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3,537 Public Reviews Given
4,150 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I tend to review using a format that I can comment on plot, characters, setting, atmosphere and dialogue. I also try to point out typos/errors and that sort of thing. This style may change depending on the item!
I'm good at...
I'm better with fiction than anything else. I might be able to have a go at poetry but please don't expect too much!
Favorite Genres
Horror, dark, suspense, thriller, mystery. However, I'm open minded and will read most genres.
Favorite Item Types
Statics - fiction.
Public Reviews
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701
701
Review of Road Trip  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Rachel I'm here to return a review you did for me *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: This was a good spin on the prompt. I think you've come up with a good idea. WE follow Sam who was asleep in bed until Molly knocked her awake at 4am! Sam is unsure but decides to go along with it and packs some clothes. Minutes later, Molly confesses the reason for wanting to run and after making a quick decision, Sam decides to stick by her.

*People*Characters: I have to say that I really like Sam as a character. She seems really down to earth and up for anything. She is also a really loyal friend and willing to stick it out with Molly even though she knows the trouble it can get her into. Molly seems a little more vague, flippant almost, but she is drunk so I think that's excusable. And I have to say I don't think I can blame her for what she did, she felt threatened.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: I didn't see the ending coming in this piece. When Molly knocked on the door I felt a sense of excitment, like Molly was drunk and got it into her head that she wanted to go on a road trip. I didn't see the fact that she had accidentally killed her boyfriend. I think more tension could have been built up, perhaps Sam realises that this is so out of character for Molly to knock her awake at 4am or be mortal durnk.



*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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702
702
Review of It's Too Late  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Anniversary Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I'm back with another review in honour of your anniversary! I think I chose this piece because each time I've visited your port it's caught my eye, so I wanted to come and check it out!

*Pencil*Storyline: This was a really interesting piece and not at all what I thought it would be! I like that though. We meet Kevin and Osborn who is interviewing him in a police interview room. Osborn wants Kevin to talk but Kevin refuses to say anything or accept an attorney. He seems completely in despair. Then we find out why. He knows the world is going to end in only a few hours and he has lost the will to live.

*People*Characters: Osborn and Kevin are the main characters in this. Osborn seems to play the good cop, offering Kevin time and space to talk. He even turns the microphone off in the hopes that the man will simply talk to him. I like him as a character. Kevin seems to be a bit chaotic, despite his outward appearance of calm. He is aware the world is ending and wants to make the most of his time left, however, I don't agree with his actions! And I think he doesn't either considering he is not the sort of man who would normally do that sort of thing

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece is in a police interview room. You set the scene well then focus on the story and dialogue which works well.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: There is a sense of urgency about this piece. The world is going to end and suddenly nothing matters anymore. Not to Kevin, not to Osborn.

*BurstR*Dialogue: The dialogue in this piece works well, its flows naturally and feels really realistic.



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*He looked the part too, neatly dressed, fingernails recently manicured, hair neatly combed and recently trimmed.
He looked the part too: neatly dressed, fingernails recently manicured, hair neatly combed and recently trimmed.

I think I would switch this to a colon because it lists things afterwards (but ignore me if you don't like it!)




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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703
703
Review of How I Became Sum1  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Anniversary Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I wanted to stop by and offer a review of two in honour of your anniversary! I think I picked this piece because finding out how people picked their handles and usernames, is something that has always intrigued me!

*Checkg*What I liked:

It was really nice to read this piece and get a sense of where you have come from! I really love your name, I think it's really unique and has a lot of possibilies, just like you said at the end of this piece *Smile* Although you are Sum1 you are a very special Sum1 and mean a lot to the people here on WdC *Smile*

Thank you for sharing this with us!

*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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704
704
Review of Once Was An Angel  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: Hey, I'm here with your last review for the Tea Garden *Smile*

*Checkg*What I liked:

I don't often read poetry but I thought I would give it a go and I'm glad I did. This was a really sweet poem that tells of the love of your grandmother for you and you for her. The affection comes out throughout and you've really shown the reader what sort of woman she is. She seems really sweet and acts just like a grandmother should *Smile* You've captured her personality well!


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*Who always seen over me
Who always watched over me

The word 'seen' doesn't seen quite right to be here, if you're looking out for someone you don't 'see' over them, you would tend to 'watch' over them.

*BulletB* AT first I was going to suggest adding a word to the repeated line 'Once was an angel' but upon second reading I've discovered it doesn't actually need one! It works well.

*BulletR* I would maybe suggest using more punctuation with this poem, even perhaps at the end of every other line just to separate the thoughts out.



Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

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705
705
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Zelda, I'm here with one of your Tea Garden Reviews! *Smile*


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a really nice and thought provoking piece. You ask the reader to consider the difference between love and food and I think you have made an excellent analogy. You compare them well and I found that when I was reading this I was agreeing with you. Water is important but so is love and if we stretch that love a little bit further we can help more people survive.

I like that you've split this piece up into pieces of text, bullet points and a poem. I think it works really well, looks good on the page and keeps the readers attention *Smile*


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*Water, pure water is the available always for you.
Water, pure water is available always for you.

*BulletB*Daily it cleanses you, with no complains.
Daily it cleanses you, with no complaints.




Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

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706
706
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey, I wanted to come and return a review you did for me! I think I chose this piece because of the implications it has; often young people are certain groups of people are viewed in a same way but the description of this piece suggests that you move against the stereotype which I like *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of a man who is a gang leader, a strong man who will do what he can to survive.

*People*Characters: We meet this young man yet don't find out his name. Although this may seem trivial something like finding out his name or what he looks like will help to chracterise him more, although he does seem to have quite a large character anyway! Although it is clear from the way he talks of what he has done in the past, this guy shouldn't be messed with, we also see a softer side when he calls the cops to report a murder. While he is not willing to give himself up to scrutiny he wants to do the right thing. For me that meant a lot and I really liked him as a character.

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece was the street of this guy's home land. We spend much of it listening to him about the city and what it is like. we then spend a lot of time in the alley which is dark, a place of destruction.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: There is a lot of sadness in this piece mixed with a lot of fear and anger. I think it's well written and conveys those emotions well.

*Checkg*What I liked:

'My neighborhood is rich with prostitutes flashing their wares, homeless sleeping in doorways and junkies searching for their next trip to heaven.'

I like the way you use the word 'rich' to describe this. It really impacted on me because generally these things aren't seen as good but this is just his way of life.

*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*I find it important to cruise my neighborhood constantly..
I find it important to cruise my neighborhood constantly.



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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707
707
Review of "Breathe..."  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Chris, you did a review for me a while ago and I wanted to come and return the favour!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I don't often read poetry but this one really got me interested and made me want to read. I think you've managed to capture the need to breathe along with the need to love or be loved really well here. It's like the two are intermingled and one needs the other to survive. I think that's a really nice way to look at it *Smile*

The unstructured way you have written this piece works for the benefit of the poem; it flows nicely and has allowed you to express your thoughts freely. Well done!


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

708
708
Review of Rendezvous  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: You did a review for me a while ago and I apologise for taking so long but here I am with a return review!

*Pencil*Storyline: This is a nice piece of flash fiction. We meet Anna who has struck up a friendship with a guy called Janos. She wants to meet him. Now, I really like that nothing goes untoward here. Often 'online' friendships are depicted as unreal and that one of the two people has got to be an axe murderer, so for her to wake to find the flowers and a note was really sweet.

*People*Characters: Anna is waiting in anticipation of her meeting with Janos. She is nervous and excited all at once and those emotions come through well.

*Home*Setting: The setting for the piece is the park which she normally finds very tranquill, a place to relax. However, because of her anticipation she is unable to relax.



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*As part of her English language course, Anna’s had been exploring the internet.
As part of her English language course, Anna had been exploring the internet.

This doesn't need the apostrophe s here.



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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709
709
Review of 796  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey you did a review for me a while ago and I wanted to come and return the favour *Smile*


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is an interesting piece. You have written what it would be like to be a number, a slave. To be unamed. I can't imagine how that could be but you have imagined it well here. You tell of the oppression the number brings yet the main character still seems to have a lot of spirit and is looking forward to the future.

I did wonder what made you chose the number '796' in particular?

I particularly liked the first stanza of this piece; it really spoke to me and summed the whole poem up for me.

I would suggest that you give this poem a genre instead of 'other' because it will be found on more listings and more people will read it *Smile*

*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

710
710
Review of The Painting  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I wanted to come and return a review you did for me *Smile* I chose this piece because I tend to prefer fiction and short stories and i t suggested that there was an element of mystery to me!

*Pencil*Storyline: This is a really powerful story. It tells of a woman who sees a painting in an art gallery and is immediately transported back to the time when it was painted. She feels all of the feelings of the woman in the painting, and we feel all those emotions too as a reader. It strikes me as a piece about regression, about having past lives and remembering bits of those lives from certain prompts or things happening within life. I like it *Smile* I thought there was going to be a little more to it; perhaps our main protagonist has found the love of her life and will remain with him, so something has changed from the 1800s. However, I know you were limited with words.

*People*Characters: The main character in this regresses back to a time when she was in love with a man who she lost to conflict. We feel her pain at that loss but I also feel like we feel the confusion of realising things happened in her previous life too.

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece was in a museum in France. We don't get a lot of description about the museum itself but it's not necessarily needed for the storyline.


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

711
711
Review of DADDY'S SHOTGUN  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I wanted to come and return a review you did for me. I think I delved into the folder about your personal experience because I wanted to find out more about you as a person, I hope you don't mind *Smile*

*Checkg*What I liked:

Ann, wow, this is truly an exceptional piece. You've told your story and bared your soul to the reader here, and I commend you for that. It must have been a difficult thing do to, but I can also imagine, that being able to get such a traumatic experience off your chest could have helped to ease the burden a bit.

You are such a strong woman Ann, never forget that. You've come through this trauma and become the fantastic, wonderful woman you are today.

This time in your life, this small slice that you have shared with us, is truly horrific. I felt myself tense as I read it, felt the fear you and your siblings felt as you cowered away from your father. I couldn't stop reading and felt every emotion as you wrote it.

Thank you for being able to share this *hugs*




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

712
712
Review of Monopoly Spies  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: You did a review for me and I wanted to come and return the favour *Smile* I chose this piece because the title and description intrigued me.

*Pencil*Storyline: This is a really lovely, heartwarming story. We meet Mr. Sam who, in the war, escaped with the help of a lady who brought around special Monopolgy games. He meets her after a number of years and immediately recognises her.

*People*Characters: Mr. Sam is the main character in this. We see him questioning himself, wondering if he is doing the right thing by putting his possessions into an artifact box in a museum. He's really sweet and all I want to do when he's remembering a traumatic past, is give him a hug. The excitement when he sees that sweet old lady and recognises who she is is astonishing and I felt a real buzz.

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece is a museum where his possessions will go on display. I'm not sure what museum it is, and though it may not be relevant, it may give a little more context to the piece.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: This was a really heartfelt piece. I felt for Mr. Sam as he was remembering his past and went through the emotions he did as he moved on and met the lady who helped save his life. Amazing!



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*Brittany had listen to Mr. Sam’s story so many years ago.
Brittany had listened to Mr. Sam’s story so many years ago.


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

713
713
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I wanted to come and return a review you did for me. This piece intrigued me because I've often wondered a very similar thing and it's a pretty controversial topic *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: This was a really thought provking piece. I really like the way you switched roles and attitudes, it really helps the reader see how utterly stupid the whole situation is. The fact that people playing a sport get a much higher wage than those willing to risk their lives.

*People*Characters: I like that you did this as an interview, it worked well and allowed us to see both sides. The General is a very flippant man; all he cares about is the safety of his soldiers. Not something we'd be used to seeing. I don't like him at all. Probably very much like I wouldn't like the situation in real life.

Dialogue: The dialogue throughout this piece is realistic and natural. I feel the reporters anger and frustration when he is speaking to the General and I feel his fear when he realises the players must go out and play a game on ice. You really got his character across through the dialogue.

*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

714
714
Review of The Club  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I've had this saved in my favourites list for a while because I wanted to come and read it and I finally got around to it last night while I was at work!

*Pencil*Storyline: This is a really creepy storyline! An old man appears to the band, The Plague, offering them a once in a lieftime opportunity. The band are unable to resist and after reading through the contract they all sign their lives away. They are transported to The club where it is fated for them to live out the rest of their lives.

The ending felt a little anti-climatic to me. Although it was good the way you did it and I liked it, I think because it all happens within a few paragraphs it went by a little too quickly for my liking. I wanted to feel the girls' pain when they were turned to dust, their lives gone. I wante to feel the panic rise, I wanted to see how shocked the band members were. So although it was a good ending I thought a little more description could really add to it.

*People*Characters: Gramps: from the beginnign we know that something is not quite right with this old man. He's out of his depth and in the wrong context; we don't expect to see him where he is because stereotypically, he would not be there. I think that does well to jar the reader. You describe him well and especially towards the end of the story you allude to the fact that he is the Devil with the password on his accound and the fact that you called him the 'goat'. It works well and I think he made a really great character! He was an old man but much stronger than he looked, both physically and mentally.

Johnny: strikes me as the typical self-absorbed, thinks he's better than everyone type of guy adn that it's probably because he is in a band that made it relatively big. He treats the twins in the bus who are nibbling on his ear with bored distaste and I really disliked that. I found him to be quite an unlikeable character because of his attitude; he was too cocky for my liking. So you did well to characterise him and make me not like him!

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece was the tour bus where the band seem to spend a lot of their time (as bands do). You describe it well throughotu and allow the reader ot understand the place and context of the story.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: Clearly there is something not quite right throughout this piece. As a reader I knew it had to do with the old man who was very out of place, but I couldn't put my finger on why. So well done for keeping the reader intrigued in that way!



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*"Did you see that old black guy, sittin' by himself in the center of the front row?
"Did you see that old black guy, sittin' by himself in the center of the front row?"

*BulletB*"When we reach that age we probably won't even have hair. We'll all look like Keith.
"When we reach that age we probably won't even have hair. We'll all look like Keith."


*BulletR*"All right then, Gramps, this is Bonsai, Keith, and you met Paul outside. The ladies are... what are your names again, girls?
"All right then, Gramps, this is Bonsai, Keith, and you met Paul outside. The ladies are... what are your names again, girls?"


*BulletV*"Lynard Skynard. Not the reincarnation. I mean the original lineup before the plan crash.
"Lynard Skynard. Not the reincarnation. I mean the original lineup before the plan crash."


*Bullet*Our manager, Johnny replied, "He's in L.A.,
"Our manager," Johnny replied, "He's in L.A.,



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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715
715
Review of Absolute Horror  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!



*Checkg*What I liked:

The group page looks great, it sets everything out well and allows the people viewing the page to see what is on offer to be a part of the group. You've included group links too which makes it easier for members of the group to navigate *Smile* The sig is really great too, it really suits the page *Smile*

Could I please join your group? I love everything horror too and would like to be a part of it!


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

716
716
Review of Trick or Tweet  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I've had this piece in my favourites for a while now, it's something I've been meaning to read but not really got around to. I sometimes shy away from longer pieces but I made myself read and I'm really glad I did. The title to me suggested something to do with horror and technology all mixed in together, and I wasn't disappointed; the title worked for me *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: I found this to be a really original and enjoyable read. As I began through it I didn't think the terrorist attack was actually going to happen, I thought it would be rumour, almost like the whole Y2K thing; I thought hysteria was setting in amongst the members of society. So the fact that it happened was a twist for me and it worked well. It kept me wondering what would happen.

The long sixty five days of survival for these characters felt like a zombie virus survival (that's probably because I read a lot of zombie stories!). But this was refreshing because it wasn't zombies. It was a virus of sorts but in cybr space rather than a physical virus, so I felt like that made it really different.

The world begins to rebuild everything and moves fast. It feels like it's moving too fast and I couldn't help but feel like things would go wrong, like they should have learned from their mistakes. I think at the point when they started getting chips put in their brain did it for me. It wasn't just messing with technology anymore, it was messing with human life and for what, the desire for information? People getting chips simply made them clones (that's how it came across to me) and meant nobody had to really work for anything anymore. Study can be hard but it's certainly rewarding. The ending for me, almost felt like it was a commupence. The human race suffered because they couldn't just leave alone.

The story itself was written well from the point of view of one man; it was thorough and read straight through to allow the reader to understand the whole context.

*People*Characters: John Young comes across as a level headed man, he is adaptable if needed but rather set in his ways. He is highly influenced by his wife Carolyn who insists he joins her in the latest technology. I kinda of felt like he gave in too easy but they were partners so it would have been hard not too. And I guess in a world of increasing technology most people give in eventually...

Carolyn was media obsessed and to me that was quite irritating (probably because I know people like that). She came across as wanting to be online or on her phone or on the latest machine rather than talk to people. That came across from the very start and I did wonder what John saw in her, after all, she was more interested in tweeting her friend thatn talking to him. I found that after everything crashed she becomes a more likanle person, she has more time for her family and indulges in real conversation.

Mark comes across as a natural leader. He is a 'man;y man' and an organiser. When the world crashes he coems into play and plays that role well, organising and leading people. He welcomes people into his home, even strangers, in the face of a crisis. He is compassionate and understanding.

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece was the world today and the future. Is this really what the world will be like? I can see it happening, people are already obsessed with technology and your story provides the perfect context. Most people now can't get by without technology. While I feel like I'm okay without it (five days at a festival without internet and I didn't even think about it, whereas my friend brought three phones just so she could visit facebook) I do miss it and was glad to get back online.

*BurstR*Dialogue: The dialogue in this piece worked well for me, it felt realistic and natural. Plus the narration of the story felt really natural, it flowed nicely.

*Checkg*What I liked:

I loved the term 'information junkies' *Smile*

'I never would have imagined that the loss of our technology would result in us having to defend ourselves from our fellow citizens. It was as if we had regressed hundreds of years in just one week.'

This really sums up my whole feeling about this piece but I think you've captured the reality of the situation well.


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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717
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Allie, you did a review for me a while ago and I wanted to return the favour. I'm sorry it's taken so long! I chose this piece because I prefer fiction and I wanted to see how you described the girl's feelings.

*Pencil*Storyline: This story tells of Emma, who is wallowing after a bad break up. The world is against her and things seems like they can't get any worse, and then, they get better when she meets Noah.

*People*Characters: Emma is the main character within this. You characterise her so well and also show the reader that her thoughts and emotions are so out of character. I can imagine she's usually a very happy carefree girl but after the break up, everything is so bleak. You take the reader through a myriad of emotions with her and you do it well, I sympathised with her a lot.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: This is a really dark piece; Emma is low and it filters throughout the whole piece. You do this well showing her depression. I like the ending though, it brings through new hope and sunshine. I like that.

*Checkg*What I liked:

I really liked the line:

When I staggered into the bathroom, a pale-skinned, repulsive figure glared at me in the mirror, her sleep-ridden hair flying in blonde and purple strands around her head.

I think it really captures the essence of the feelings she has and shows the reader what Emma is going through.

*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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718
Review of Candy Store Ghost  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey, you did a review for me a while ago and I wanted to come and return the review, I'm only so sorry it took so long! I think I chose this piece because of the way you described it: Japanese style. It makes me think about what that could be, so I thought I'd come find out!

*Pencil*Storyline: This was a really creepy piece! It told the story of Shunsuke who lost his wife Sayaka five months ago. As he continues he daily life in the shop he owns, a strange woman comes to visit and requests candy. On the second visit steeling himself he follows her and finds himself at his late wife's grave when there is a baby crying from deep underground.

*People*Characters: Shunsuke in the main character in this piece. He feels to me like he is a middle aged man, he works hard and he is genuine. I liked him. He works hard in his shop despite the hardships that he has faced. He is brave in the face of the unknown (I'm not sure I could have followed the unknown woman!)

*Home*Setting: Much of this piece takes place in Shunsuke's shop where you set the scene of the story. He both lives and works there and it is a constant reminder of losing his wife. You describe it well, that and the graveyeard where he is eventually led by the ghostly woman (I presumed that was his late wife?)

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: There was a really creepy atmosphere throughout this piece, it gave me the chills. The way you describe the woman at the door as deathly pale, looking ashamed and ashed.



*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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719
719
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: You did a review for me a while ago and I wanted to come and return the favour!

*Pencil*Storyline: This was a really nice little story. We meet the main protagonist who wants to enchant Sarah on their first date. On his way he comes across the Magical Flower stand and befriends Auntie Rosie who tells him to look in his heart.

*People*Characters: We meet the main protagonist who obviously wants to impress Sarah. I get the impression they've known each other for a while, perhaps as friends, but that something in their friendship is changed and that this is them moving forward. We never find out the main characters name and while this seems quite trivial I think it all adds up for portrayal of a character.

Auntie Rosie seems like a special woman. She is portrayed as being a little eccentric, a sparkle in her eye. I love the way he kind of giggles at her when he first sees her; he thinks she's eccentric and probably a con artist. But she is a genuine woman and can see more than most.

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece is by Auntie Rosie's Magical Flower Stand. You describe it well to set the scene and not only entice our eyesight with the wonderful colours, but you invite the reader to sniff up and smell the flowers. I really liked that!

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: There was an atmosphere of love and affection in this piece. He really wanted to impress Sarah and make things go right, and Rosie was there to help him do just that.



*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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720
720
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: You did a review for me a while ago and I wanted to come and return the favour. When I checked out your port I saw that you write a lot for the Daly Slice, so like me, you're a fellow horror writer! So I knew that anything I picked would be up my street. I think I picked this one because I remember the prompt about hoarding and it interested me, so I wanted to come and see what you had come up with!

*Pencil*Storyline: This was a truly creepy storyline! We meet Timothy who is doing a school project and Mr. Brickwood who seems eager to entertain him. However, we then learn of Mr. Brickwood's terrible obsession! I didn't see this coming at all, I knew it would be something bad but I wasn't sure what. Well done on making this so original!

*People*Characters: Timothy seems like th typical school bo; he is bored of the project and wants it over and done with. Mr. Brickwood comes across as being a polite old man, somebody who simply wants some company, and he find it in Timothy. But he is certainly more than he seems and has a very sinister obsession!

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece is Mr. Brickwood's house. You describe it wonderfully to allow us to understand the context and see this house for ourselves with the rainbow of colours too.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: There is a strong creepy atmosphere in this. As a reader I could sense that something wasn't quite right but couldn't put my finger on it so you've managed to build the tension well!

*BurstR*Dialogue: The dialogue throughout works for me, it feels natural. I would just mention trying to remember the correct punctuation marks at the end of speech.



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*for a school project.” Timothy responded,
for a school project,” Timothy responded,

I would probably use a comma to end that speech because it is followed by a speech tag.

*BulletB*The walls we’re entirely covered with paintings,
The walls were entirely covered with paintings,

The word 'we're' means we are and that doesn't fit here, I think you were actually looking for the word 'were'!

*BulletR*“I see you noticed my little collection” Mr. Brickwood said
“I see you noticed my little collection,” Mr. Brickwood said

I just added a comma within your speech here.

*BulletV*other items we’re color coordinated
other items were color coordinated

*Bullet*“I’ve always loved color” Mr. Brickwood said quietly, “You could say it’s my obsession, sit down and I’ll tell you all about it” he said,
“I’ve always loved color,” Mr. Brickwood said quietly, “You could say it’s my obsession, sit down and I’ll tell you all about it,” he said,

*BulletG*extra bright lighting in the room and we’re immediately greeted
extra bright lighting in the room and was immediately greeted

I've put the word 'was' in here because to me it seems to sit there more comfortably than the word 'were'.



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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721
721
Review of Old Jade  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook:

*Pencil*Storyline: Oooh this is a really creepy piece, well done! You captured my attention with it and kept me wanting to read on. You tell the story of two sisters who are left an old aunt's home after she passes away. Claire finds a necklace that she loves and tries it on, only to find that it has powers she could not understand.

*People*Characters: Claire and Mina are the main characters in this. They are sisters (I think) and seem to be quite juxtaposed against each other. Claire seems quite mellow and respectful while Mina is feeling aggreived that she has to clean the house.

We also meet Mingyu who is a man who had been trapped in the curse of the necklace by her great aunt, and for good reason it seems. He is malicious and sees only what he wants to achieve.

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece is the great aunt's home. You describe it well and it certainly has a lot of quirkly items in it. It made me realise, after finishing it, that she was probably something of an explorer or adventurer.



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG* "It's beautiful." Claire said
"It's beautiful," Claire said

The end of the speech should have a comma because there is a speech tag after it.

*BulletB* It depicted an older women
It depicted an older woman

This should be 'woman' because it's singular rather than plural.

*BulletR*and she watched her body moved without her.
and she watched as her body moved without her.



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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722
722
Review of Damon's Lilies  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I saw this piece highlighted in your interview in the Horror Newsletter and wanted to come and read it, so here I am!

*Pencil*Storyline: This is a really creepy piece. We meet Damon who likes to take photographs of people, dead people. He does so with Lillian and her mother in this piece.

*People*Characters: Damon is a really creepy character. He thinks that what he is doing is normal, taking photographs. But he has killed Lillian, and we find out later, her mother, in aid of this. He makes me skin crawl a little, so that means you've done great!

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece was Lillian's bedroom where she lay slaughtered. I think I would have liked to know how he killed her, I guess it was with a gun, but that's just speculation.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: This was a really dark and creepy piece. We meet a creepy man with a creepy hobby and that emanates throughout as wel follow his thoughts.


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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723
723
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I just wanted to stop by and tell you that this is a fab forum! It really captures the need and the essense of the rules of the forum, what the Angel Outreach Program is about, how mentors and mentees can work and what they can expect. I also really like the sig, it works well and captures the very ideal of the forum *Smile*

It also operates in an easy to understand basis with people asking for mentors and being responded to but then carrying that on in email rather than clogging up the forum space.

Well done *Smile*


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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724
724
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: Hey, you requested this review in the new Writers Garden in and out so I thought I would come and read it. I would suggest maybe not having the full title in capitals (I'm not sure why but that tends to put me off reading things). Also, I would suggest giving the piece a rating, that way it will show up on more listings.

*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a sweet little poem telling of the love of a woman of this man. She seems to idolise him and tells the reader what she loves about him from physical attributes to his personality. It's a really sweet piece *Smile*

The poem itself is in a free form and style which works well. It allows the woman who is telling the reader of this man to do so freely, so it works well *Smile*


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*You are sunlight of my dark lit life
You are the sunlight of my dark lit life

I think I would add the word 'the' in here or change it to:

You are sunlight in my dark lit life

It seems to flow a little better.

*BulletB*I don’t know what I had do without you.
I don’t know what to do without you.

I'm not sure if this is what you were trying to say but the way you had it written confused me a little, I would change it just ever so slightly.


*NoteR*A few parting comments...

I would suggest adding some punctuation to this piece to help the reader read, it would help the flow a little too and help us know when complete thoughts are finished.

also, your style seems to change a little throughout. You go from talking about 'his eyes' etc to 'your touch' and I think that confuses things a little. I think you need to try and write in one style and I would suggest the second as it feels more personal and brings them closer together.


Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

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725
725
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hey!

This is a Power Review Raid! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I picked this piece because the theme of the raid is parenting and I wanted to come and find out your personal experience of parenting. The title told me a lot about your understanding of being a parent and how and when it changed. It's quite a long title and then the description is quite short, I would suggest adding to it so the reader has more awareness of what is to come.

*Checkg*What I liked:

I think this is a nice piece that considers your knowledge of being a mother and what it means to you. You've experienced it in terms of your raw emotion and understanding and it works really well. I think after reading the title I expected to see more of an anecdote of things with your mum and then a comparison to how things are for you now and if your opinion has differed at all.

I particularly liked:

'all sweet,tender,caring and energetic....someone in the world who is always ready and keen with all her pure intentions to provide you with her shoulders to lean on when the world has turned their back on you.'


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*years of a lil girl i have finally
years of a little girl I have finally

When writing I would tend to use full words rather than abbreviations. The word 'I' is always capitalised.

*BulletB*understanding and realizing what actually a mother is?
understanding and realizing what a mother actually is.

You're not asking a question here so I would take away the question mark.

*BulletR*A person who live here life as if it belongs to her kids.
A person who lives her life as if it belongs to her kids.

*BulletV*In other words if ther is someone beside
In other words if there is someone beside



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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