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I like this. I'm not sure if the world is ready for a Zombie Santa, and I found this cringe worthy, but in a good way. I found the cadence to be off in places, but again, considering the subject, it's OK. It gave it a certain gait, not unlike zombies.
I'd be interested in learning where the idea for this came from.
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This is very good. Well thought and well written. You have conveyed Jane's personality expertly. We know a lot about her without having to tell us. This is the sig of good writing.
I saw one error. When Ted asks Jane why she cares about her looks, there's an extraneous end quote after the second question. Very minor point.
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This is better than I thought it was going to be! I almost gave up before reading the first word! Am I glad I kept going! This is a delightful take on the story. I enjoyed reading this. The cadence is spit on, the rhyming scheme is excellent.
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This started off Rocky, but improved. The first sentences are choppy, and not complete sentences. I would recommend something like this: "I was sitting by the pool where it was so hot, I thought I would melt!". Then later, but before the bug bit you, say something like you hope Jeremy appreciates my sacrifice!
I se not other glaring errors. I realize it's a contest entry, but you might like to expand on this. Possibly even want to change it to "How I Met Your Father."
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This is dark and melancholy. That doesn't mean it's bad, just dark, which has its place, too.
I would recommend that you add the Dark genre to your genre list for this. The more genres our works appear in, the better chance of its being seen. And eyes on our writis why we post.
I see no glaring errors, and nothing else i would chan.
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This is good. A good message, and a unique method of delivery. A couple of the rhymes, like rhyming far with hours, are stretches but acceptable. This is good.
I see no glaring errors, nothing I would have you change.
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This is hilarious! We've all been there, of course. Sometimes the only thing to do is straighten your spine, throw out your chest, hold up your head, and proudly say, "I defy ANYONE to beat THAT!"
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This is OK. Remember, 3 stars is average, not a bad rating, and I gave this 3.5 stars. I see no glaring errors, but the piece really did nothing for me. Not everything can be great. Most of my writing, to tell the truth, is bad.
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This is nice. Someday we'll all wear perfect wings. You list this on only one genre. WdC allows up to three. Use all three. It triples the number of eyes reading this.
Other then that I see no glaring errors, nothing else I would change.
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This is very good and packs and very important message. You gave done a masterful job of sending its message. Since this is for children, I think that you ought to give the characters names. I think it makes it more interesting to kids, and they are able to connect with the characters and hence the message better.
I see no glaring errors, nothing else I would change.
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Please bear in mind this is just one man's opinion.
This is good. I can think of a number of famous men (& women) you could be talkin about. I want to know if I read it correctly. This is not about a famous person. This is about the beginning of a relationship someone has that the narrator does not approve of.
This is well written. I am no expert on poetry. The cadence seems to be off a bit, but I think it works well in this situation. The rhythm is not hurt by it irregularity. The rhyming scheme is great.
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Boy, you seem to pop up for me quite often. Yoi aren't paying off StoryMaster are you? LOL.
This is very good. Good job on not revealing the movie's plot. Much like "The Downfall of Van Dyke Thomas" in "It Started Backstage.". I'm a little baffled however, by what the point of the chase was. Was it to find an object, or just to figure out where to go next. However baffling it was, however, does not detract from the story. Instead, it added too the story. Early on, I found a couple of typos you may wanna correct.
Other than that I see nothing i would change or other glaring errors.
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Bear in mind that this is just one man's opinion.
This is a well written, well thought out celebration of the resurrection of our Lord. Very good. I see no glaring errors. There is nothing i would recommend that you change.
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Bear in mind that this is just one man's opinion.
This is a good story, nothing wrong with the content. But there are quite a few typos in this. Says the King of Tyops. There are missing quote marks in a few places, misplaced commas, and other typos. I urge you to proofread this carefully to root them out. Ya know, like I planned on doing to some of my posts last weekend, and the weekend before, and the one before that. Maybe this weekend!
I found this by clicking on the Read & Review link.
Bear in mind that this is just one man's opinion, & I'm not an expert.
This is very good. I was able to visualize everything as you described it. There were a few hiccups with the cadence, but again I am not an expert & can't tell you how to fix it.
I see no glaring errors, nothing else I would change.
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Bear in mind that this is just one man's opinion.
This is very good. But, as a Christian man, I must ask, in the first stanza, why silently pray? Why not gleefully, thankfully, hopefully pray? In the third stanza, is it not equally true that by our faith, we are saved?
As it is, this is very good. You don't need to change anything. I just wanted to point out a few equally valid points.
As it is I see no glaring err, nothing else I would change.
I found this by clicking on the Read & Review link.
Bear in mind that this is just one man's opinion.
This is awesome. I'm not much for poetry, but I like this. There are minor issues with the cadence, and you chose a few words where I would've chosen another, similar word, but it works. Very well.
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I don't give 5 stars very often. A 5 is near, if not absolutely, perfect. This fits my tight definition. You have done very well. Are you sure you aren't a deer in human clothing?
I found this when I clicked on the Read & Review link.
Good advice. Well written, thoughtfully laid out. Should be read by anyone contemplating a work-from-home situation.
One recommendation I would make is, set off your headers in some way. Maybe bold them, use a different font, or perhaps color. You choose. It's your piece.
Grandson and Granddaughter live with us (along with Son and Daughter-in-Law), and when I was a homeworker, they learned early on to stay away from Grandpa Dad when he was at his desk. Grandson was in Kindergarten & Granddaughter was a pre-schooler at the time. They forgot a few times, but those things happen. Family obligations can make it tough, but they can be worked around.
I see no glaring err, nothing else I would change. You did well.
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