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3,537 Public Reviews Given
4,150 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I tend to review using a format that I can comment on plot, characters, setting, atmosphere and dialogue. I also try to point out typos/errors and that sort of thing. This style may change depending on the item!
I'm good at...
I'm better with fiction than anything else. I might be able to have a go at poetry but please don't expect too much!
Favorite Genres
Horror, dark, suspense, thriller, mystery. However, I'm open minded and will read most genres.
Favorite Item Types
Statics - fiction.
Public Reviews
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801
801
Review of Love You To Death  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

I'm really attracted to darker fiction or horror and so the title and description drew me in to this piece.

This is a really powerful piece. We see the story from the point of view of the would-be killer as he waits outside his ex girlfriend's house preparing to murder her and her new boyfriend. You show the reader through his thoughts, the emotions that are going on for him including anger, jealousy and despair. The first part of the story is mainly regarding the anger and jealousy he has that his girlfriend is not his anymore, the second the despair that he is almost like his father. I found this to be the really powerful piece, when he goes to his mother and asks for help. I think that's really great and gives a glimpse into the nice side of her personality. And I have to say, even though he planned to kill them, I felt a little sorry for him at that moment!

The story moves at a good pace, building the suspense as we see him with the gun, wondering what is happening, what will he do?


*NoteR*A few suggestions I had:


         *BulletG*Her laughter sounded alot - this should be 'a lot'

         *BulletB*I would also suggest just being a little careful around spacing and punctuation, there are lots of spaces after the beginning of speech marks which aren't needed. It's only a tiny thing but just thought I'd let you know *Smile*

Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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by Maryann Author Icon


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802
802
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

This is a nice piece that invites the reader to consider what they are afraid of. It asks them to consider asking for help if it is the dark that they fear, for He is there and will never say no. It really invites the reader in to consider the questions that have been asked which makes it quite interactive.

I think you've written this well getting the point across clearly. The poem flows well with each of the stanzas fitting together well.


*NoteR*A suggestion I had:


         *BulletG*I would maybe suggest using some punctuation within this piece to allow the reader pause to think and reflect on what has been said and what will be said. If you do use punctuation though I would recommend making sure you use question marks because you ask the reader a lot of questions, particularly in the first stanza.



Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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by Maryann Author Icon


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803
803
Review of Visual Poetry  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

I've been perusing your port and I came across this. I'm sure I've seen things like it before but I wasn't sure what you meant by the title Visual Poetry (until I opened it up!)


I really like this, it gives the reader a sense of what writing.com means to you, and it clearly means a lot. You've come up with a lot of really good and positive words there *Smile* Thanks for sharing this with us!






Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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by Maryann Author Icon


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804
804
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey!

*Shamrock* This is a St Patricks Day Power Raid! *Shamrock* *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

Hehe! Well done on a really comical little poem. I don't often read poetry but I thought I'd make the effort for St Patrick's day and I've read quite a lot. I'm really glad I opened this piece; the limericks work really well, flowing just as they should and the rhymes are natural. They made me smile the whole way through! *Bigsmile*



Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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by Maryann Author Icon


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805
805
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey!

*Shamrock* This is a St Patricks Day Power Raid! *Shamrock* *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

This was really interesting to read because I feel like it brings a lot of Irish history and culture into my thoughts. I've never heard it before and it's a nice little ditty.

But then I started thinking about the meaning behind the words, particularly the second stanza which is about the woman being whatever her husband wants to be, not saying no (even if she wants to) So I'm not sure how I feel about it!! But obviously that's not your fault it's just the way I think *Smile*


*NoteR*A suggestion I had:


         *BulletG*I would suggest maybe having some line spacing between each of the two stanzas just to separate it a little and perhaps centering it, just a thought!



Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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by Maryann Author Icon


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806
806
Review of My Irish Lass  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

*Shamrock* This is a St Patricks Day Power Raid! *Shamrock* *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

This is a really sweet and romantic poem. It tells of a love story between two, a man and an Irish woman. I really think you've done well here to describe her from the point of view of the man; I can really picture her with her sparkling emerald (I love that colour/description!) and her creamy skin. She looks beautiful in my head (and I also picture her wearing green!)

The poem flows nicely, each stanza fitting with the last. I don't know a lot about technical poetry writing but I noticed that the first stanza had five lines rather than four like the other two. But I think it still works because it's almost like a love letter to the woman he's talking about, the way it starts.

The stanzas fit together nicely and the rhymes feel natural which is great. And I have to say, I'm glad to hear that she's going to be his forever *Smile*



Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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by Maryann Author Icon


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807
807
Review of Blarney  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

*Shamrock* This is a St Patricks Day Power Raid! *Shamrock* *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

Hehe! This poem had me giggling the whole way through!! When I began reading I thought it was going to be more of a fable, telling of the legend of the Blarney Stone but what I found was somewhat different, but it worked really well.

You've written a good piece of comedic poetry here, telling the tale of the wife who kisses the blarney stone and then never lets her husband have a moments piece! I can just see him now sitting in his chair, grumbling away as she talks!

The description and language you use throughout works really well and keeps the rhythm of the poem going, it also makes it really humorous. The poem flows well and the rhymes feel natural and not forced which is great!


*NoteR*A few suggestions I had:


         *BulletG*I would suggest maybe using some punctuation within this, particularly capital letters at the beginning of each line and full stops/commas at the end. I just think it will give the reader pause to think and also notes when each particular thought/theme is finished with.

         *BulletB* dont think she mearly kissed the blarney - I think this should be 'merely'


         *BulletR* I was also wondering about your spelling of through as 'thru' I think it might work a little better if it's spelled the right way *Smile*



Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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by Maryann Author Icon


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808
808
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a St Patricks Day Power Raid! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

Well done on another really great and beautiful poem. The words and descriptions you have used here are unreal; they really paint a picture of Ireland for me, about what it looks like, the beautiful places, the people, the names. It makes me really want to visit! I've never been to Ireland and I'm just across the water in the UK.... I think I might put it on my list of to dos!

But really, thank you for sharing this wonderful piece with us. It's really well written, the poem flows well and the rhymes work naturally, you've clearly put a lot of time and effort into this piece! Thank you!







Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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809
809
Review of FLYIN' BACK HOME  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a St Patricks Day Power Raid! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

I don't often read poetry but I loved reading this! It just really worked for me, it had an immediate rhythm which made it easier for me to read (hehe). As I read quite quickly I had this little sort of tune going on in my head and it really helped it flow. So the poem works really well, flows naturally and the rhyming scheme too works really well and fits together perfectly.

You tell the reader of a humorous journey of travel which involves an awfully long stop and search, and it was because of the Irish! How absurd! But you say this was a true story, did it happen to you If so, thank you for sharing it with us and making me smile before I have to go to work!!







Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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by Maryann Author Icon


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810
810
Review of Night and Day  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

Wow, Mara! This is such a brilliant story. It's been really well written the whole way through. I really felt the emotion, the relationship between the girls with the special connection. You've really captured me with this piece, I can see their friendship and I love it, I wish I had it.

But the ending it so sad, to see her so desolate and defeated, knowing she hasn't got her best friend to rely on and help her to bounce back. I think the ending was tragic but also worked really well, it seemed fitting.



Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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by Maryann Author Icon


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811
811
Review of Smaug  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

did you draw this yourself?! It's really fab. I truly love the Hobbit! hehe *Smile*



Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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by Maryann Author Icon


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812
812
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

Well done on a really unique piece! I don't think I ever recall reading something like this; it faintly reminded me on An Interview with A Vampire, however, this is different in the way that she is definately in danger.

You've written this well with a strong narrative voice which really brings out the personality of the vampire, we see he is a lonely man, someone who wants company, but also someone who is used to getting his own way with no fear. All of this comes across in this short passage, so well done!




Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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by Maryann Author Icon


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813
813
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

I have to say this is really nice and thoughtful poll! I think it's nice that you've asked the members of the community to consider how happy they are (because then I believe if they are not happy, that is something they can change after consciously thinking of it!)

Hehe well done *Smile*




Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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by Maryann Author Icon


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814
814
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

Is it cheating that I chose my bedroom when I tend to write on my computer which is in my bedroom? *Wink*

I think I like to have solitude when I'm writing and usually this is the only place I can do it. Good question to ask though, well done!



Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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815
815
Review of Tender Thorn  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Tea Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember, these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

Wow, Lady Phoenix, this was a brilliant short story!

You open the story well, hooking the reader straight away. I instantly got the feeling that the man who is whispering into the women's ear is a little creepy/sinister and you've only just opened, so it's fab you've been able to do that!

I think this paragraph is really well done:

'Consciousness came and went as he forced himself inside her body. Suddenly, she was floating in the wind storm above everything, no longer feeling the violation. She watched with a cold heart and cold eyes. It was as if it was happening to someone else.'

It allows the reader to understand what is going on for Elena which is truly horrendous, but does so in a way that is sensitive and not graphic at all. I think I found myself going to the wind storm with her, just to get out of it, to be with her and make sure she was okay.

I think you take the reader through the plot at a really good pace, giving away small snippets of information, allowwing us to see into it what we will. You develop Elena's character really well, showing the reader what a lovely, compassionate woman she is, yet also at the end, helping us see that she's become stronger when the torment has gone.

Honestly, a really well written piece dealing with a really tough subject. I work at a local Rape Crisis Centre and we hear these myths so often i.e. he wouldn't have to rape her, look at him, he's gorgeous/powerful/loaded etc and it's just not true. I really think you've captured the fact that even those people can have a bad nature and can do something such as rape an innocent woman. Really Phoenix, well done!


*NoteR*A few suggestions I had:


         *BulletG*"Well fought counselor," a smooth voice whispered in her ear. - I'm not sure why I think this but perhaps a comma after the word 'fought' would work well. It would suggest a pause in the speech (but that's just how I hear it in my head!) I think because I am already getting the impression this man is sinister and because he is whispering in her ear this is how I hear it. Hope that makes sense! But ignore it if you wish.

         *BulletB*wrapping her arms around herself to protect herself from the chill. - I think here the repetition of the word 'herself' is just a little much in the same sentence. I think I would change it for something else, but I'm not sure what.

         *BulletR*reentered - I'm never really sure with words like this, whether it should be hyphenated. Ignore me if it's wrong!

         *BulletV*She bone tired from the ordeal - I think this should be 'was bone tired'

         *Bullet*"Congrats on the trail, - I think this should be 'trial'




Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Tea Garden:

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816
816
Review of The Darkness  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

This popped up on my 'Read a Newbie' Bar on the left and I have to say it really caught my attention just with the title and description, so that's great *Smile* It'll hopefully get you a lot of recognition!

This was a really good, abstract piece. I say abstract because I feel like there was no distinct plot, no character development, yet I still think it worked really well as a short piece. It gave the sense of impending doom, of being engulfed by the darkness. And I felt that the darkness written about here could be a myriad of things, each reader taking what they will from it. It really put me in the frame of mind for horror, of black and dark horror.

Well done!!



Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Open in new Window. [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann Author Icon


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817
817
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

You've wrote an intriguing story about a Brotherhood whose purpose is to slay werewolves who harm innocent humans. Kalum has clearly been in this Brotherhood for a long time and he is hunting one of the creatures; yet this time he is fatally bitten and knows that he will turn into one of those creatures at the full moon.

Then we see something quite unexpected, a love interest. I really didn't see this coming in this piece so well done for the element of surprise there! They seem to have a really affectionate relationship and I really want them to be able to be together, so the ending when she has to leave is really quite sad.

You've written this well, taking the reader along Kalum's journey as he hunts the werewolf but is unfortunately turned. We see him go through a range of emotions from anger to despair and finally, savagery when he turns. Well done on being able to convey that all!


*NoteR*A few suggestions I had:


         *BulletG*Kalum know he was close. - in the first paragraph, this should be 'knew'

         *BulletB*I would suggest to make sure you leave spaces between paragraphs, just because it makes it easier for the reader *Smile*

         *BulletR*I would maybe suggest using a line break after the first paragraph when Kalum is bitter. It would serve to make the reader pause but also to make it clear that the story is changing in some way i.e. setting, time etc.


Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Open in new Window. [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann Author Icon


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818
818
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

Well done on a really dark, emotional piece of poetry. You've managed to portray both the pain and desperation throughout using your words. The poems flows really well and the rhymes feels quite natural which is really good *Smile*

I really liked the lines:

'Did you ever see me as real, see me true?
Was I always a toy, a game to you?'

I think it just shows how cruel love can be and also really shows the reader how much pain you are in.

I also really liked the first lines (the ones that are repeated at the end) I think they work really well and grab the attention of the reader.


*NoteR*A few suggestions I had:


         *BulletG*Until finally it was all that remain - I was just wondering if this should be 'remained'? I can understand you put remain to rhyme with pain, however, I think it sounds a little better if you write remained and it still works as a rhyme.

         *BulletB*I think maybe this piece would benefit from some punctuation, at the ends of the lines etc.




Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Open in new Window. [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann Author Icon


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819
Review of Asylum  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

Well done on a delightfully creepy little story! You open it well, telling the reader of a man who has depression, who struggles with the thought of ending his life. He takes himself to an asylum with the hopes of getting better (though when he was at first knocking on the door I didn't realise it was an asylum, I assumed it was the home of an ex lover or something.)

We see his recovery over time, his confusion and then his return to normal life. The suspense comes in when we find out he is being stalked and you do this well using both description and short sentences to keep the reader's eyes moving fast.

I think you ended it really well too, it left the reader with a question. If it wasn't the man who picked up the sock... then who? Of course we know now it must have been the woman who was stalking him but it still sent a shiver down my spine. The idea of stalking is one that has always creeped me out and I feel like you've captured it really well here. Well done!



Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Open in new Window. [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann Author Icon


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820
820
Review of Macabesity  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

This is a really gory, grotesque story. You open it well, telling of a loving couple who have remained together in a happy marriage after meeting in high school. It sets the scene for a lovely setting, a romance perhaps, then all of sudden....Bam! There's the boy. I really didn't see this coming (which is a good thing).

It suddenly turned dark as the reader sees and realises what the boy is doing and as he pounces on Clare. I thought the story would have a truly horrific ending but I have to say, I'm really glad Clare was okay and neither of the couple were found guilty of murder.

You use description well to set the scene and introduct the characters, developing them throughout. Well done!




Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Open in new Window. [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann Author Icon


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821
821
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

I have to say that I think this is the start of something really good. It really caught me. The title and description drew me in, offering me a brief insight into what was to come and I wanted more.

This piece seemed like a prologue to me, an introduction to something bigger you've planned. This person is controlled by the society he/she lives in and when speaking out, is punished. But you've written it in such a way that invites me to continue reading and I want to do just that! Have you written any more/plan to write anymore?


*NoteR*A suggestion I had:


         *BulletG*but sometime between childhood and becoming a young adult - I think that the word 'sometime' needs to be separated to 'some time'. I think the word 'sometimes' is used to suggest frequency.



Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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822
822
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

Well done for such an informative read! *Smile* I really wanted to read this because I've had some trouble with wearing those ballet pumps before. I have to agree with you that yes they make me feel more feminine (not particularly that I'm dreaming of being a ballerina, especially after watching black swan!) but upon wearing them for an entire weekend once I was crippled. They don't offer any support to the arch of your foot and so ultimately are hurting your feet; I developed a condition called plantar facitis which is when the arch of the foot isn't supported and it provides a lot of pain to walk on. The consequence of that was having to wear trainers for a long time and becoming defeminised.

Anyway, that's just a thought I'd share with you. But I think you've put forward a well reasonsed argument for the different types of shoe here and I think I would have to agree with you *Smile*

Well done!



Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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823
823
Review of The Forest of Ash  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

Well done on a really creepy and grotesque story. I think you open it well, telling of the family's past holidays and the good times they had, then contrasting it with the disappearance of Adriana. You develop Jack's character well, showing the reader his motivations, indeed his motivations for having to forget his sister to move on with his life and then his need to go back to remember her and find her. I think you did this well.

The dialogue you use within your story seems realistic and natural, particularly the conversation between Jack and Adriana when he finally reconnets with her. Then after that, the suspense builds rapidly and you manage to do that well, through your use of description. I was reading faster and faster towards the end.

I too had the same question as Jack; how did the police not search the shed when they looked for Adriana?

I think as well, when they reconnected I got the image of Adriana just as she was at ten years old, but I think if she truly was still alive perhaps she would look different, have on different clothes? Even be a little unrecognisable. Just a thought.



*NoteR*A few suggestions I had:


         *BulletG*Jack used to come here with his parents and his sister - you've written this piece in past tense but this brings it into the present. I think I would write:

Jack used to go there with his parents and his sister

         *BulletB*the more caught himself speaking to her in his head. - here you're missing the word 'he' after the word 'caught'

         *BulletR*and for her to come giggling in. - I think here I would switch the order of the last two words. I can't explain why but I think it feels better ending with the word 'giggling'



Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Open in new Window. [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann Author Icon


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824
824
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

Well done on such a cool idea for an in and out! Asking for just three words is limiting but I think in that way it's inspirational and just something really fun *Smile*



Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Open in new Window. [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann Author Icon


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825
825
Review of Do you know  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

If I had come across this poll a couple of years ago my answer would have been completely different and I would have said, I do not know who I am. But in the past few years I've taken time to be selfish and do what I want to do, I've met people who are fantastic and who are inspirational and really helped me along my journey and I feel like I can safely say, I know who I am and I am confident to be that person.

*NoteR*A suggestion I had:


         *BulletG*I think I would have liked to know more about why you asked this question. I think it's a very valid question and it's one that I've asked myself over the years, but what makes you ask? And I think I would have liked to know, do you know yourself?


Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Open in new Window. [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann Author Icon


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