Imagine my surprise! I was trying to click on one thing and this popped up instead. You done good. As a burglar what would you do. I see no errors or goofs. What you have here is a good quick read. Consider expanding this into a full short story. P'raps this changes the burglar's life and he goes around breaking into people's houses to do good. Have fun with it. You could have fun with that.
I found this when I hit the Read and review randomizer.
First off, I am not a fan of poetry. This is not a bad poem. I had to concentrate while I was reading it, which is not a bad thing. I found no errors, although I had to reread a couple stanzas to make sure. Yes, this was dark, but you could also list it as religious, the third stanza struck me that way in particular. All in all, a good read.
Well, this was different. Found this when I clicked on the random read button. Turns out, it was better than I expected. Half way through, I was ready to give this 2 stars. Then I realized I was still reading it, and I don't get through 2 star posts. It had deficiencies. It was wordy, especially at the beginning. I felt you used a dozen words when 3 or 4 would do. But it was a good read too. I got curious. Where was Alberto? Why was he strapped in? What was going on? It kept my attention, which is what we as authors want. So you ended up with 3 1/2 stars.
The Lord teaches us to be like Him to one another. That man who answered the phone that day may or may not have realized it at the time, but he was Him for a short moment. I firmly believe in miracles and the power of prayer. Not all miracles are as elaborate as Herod requested in Jesus Christ Superstar, to walk across my swimming pool. They can be as simple as I'm late for work because I had to spend an extra 5 minutes to change my shirt after spilling my coffee, thus missing the 5 car pile up on the interstate I would have been a part of had I not spilt my coffee. My great-nephew's recovery from leukemia was long and arduous. He credits his recovery to the prayers of our church family. IMHO, it's likely the Lord used that inadvertent number you dialed to connect that man to a needy soul - you. And who knows what YOU, just a soft voice on the other end of the phone line, did for Him. Only God knows, and maybe that's all for the good.
Nice connecting with you again, Ruwth!
Smiles,
Dad
PS. I don't normally give 5 stars. Five stars is perfect and we both know only He is perfect.
I enjoyed this. I saw no errors, nothing I would change. I realize this is a short take, but maybe expand it. Make it a complete rant. Regardless this is good.
OK. I've been coming here for a week now. I guess it's time to give this an R&R. This is a fun I/O. The dialog is interesting, the action captivating, and the characters, especially the ones introduced by that master wordsmith Dad, are extremely believable. One suggestion: Try to attract more participants. As good as this guy Dad is, and as obviously talented as Grandma Penguin is, they cannot be expected to carry the whole thing!
I saw your plug for this in Question, and had to check it out. I don't care much for Cat Scratch Fever, but I like this. Well thought out, easy to sing along with, and the meter is about right. Very good.
I'm not even sure how I got here, but I'm glad I did. This was written very well. You exuberance is obvious. I see no glaring errors. It doesn't matter what you are celebrating, we don't need to know. What I mean by that is 1) you don't waste your time explaining what you are celebrating, and 2) it makes it a generic celebration, useful at any celebration. Ver good
Very entertaining. I'm sorry I chuckled at your misery, but you wrote this in an intentionally humorous way. If I were to change anything, I think I would've checked the "use by" date on the package! Seriously, you may add that you checked that date, and it said it was still good.
As for a title, titles are one thing I have to work hard on. I think I'd go for simple yet direct" "The Face Mask from Hell" comes to mind
I just happened across this. I like the use of the color in the piece.
This was very well written. I liked the twist at the end. We really don't need to know who they are or why he took the skull. Not important. Very enjoyable.
Not that I expect you to see this, but on the off-chance you accidentally return to this website, I just want you to know that i have enjoyed this I/O very much. Sometimes I don't know what I want to say, and other times, the post writes itself. Whatever you are doing, enjoy life.
I like this very much! It started rather slowly and I wasn't sure where you were going, but I'm glad I stuck through it. I saw no glaring errors or typos. Nothing to pick apart. I hope she finds someone in Madrid who will appreciate her better than you did!
This was interesting from a minimalist point of view. I'm not a poet, but I do feel the rhythm. You have a flare for this type of poetry. Try being upbeat on the next one: angst isn't a know-all, be-all. Best of luck.
I found this when I hit the rate & review button. OK. Something about Angelina Jolie. I'm not a fan, but I'll bite. First, the good news. I see no glaring errors, no typos. It's clean, easy to read.
Now the bad news. I just don't get it. I'm completely bemused and befuddled. Maybe it's because I am not a fan, but I do b=not ynderstand why you have written this. I can't tell if you like Miss Jolie, if you dislike her, or what. Just my honest opinion. I am sorry.
You obviously spend way too much time at Wal-Mart. All kidding aside, this was well written, and very true. I found no glaring errors, nothing I would change, other than maybe make it longer, you know, marrying her and calling her the Queen of your double-wide trailer. Reminds me of the time Mom (my wife) & I were in Wal-Mart, and saw this girl wearing (I swear I'm telling the truth) Celophane. Yes, plastic wrap. Her boyfriend proudly said to her "That old man is checking you out!" I didn't mind being called old man, I am an old man. Checking her out? Hell no.
Once upon a time, a baseball umpire was calling a game behind the plate. Every day, it was balls and strikes, balls and strikes. He loved it! Some days, he'd work the bases, and occasionally there were days off. The players and the coaches thought Ernie the Umpire was fair, competent, and very knowledgeable of the game, and grudgingly liked him. One day, at the end of the season, the league polled the players and the coaches to rank the abilities of the umpires. Ernie finished in the top 5 in every category polled, and 1st in 3 categories. Because of that Ernie was very happy, and the league was very happy with Ernie. All the good umpires got pay raises. Ernie was cheered wherever he went, until finally, he chose not to retire like he was planning.
Very well written. Sounds like thousands of conversations I've had over the years. I recommend you edit it to say 2017 & 2018 self at the beginning of the year. Other than getting on the stick and actually doing what you say you are going to do, I have no other suggestions.
First of all, I hope this isn't about yourself. If you are suicidal, GET HELP NOW! IT IS AVAILABLE! GOD LOVES YOU AND WANTS WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU!
Now, if this isn't about yourself, it is very well written. You already knew that, based on my "first of all" reaction to it.
I saw no (other) glaring faults with this. This seemed to me like a great opening to a gothic love story told in flashback after the narrator's suicide, telling who she loved, why she loved, why the object of her affection never noticed, etc, etc, etc. Give it a try.
You have a very good start here. A couple thoughts. I personally don't like passive voice. The very first sentence is passive voice. I would suggest "Two silhouettes marked the dawn of a new era." Otherwise, so far so good. I like the first person narration. I would also suggest you tell, perhaps in flashback, what ruined the earth. Keep up the good work
Very very good. The emotions are obvious. The she, to me any way, appears to be a grandmother or beloved aunt. I got a great deal of enjoyment from this. You have done well. My one downer is, I don't like the term melting butter sky. It seems like you are reaching to far for something, when something simpler like gold-tinged would work just as well. it didn't keep you from 5 stars - I don't give 5 stars to even myself.
Write on
Smiles,
Dad
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