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3,537 Public Reviews Given
4,150 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I tend to review using a format that I can comment on plot, characters, setting, atmosphere and dialogue. I also try to point out typos/errors and that sort of thing. This style may change depending on the item!
I'm good at...
I'm better with fiction than anything else. I might be able to have a go at poetry but please don't expect too much!
Favorite Genres
Horror, dark, suspense, thriller, mystery. However, I'm open minded and will read most genres.
Favorite Item Types
Statics - fiction.
Public Reviews
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726
Review of Moments of Gold  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Raid Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: This month's power raid review is focusing on parenting, which is why I've been led to this piece! I've found that I've been drawn to non-fiction, I want to find out other people's experiences of parenting. And I think this piece, from the description, spans generations and so is something I really want to read *Smile*

*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a really lovely piece *Smile* And do you know something, I didn't realise what they were doing, that Kaleb was trying to play a game, until you pointed it out! Wow I know so little about children. I think it must have been amazing for you to be able to see that and understand it. Laughter of a baby always brings a grin to my face, I can't help it, it's just so innocent and powerful!

I really love that you've added picture with this piece, I think it really adds to it and lets us see those who are important in your life, it's great!


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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727
727
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I wanted to come and review this piece for the Power Review Raid. I think it struck me because it was a non-fiction piece and I wanted to find out what your take was. I think too, I wanted to know that you've been through the nightmare and back out of it again *Smile*

*Checkg*What I liked:

I'm really glad I came to read this piece. I don't often read non-fiction but this piece has shown me the unwavering and raw emotions you went through at the different stages of your son's life. You've been proud and angry and despairing. Yet you have never given up on him. He is your son and you love him and that comes across really clearly in this piece.

The way you've written this really compelled me to read on, it starts with the highlight, the proud moments after he initially stayed off meth. Only then did you move onto darker times and I think that was well done; you showed us your pride and how much you love him and all of the positive things you have to say about him before you go onto darker thoughts. I think that was a really great thing to do.

I think I'm really glad you put those updates in at the end; I wouldn't have been satisfied with it ending after that party and his return to the drug. And I have to say I'm so happy for you that things are looking up and moving forward *Smile*

You've really showed me a shining example of what a parent is, thank you *Suitheart*


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*It wasn't the condition of my house that cause my despondency.
It wasn't the condition of my house that caused my despondency.

Just a tiny typo here, I hope you don't mind me pointing it out...



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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728
728
Review of Boys and Poop  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I'm here with a Power Review Raid! I think I chose this piece because it is a real life non-fiction piece about your experience as a parent and that's something that really interests me!

*Checkg*What I liked:

Haha this piece made me giggle, a lot! I'm not laughing at your potty training efforts either, I don't have children so it's not something I've had to go through. I don't envy you at all!

Thank you for sharing this little anecdote with us *Smile* I like how you've been completely honest and open with it, telling it just like it is and how you felt. I think the part when the boy discovered if he peed when he went bare britches, that it would propel! That made me *Bigsmile* I can imagine all boys probably go through this and it's funny but not, especially not for you!

You wrapped up the story with a piece at the end which told us how you've resolved the issue after trying many different methods... oh how we love the belt! Congratulations on thinking that one up *Smile*

But thanks again for sharing this with us, it's been insightful and certainly a learning curve for when the time comes!


*Cut**Paste*I don't have any suggestions!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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729
729
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I love Fairytales and the idea of finding out an alternate ending made me want to come and read, so here I am!

*Pencil*Storyline: This story really tickled me! I think it's picked up on everything that is wrong with the overly politically correct society we live in!

*People*Characters: Mrs Bear was the main character in this and far from the ferocious mummy bear we saw in Goldilocks that was a little angry her porridge was eaten, we could really empathise with her. I felt myself feeling her pain; she was upset, outraged that she was being told she wasn't fit to look after a human. But she gets her revenge and that's a nice little twist *Smile*

*Home*Setting: The setting is the little cottage in the woods, just as I remember it!

*Checkg*What I liked:

This was a really well written piece that touched on many issues of politicaly correctness, you dealt with the subject well in a light and humourous way but still got your point across, well done!


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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730
730
Review of Clowning Around  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! You did a review for me a little while ago and I wanted to come and return the favour. I think I chose to read this piece because it had clowns in the title and clowns scare me.... we have to let fear overtake in the safety of our own homes sometimes, don't we...?

*Pencil*Storyline: This is a really sad story of a clown who wants to be taken seriously, but no matter what he tries or what he does to convince people, all they want is to experience the laughter.

*People*Characters: The clown is the main character within this and despite popular stereotypes of clowns I would say this guy is a total juxtaposition! He is down and low at some points, he wants to be taken seriously rather than laughed at. I think you portray the emotions he goes through really well.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: There was a strong atmosphere of sadnes in this piece; I felt really sorry for the guy, he isn't asking for much!


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*HaHaHaHaSigh, the clown thinks to himself,
HaHaHaHa Sigh, the clown thinks to himself,



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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731
731
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey, you reviewed a piece for me and I wanted to come and return the favour. I think I chose this piece because I love pirates and I wanted to challenge myself to review a poem.

*Pencil*Storyline: This poem runs like a ballad with a beginning middle and end, telling the story of the pirate who likes to help others.

*Checkg*What I liked:

It was really nicely written and it flowed well in its free verse.


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*and put his feet in wooden stair,
and put his feet on the wooden stair,

*BulletB*He make his curly hair,
standing on the air..
He makes his curly hair,
stand in the air..


*BulletR*Theirs a tattoo on his chest,
Theres a tattoo on his chest,

*BulletV*"we are the heroes in the horizon.."
"aye,aye "captain said his gang
"We are the heroes in the horizon.."
"Aye, aye Captain!" said his gang

*Bullet*They sail their ship through seven seas..,
They sailed their ship through seven seas..,

Because this is in the past you need to add 'ed' to the end of 'sail

*BulletG*He share his wealth with poor ones,
He shared his wealth with poor ones,


*NoteR*A few parting comments...

This is a good sea faring poem and speaks highly of the Pirate on board the ship! I've just pointed out a few grammatical errors within it, I just thought I'd let you know *Smile* You're doing great though!

Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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732
732
Review of Run and Die  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: You did a review for me a while back and I wanted to come and repay the favour. I chose this piece because I think mixing history with horror works really well and I can't wait to see what you've come up with! I would suggest giving this piece a title that tells the reader what it's about, or alludes to it. It will encourage more people to read.

*Pencil*Storyline: We follow Conrad in this piece as he leads a group of youths in the war. We see him follow his orders and tell them to kill themselves when things don't go as planned. However, later on when he is old and living his new life, they come back to haunt Conrad. I can see that you've certainly followed the prompt here, well done.

*People*Characters: Conrad is the main character in this; he comes across as a young boy leadering younger boys. I do feel a little sorry for him. However, I think he's only out to look after himself (shown by his actions) and so in the end when they come back for him, I didn't feel too sorry for him.

*Home*Setting: This was set in World War one. You use an opening section to explain to the reader what the context is and I think that worked really well.



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*The concentrations camps were no longer a concern
The concentration camps were no longer a concern

*BulletB*Some of the clothing was leftovers from World War I.
Some of the clothing were leftovers from World War I.

*BulletR*The young men and children really ducked and covered.
The young men and children ducked and covered.

I don't think you need the word 'really' here

*BulletV* I think I would suggest changing the rating of this piece to an 18+, you have some curse words and the content is pretty graphic.


*NoteR*A few parting comments...

This was a good short story and you followed the prompt well. I would say you probably tell rather than show, show the reader the surroundings, the young people. What does it look like, smell like? I think I would have liked to see the ending when he was being eaten alive described in more detail in terms of the senses to show me what it was like and paint the picture for me.

Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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733
733
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: You did a review a while ago for me and I wanted to come and repay the favour. This piece looks interesting and I can imagine you could be really creative with it; it made me want to read it *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: This was a really sad story line and you captured it really well. The lines are quite irregular and at first I was going to suggest maybe putting them into a more structured paragraph format, but it works well and seems to fit nicely with the flow. It's not quite a story, not quite poetry but it works. So well done for that!

*People*Characters: The woman in the car is the main person in this piece and she is the one who has committed suicide. Through the investigation of the car we find out a lot about her and what she was like; what music she liked, that she liked to write, map and girl stuff. We can analyse all of this and realise a lot about her and then again, know nothing at all. Because despite everything, some of the things that would make other people happy, this girl was not and she killed herself because she was so unhappy. So you've been able to show us the surface view of the girl but we don't get to know the real her and never will.

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece is in a car. You describe that well to allow the reader to visualise the scene.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: There was a strong atmosphere of tragedy in this piece. I really felt for the girl, for her pain, because she clearly felt unworthy and that makes me sad.


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*{{i}i}God, how I’ve tried … to fit in … to find my place … to find my soulmate.
Now, I give up.

I imagine this part is supposed to be the girl speaking and the italics haven't worked. It should look like:

God, how I’ve tried … to fit in … to find my place … to find my soulmate.
Now, I give up.



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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734
734
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: I think after reading your other non-fiction musings piece I really wanted to come and read this one too! you have a really good and clear style that I wanted to see more of.

*Checkg*What I liked:

I think like the last piece I read, I really have to agree with you here! I too am one of those who struggles to read poetry. I can understand the words, see how it fits together, understand how nice it sounds, but when it comes to looking at the meaning behind those words my brain melts. And that makes me feel awful and unjustified of reading somebody's work. I don't want to give a half hearted review that will mean nothing to that person, so I choose not to review.

You've presented a really clear argument here, you're honest and cannot be faulted for that *Smile*

I would say the poem you wrote about your golden retriever is pretter good! It's short and simple and it works. There's no hidden meaning, it's raw and out there which made it easy for me to comment on *Smile* thanks!




Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

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735
735
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! Sorry it's taken me a while to get to this, it was on my list of things to do I've just been really busy! But here I am *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: This story tells of a young girl Emily who explores a closet in the attic that she finds where there is a trunk. When she begins to look through it she finds a letter along with a photograph that is from her father who passed away during the war.

*People*Characters: The main character in this piece is Emily, she seems to be a young girl. She is taken care of by her aunt but we don't see anything of her and I get the feeling Emily is quite an isolated young woman. We learn about her father through the letter which is a good touch.

*Home*Setting: The setting of this story is in the attic where Emily finds the old trunk. You describe it well and it comes across as being a rather dusty old place, like attics are supposed to be.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: There was a strong atmosphere of sadness within this; I think you captured it well. Emily is reading a letter from her dad who passed away and learns of her mother too.



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*Emily started to sneezing again.
Emily started to sneeze again.

*BulletB*She found that old store room in upper stairs few days ago.
She found that old store upstairs few days ago.

*BulletR*She saw punched letters on the trunk box.
She saw punched letters on the trunk.

I don't think you need both words 'trunk' and 'box' when describing this, I would use one or the other.

*BulletV*One day you will grown up as a lady and you will understand what this mean.
One day you will be grown up, a lady and you will understand what this means.

*Bullet*your Mommy was not their.
your Mommy was not there.

*BulletG*You will grown now as a beautiful lady,but you always be my little girl.
You will be grown now as a beautiful lady,but you always be my little girl.



*NoteR*A few parting comments...

This is a good piece and captures the sadness that Emily feels, well done for that! I would suggest you do a little more telling than showing. Try to invigorate the reader by using different senses; how does hte closet smell? Why is it so dark? I would also suggest that you use line spacing between each paragraph to make it a little easier to read and try to remember to use spaces after punctuation for the same reason.


Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

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736
736
Review of Fighting Myself  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: I chose this piece because I like fiction and the title really caught my attention.

*Pencil*Storyline: This is a really near story line; its lighthearted and fun. You stick it through to the end and it made me smile, well done!

*People*Characters: There are three main characters in this; Steve, Billy and Sarah. They are all tomboys (two of them actualy boys) and are portrayed as being free spirited. They seem to fight a lot but then sometimes I think boys do that. I think I would have liked to know what age they all were.

*Home*Setting: The setting isn't really gone into in detail. It's not really needed for the story so it's fine but perhaps in other stories you might want to think about developing setting.


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*Billy meekly asked as he came up off of Steve.
Billy asked meekly as he clambered off Steve.

I think changing this around a little bit adds description to the scene.

*BulletB*that doesn’t settle down in one place to long.
that doesn’t settle down in one place too long.


*NoteR*A few parting comments...

This was a really nice little piece. I have to say I was worried that Sarah wasn't going to come back but felt glad when the boys realised she was just being overly dramatic *Wink*


Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

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737
737
Review of Lost In Time  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | N/A (Unratable.)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I wanted to come and return the thoughtful review you did for me and so here I am! I think this piece intrigued me because I love things pirates and I saw you wrote it for the Storytellers group *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: The storyline is a fun one! Pirates of the year 1856 get transported forward in time to the year 2012! I like that they can recognise everything and see where they were but they knew something was different.

*People*Characters:Lillith and Mercury are the main characters in this story. Lillith is portrayed as a really strong woman, someone who knows who she is and what she wants. I really like that *Smile* Yet she's still feminine and not afraid of it. Mercury is her man, a handsome pirate who obviously cares about her a lot, it shows in the way he holds her and protects her.

*Home*Setting: The setting was today's era with a past generation of characters; it worked really well and was comedic.



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*They had traveled to Ireland and it had ben a calm trip
They had traveled to Ireland and it had been a calm trip

*BulletB*You are kidding, right? My ancestor was Lilith, a Piarate Princess.
You are kidding, right? My ancestor was Lilith, a Pirate Princess.


*NoteR*A few parting comments...

This was a well written piece, it was fun adn light hearted *Smile*

Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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738
738
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! sorry it took me a while to get back to you with this but I'm glad you told me you've got this up, I wanted to come and read it!

*Pencil*Storyline: The storyline works well and continues fluidly from the first part. We see Kalum, a man who has seen only his first moon, enter a village. He is picked up straight away by a man and his pack, a hidden pack from the village. It seems he may find some company or solace in having some company.

*People*Characters: Kalum was the main character once more and it continued in the same vein. We can see clearly how he hates what he has become and how he wishes he can change it. He hates what he has become and sees himself as a monster.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: There's a strong atmosphere of tension, particularly at the end of this piece where the two men are begfinning to size up. I found myself wondering if it would happen and who would win the fight.


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*In the blink of an the beast pounced
In the blink of an eye the beast pounced


*NoteR*A few parting comments...

This is a good continuation of the first piece and I can't wait to read the next! Let me know when you've put it up!

Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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739
739
Review of Sweet Words  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a really lovely piece. I love that you've put all of the nice things people have said to you in one place, because you're right, when you're feeling down it's nice to have a pick-me-up and I can imagine this would do just that *Smile*

Thank you for sharing all of these kind words with us too, it's great to see that there are some genuine and lovely people out there willing to say it like it is *Smile*



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

740
740
Review of A heart  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I wanted to come and return a review you did for me, so here I am! I don't often read poetry but this piece intrigued me and I wanted to find out what it meant to you.

*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a really nice little poem. You've let your emotions flow into it naturally, it feels raw and that works well. You've gotten your opinion across really well and what love can mean and what it can do to people.


*Cut**Paste*A suggestion I had:

*BulletG*I think the only suggestion I would make would be to maybe add some punctuation to this piece, there were a couple of places I wanted to pause so they could do with some commas.

Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

741
741
Review of Atrocity  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: The title and description of this piece really hooked me in; they left me feeling that something sinister was lurking within and I wanted to find out what it was. The first paragraph was great, it really had me wondering what was going on

*Pencil*Storyline: I think that while I understood the story was about the horrific Wendigo and the torment it inflicted on Josh and Jenny, it left me feeling a little confused. I think at first where there was quite a lot of speech going on I wasn't sure who was talking at all times so that didn't help. Maybe it would be good to add some extra dialogue tags to ensure your reader knows who is talking. I think at times, I was unsure whether Josh had killed Jenny or whether it was the Wendigo. I think I also got confused along the lines of whether it was going on inside of his head or if the Wendigo possessed him. However, this may have a lot to know with my lack of knowledge of Wendigo's so excuse me if that's the truth.

*People*Characters: Josh is the main character within this and you portray him well, exhibiting different characteristics as he goes through his ordeal. We see a lot of fear, confusion, anger and pain. You use description really well to show the reader what he is feeling and thinking. The Wendigo is also a really big character in this piece. It is depicted as a malicious creature, dark and devilrous and particularly terrifying. I think you really developed him well!

*Home*Setting: The setting was Josh's home, deep in the woods where he prefers to be a little isolated from society. We spend a lot of time in the bathroom seeing what was going on, you described it well at different stages as a place for Josh's pain and torture.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: There was a really strong atmosphere of tension and foreboding in this piece. I felt the fear rolling of Josh as he faced the Wendigo.

*BurstR*Dialogue: The dialogue felt really realistic and I particularly liked the dialogue from the Wendigo as it's how I would have pictured him talking.

*Checkg*What I liked:

I really liked these two paragraphs:

His heart almost lurched to a stop, he was being held high above the ground, looking into the face of death. It had no lips. Only a few dark violet strips of sinew hung from jagged, dirty jawbones. The remaining jowls that lined the black gums were flecked with bright spittle; reminding him of grub squirming in fresh loam. Seeing where the eyes were was far more terrifying than when they were floating in the shadows. They spoke about horrific and painful actions against him.

Flaming orbs nestled deep into cracked sockets , perched atop either side of a long, wolfish muzzle. Spiny reptilian brows bridged the outer rims of the cavernous sockets. They rolled down to the base of the snout and accentuated the sharp needle fangs. The teeth were rotted and dark yellow, all had specks of blood dripping from the tips. It roared again, the roof of the mouth was jagged and a violet so dark it was almost black. He stared into the gaping pit as golden spots appeared in his vision.

They were really immense and so full of vivid description that I could see the terrifying beast just as Josh did.


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG* hoping it will all be over soon.
hoping it would all be over soon.

*BulletB*Jenny was dead for a long time now.
Jenny was dead for a long time now.

I think this should be 'had been' I think it sounds a little bit more comfortable.

*BulletR*He will wake up soon,
He would wake up soon,

I would suggest using the word 'would' here to keep it in the past tense.

*BulletV* "See, your not real!
"See, you're not real!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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742
Review of In The Dark  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I saw that you won in today's Daily Slice and wanted to come and check out this piece!

*Pencil*Storyline: The story worked really well for me. You used a lot of vivid description to set the scene and portray all of the senses to the reader; he was barely able to see in the darkness but he could hear and smell and you used that to your advantage to build up the suspense. I think the very end was a surprising twist; I didn't expect to learn that he'd been fed like a lamb to the slaughter and it was a great ending to the story.

*People*Characters: Jeff comes across as a hardy character; he's clearly terrified of what awaits him in the darkness but under orders (and possibley suffering from his own pride) he ventures anyway. He seems to stay quite calm throughout, right until the weird things begin happening anyway!

*Home*Setting: The setting was the stairway that led down into the darkness. You followed the prompt to a T and I could see it all through your great use of language.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: There was a heavy foreboding atmosphere throughout that kept me reading and wanted to find out what was going to happen.

*BurstR*Dialogue: There wasn't a lot of dialogue but the amount there was felt good, it fitted nicely and was realistic.


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*as the light shown on--he didn't know what.
as the light shone on--he didn't know what.




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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743
743
Review of Demons Ago  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: The description of this piece really intrigued me; I wanted to see what climate change could actually do, global warming is awful but I wanted to see what else it would bring...

*Home*Setting: A modern day creature story, caused by the irresponsibility of humans and global warming.

*Checkg*What I liked:

'Waiting for spring. Waiting to hunt. Waiting to multiply.'

I think these short sentences work well to make the reader read faster and encapsulate what you want to say in a short time.


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


*NoteR*A few parting comments...

This was a well written piece, exploring the forces of nature and the effects it could have on the environment. It's true that global warming is something caused by us but what could the consequences be, apparently more terrible than we ever imagined! The description you use throughout is great allowing the reader to see the beast as it wakens and begins to feast and reproduce. You leave it on a cliffhanger too, leaving the reader to wonder what happened next which really worked for me!

Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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744
Review of Numb  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I think I chose this piece because of the title and description; I was interested to see how you would describe the car wreck and what would come of it.

*People*Characters: The main character within this is the woman in the car wreck. We learn of her strength throughout this piece, how she battles onwards through her painful and terrifying ideal.

*Home*Setting: The setting is a car wreck and we see this in such immaculate detail it's unreal. You set the scene really well using a variety of vivid desription to allow the reader to see the scene as well as understand the other things that are going on. I almost felt like I was there with the rain on my face and the flashing lights of the sirens behind me.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: There was a strong atmosphere of fear and pain; we could see she was terrified and stuck in a horrifying situation. I didn't expect the twist at the end but thought it was really well done.


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


*NoteR*A few parting comments...

I think this is a really well written piece. You've given intent focus on the car crash and detailing the scene to help engage and keep the reader involved; I almost felt like I Was there which worked really well. Well done!

Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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745
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: The title and description intrigued me for this piece; they left me wondering what it was about, and so, I came to find out! I saw this prompt but didn't really have time to come up with anything but this is a really good, gruesome piece!

*People*Characters: Renee and the doctor are the two main characters within this piece. We see Renee laughing at first at the headlines that adorn the paper, skeptical. She doesn't put two and two together when she has something niggling at her throat for a week (but I suppose, being a skeptic she wouldn't) and succumbs to the bug. We see her personality completely change when the bug takes over and you handle that well. The doctor seems like a very cheery chap, especially at the end of the long day and I have to say, I wish my doctor was like that! He comes across as really compassionate and caring, someone really suited to that job which is great! Yet he understands survival and does everything he can to save himself.

*Home*Setting: The setting is the doctor surgery; we see it and it's just like I imagine it would be.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: There was an atmosphere of tension throughout, aliens does sound a bit over the top but then, what do we know...? It was something just as creepy!


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


*NoteR*A few parting comments...

This is a sufficiently creepy short story! It really made my skin crawl, especially the ending when the bug crawls from her throat, ewww! hehe. You use a lot of vivid description to set the scene and atmosphere within this and it works well, well done!

Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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746
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Storytellers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Tea Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I think for me it was always Jafar. I loved the Aladdin series but Jafar just seemed to unbelievably evil! He was never happy (except when getting his own way) and he was controlling, willing to make people his puppets. I have to say though, I don't think I've watched all of these films so perhaps I'm biased!

Great to see a poll that considers both genders in this *Smile*



Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Tea Garden:

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747
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Tea Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I think for me, it was always Ursula. I don't know though, I think it may have been the physical shape she took, I think being an octopus type creatures with many legs she could do what she wanted as she glided along the floor of the sea. And the ending, when she rose to terrifying heights, always scared me!

Good idea for a poll!




Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Tea Garden:

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748
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Tea Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!



*Checkg*What I liked:

I think for me it's always about psychological horror, it really gets under my skin and really creeps me out. I think its about what you can't see in a person, the part that is hidden that is scary, it could be someone that you're really close to and you don't know about their hidden side. So yeah *Smile* I do love a good old fashioned zombie horror too though!

What is your answer? Great idea for a poll, looks like you've got all the bases covered. I did a module of slasher films when I studied film a few years ago, that was fun!




Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Tea Garden:

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749
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I was checking out the items of the Rising Stars because I've heard a lot and I came across a link for the Angel Army. Like the Rising Stars, I've heard of the Angel Army but not had a lot of time to find out about what the group does. But now I'm glad I have, it certainly sounds like something I want to be involved with!

So could you please add me to the group and point me in the right direction?! hehe.

The page itself is well done, it's clear and allows the reader to see what the Angel Army is all about *Smile*


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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750
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I just saw that someone I know got made a rising star and I wanted to come and check out what it was about. Of course, I've heard of Rising Stars but didn't know a lot about what it was. And I have to say finding this piece has been wonderful, you've provided a really insightful tour of what it's like in the Rising Stars, what else is affliated with it and all of the fabulous work that goes on behind the scenes, really great to see *Smile*

Thank you for sharing this with us and all of your hard work!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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