I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
This was a great 55 word story!. I have known many people who are of the belief that stories in this area are easy to write because they are so compact. They often fail to realize how much work goes into creating one of these that is clear and strong, has a specific theme and a story that can be followed whilst also making sure it does not exceed the word count.
You covered all of these areas beautifully and nothing more can be said other than well done!
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
I liked this item. Sometimes it is when we are not clearly thinking of certain things to write about, our best items shine through. This is short and simple and straight to the point. How could I not like it?
One suggestion- Capitalize the 'd' in your beginning word.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
I enjoyed this Poem. I was drawn to the dark theme and 'sincerity' within the words but there were many errors in the item that I found distracting. Once this item has been edited the strength of the Poem will increase.
The main distraction that kept drawing my focus away from your Poem was the {i's} not being capitalized. When making reference to yourself all {i's} should always be capitalized.
I will point out to you the areas that need some extra focus in order to help you.
First verse.
1st line- Peices should be Pieces. 3rd line needs to be tightened and made more compact.
Over-use of comma punctuation at the end of your lines.
You then switch your format from verse to two following stanzas.
In the following stanzas you have again over-used your comma punctuation and as previously mentioned you have not capitalized your {i's}
Last verse.
First letter of your first line requires capitalization as it is your starting point.
'tatoo' should read as tattoo.
5th line- peices should read as pieces.
Of course only you know what is best for your work.
I hope my review has been helpful to you. Once the appropriate edits have been applied, if you chose to do so, your Poem will be a sure winner!
Well done and all the best.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All suggestions and comments are given in kindness.
The theme of this Poem is interesting to say the least. I have not read a Poem like this before. It was refreshing to read something out of the ordinary.
I love the way you have written this. It is easy to see from the display that this is Poetry but when I read it, it had a very natural quality to it almost as though this were conversation.
Your wordplay is impressive in this item. It all co-mingles well and expresses a very clear picture for the reader to connect with although I did find myself getting the creeps when I read it because snakes and I do not mix.
Nevertheless I found this item to be highly creative, fresh and original and very well presented.
It was a pleasure to read.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are given in kindness.
Bravo on a fantastic item!
Luckily I am familiar with the Pantoum format so this was a real treat for me to read. I then scroll down and discover you have also included information on the format for people who are not familiar with Pantoum. I loved that you decided to include this because not only is it generous and creative but in doing so you automatically secured a larger audience for your item. Well done!
I absolutely adored the wordplay you have used in this item. It is above average and you set a wonderful and vivid picture for your reader to enjoy. It is strong and remains consistent until the very end.
It was a pleasure to read your Pantoum. It is one of the better ones I have viewed and I can find absolutely no fault in it whatsoever.
Congratulations. This is Poetic excellence!
Interesting lyric you have here.
I am particularly impressed with the title. It is different and partially misleading to the content. I did not expect to read what followed.
There is one small thing that should be pointed out such as appropriate punctuation. The lack of punctuation does not distract the reader from the quality of the work but does lower the quality from a display point of view.
You have chosen to use an excellent font size. Much easier for your viewer to read and take an interest.
The tone of emotion is forlorn with strong undercurrents of depression weaved through the item. As a dark writer I was completely captured by the dark mood of the piece.
I have no suggestions for improvement and only one thing to say.
Way to go!
I enjoyed the quick pace of this story. It flew by so quickly and before I knew it I had reached the end. It put further emphasis on how abruptly change can occur.
I loved the strong will of the mother. She allowed her daughter to see she was going to miss her and would prefer if she stayed but she did not fall apart in her presence although she was on the inside.
The introduction of the dog as a companion was very well done and changed the mood of the item immediately. The revelation at the end in regards to do with the daughter's marriage was a nice surprise I did not see coming.
There were no visible errors in this item and I have no suggestions for improvement.
It is direct and to the point. A perfect length to keep the attention of a young audience.
My favouite parts were when the parents were using reverse psychology on Mirabelle. I have done this so many times to my own children and it never fails.
There were no visible errors and I have no suggestions for improvement. The item is great as is.
Well done. It was a pleasure to read.
The emotion in the Poem leaps off the page . This aspect of your Poem is very impressive.
I enjoyed the fact you decided to write this Poem in free verse. You allowed the potency of the emotions to be expressed by refraining from being boxed in by rhyme and meter. In doing so, the 'feel' of your item was natural and sincere.
The wordplay is simple but direct further enhancing the natural undertones weaved through the item.
My only suggestion is to put some extra focus onto your final line. The entire Poem held strength. The complication of the situation was vivid in each individual line but the simplicity of your final words loses some of that power.
Well done. It was a pleasure to read your work.
Write on!
This Poem is well written and pulls on the heart strings of the reader with ease. It is simple, but delicate wordplay has enhance the emotion you are expressing.
I have no suggestions for change to the content of the Poem. The item is executed superbly and I feel that nothing needs to be added or edited.
However, the format in which you have written this to is not flattering to the item. One small suggestion I have for you would be to highlight the transition words- Unwelcome, Unbidden and reminders, by bolding them or changing the color to ensure maximum impact on the reader.
I read one of your Poems listed on the newbie page and loved it so much, I had to see what else you have to offer in your port!
There is no doubt in my mind that you have an incredible talent for writing Poems in this genre. You write items that speak for themselves and do not require comment.
It amazes me that you are able to write so effortlessly from the heart. Of course the viewer is aware they are being shown the final product and any struggles the creator has had within the item is hidden from us. But you manage to make your items seem so natural and that is a talent in itself.
The pattern of secondary rhyme I have seen in both Poems I have read so far is executed well. You have rhymed the words perfectly, enhancing the flow of the format.
This Poem is emotional, beautifully written and poetically portrayed to the reader.
It is so refreshing to read a male's point of view in the love game and be faced with something so sincere and wonderfully executed.
The Poem is woven with emotion that twists and turns through out the item. It begins strong and remains consistent until the very end. Whoever this was written about obviously never read it or she would have melted.
I have no suggestions for improvement. This quality of this Poem is vivid for all to see and it speaks for itself.
I have three children and I can say without a doubt that all of my kids would love this story.
The rhyme makes it more exciting and gives it a sing-song feel which the average child would find appealing. The item is upbeat and the wordplay is simple. All of the right elements needed to secure a young audience have been incorporated. This story would have most kids eating out of the palm of your hand and screaming for more!
There were no visible errors in the item. There is no punctuation which I would suggest adding, especially for educational purposes for the older children who would be interested.
You picked an audience, wrote for them and it is a success. At 27 years of age I am wondering if I should be scared that I liked it too!
Well done and best of luck with your future writings.
~Gothic Angel~
I find writing to be theurapetic, especially when it allows me the freedom to purge without being judged. I sincerely hope that you are able to find some relief in writing this.
I will refrain from commenting on the mechanics of the Poem because I simply feel this is item is too intimate to be fiddled with for display purposes. Well done to you for finding the strength and courage to write it. It was sad and quite touching.
You have vividly portrayed the thoughts and feelings of one that is suffering from Depression. As a manic depressive myself, I know first hand the suffering one goes through when inflicted by these emotions.
Love can sometimes be depression, on that note I agree with you. But a love that results in depression is one that is destructive and a connection that must be severed. All relationships have their ups and downs because they are based on emotion and as we are all aware emotions also have their highs and lows.
The only visible error within this item is the over-use of the commas. They need to be replaced with the appropriate punctuation.
This was a pleasure to read. It was haunting and something that I could personally relate to. Keep in mind that the struggles we are faced with are ones that ultimately make us stronger. It is hard to break the cycle of becoming a victim to your own self but a survivor finds ways to break through the walls that are placed in front of us.
Best of luck with your future writings.
~Gothic Angel~
When reading something, the viewer expects to be led on a journey. You took me to the past and continued through until the present. This aspect of the item was delivered perfectly.
The wordplay you have used is simple. This enhances your item by making it feel as though you were telling the story to me and I was not reading it. At no point did the item 'feel' staged for viewing purposes. It was sincere.
However, the format you have used to write this, I feel does not work. In certain areas of the item it reads like Poetry yet has no Poetic structure whatsoever. Other areas have more of a 'verse' feel yet the content also does not fit into that. Categorizing this under 'other' further enhances the disruption of 'what' this item actually is. My advice to you would be to re-write this, structured to a flash fiction format.
One of the main disruptions for me was the consistency of the {i's} that have not been appropriately capitalized. When refering to yourself you must capitalize. The lack of punctuation to the content in general reduces the quality of the item, further hurting the rhythm and flow for the reader. Once these minor errors have been noted and adjusted this item is sure to be a winner with a 5 star recognition!
Well done and best of luck with your future writings.
~Gothic Angel~
I am not an expert on essays so I will not comment on the foundation of the essay.
I will however comment on the theme.
This essay has all of the ingredients present for a good read. It is warming to hear of the journey you have all taken together. From the first moment you purchased her as your pet up until now.
Sharing her quirks and characteristics with the reader enables us to 'feel' the item.
I also loved the way you incorporated some educational information into your essay. It is a nice item to read and even more of a treat knowing that I have just been taught something I did not know.
Well done and best of luck with your future writings.
~Gothic Angel~
I love this item but I hold more admiration for the fact you were able to bring yourself to write it.
I am also able to relate personally to this item, first hand. I lived the same nightmare for 16 years and I too survived. I completely agree with you on the point you make about time healing all wounds. Living through abuse is not something that time can ever heal because it is always a nightmare we re-live in our minds, but time can help to lower the impact the memories have on us.
I applaud you for writing this piece and have no suggestions for change. You have written it from the heart and in sharing your experience with others, hopefully it reaches out to someone who is still living the nightmare so they know there is a world outside of their torment.
Well done. The item is fantastically written by a true survivor.
Write on!
Your Poem touches on a subject that is surprisingly becoming more and more common.
Your Poem travels through many different emotions as the reader moves through the content. Passion, yearning, happiness, remorse...the list goes on. One thing in particular grasped my attention and that was how 'sincere' this item felt when I was reading it.
You have expressed the emotions one would experience if they were ever to find themselves in this situation vividly.
The actual mechanics of the Poem are slightly lacking in certain areas and in my opinion require further attention. (Please feel free to diregard any advice I give you if you feel it is not required)
You begin the Poem by rhyming the first and last line in the first verse. In the following three verses you switch to rhyme the 2nd and 4th words, eventually ending the Poem with two three lined verses.
The scheme is extremely choppy and in turn causes distraction for the reader.
My advice to you is choose if you would prefer this Poem to be expressed in stanza form or verse form and follow through with the one format. I suggest you do the same with the rhyme. Decide if you would like your rhyme to be consistent or in-consitent and decide on one rhythm to follow. Your Poem would also be further enhanced if you were to consider adding the appropriate punctuation in the content to guide your reader through each verse step by step.
In general this Poem is an enjoyable read because it is educational. People who have never experienced this predicament are given an insight into the unknown and people who have experienced this are given something to relate too.
I thoroughly enjoyed the way you highlighted both Kayla and Jayden's views. It made the story reach me on a more intimate level. It deepened the level of emotion coming from both of the characters.
Having exprerienced the 'baby blues' myself I am aware of how accurate this story is. You have delved deep into the 'nitty gritty' of this problem and exposed the serious nature of it for all to see. In that respect this item is quite educating for people who are not aware of the condition.
It is well written and I found no errors in the content. I have no suggestions for improvement.
Well done and best of luck with your future writings.
I enjoyed this Poem because it speaks to me personally. Alcohol has played a massive role in my life, as a child and as an adult. I am able to understand the urgency in this Poem for things to go back to the way they once were. I have been the person pleading and the person being asked to come back.
The pace of the Poem is soft and slow. The content of the Poem would benefit greatly if you were to slightly speed it up by adding the appropriate punctuation. The rhyme is consistent and works well, enhancing the 'flow' of the item.
The content is emotional and sincere and reaches out to the reader with ease forcing them to take notice of the plea in this Poem.
Certain lines in the Poem are very long and seem to run their course half way through. Perhaps by slightly tightening and adjusting them the momentum of the Poem will speed up.
Well done. It was an emotional write that was a pleasure to read.
Write on!
~Gothic Angel~
You set yourself a strong challenge by using the word 'elephant' for your first Acrostic. It was creative of you to think of using this word as the basis of an Acrostic.
It is good that you have included small snippets of description within the Acrostic. You made reference to its size and also the quality of its memory. From that aspect your item is informative and educational for people who know nothing about Elephants.
This Acrostic would greatly benefit from some attention being paid to the quality of the content. It is lacking depth and in general there is no spark or 'wow factor' to the reader when they are reading it. Perhaps this would be better enhanced if you were to try and include some rhyme to jazz it up a bit. I would also suggest that you place some further focus onto the word selections you have made to enable your reader to be drawn in by what you have created.
My comments are only suggestions and are not intended for offence. Only you know what is best for your work and I wish you the best of luck with it.
Your item is creative and by posing questions to your reader you are allowing them to connect to your item on a more personal level.
I noticed some errors in your item which I will point out to you as follows in case you would like to correct them.
The first errors in this item that stand out the most are your {i's}. They need to be capitalized. Always capitalize the beginning letter of your item because it is your starting point and therefore requires it. You also need to captalize all of your other {i's} too because you are making reference to yourself.
You have also forgotten to include the appropriate periods or (fullstops) into your item. This error is especially noticeable at the end of your item because you have not ended it by applying it.
In general this item has a great potential to become something better. It is a great starting point to enhance the content and place further focus on the length and depth of your item.
Well done and best of luck with your writing.
~Gothic Angel~
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You then switch your format from verse to two following stanzas. 
