WriterRick's (rick12221) Reviews

WriterRick

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101

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#4790190

Review of The Dream Machine

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Review of "The Dream Machine"

"The Dream Machine" is an intriguing short story that weaves elements of nostalgia, regret, and the mysterious nature of dreams. It captures the struggles of Chancy, an aging protagonist burdened by physical pain, poor decisions, and an unsettled conscience. The narrative cleverly uses a seemingly mundane object—a sleep machine—as a device to explore themes of redemption and altered reality.

Strengths
Character Development: Chancy is vividly portrayed. His cranky demeanor, coupled with flashes of vulnerability, makes him relatable. The regret over past decisions, such as the misplaced lily pond or the purchase of the troll, resonates universally. Similarly, Millie’s patience and quiet resilience add warmth to the story.

Atmosphere and Setting: The descriptions of Chancy’s garden and the scenes on the back porch are vibrant and immersive. The garden serves as a metaphor for Chancy’s inner turmoil and eventual peace.

The Sleep Machine as a Plot Device: The dream machine is a creative touch. Its seemingly magical ability to alter Chancy’s reality lends an intriguing, almost surreal dimension to the story. The gradual changes in Chancy’s life through his dreams build suspense effectively.

Themes: The story explores poignant themes—regret, redemption, and the power of the subconscious. The twist ending, where Chancy’s life may have been rewritten entirely through his dreams, is thought-provoking and bittersweet.

Areas for Improvement
Pacing: While the story’s reflective tone suits the theme, certain sections (e.g., the backstory about the car accident) feel overly detailed. Condensing these parts could improve the flow without losing emotional depth.

Ending Ambiguity: The conclusion, while intriguing, might confuse readers. Did Chancy rewrite his life entirely, or was his existence erased because of the dream’s final outcome? Clarifying or leaving deliberate hints could make the ending more impactful.

Dialogue: Some of the dialogue feels overly formal or forced, especially between Chancy and Millie. A more natural conversational tone could enhance their relationship's authenticity.

Millie’s Perspective: The story briefly shifts to Millie’s point of view at the end, which feels abrupt. Expanding her perspective throughout or keeping the focus solely on Chancy might create a more cohesive narrative.

Overall Impression
"The Dream Machine" is a heartfelt story with an engaging premise and relatable characters. It leaves readers pondering the weight of choices, the power of dreams, and the possibility of rewriting life's regrets. With minor adjustments to pacing and tone, it has the potential to be a standout piece.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

102

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#4790189

Review of The Moment

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Your story, The Moment, is a fun and thought-provoking piece with a touch of humor and a sly subversion of expectations. Here’s a review that highlights its strengths and provides some suggestions for improvement:

Strengths:
Strong Character Dynamics:
The interplay between Ted, Jeannie, and Frank feels natural and relatable. The small, seemingly mundane interactions hint at deeper emotions and dynamics, especially Frank's unspoken feelings for Jeannie and Ted's internal moral debate.

Engaging Narrative Voice:
The narrator’s voice adds a unique charm to the story, especially with the twist at the end. The playful tone is refreshing, keeping the reader engaged and slightly off-guard.

Thematic Depth:
The piece subtly explores morality and decision-making, framed by Ted’s internal conflict. The personification of spirits awaiting his choice adds an almost mythic layer to a seemingly trivial situation.

Subversion of Expectations:
The ending is clever and unexpected. Instead of a grand resolution, Ted’s decision is hilariously anticlimactic, which aligns well with the narrator’s cheeky tone.

Suggestions for Improvement:
Clarify the Spirits' Role:
The spirits’ presence is an intriguing addition, but their significance feels underdeveloped. Are they literal, symbolic, or part of Ted’s imagination? A little more context or subtle hints could enhance their impact without over-explaining.

Strengthen the Climax:
Ted’s ultimate decision, while humorous, might feel a bit underwhelming to some readers. Consider building up his internal struggle more vividly, so the punchline hits harder.

Smooth Out Dialogue Tags:
Some dialogue exchanges feel slightly abrupt. For instance:

“Yeah,” he said, he didn’t know Frank well.
This could be rephrased for better flow:
“Yeah,” he said, uncertainly. Ted didn’t know Frank well.
Expand Emotional Layers:
Frank’s feelings for Jeannie are hinted at but could be deepened. A brief moment where Frank’s emotions are described—through body language or subtle dialogue—would add more texture to his character.

Tighten the Ending:
While the ending’s tone works, the transition from Ted’s serious inner conflict to the punchline feels a bit rushed. A sentence or two to bridge the gap between his decision and the lighthearted reveal could make the conclusion smoother.

Overall Impression:
The Moment is a short, clever story with layers of humor and moral introspection. It balances its lighthearted tone with deeper themes effectively, though there’s room to enhance the emotional and narrative depth. The twist ending works well and leaves a smile on the reader’s face, but a bit more buildup could make it even stronger.

With some polishing, this story could shine even brighter!

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

103

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#4789859

Review of Description!

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This poem captures the tranquil essence of a meditative moment immersed in nature. While it has a heartfelt tone and vivid imagery, there are several areas where the structure, flow, and language could be refined for clarity and impact. Here's a review:

Strengths:
Imagery and Nature: The poem creates a serene picture of a peaceful lakeside scene, complete with birds, trees, and butterflies. This setting is well-suited for conveying the meditative theme.
Focus on Meditation: The poem ties natural elements to the act of meditation, emphasizing the calming and immersive effects of connecting with the environment.
Emotional Depth: Lines like "My inner state of mind opened to imagine heavenly" convey a strong emotional connection to nature and mindfulness.
Areas for Improvement:
Language and Grammar: There are numerous grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that disrupt the poem’s flow. For example:
"Two side of mine in was different type of trees" could be rewritten as "On either side, stood different kinds of trees."
"To get ride of fruit and flower" seems unclear and might need rephrasing to better convey its meaning.
Rhythm and Flow: The poem lacks a consistent meter or rhyme scheme, which can make it feel uneven. Consider revising lines to create smoother transitions and more cohesive pacing.
Repetition: Lines like "I heavenly gone with Strange" and "I heavenly gone!" are repetitive without adding much depth. Reworking these lines could make the conclusion more powerful.
Word Choice: Phrases like "craying with pleasure-smell the air was coming swiftly" are difficult to understand. Simplifying and clarifying such expressions will enhance readability.
Suggestions for Improvement:
Strengthen Descriptions: Use more precise and evocative language to describe the setting and its impact on the narrator’s state of mind. For example, instead of "decent birds," describe their colors, movements, or sounds.
Simplify and Polish: Revise sentences for grammatical correctness and smoother phrasing. For instance, "Swimming the fishes for own aspect and gain" might become "Fish swam gracefully, seeking their purpose."
Consistent Theme: Ensure every line ties back to the theme of meditation to maintain focus and depth.
Feedback on the Description Section:
The analysis of the poem's meaning is thoughtful but overly verbose and grammatically inconsistent. Simplify the explanation while maintaining its essence. For example:

Instead of "In this poem have described about a moment of meditation," write, "This poem describes a moment of meditation surrounded by nature."
Final Thought:
The poem has potential as an ode to mindfulness and the beauty of nature. With careful editing, it can become a more polished and impactful piece that fully captures the serenity and transcendence of meditation. Keep refining your imagery and focusing on clarity to let the message truly shine.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

104

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#4789858

Review of Old Soldiers

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This poem is a heartfelt tribute to the sacrifices and courage of soldiers who have served their country. It blends themes of patriotism, faith, and gratitude, creating a reflective and emotional tone.

Strengths:
Emotional Depth: The poem conveys deep respect for soldiers and their sacrifices, which resonates strongly with readers. Lines like "Their lives they gave, Their country to save!" are powerful reminders of the ultimate price paid for freedom.
Religious Integration: By linking the soldiers' sacrifice to Christ's love, the poem ties a spiritual dimension to their bravery, which may comfort and inspire readers of faith.
Consistent Message: The recurring themes of gratitude, honor, and reliance on God tie the poem together cohesively.
Call to Action: Encouraging readers to give thanks and pray adds an engaging and participatory element.
Areas for Improvement:
Rhythmic Consistency: The meter varies across stanzas, which can disrupt the poem’s flow. For example, the first stanza has a steady rhythm, but others feel less structured.
Word Choice: While effective, some phrases, like "Turn them to God and His Resources," could be made more vivid or poetic to enhance their impact.
Imagery: The poem could use more concrete imagery to evoke stronger visual and emotional connections. For example, describing a soldier's battlefield experience in detail could make the tribute more vivid.
Repetition: The phrase "Old Soldiers" is repeated effectively, but other parts of the poem might benefit from varied expressions to avoid redundancy.
Suggestions:
Add more sensory details to bring the soldiers’ experiences to life, such as describing the battlefield or their moments of courage.
Refine the rhythm to create a smoother reading experience, possibly by adjusting line lengths or syllable counts.
Experiment with metaphors or similes to enrich the descriptions of valor and sacrifice.
Overall, this poem captures a noble sentiment and offers a poignant reminder of the debt we owe to those who serve. With some fine-tuning, it could become an even more moving tribute.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

105

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#4789857

Review of Old Soldiers

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This poem is a heartfelt tribute to the sacrifices and courage of soldiers who have served their country. It blends themes of patriotism, faith, and gratitude, creating a reflective and emotional tone.

Strengths:
Emotional Depth: The poem conveys deep respect for soldiers and their sacrifices, which resonates strongly with readers. Lines like "Their lives they gave, Their country to save!" are powerful reminders of the ultimate price paid for freedom.
Religious Integration: By linking the soldiers' sacrifice to Christ's love, the poem ties a spiritual dimension to their bravery, which may comfort and inspire readers of faith.
Consistent Message: The recurring themes of gratitude, honor, and reliance on God tie the poem together cohesively.
Call to Action: Encouraging readers to give thanks and pray adds an engaging and participatory element.
Areas for Improvement:
Rhythmic Consistency: The meter varies across stanzas, which can disrupt the poem’s flow. For example, the first stanza has a steady rhythm, but others feel less structured.
Word Choice: While effective, some phrases, like "Turn them to God and His Resources," could be made more vivid or poetic to enhance their impact.
Imagery: The poem could use more concrete imagery to evoke stronger visual and emotional connections. For example, describing a soldier's battlefield experience in detail could make the tribute more vivid.
Repetition: The phrase "Old Soldiers" is repeated effectively, but other parts of the poem might benefit from varied expressions to avoid redundancy.
Suggestions:
Add more sensory details to bring the soldiers’ experiences to life, such as describing the battlefield or their moments of courage.
Refine the rhythm to create a smoother reading experience, possibly by adjusting line lengths or syllable counts.
Experiment with metaphors or similes to enrich the descriptions of valor and sacrifice.
Overall, this poem captures a noble sentiment and offers a poignant reminder of the debt we owe to those who serve. With some fine-tuning, it could become an even more moving tribute.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

106

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#4789856

Review of The total!

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This poem reflects a deep and evocative journey of struggle, hope, and revolution, but it has room for improvement in terms of clarity, structure, and coherence. Here's an analysis of its key aspects:

Strengths:
Theme and Depth: The poem effectively conveys the challenges faced by revolutionary souls. It uses imagery like the "candle without a lighter" and the "dangerous animal sounds" to symbolize struggles and warnings on the path to change.
Message of Perseverance: The repetition of "more revolution" and "find their way" serves as a rallying cry for determination and resilience, which aligns well with the revolutionary spirit.
Symbolism: The juxtaposition of light and darkness, fortune and misfortune, and natural obstacles (mountains, rivers, jungles) with internal struggles adds layers to the poem.
Areas for Improvement:
Language and Grammar: The grammar is inconsistent, with incorrect verb forms ("is" instead of "are," "has" instead of "there is/are"). These errors disrupt the flow and make the poem harder to follow.
For example: "A candle is nothing without lighter it is so sadness" could be rephrased as "A candle is nothing without a lighter; it embodies sadness."
Clarity of Imagery: While the imagery is rich, some lines feel confusing or overly abstract. For instance, "In the sky has a moon which is unobvious due to clouds" could be clearer as "The moon in the sky is hidden by clouds."
Flow and Structure: The poem’s flow is uneven, with some lines seeming out of sequence. For example, the line about "ridden more mountains and rivers" feels like it should start the poem, setting the stage for the challenges ahead.
Word Choice: Phrases like "dangerous-animal's awful-sounds" and "deeper night" could benefit from more polished diction for better impact. "Awful sounds of dangerous animals" is more natural.
Description Section: The explanation is insightful but overly lengthy and repetitive. Condensing it while keeping the core ideas would make it more engaging.
Suggestions:
Reorder Lines: Begin with "They have been ridden more mountains and rivers, now getting rest," to establish context before introducing the dangers and struggles.
Focus on Symbolism: Emphasize the candle-lighter metaphor as the central theme, weaving it more tightly with the other symbols (moon, darkness, jungle).
Grammar Check: Edit for grammatical accuracy while retaining the poetic tone.
Condense the Explanation: Provide a succinct description highlighting the key themes and symbols without overexplaining.
Polish the Ending: The encouragement at the end is powerful but could be more concise and impactful, e.g., "They must rise, find their way, and claim their destiny."
Revised Sample (First Few Lines):
They have crossed mountains, waded rivers, seeking rest,
In the jungle's heart, where shadows nest.
The candle flickers, its light yet unmade,
For a lighter's spark must dispel the shade.
Darkness deepens, and whispers grow loud,
Dangerous beasts stir beneath the cloud.

This revision maintains the spirit of the original while improving flow, clarity, and readability.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

107

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#4789394

Review of Lilac Rose

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This story has a charming and whimsical quality, capturing the essence of a fairy tale with its imaginative setting and heartfelt journey. Here’s a breakdown of what works well and what could be refined to make the story even more captivating:

Strengths:
Imaginative World-Building: The descriptions of the Enchanted Forest, the rainbow-colored waterfall, and the magical unicorns are vivid and enchanting. They create a clear picture of a fantastical world that draws readers in.
Heartwarming Transformation: The story of Lilac Rose finding happiness after enduring hardship resonates emotionally. Her journey from abandonment to becoming Queen of the Fairies is satisfying and uplifting.
Fairy Tale Elements: The inclusion of fairies, unicorns, and a magical setting adheres to classic fairy tale tropes, making the story feel timeless and familiar.
Areas for Improvement:
Character Depth: While Lilac Rose is likable, her internal thoughts and emotions could be explored more deeply to make her journey more relatable. For example, showing how she copes emotionally after being abandoned would add layers to her character.
Dialogue Style: Daisy and Sparkle's dialogue feels slightly formal and could be more conversational to enhance the characters’ personalities. For instance, Sparkle might express curiosity or warmth in a less scripted way.
Pacing: The story moves quickly, especially in the transition from hardship to happiness. Slowing down the narrative to explore moments like her first night in the forest or her initial encounter with Daisy could enrich the storytelling.
Conflict: While the story has a resolution, it lacks a central conflict or challenge for Lilac Rose to overcome in the magical world. Adding a subtle obstacle (e.g., earning the trust of the "Special Ones" or learning to use her wings) could make her journey more engaging.
Narrative Voice: The tone is consistent with a fairy tale, but varying sentence structure and adding sensory details (e.g., how the forest smelled or the sound of the fairies’ wings) would immerse readers even further.
Suggestions for Enhancement:
Expand on Lilac Rose’s initial days in the forest to build suspense and highlight her resilience.
Show more interactions between Lilac Rose and Daisy to deepen their bond before meeting the unicorns.
Introduce a minor challenge Lilac Rose must face to earn her role as Queen of the Fairies, which would make her reward feel even more meaningful.
Add sensory details to make the world more immersive, such as the taste of the berries or the texture of Sparkle’s mane.
Overall Impression:
This is a delightful and whimsical story that captures the magic of fairy tales. With a bit more depth in character development, pacing, and conflict, it has the potential to be even more impactful and memorable.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

108

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#4789392

Review of The Look of Love In Her Eyes

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This poem captures a tender moment of love and connection between a person and their beloved companion, likely a pet, though it initially reads like it might describe a child. The repeated use of “The Look of Love In Her Eyes” emphasizes the emotional bond and the deep affection shared in the interaction.

Strengths:
Emotional Resonance: The poem exudes warmth and love, portraying a heartfelt scene that many can relate to, whether with a child or a pet.
Imagery: The descriptions, such as the "small soft body," the "half-slit gaze," and the "flannel covered arms," evoke vivid and tender images.
Repetition: The recurring line, “The Look of Love In Her Eyes,” ties the stanzas together and reinforces the theme of affection.
Suggestions for Improvement:
Clarity: While the poem builds a sense of mystery regarding who or what is being described, it might benefit from an earlier hint that the subject is a pet. The ambiguity may distract some readers.
Rhythm and Flow: The poem’s rhythm could be smoothed out in some places by balancing line lengths. For instance, the phrase “with pleading eyes asking” might flow better as “with pleading eyes, she asks.”
Diction: Repetition is a strength here, but the constant reuse of “The Look of Love In Her Eyes” risks feeling redundant. Rephrasing this in one or two stanzas (e.g., “love shining in her gaze”) could add variety while maintaining the theme.
Overall Impression:
The poem is touching and relatable, capturing the quiet beauty of a shared moment of love. It has a strong emotional core, but slight tweaks to pacing and word choice could make it even more impactful.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

109

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#4789390

Review of She came to me in a dream

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This poem captures a simple yet profound sentiment, blending the mysterious allure of dreams with the serendipity of real-life connections. The progression from dream to reality feels magical, as though destiny played a hand in bringing the two together.

The opening line, "She first came to me / In a dream," sets a tone of intrigue, drawing the reader into the speaker's internal world. The repetition of her presence in dreams over "eight long years" emphasizes the lasting impression she left, making her eventual real-world appearance feel inevitable and significant.

When the shift happens—"Then one day / She walked off a bus"—it’s both sudden and understated, reflecting how extraordinary moments often emerge from everyday settings. The simplicity of "Into my life / Becoming my wife" beautifully captures the culmination of their connection without overcomplicating the emotions.

If there's room for improvement, perhaps the poem could delve a bit deeper into the emotional impact of her presence, both in dreams and reality. Adding sensory details or expanding on the feelings during the transition from dream to real life might enrich the experience for the reader.

Overall, this piece is heartfelt and evocative in its simplicity, leaving room for the reader to imagine their own version of such a fateful meeting.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

110

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#4789184

Review of Indebted

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This poem speaks to the deep sense of gratitude and indebtedness a child feels toward their parents. The simple, heartfelt tone makes it feel personal and emotional. The first stanza sets up a lifelong debt that the speaker feels they cannot repay, no matter what, which is a common feeling many people can relate to when thinking of their parents' sacrifices. The metaphor of carrying a debt that can't be paid adds depth to the speaker's emotional struggle.

The poem progresses by detailing the sacrifices and love from the speaker’s parents. The second stanza illustrates the parents' dedication from the moment of birth, using imagery of a proud, protective upbringing. The third stanza further emphasizes the support and wisdom imparted during the speaker's childhood, showcasing the parents' efforts to shape them into the person they are.

In the fourth stanza, the speaker acknowledges that there is no way to fully repay the love and sacrifices their parents have made, which creates a sense of regret, as time is running out. The conclusion, however, brings a resolution, with the speaker finding a way to start expressing their gratitude — simply by saying “thank you.” It’s a bittersweet ending, where the act of giving thanks is seen as a starting point, but not a complete resolution to the debt.

Overall, the poem is a tender, touching reflection on parental love and the struggle of feeling indebted. It captures the complexity of gratitude in a way that feels both personal and universal. The language is simple yet effective in evoking emotion, making this a meaningful piece that many readers could connect with.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

111

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#4789182

Review of If You Go Away

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This is a beautiful, nostalgic piece that blends personal memory with the emotions tied to a song. The way you tell the story of your brother Nelson and his first crush, set against the backdrop of "If You Go Away," is heartfelt. The song itself holds such meaning in the narrative, not just as a popular hit, but as a symbol of connection, love, and promise.

The way the song becomes a bridge between two young hearts—Nelson and his school crush—is charming. I like how the song’s lyrics are woven into the family’s evening routine, making it a sort of bond for everyone, even extending to Nelson's future as he grows up and keeps the friendship alive with his first love.

There's also a great sense of familial warmth here, with the relationships between you, Nelson, your sisters, and your father highlighted throughout. The dinner scene, with everyone coming together after Nelson’s performance, feels like the perfect mix of joy, innocence, and the bittersweetness of growing up.

The way you end the piece with a tribute to that enduring friendship, even after time and distance, is lovely. It brings the whole narrative full circle, showing how a simple song can echo through the years and impact people in ways they never expect.

The lyrics of "If You Go Away" fit perfectly with the story, adding emotional depth. It's clear this song and this moment meant a lot to you and your family. It’s touching to read how something as simple as a song can capture the essence of both fleeting youth and lasting memories.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

112

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#4789107

Review of The Door to Destiny!

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This poem is beautifully reflective and conveys a powerful message about perseverance and the struggle to find purpose or clarity in life. The way you’ve written it allows readers to connect with the speaker’s emotional journey, from frustration and self-doubt to resolution and fulfillment. Here are a few observations:

Strengths:
Emotional Depth: The poem captures raw emotions—uncertainty, determination, and eventual triumph. The progression mirrors a personal or creative breakthrough, which resonates deeply.
Imagery and Symbolism: Phrases like "beam of light," "the door to my fate," and "echoes of fate" are compelling. They create a sense of mystery and hope, drawing the reader into the speaker’s internal world.
Relatability: The themes of searching for destiny and struggling to see what’s right in front of us are universal, making the poem widely appealing.
Resolution: The final lines provide a satisfying conclusion. The transformation from struggle to success feels earned and uplifting.
Suggestions for Improvement:
Consistency in Tone: While most of the poem flows well, a few phrases (like "just keep trying, trying, trying") feel slightly repetitive compared to the rest of the elegant language. Simplifying it might enhance the overall tone.
Stronger Visuals: You could expand on the imagery in the middle section. For instance, describing the light or the moment the door comes into view might make the poem more vivid.
Rhythm and Flow: The rhyme scheme is somewhat irregular, which works for free-verse but could be smoothed out if you’re aiming for a consistent lyrical rhythm.
Overall Impression:
The poem is heartfelt and inspiring. With a bit of fine-tuning, it could become even more striking and immersive. It leaves readers with a sense of hope and encouragement, which is a wonderful takeaway. Keep writing—you clearly have a gift for capturing emotional journeys!

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

113

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#4789106

Review of To Learn -- Concern

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This poem, "Down by the side of a Mother's Churn," is a heartfelt reflection on faith, spiritual growth, and the journey of answering a divine calling. Its narrative style feels deeply personal, almost autobiographical, with a strong focus on biblical stories and the transformative power of faith. Here's a breakdown of its strengths and areas for improvement:

Strengths:
Biblical References and Structure:
The poem effectively incorporates well-known stories from the Bible, creating a sense of familiarity and reverence. The chronological progression through major biblical figures and events provides a solid foundation for the narrative.

Themes of Faith and Calling:
The central themes of salvation, spiritual awakening, and accepting one's divine purpose resonate strongly. The poem emphasizes the transformative journey from boyhood curiosity to mature faith and a life devoted to service.

Personal Touch:
The poem feels intimate and sincere, particularly in the latter stanzas where the narrator's personal struggles and surrender to God's will are described. This makes it relatable to readers who have faced similar spiritual dilemmas.

Rhythmic Flow:
The consistent rhyme scheme contributes to the poem’s musicality, enhancing its readability and emotional impact. It echoes the tone of traditional hymns or religious verses.

Areas for Improvement:
Consistency in Tone:
While the biblical retellings in the earlier stanzas are concise and engaging, the transition to the narrator's personal story feels somewhat abrupt. The poem might benefit from a smoother bridge between these sections to maintain narrative flow.

Word Economy:
Some stanzas could be condensed without losing their impact. For instance, certain descriptions repeat ideas already conveyed, which can dilute the poem's emotional weight.

Imagery and Detail:
The poem relies heavily on direct statements of events and lessons. Incorporating more vivid imagery or sensory details, especially in the narrator's personal story, could deepen emotional engagement.

Audience Engagement:
While the poem is clearly written for a religious audience, broadening the language to include more universal themes of struggle, doubt, and surrender could make it more accessible to a wider range of readers.

Overall Impression:
This poem is a heartfelt testament to faith and perseverance, weaving together biblical teachings and personal experience. It serves as both a spiritual reflection and a call to action. With a few adjustments for tone and detail, it could resonate even more deeply, touching hearts with its sincerity and devotion.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

114

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#4789105

Review of Twister

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This poem paints a vivid and atmospheric picture of a storm, likely a tornado, with a strong sense of tension and release. The imagery is striking, with lines like “Rain falls like it’s poured from a bucket” and “covering the ground like a glove” effectively conveying the overwhelming power of nature. The choice of words like "blazing," "dark," and "evil" sets a dramatic tone that immerses the reader in the chaos of the storm.

The stanza about dust and debris captures the disorienting chaos of such a moment, and the line “Hiding under a table waiting for the sun” adds a personal touch, making the reader feel the fear and anticipation. The juxtaposition between the storm’s fury and the eventual calm in the last stanza is satisfying and almost cathartic. The repetition of “there comes a moment” emphasizes the transition from destruction to hope, leaving the reader with a sense of resilience.

There are a couple of places where the rhythm feels a bit uneven, such as “Winds so fast and rain so hard are these real or dreams.” This line could be smoothed out for better flow. Additionally, you might consider expanding on the emotional impact of the calm after the storm—what does it feel like to see the sun again? This could deepen the poem's resonance.

Overall, the piece effectively captures the drama of a storm and its aftermath, leaving a strong impression of nature’s power and the relief that follows its passing.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

115

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#4788908

Review of Dear Dad

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This poem carries a lot of raw emotion and conveys the pain of abandonment very clearly. The straightforward style and rhyming couplets give it a simple yet impactful structure, making it relatable and easy to follow. The speaker's voice feels genuine, and the emotions—sadness, loss, and a hint of resilience—are well-expressed.

The first stanza sets up the story effectively, with "you took your sack" implying a definitive departure. However, "sack" could be seen as an odd choice, depending on the context. It might benefit from a word or phrase that aligns more with the emotional weight of the moment.

The second stanza highlights the mother's reaction, which adds depth to the emotional atmosphere. "Without a bone" is a unique phrase, but its meaning isn’t entirely clear. If it’s meant to suggest being left with nothing, it might help to clarify or use a more common metaphor.

In the third stanza, the focus shifts to the father's new life and neglect. This creates a strong contrast and highlights the children’s innocence with "We did no crime." The bitterness is understated but effective.

The final stanza ties everything together, with the metaphor of a "well" to describe the void left by the father. It’s a vivid image that captures the depth of pain. Ending with "Filled the void by writing" suggests healing through creativity, which brings a sense of hope.

To enhance the poem, you might consider:

Adding more descriptive imagery to enrich the narrative.
Tweaking the rhymes to feel less forced in places, like "abyss-like well."
Exploring the speaker's inner feelings more deeply for greater emotional resonance.
Overall, it’s heartfelt and evocative, with room for refinement to make it even more powerful.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4788907

Review of Dear Dad

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This poem carries a lot of raw emotion and conveys the pain of abandonment very clearly. The straightforward style and rhyming couplets give it a simple yet impactful structure, making it relatable and easy to follow. The speaker's voice feels genuine, and the emotions—sadness, loss, and a hint of resilience—are well-expressed.

The first stanza sets up the story effectively, with "you took your sack" implying a definitive departure. However, "sack" could be seen as an odd choice, depending on the context. It might benefit from a word or phrase that aligns more with the emotional weight of the moment.

The second stanza highlights the mother's reaction, which adds depth to the emotional atmosphere. "Without a bone" is a unique phrase, but its meaning isn’t entirely clear. If it’s meant to suggest being left with nothing, it might help to clarify or use a more common metaphor.

In the third stanza, the focus shifts to the father's new life and neglect. This creates a strong contrast and highlights the children’s innocence with "We did no crime." The bitterness is understated but effective.

The final stanza ties everything together, with the metaphor of a "well" to describe the void left by the father. It’s a vivid image that captures the depth of pain. Ending with "Filled the void by writing" suggests healing through creativity, which brings a sense of hope.

To enhance the poem, you might consider:

Adding more descriptive imagery to enrich the narrative.
Tweaking the rhymes to feel less forced in places, like "abyss-like well."
Exploring the speaker's inner feelings more deeply for greater emotional resonance.
Overall, it’s heartfelt and evocative, with room for refinement to make it even more powerful.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

117

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#4788905

Review of A Silly DnD Short

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This is an engaging and imaginative piece with strong character dynamics, humor, and a sense of adventure. Here’s a detailed review:

Strengths:
Characterization:

Klesh and Bronn are distinct and well-developed. Klesh's optimism and absent-mindedness balance Bronn’s practicality and nervous energy.
The contrast between their personalities creates a fun sibling dynamic. Klesh's trustful nature and frequent forgetfulness provide levity, while Bronn’s grounded yet anxious demeanor adds a layer of complexity.
World-Building:

The story drops intriguing hints about the Verdan, Barovia, and "Timmy Bug," creating curiosity about the world and its history.
The mention of Klesh's scales and unique height subtly reinforces their non-human nature without an exposition dump.
Dialogue:

The dialogue feels natural and suits the characters. Klesh's cheerful, naive tone juxtaposed with Bronn's nervous interjections keeps the conversation lively.
The cart driver’s gruffness and the guard’s cautious demeanor ground the story in a believable setting.
Humor:

There’s a lightheartedness throughout, from Klesh’s forgetfulness to Bronn’s awkward responses. The scene where Bronn cuts off the guard’s question with "Timmy is our… cousin! Very dead cousin!" is particularly funny and adds tension.
Tone and Flow:

The casual tone fits the story’s adventurous and comedic vibe.
The pacing feels steady, with moments of quiet reflection and bursts of action or humor.
Suggestions for Improvement:
Clarity in Descriptions:

Some sentences are a bit long or convoluted, which can hinder readability. For example, the phrase “Frankly, the driver of the cart didn’t even realize they were related until the fourth or fifth day of the journey” could be tightened for better flow.
Setting Details:

While the characters are vibrant, the physical world could use more texture. What does the town look like? What does the cart smell or sound like as it moves? These sensory details would enhance immersion.
Klesh’s Memory:

Klesh’s forgetfulness is charming, but it’s unclear if it’s tied to their Verdan nature, past trauma, or something else. Adding subtle hints could deepen their character.
Guard Scene:

The exchange with the guard feels slightly rushed. Extending the tension or suspicion before the guard lets them pass could heighten the stakes.
Backstory Integration:

References to "Timmy Bug" and Barovia are tantalizing, but they remain vague. A bit more context—without over-explaining—would help anchor these references in the story.
Final Thoughts:
This is a compelling and entertaining draft that showcases strong characters and a lively tone. With a bit more focus on setting and clarity, it has the potential to be a standout piece. Klesh and Bronn’s journey feels like the start of a delightful adventure, and I’m curious to see where it leads!

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4788904

Review of Time to Go Away

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This poem dives deep into the emotional turmoil caused by betrayal and frustration, presenting a powerful reflection on human flaws and the bitterness they can evoke. The tone is both accusatory and introspective, which makes it compelling. The use of words like "dismal," "rankling," and "malignant" amplifies the sense of outrage and despair, creating a vivid atmosphere of dissatisfaction with the actions of others.

The structure flows like a cascade of thoughts, with each line building upon the previous one. The imagery of drums and sacrilegious blood boiling evokes a primal, almost ritualistic anger, which makes the poem emotionally intense. It captures the feeling of being trapped by the actions of others, unable to escape the consequences of their misdeeds.

One strength is how it portrays the collective guilt of the "cohorts and compatriots" while separating the speaker's sense of righteousness from the wrongdoers. This contrast adds depth, highlighting the tension between personal virtue and external treachery. However, this division also raises questions—does the speaker bear any responsibility, or are they truly blameless? Exploring this nuance further could add complexity.

While the language is rich, some phrases like "indiscriminate souls" and "appalling treachery" could benefit from more precision or subtlety. Their intensity risks overshadowing the more profound aspects of the poem.

Overall, this is a poignant piece that effectively captures a universal emotion. A slight refining of the language and more exploration of the speaker's perspective could make it even more impactful.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4788393

Review of A Thanksgiving Prayer

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This Thanksgiving prayer has a heartfelt and reflective tone, offering a sincere expression of gratitude and remembrance. Here's my review:

Strengths:
Warmth and Gratitude: The poem beautifully conveys a sense of community and thankfulness. It captures the essence of Thanksgiving—appreciating blessings, loved ones, and shared moments.
Faithful and Reflective: The references to the Lord and prayer add a deeply spiritual and reverent touch, making it a fitting piece for a Thanksgiving gathering centered around faith.
Acknowledgment of Loss: Remembering those lost in the events of September (presumably referring to September 11) adds depth and a poignant layer of compassion and shared grief. This touch honors the past while focusing on healing and love.
Areas for Improvement:
Flow and Structure: While the prayer reads smoothly overall, some lines feel slightly disjointed. For instance, "On that day of September" could benefit from a more specific or evocative reference to clarify the event being commemorated.
Ending Rhymes: The final prayer section could be integrated more seamlessly with the rest of the piece. While it's a lovely sentiment, it feels a bit detached, almost like an add-on. A smoother transition could make the conclusion feel more cohesive.
Consistency in Style: The shift between the main prayer and the concluding couplet disrupts the rhythm slightly. You might consider either reworking the ending to match the overall tone or incorporating the final couplet earlier as a refrain.
Suggestions:
Add more descriptive imagery to enhance the emotional impact, like details of the feast, the warmth of loved ones, or the light of faith.
Refine some rhymes to maintain a consistent rhythm. For example, the line “Thanks to everyone / Who has brightened our lives” could flow better with a tweak, such as “Thanks to all who bring light to our days.”
If the prayer is meant to be read aloud, ensure a smooth cadence by revisiting line breaks and syllable counts.
Overall, it's a touching and meaningful prayer that captures the spirit of Thanksgiving. Polishing the structure and flow would make it even more impactful.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

120

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#4788054

Review of Until

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This poem has a beautifully evocative and meditative tone, capturing a longing for connection with the sea. The imagery is vivid and immerses the reader in a sensory experience. Here's a closer review:

Strengths:

Imagery: The poem paints stunning visuals, like "grains of sand slip like time" and "bright corals shimmer, painting the ocean floor with light." These lines create a tactile and luminous quality.
Emotional Depth: The repetition of "Until" builds a sense of yearning and incompleteness that resonates throughout the piece.
Rhythm and Flow: The lines flow smoothly, and the structure lends a natural rhythm that mirrors the ebb and flow of waves.
Suggestions:

Overlapping Concepts: Some ideas, like the connection to the soul and the sea's embrace, appear in both stanzas. While this reinforces the theme, slight variation could add depth. For instance, exploring the sea’s connection to the speaker’s past or future might broaden the emotional scope.
Final Lines: The last line of each stanza emphasizes resolution ("I will not be in peace" / "I will not be whole"). While powerful, rephrasing one of them might avoid redundancy and allow for a more distinct conclusion to each stanza.
Imagery Expansion: The mention of "waves carving a name" is compelling—perhaps expanding on what this name signifies could add personal meaning to the poem.
Overall Impression: The poem is heartfelt and atmospheric, striking a balance between nature’s beauty and human introspection. With minor refinements, it could resonate even more deeply with readers. It feels like a work that invites the reader to reflect on their own connection to the natural world and the search for inner peace.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

121

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#4788052

Review of All too well

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This piece beautifully captures the rawness of loss and the bittersweet ache of nostalgia. The imagery is vivid, painting a scene of quiet grief that feels both personal and universal. Lines like "Your perfume that is forever etched in those walls" and "Everything now- is matted to dust" are particularly evocative, showing how memories linger even as the physical world decays.

The emotional core of the poem is strong, especially in the way it portrays the relationship between the narrator and their sister. The dynamic between them is heartfelt, full of depth, and relatable, from the petty arguments to the shared dreams of building an "empire." This makes the loss all the more poignant.

The repetition of "I miss..." towards the end builds momentum, underscoring the depth of the narrator's longing. It effectively mirrors the way grief often loops, circling back to the same thoughts and feelings.

There are a few places where tightening the phrasing could enhance the rhythm and flow. For example, "Hot tears from the warmth of my heart spring forth from my eyes" could be more concise while retaining its emotional impact. Additionally, some lines feel slightly over-explained, such as "Offer me tea, knowing all too well how I hate it," which could benefit from a subtler approach.

Overall, this poem is a touching and heartfelt tribute to the bond between siblings, brimming with love, loss, and an aching sense of absence. With a little refinement, it could become even more powerful.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4788051

Review of Carnival

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Your poem captures the whimsical and lively essence of a carnival while adhering to the Lento form quite well. Here's my review:

Strengths:
Creative Use of Rhymes: The poem maintains the required rhyme structure of the Lento. The rhyming of the first words across the lines in each stanza (Half-Ralph-Wrath-Laugh in the first quatrain, Titanic-Ecstatic-Erratic-Fanatic in the second) adds a playful and engaging touch.
Imagery and Mood: The imagery of the "Big Top" and "Talent Pond carnival" creates a vivid scene of excitement and fun. It feels inviting, like an open door to a world of wonder.
Flow and Rhythm: Although the Lento form does not require a fixed syllable count, your poem has a good rhythm that makes it easy to read and enjoy.
Suggestions for Improvement:
Clarity and Continuity: The mention of Ralph, Roni, and Ken in the first quatrain is intriguing but could use more context. Who are they? Perhaps a little more detail would make their presence feel more integrated into the carnival scene.
Enhanced Imagery: While "Titanic events" and "Ecstatic are adults and kids" are lively descriptions, you could expand on these moments to paint an even more vivid picture. For example, what kind of "Titanic events" are happening? A little more specificity might make these lines more impactful.
Consistency in Tone: The light-hearted tone is enjoyable, but the mention of "Wrath" in the first quatrain feels slightly out of place in the otherwise jubilant atmosphere. Perhaps a different word could be chosen to keep the mood consistent.
Overall, your poem is a delightful piece that follows the Lento form well and evokes the joy of a carnival. A few tweaks to add more context and refine the imagery would make it even more engaging. Keep up the great work!

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4788050

Review of Helpful Suggestions

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This story has a strong premise and engaging personal voice, but there are a few areas where it could be polished to make it even better. Here are some suggestions:

Strengths:
Relatable Voice: The narrator’s candid tone and self-awareness make the character likable and easy to relate to, even if they’re flawed. This draws readers in and makes them want to root for the protagonist.
Clear Progression: The journey from frustration to finding a solution is logical and has a natural flow.
Engaging Ending: The "forty years later, still in business" line gives a sense of accomplishment and wraps up the story nicely.
Suggestions for Improvement:
Grammar and Sentence Flow:

The sentence "I’m wasn’t being smart" has a typo; "I’m" should be "I." This kind of slip can take readers out of the story.
Tighten some of the longer sentences. For example: "I’m actually quite intelligent, I just don’t take orders well, and I’m always telling people how much better what they are doing would go if they just tweaked it a bit" could be simplified: "I’m intelligent, but I don’t take orders well. I keep telling people their work would improve if they made a few tweaks."
Clarity of Events:

The transition from walking on the beach to starting a new business feels a little rushed. Expanding on the narrator’s thought process would strengthen the connection between these events.
The first client’s story could use more detail. Why did the client go bankrupt? Was it really the protagonist’s advice, or did the client misinterpret or overdo it? A clearer explanation would add depth and make the lesson learned more impactful.
Character Development:

While the narrator’s flaws are evident, showing moments of growth throughout the story would make the character arc more compelling. For example, what specific lessons did they learn from the failed first client?
Dialogue or Specific Interactions:

Adding a brief conversation with the first client could make their dynamic more vivid. For instance, show the client enthusiastically taking advice or panicking when things go wrong.
Ending Expansion:

The ending could touch more on what sustained the business for forty years. A hint of what the narrator improved over time would add a satisfying sense of closure.
Final Thoughts:
This piece has a lot of potential as a slice-of-life reflection. With some fine-tuning of pacing, grammar, and depth, it could become an even more engaging and insightful story.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

124

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#4787918

Review of A Veiled Ruin - Classic Relations

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This poem has a mystical and complex tone, with layers of abstract imagery that suggest themes of morality, innocence, and mythological struggles. However, its intricate phrasing and dense symbolism can make it somewhat challenging to interpret. Here’s a breakdown of its strengths and potential areas for refinement:

Strengths:
Evocative Imagery: Lines like "Driven towards the heavens" and "A tightly woven cherub" create vivid, almost celestial visuals that transport the reader into a mythical and otherworldly setting.
Exploration of Morality: The juxtaposition of innocence and "a truly mischievous credit" hints at a critique of moral ambiguity, adding depth and thought-provoking substance.
Rhythmic Quality: The poem flows well with its short, punctuated lines, creating a sense of urgency and emotional weight.
Philosophical Undertones: Phrases like "The wisdom goes beyond religious sentiments" suggest a deeper reflection on human nature and belief systems.
Areas for Improvement:
Clarity of Theme: While the poem's abstract nature is intriguing, it risks being too obscure for readers to connect with its central message. More concrete connections between innocence, morality, and the mythical host could enhance its impact.
Consistency in Tone: Some lines, such as "barren holes could signify a toasty, available riddance," feel slightly out of place compared to the more solemn tone of the rest of the poem. This could be rephrased to maintain the overall atmosphere.
Character and Purpose: The poem introduces intriguing elements like the "mythical host" and "holy spectacle" but doesn't fully develop their roles or significance. Expanding on these ideas could enrich the narrative and give the poem a stronger sense of direction.
Abstract vs. Accessible: While abstraction can be powerful, anchoring some ideas in tangible experiences or emotions might make the poem more relatable.
Suggestions:
Consider revising the "barren holes" metaphor to better align with the rest of the poem's tone and themes.
Expand on the "mythical host" or the "tightly woven cherub" to give readers a clearer sense of their symbolism or role.
If the poem critiques secularism or explores youthful struggles, clarifying these points could make its philosophical reflections resonate more strongly.
Overall, the poem is rich with potential and offers a fascinating exploration of profound ideas. A bit more focus and refinement could transform it into something even more compelling.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4787917

Review of How To Meditate

Review by WriterRick

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Your poem, Find Your Quiet Space, captures the essence of mindfulness and meditation beautifully. The imagery is soothing, and the structure flows naturally, mirroring the process of relaxation. Here are some points of praise and suggestions for improvement:

Strengths:
Tone and Imagery: The tone is calming and reflective, perfectly suited for the subject of mental and physical rejuvenation. Phrases like "Breathe slowly in, inhaling positivity" and "Travel through ethereal dimensions" evoke a sense of tranquility and boundless exploration.
Structure: The gradual progression from physical relaxation to mental wandering and then back to reality is well-organized, guiding the reader through a meditative journey.
Ending: The closing lines, "Set up and smile, for you have traveled, / Where plane, nor boat can go," leave the reader with a sense of wonder and accomplishment.
Suggestions:
Consistency in Imagery: While the poem effectively conveys relaxation, the imagery could be deepened in places. For instance, "Entertain mystical imaginings" could be expanded with more vivid descriptions of these imaginings to make them feel tangible.
Word Choices: Consider rephrasing "Set up and smile" to "Sit up and smile," as it flows more naturally with the context of the poem.
Pacing: Lines like "Push away any negative thoughts, / And continue on your journey" feel slightly abrupt compared to the rest of the poem's smooth rhythm. You could elaborate on the "journey" to maintain the gentle pacing.
Overall, this is a lovely piece that captures the restorative power of finding one's quiet space. With a bit of refinement, it could become even more evocative. Keep writing!

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .