is a good template for something much more.
Place some extra focus onto your item and have patience whilst re-working it and you will have a winner.
Goodluck and write on.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
I like where you were going with this. The enchantment caused by her 'spider eyes' was a unique form of expression and one which hooked my attention with ease.
You 'show' the reader the effect 'she' has rather than 'telling' them and this aspect of your Poem was the highlight for me.
The one major fault I found was there was no transition or build up between verse and finale. The end of your Poem was steadily climbing to a peak and the reader was able to sink their teeth into the plump verse and then it ends. I would certainly suggest for you to take a closer inspection on this area of your Poem and pace it out by adding some further content.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
I enjoyed the urgency in the words. A yearning for support and a promise of devotion. It was palpable. I had a great deal of appreciation for this item because you are expressing the ultimate longing in life. To not have to spend it alone. This was beautiful.
The structure you have used is slightly distracting and I feel it hurts the item. I would consider changing it to allow the item to flow better so the reader is more receptive to its quality. Of course this only a suggestion and only you know what is best for your work.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
Hello ~Sue~
This Poem is truly beautiful and moving. The content matter speaks of love and also a fear of worrying the other person of the pair. Just this snippet of information alone, displays clearly to the reader the depth of the emotions being expressed in this Poem. What a wonderful connection to have!
The rhyme is flawless and pushes the item along steadily. The tone of narration is gentle and sweet, leaving the reader feeling warm and fuzzy.
Again, direct but simple wordplay has enhanced your item.
The last two lines were a wonderful way to end this. Very uplifting!
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
This Poem takes me way back to earlier times. Reading it brings back all the old memories of imaginary terrors experienced as a child. Although we mature and move on from these you still never forget how 'real' they felt at the time.
You captured the sheer terror felt at these precise moments in childhood, perfectly. The palpitating heart, searching beneath the bed, jumping in fright at every bump in the night, lack of sleep as you wait for 'his' entrance...You have covered all of this in your Poem and left no stone unturned.
The rhyme gives your item a rapid pace, heightening the adrenalin being expressed and piquing it within the reader. Your punctuation all seems to be in place and I have no suggestions for improvement. It is visual, gripping and a pleasure to read. Well done!
Yet another well written Poem created by you. Very inspirational and uplifting. I love how you 'showed' not 'told' the reader what one experiences when they are swept up in the grey of life and as I was nearing the end your item took an inspirational turn and you left the reader with a glimmer of hope.
Many people could relate to your Poem because at some stage in our lives we have all been touched by 'grey' moments and feelings but true to the Poem we all 'toil' on until we are able to find some happiness.
I have no suggestions for improvement, I loved it!
I like the title. It's different and draws attention.
The emotions in this are palpable and strike the reader with force drawing them further into your item. The bond/connection being shared is mesmerising and sufficently piqued my curiosity making me want to know more about the situation.
Many descriptive words are used in the content which enhances the intimacy being shown.
Again, the only bump in the road detected was with the rhyme. Certain areas have strong rhyme whilst in others the rhyme strays completely. I would suggest taking a second look when you can afford the time, to smooth it out.
I like the message you are expressing in this Poem and it is so true! Love is not always straight forward. Like anything else it has two sides. One that is pure and one which is more sinister. Everything has a ying and yang and love is no exception. You get this expression across loud and clear in your item and I was riveted.
I see no errors in your item but I do have a suggestion. It caught my attention that you have used 'free' as the ending word in stanza one and two. Perhaps this area of your Poem would be enhanced by removing the repeition and replacing it with with a fresh rhyme.
Well done. I enjoyed the colors you incorporated into your item.
I don't know about anyone else but I love reading items that are centered around 'A woman's scorn'. The moment I read the title and introduction I knew I was hooked!
I loved how you began the item all innocent and sweet. Lots of passion and yearning for a promise she will more than likely never receive and then severely switched it up in the following verse to an overtly demanding tone.The transition was rapid and breathtaking but I loved it. It was a clear display of how quickly the transition can occur in reality.
I enjoyed reading the warning in each line. It was direct and simply stated 'If I don't get what I want from you, this will be the consequences you face'. A job well done in this area.
The only 'hitch' I see in this item is with your rhyme. You begin the item using strong, direct rhyme which follows through consistently until you reach the last two lines of the first verse. 'Alone' and 'torn' do not rhyme and this created a pause in the flow. This same pause was also found on the first and second line of the last verse too.The rest of the rhyme in your Poem is perfect and does not require a second look.
I liked this Poem. The anger being ejected from the character was chilling and she was certainly a woman I don't think any male would want to intentionally cross.
Well done.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
Hello ~Sue~
What a lovely Poem you have here and created with the intention of using less than 14 lines which you achieved easily--Amazing! Only 10 lines.
The line which stood out to me the most was the second line. The words I write become my voice.
This Poem has certainly been narrated with 'your' voice but I think you have spoken for almost every individual on WDC in general. Many people have different reasons and passions for writing but we all still share one common connection. As writers we all want to be heard in one way or another and when we use our poetic voices people flock to listen.
You have used direct rhyme and carried it well from the beginning to the end. It remains consistent and there were no bumps or pauses along the way.
The use of simple and direct wordplay heightens your item. The lack of elaborate and complicated wordplay has given your Poem an honesty and pureness which is clearly on display for the reader to see.
Your punctuation is slightly off balance but does not hurt your item in any way.
6th line- The hope one day I'll make my mark.
Let me tell you, you certainly stamped me with your mark after reading this inspirational and beautifully written Poem.
Well done.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
The large font you have used is excellent because it made me feel like you were shouting this out for all to hear. You have delivered a potent and inspiring message using a minimal amount of words.
The descriptive words back and forth in relation to fire such as: light, kindling, glowing etc etc is creatively done and very pleasant for the reader to view. There were no visible errors in your item.
A job well done.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
This is one of the best Acrostics I have read.
I love the Acrostic format but do not use it nearly as much as I would like to. I tend to use them when I am trying to get passed writer's block and think they work a treat!
The font color is great in the display and enhances the oceanic theme.
The rhyme pattern used is excellent. I especially enjoyed the switch up of the first and last line of 'Ocean'.
This was a pleasure to read.
Well done and write on.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
You state in your description- 'Do we appreciate the tiny daily freedoms most overlook?'
No, I do not think many people would appreciate all of the minute things that help to make our lives more enjoyable but your Poem does a good job of reminding us all that we should.
I loved the sincerity in the words. It is easy for the reader to know this item has been written from the heart. Your talent and skill as a writer is evident in this amazing item. I am thrilled you decided to take Ralene's advice in regards to do with your work. The re-write is more potent and using free verse as opposed to rhyme has ensured you were not boxed in by a pattern and were able to express yourself more intimately.
I have no suggestions for improvement. The re-write is splendid.
Well done and write on.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
This is an extremely moving write. It was an item I was able to connect with because it was and is a reality for me also. Unfortunately, sometimes it does not matter what 'we' do, some people are destined to be ignorant to the messages around them.
I loved the comparison between your item and the song. The incorporation of some of the songs lines in your work was outstanding and really helped to enhance the emotional aspects of your Poem.
The ending although sad, was beautifully written and pulled on the readers heart strings with ease.
I have no suggestions for improvement. This is outstanding just the way it is.
*Wonderful*
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
I will first start off with focusing on your format. You have marked this as Poetry but it reads more like a partial rhyming piece of prose. Whilst reading this it is screaming out to me to be put in traditional four stanza format. This would strengthen the item and the partial rhyme would carry it along nicely. Strictly your choice of course.
The beginning is captivating and intense but further along it branches into a more comical tone. I am not certain if this is the interpretation you were aiming for but it is what I received when reading it. Your language in the beginning is very Poetic and has a romantic quality. Deeper into the item the slang you have incorporated tailspins the item and it begins to lose the intensity and passion of the emotions you are invoking. The last six words you end the item with are a clear display of what I am pointing out.
Third line you have written 'you'. I am not sure if this is a typo and you intended for it to be 'your'. If I am mistaken then a comma needs to be added after 'you'.
Line 9- You are missing the (i) from thinking.
Line 10- I strongly suggest for you to re-think this line. This is the line in particular that loses the poetic quality within your item. The depth of the item is thrown out the window as soon as I reached this line. Of course this is only my opinion and it is your choice to make.
Through out your 'Poem' you switch back and forth between direct rhyme and indirect rhyme. Your item would wield more power if you were to choose one form of rhyme and stick with it or strengthen the direct rhyme to increase the intensity of the flow.
There are many different aspects of your writings for people to enjoy. I personally enjoy the yearning sometimes borderline obsession tendencies you incorporate into each of your items. This item was no exception and clearly displays your 'trademark'.
Well done and please do keep in mind my review is full of suggestions. Take what you find helpful and discard everything else.
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- The {i's} in your item need to be capitalized. This is always required when making reference to yourself. 
- Last two lines should read as {It's}
