Your short story is very quirky and I enjoyed where you were going with it.
Misunderstandings are interesting themes to base stories upon because there are no rules to abide by.
My only suggestion to you is to elaborate upon the content you already have. The story is far too short for the reader to receive the full effect of the comedy you have weaved into it. With some minor focus placed on this aspect of your story it will definitely be a piece that has your reader laughing out loud.
Your punctuation is all in its correct place and no changes need to be made. However I did happen to notice one small error on the second last line of the item.
You have written 'thhe' this needs to be corrected to 'the'. Well done and best of luck with your future items.
Write on!
This is definitely a Poem of inspiration.
It is written with Poetic elegance and reaches out and demands respect from all who read it.
The Poem itself is creative and your artisitc abilities shine bright through this. The love you have for your country is evident and the patriotic notions are overhwelming.
I did notice one small thing- Line 10 you have written 'sooth'. I am unsure if this is an error because of our different regions, but in Australia we would write 'soothe'. . Thought I should mention it just in case.
Well done. This is an item of inspiration and one I am sure many people will take a great liking to. It was a pleasure to read.
Your story is interesting, and seized my attention from the beginning. It is definitely a story I would enjoy reading more of when it is done.
I did notice some errors and I will point them out to you for editing if you choose to do so. They are as follows:
Line 5- You have written 'ger' and this word should be 'her.
Line 16- 'any one' should have the gap closed and read as 'anyone'.
Same line, last word- Remove 'there' and either replace with '...' to emphasize a continuation or just remove the word and end the line with a period or (fullstop)
Line 19- 'Atleast' needs to be seperated into two words so it reads as 'At least'.
Line 22- 'an dnearly' needs to be edited to 'and nearly'.
Line 23- Last word on this line should be changed to 'that' so it reads correctly.
I hope you have found my review to be helpful.
Best of luck with your story. It is a pleasant read so far.
Well done and write on.
I like the meaning of this Poem. Freedom is a powerful thing and we all strive to have it in various ways. It is great that you have touched on a subject that everyone can relate to.
However, certain areas of your Poem is repetitive which hurts the content. I would consider taking out some of the repetitions because they are not needed, you get your message across to the reader loud and clear without having to resort to this particular method.
Some extra attention to your rhyme scheme is also needed if you want your item to pack a punch to your reader and leave them thinking about your words after they have finished reading.
Your descriptions are good and you present a clear picture to your reader, further enhancing the impact certain lines will have by using comparisons to help strengthen what you are trying to say.
Your punctuation is all in place and does not require any editing. There were no visible errors in this item.
I hope you find my review to be helpful. Well done and best of luck with your future writing.
This is an interesting Poem to read.
Your wordplay is general which is good for a complicated theme like this one. The Poem flows along nicely but then begins to loose focus and seems to writhe and twist loosing direction of the theme you actually began with. This could just be the way I am reading it, but I do suggest that you take another look at it when you have the available time.
There were no visible errors with your spelling in this item but the punctuation does need some extra attention because it is lacking.
I also noticed you use a profanity nearing the end of the item which means that this item will need to be re-rated so it is appropriate for younger viewers to read.
In general it is an interesting piece and this is an excellent starting point for you to strengthen the theme and the other aspects that are not so strong. Once you are able to find the time to do this, you will have a sure winner on your hands.
If you decide to make any changes to this item please let me know because I would love to read this again.
Have a nice day and best of luck with your future writings.
Write on!
This is a lovely story you have here.
The description of the forceful, unwavering weather outside is visual and made me feel cold.
The together-ness of the family was wonderful. It was warm and inviting and created a very nice scene for your reader to become a part of.
I absolutely adore how you have incorporated the recipe of the 'pumpkin bread'. It was an excellent touch to an already wonderful story.
I adore the way you have compared a storm to a shotgun. This was very creative for you to do and in all honesty I have never heard anyone make the comparison between the two before, but they do fit well.
I enjoyed your partial rhyme it worked well in this item. Anything above partial rhyme would have lost the beauty of this item. You balanced it out well.
Your description is above average and sets an awesome scene for the reader to be swept up in. It was very easy for me to create a visual image of the storm from your descriptive words.
I could not find any visible errors in your punctuation or spelling. Everything is as it should be.
I do have one suggestion for you to take onboard if you find it to be appropriate- 4th stanza 1st and 2nd line, I would consider replacing those lines with something better. This was the only twitch I found in your flow whilst I was reading. It didn't seem to fit in and seemed underplayed.
Well done and congrats on a very creative item. Best of luck with your future items.
~Gothic Angel~
This short piece of prose is very impressive. You grasped my attention immediately and managed to make me feel the disgust the main character was experiencing. You portray the decsription of the woman to your reader vividly and in such a way that the reader has no choice than to find her as unattractive as the main character. This aspect of your item was well done.
Your wordplay is simple but fitting for an item of this length. You paced the item well, allowing your reader to slowly peak their dislike for the woman too. The last line was a great way to end this and it leaves the reader wanting more.
There were no visible errors in this item.
Well done. I would enjoy reading something from you that would continue this on and further develop the loathing between the two characters.
I found your item to be appealing immediately because I am a dark writer so I was instantly taken with it.
It has been written well and the pace is superb. You raise the tension in the item gently taking your reader into the item and making them feel as though they are a part of it.
The item would have been more confronting if you had of written it from the main character's viewpoint but nevertheless it still works and seems to be more interesting this way.
Your descriptive writing enhances this item further and makes it extremely easy for the reader to know exactly where they are and what is happening.
There were no visible errors with your spelling or your punctuation.
This was a pleasure to read and review. It was memorable and gave me chills. I am sure this item will come back to haunt me when I am alone in a stromy night.
Well done and write on!
This is a perfectly written story with no room for improvement.
It was well paced and very informative of the characters that were invloved. You introduced each character into your story well. The story itself was strong in theme backed up by excellent and direct wordplay.
Jeremy, was a great character and I loved reading the different thoughts he was thinking and the various emotions he was experiencing. His outburst at the end was so sweet and enforced my admiration for him even more. This Story was a pleasure to read. Well done and write on.
This Poem is amazing and touching on so many levels.
The determination to see the beauty through the chaos and rise above the melancholy of the situation is expressed very clearly to the reader. This is beautiful to read and it is easy for the reader to see that these words have come straight from your heart.
Well done and write on.
I like where you were going with this story but for me it falls short of actually getting over the finish line. This is just my opinion though.
This story needs to be stretched out and given more body content so there is something for the reader to really get swept up in. This feels like the beginning of something that could be good if it was elaborated upon.
Also you need to capitalize your {i's} in this item.
Well done and best of luck with your future writings.
This is a very sad Poem. Along with melancholy, it is also expressing neglect.
The content is extremely short but you still manage to express yourself vividly.
The questions you have incorporated into the content help to draw the reader in, forcing them to pay attention as if they are a part of this.
The last verse is touching but too repetitive in nature. This item would flow much better if you were to remove the repititions and replace them with something similar but fresh.
Well done, it was a good effort. It is well on the way to becoming a very memorable Poem.
Write on.
I like where you were going with this. The incorporation of nature within this Poem works well, giving this Poem a tranquil feeling.
Title- The title is catchy. It seeks attention and is capable of drawing your readers in with ease. It is elegant and poetic, hinting at what will follow. The capitalization of two letters in the title is somewhat distracting. I would suggest reverting them back to normal text but that is entirely up to you.
Wordplay- Your wordplay is elegant and extremely feminine. Your wordplay is also descriptive which enhances the imagery you have created for your reader.
Flow- Some of the lines are malformed and in turn your flow has become shaky. This area of your Poem will require some extra attention to smooth it out.
Errors- There are many errors in this item and I will point them out to you to make it easier for you to edit them if you chose to do so. They are as follows:
Line 2- You need to capitalize your and 'site' should be 'sight'.
Line 3- the calm of night. Your needs to be capitalized.
Line 4- Your needs to be capitalized and 'site' should be 'sight'.
Line 5- the. Your needs to be capitalized.
Line 8- 'hide' should be 'hides'.
Line 9- when it...Capitalize your and add an to 'it'.
Line 14- Add an to 'change'.
Line 16- Take the out of 'fully' to make it 'full'.
Line 18- should be 'you'.
Line 20- 'persons' should be 'people'.
Line 21- 'persons' should be 'people'.
I have pointed out most of the errors to you so it easier for you to edit. If you scan over this carefully again I am sure you will find any that I may have missed.
General Comments- This Poem has a good theme and the content you have is good but will require some extra work if you want to bring it over the finish line. I hope I have been of some help to you. Well done and best of luck with your future writings.
This is an excellent short story with a maximum word count of 300 words and under. I know how difficult these stories can sometimes be to write but in this you have made it look so simple.
The main character experiences many different emotions during this short story. They are all paced well and although the space you were able to use was lmited, none of this felt crammed in. It tells a nice story and has a touching ending. This is a feel good item.
I love how wise you made your character. You express very vividly that home is where the heart is and money is not the most important thing in life. Your family is.
This was an excellent story. It was memorable.
Well done and write on.
This is an interesting Poem that has many of natures elements incorporated into it. It feels very fresh and I have not read anything similar to this before.
Title- I like how once again, you have incorporated the title into the content. It strengthens your title to the reader making it harder for them to forget.
wordplay- The wordplay is great because it is descriptive. You paint a very vivid picture for your reader to see which in turn draws them further into the content. It is rich and colorful just like nature.
Flow- The flow was not as smooth or as strong as your other items I have read. There were some minor bumps along the way and this may have possibly been due to the fact that some of the lines are not as compact as the others.
Errors- There were no visible errors in this item.
General Comments- This is a nice Poem thats has many elemets of nature weaved through it. The magnificent wordplay you have used to express this Poem speaks volumes and captures your reader, taking them on a memorable journey. Well done and write on.
This item has such strong spiritual tendencies and is expressed in a delicate fragile tone. It is beautiful.
Title- The title is different and because it is, I immediately wanted to know what it was about. It is a title that demands attention.
Wordplay- The wordplay is very soft and feminine but carries a phenomenal strength in the message it is expressing. From the beginning to the end this item never loses its sophistication.
Flow- The pace is slow and tranquil and does not skip a beat. The flow was slightly disturbed by the larger lines in the content. Perhaps by tweaking this and cutting some of the longer ones down to size to fit in snugly with the others it will smooth out the flow.
Errors- There were no visible errors in this item.
General Comments- This Poem is very feminine yet strong and direct, expressing a very clear message to the reader. The image helps to enhance the spiritual feeling this Poem radiates. Well done and write on.
This is a wonderful Poem. I love the innocence and purity in this. You are expressing quite vividly that you love this person but are scared at the same instance because you have been hurt before. It is great you left yourself open for this experience to occur and did not shut down as many people, do because of past experiences.
The font color you have used helps to enrich your theme of love and the font text enhances the intimacy within the content.
Your rhyme scheme is flawless and does not skip a beat. The abab pattern makes this item flow with much strength.
Your wordplay is descriptive and moving. The journey you lead us through is wonderful and each transition is smooth as glass. I reached the end and heard myself saying "Woohoo for Autumn!".
There were no visible errors in this item and I see no rom for improvement. This is perfect the way it is.
General Comments- It is evident that your Mother has passed her gift on to you. The theme of this item may be based on love, but it was easy for me to see that you have written this Poem with love. It was a pleasure to read and I look forward to reading more items that you have written. This was superb.
This story is fantastic. I love the way there is no lead up to the adrenalin rush you force the reader to feel. You place the reader deep into the situation immediately and make it impossible for them to look away.
The imagery is amazing. I felt myself stiffen with the tension and then relax when you thought the car was able to miss the deer. Everything expressed in this item is vivid and you completely manipulated me into feeling as though I was in that car too.
The pace is as fast as a freight train, adding further emphasis to the adrenalin of the content. The wordplay is amazing! I could not find one solitary word that did not need to be used.
General Comment- This story is magnetic. It seized my entire attention from the first line and would not let go. The tension you create in the story is palpable and I experienced every emotion with the character. This story is perfect and leaves no room for improvement. You have an amazing talent for writing and this story is proof of that.
This Poem is amazing. I love the way it reads like a staircase, going up slowly and then descending back down reflecting both sides of your message. This was very creative and you should be proud.
There was one particular word that I noticed that is incorrect. In your item you write...'But this stairs'
This needs to be changed to 'But these stairs' so the line forms correctly.
Well done and I look forward to reading more of your writing.
Write on.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1417074 by Not Available.
This Poem is very moving. It is sad to want something so much and know that you can never have it.
You have expressed this yearning very vividly in this Poem.
There were no visible errors in this item but I do have one suggestion, You should consider writing this to a meter or if you are unfamiliar with meter then perhaps just tweaking some of the lines so they are not too long.
Well done and best of luck with your future writings.
Write on.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1417931 by Not Available.
Your short story is very interesting and I can honestly say that I have not read one quite like it. Well done for your originality.
There are a number of areas o fthis story that require some extra attention if you want this item to really shine.
There were some errors that I did notice and I will point them out to you as follows:
1. You need to go back through this item and capitalize all of the {i's}. These should always be capitalized when you are making a reference to yourself.
2. You have not capitalized the first letter of each new sentence.
3. You have capitalized entire sentences in this item that do not need it. If you would like for them to stand out to your reader, then I would suggest for you to use an italic font so these sentences do not look like they are being shouted. I would also remove the (**) that you have incorporated after every action. They are not needed.
4. Structure- This story needs to be given some structure. It is all grouped together and there is no pauses to emphasize the trnasitions being made by the main character.
In general this is a good story, it just needs a little work to bring it over the finish line.
Well done and best of luck with your future writings.
Write on.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1417931 by Not Available.
I read in your description that you are thinking of turning this Poem into a song.
I think this item would definitely work better as a song and it would be one that I would be interested in hearing.
Reading this as a Poem, the content feels quite suffocating. You tell quite a story within this Poem and I feel that 5 verses is too small to ration it out so it does not feel so compacted.
There are many lines to chose from in this item that would be great for a chorus too.
Well done and I think you should turn this into a song. Go for gold!
Write on.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1417931 by Not Available.
This Poem has excellent rhythm. It does not miss a beat and the flow is consistent and strong from the beginning to the end.
The wordplay you have used is simple, but romantic and enforces to the reader with ease how much you care for this person.
You have used indirect rhyme in this item and it works well. The punctuation needs to be strengthened because it is slightly lacking.
The title you have used for this Poem is great and it is catchy.
There were no visible spelling errors in this item.
Well done. This was a pleasure to read.
Write on.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1417074 by Not Available.
This is a beautiful story and you have expressed it elegantly.
I enjoyed the significance you put into the importance of the flower. It reminds me of my own Poem called 'The Black Rose' where I put the main focus on the role the flower played in it.
The mystery you created at the beginning was great. It hooked me right from the start and drew me in because I wanted to know who David was mourning.
The emotions you make your character feel are intriguing to watch unfold.
Your story progresses smoothly and without a hitch. The small tidbits you reveal to us about Emily are nicely woven into the story and you reveal just enough to manipulate your reader into being moved by her passing.
There were no visible errors in this item but I do have one suggestion for you.
Line 10 you write-- Without her, there is a hollow in me...
This line would sound better as, 'Without her I am hollow...or I am hollowed without her...'
Either one of those options would be much smoother.
Well done. This was a great read that tugs on the heart strings with ease. The imagery you have created is also mesmerising and takes the reader right to the graveside with David.
Well done, you have done a great job.
Write on.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1417074 by Not Available.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.28 seconds at 3:36pm on Oct 09, 2025 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
. Thought I should mention it just in case.
