Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A short story about love and betrayal and death.
Suggestions:
I have a few:
In the first paragraph, the man had a gun. he looked into the barrel. you might want to add the gun part. It may only be me but some people may not know what a barrel is. Perhaps describe the cold feel of the metal (or whatever the gun is made of:P) in his hand....
Also taking out two bullets...you might want to expand that sentence to include him putting them in one by one. draw the reader in by making this part of the story longer and more detailed.
do not use x in place of ex.
Check caps! Some sentences are not.
The end was a little ....um...to little. it didnt explain enough. it almost seemed like he just caught his brother and his girlfriend.
What I personally liked the Most:
I like the idea of the story and think if you really get into the shooter's mind in the beginning. what did he feel? why was he feeling it? how did the gun feel in his hand?
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A short poem about insanity. "I am afraid of those Chanters!"
Suggestions:
Your image is not showing anymore. Just thought you should know.
What I personally liked the Most:
This is a short poem that says so much. It brings out something in me, a kinship? a fear? not sure, but it gave me shivers.
My favorite part is the ending. it is almost comical, but..not.
Summary:
*shivers* You are a talented artist. I am again humbled by your words and ability to convey such profound and deep to the reader. I enjoyed my short ride through your port. i think i shall return *bookmarks*
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A long Haiku based on living high on the mountain. This is extremely well done. While one might find it easy to write on verse of a haiku (it really is not), this is 6 verses using the haiku rules.
Suggestions:
Well, being that I rated it perfect, I have no suggestions. The piece was spelled correctly and I enjoyed it.
What I personally liked the Most:
I loved the imagery in this poem. I could picture the place. you spoke of, in my mind.
The following were my favorite lines:
I will just say that the third, fifth and sixth verses were wonderfully written!
Summary:
I really like haiku. I really, really like when it is done so well. I loved the fact that you made it more then a couple verses. It showed real talent:)
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
HI! I am a fellow soon-to-be newbie in paper doll gang and came by to offer a review:)
This is poem about a girl that doesn't seem to care that your heart is breaking.
Suggestions:
There is a spelling error: brake should be break?
The poem flows but seems a little stilted. is that the word I mean to use? It just seems a little forced with the rhyming and the lines (perhaps it is the periods, make me halt in reading it smoothly.
What I personally liked the Most:
I loved the two line verse and how they were included. they were the same, but changed just a bit. Love it!
Summary:
I think the poem is a wonderful beginning. I would like to see the verses added to (if possible). I know it is hard to edit something you have already committed yourself to. I was asked earlier to revise a poem because of the way I started the verses with different words in two places. they were good suggestions, but I found it impossible to change the words without changing the poem and meaning. I understand if you stand by what you have written. It is good after all:)
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
I am intrigued by what this poem is really about. I think it is about illness and a hospital, perhaps a terminal illness? I am a little confused by the ending and wonder who this man is?
Suggestions:
I loved so much of this poem. There were just some areas of concern or things that made me pause. please take my opinions as just that- MY opinion.
I am not sure if punctuation is correct. I am so bad at it myself! I think some of it can either be omitted or changed.
In the fifth verse, the line: by "one by one too many" confuses me.
Again, the reference to the man in the end confuses me. Is she dreaming about him? who is he?
What I personally liked the Most:
I loved this piece a lot. I loved the following lines the most:
okay..I am not going to paste them because there are too many and I want others to read the entire poem themselves, not your words through my review. I loved the first three verses so much!
Summary:
I am not entirely positive I know what inspired this piece. I imagine it to be what I stated earlier- A person who is very ill. I really thought the words chosen and the way they were expressed was wonderfully done. I thank you for sharing!
As part of your winnings, you are receiving the EBB Love Fan Package! The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our FAN - ATIC gifters! I'm thrilled you were chosen for this honor
That would be hard to pinpoint as this is a haiku...should I tell you my favorite word? I think not! LOL! This entire piece was funny as heck:) I loved it.
SUGGESTIONS
Well, as I rated it perfect I shall just entertain myself here. Is that okay? yes, Omni, that is fine
Peeing into the rain can be quite dangerous if there is back-wind! ewww!!!! just pictured that!
I am not insane either:P Just thought you should know:)
OVERALL IMPRESSION
I loved this! It had a slight serious tone while making you laugh at the pain itself- a pain that had to have been felt at some time during or before this haiku was written.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to give you my opinion, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
It is a very sad, hopeless sounding haiku.
Suggestions:
I think you should correct the following:
its = it's
also check capitalization, I am not sure if all lines should start with capitalization or not to be honest. It flows well without it as it seems almost a complete sentence (of course without punctuation that you cant use in this haiku) but I was thrown off by the start with the first line not being staring off with caps.
Also noticed you bio block. I was personally was put off just a bit by the fact you mentioned who deleted your bio block. I am sure if it was a moderator, admin or friend who deleted it, but personally naming the person was not needed. I think you should redo your bio so we can know more about you:)
What I personally liked the Most:
I like dark poetry. I liked the haiku a lot. I think it speaks volumes for such few lines. I hope that you are not feeling this depressed now
Summary:
Keep working at your writing. You shows a lot of talent. Enjoy your WDC birthday as well:)
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A poem written about the sting of a love lost. The writer makes us feel the pain of having lost at love again.
Suggestions:
The first verse, mopping? I think you meant moping? slight spelling errors happen to us all (actually to me a lot:P)
the third verse is a little confusing to me as well. I understand you are using a metaphor of some type, but it sounds a little 'off to me' as a bird usually doesn't have trouble landing. Also, the way you start the verse with 'Say happier alone,' confuses me as the following words are about the bird. Now is the bird flying alone, or having a hard time landing?
What I personally liked the Most:
I loved the following lines:
'Tried, embarrassed and hurt.
'nother crash landing in the dirt.'
Summary:
I feel the piece needs hurt. i understand a little of the pain you were feeling, but wanted a clearer understanding of the pain. I think you have some real talent and would love to see an edit on this.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A poem that shows that, as humans, we share at least one common link. Pain is experienced by all humans, regardless of class or race.
Suggestions:
I am not sure if it was intentional but the first verse uses the word 'common' a lot. I would have liked to have seen a different word used in place of that one. If it was intentional, it didn't follow that same theme of reusing a word, throughout the entire poem.
I also had a slight issue with the last line in the first verse. It was not easily flowing to me, and not as understood as i would have liked.
these are just my humble opinions, but all I have to offer.
What I personally liked the Most:
I loved the way you linked us all together in some way. You showed that humanity shares something in that we all have feelings of pain.
The lines I loved the most were:
'It's not our strength nor weakness.
Not our boldness nor meekness.
It's not what's achieved or attained.
Nor what is lost or gained.'
'All different people and faces.
In distant lands and places.'
Summary:
I enjoyed reading this poem. I think with a little 'touching up', it could really send a strong message.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to give you my opinion, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A poem about teen love and heartbreak. I can relate to these feelings, no only because I remember being a teen, but my own daughter is going through her first horrendous heartbreak herself.
Suggestions:
there are some incomplete thoughts here in most of the poem and it jumps around a lot. I am guessing this is because you were writing about love and love can be quite confusing. I think if you work on this piece some, it could be great.
What I personally liked the Most:
I like that you are able to express your pain through writing. I find it a form of release.
Summary:
I hope you have overcome this heartache. Keep writing those feelings down!
I had a simular surgery. the doctor thought I had non-hodgkins lymphoma. The cut was longer across my neck because besides the lymp node that he wanted part of was surrounded by tumors in the rest of my neck.
after much worry, no cancer but no answers.I was told he put 'cat scratch fever' as what i had because he had no other idea of what it was. he didnt have any answers for if I would later get cancer for the numerous tumors I have in both my neck and breasts.
the scar healed well in the fold of my neck and at least he was honest in his ignorance. most doctors are not.
I have had some other cancer scares and the beginings of cervical cancer (hysterectomy hopefully finished it off before it could finish me off) but the frustration in searching for a reason i had to almost die of blood loss due to the ignorance of doctors that i sought help from....
anyways, I hope all is well with your kiddo. I definitely feel your pain and frustration!
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
Not what I expected at all! LOL A funny little story about your anniversary:)
Suggestions:
I rated it perfect, so i have no real suggestions. I do wonder, however, how men can be so dense:P This sounds like something my husband would do or think. why is so so hard for men to understand women? we understand each other so well.
What I personally liked the Most:
I am sure this is not a true story..I really hope not:P That would not speak highly for your 'kind' lol. I loved the way i could picture the scene with your words. i loved the surprise ending and the 'punchline'
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
I teared up reading this story. What a terrible, but well written story. A must read! I realize how cruel kids can be and how frightening it can be to stand up, especially alone in a situation like this. I wonder what happened to that boy as well. i would like to think he was one of those 'geeks'(a commonly used word) and went on to become rich and happy..but it could be an entirely different story in the end.
Suggestions:
Do not blame yourself for being unable to stand up and 'tattle' or say something to the offending parties. It is hard for gorwn-ups to take a stand. I can't imagine the torment this has caused you. I am sorry for you and the boy.
What I personally liked the Most:
I was told that you were an incredible writer from a friend and wanted to review you when i saw your name in the forum needing reviews. you wrote this beautifully. This piece made me shudder and feel an array of emotions.
Summary:
I wish teachers would stop thinking it is okay or normal for kids to act this way towards each other. Like I used to tell my kids in class "you do not have to like each other, do not have to be friends with everyone..but everyone deserves to feel comfortable in this place. none should feel afraid to go to school. Thank you for the read and Write on!
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A poem that perfectly describes the feelings of a deep depressive person.
Suggestions:
Well, being that i gave it five stars, I do not have any. OH! wait! I can suggest that you keep writing.
What I personally liked the Most:
I am not sure why i loved this piece so much. perhaps it is because I can relate. perhaps it is because I like dark poetry. Perhaps because you described the emotions of a depressed person so well, even ending with the line 'Help!'. Many people do leave others alone when they practically beg to be left to delve deeper into their depression and sickness. Sometimes, yes, it is better to let them work it out. Sometimes, it is a call for help. It is such a hard thing to know when it is best to keep pushing that person to seek help with their depression. clinical depression has to be helped by a doctor usually. anyways...this poem struck a cord with me. The words were hauntingly beautiful and desperate.
Summary:
I hope that other read your words and see if they can they can relate and if they can or know someone who is suffering, they seek help.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to give you my opinion, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
I THINK I know what has happened here by your words, but can not be sure. I am assuming that someone has died. I am thinking suicide since you were looking for a note. I loved the writing in most places, except I was left a little confused by what it all meant. I started in the beginning where you advised the reader to start.
Suggestions:
I am not sure what walk you are speaking about in the beginning and why no one else has ever taken it. I am also confused about what has actually happened. Perhaps, revising or adding to it would allow the reader to connect to the writer easier.
What I personally liked the Most:
You used some great imagery. I could almost smell the trailer. I could feel the confusion and pain of the writer.
Summary:
I am not sure, again, if this is about suicide (I have been there and that is what it feels like to me) but the story is one of sadness.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
This is a very sad story of a troubled youth, death and it's affect on others. I liked the 'idea' of the story and you wrote well, decribing the charcters well and their emotions. I had a little problem with some of the story, but it could easily be fixed and turned into a great piece.
Suggestions:
there are a few places that need fixed right away:
Close to the beginning of the story, when decribing the death of the sister you wrote: They never seemed closed, but It was obvious how much they loved each other. (closed should be close.)
further down you write: My friend did not shared his burden, and neither did I. (shared should be share).
with some of the story, there are some puncuation problems. senetences that could be added together to make the read smoother and get the message across better (IMO)
What I personally liked the Most:
I loved the way you described some things.
examples:
"His lips curved downwards, responding to the overwhelming sadness in his heart."
"The sky was clear and the sun bright, which I found very ironic."
I loved your message at the end:
" *If you are having suicidal thoughts and/or are cutting yourself, please stop. Search for professional help or talk to your parents. Life has more for you than you'll ever know if you deprive yourself of it. Don't do it!*"
Summary:
This all was inspired by a nightmare? I think you should pay attention to your dreams more often if it produces an ability to share it with others the way you did here. I would revise a bit and check spelling and grammer. i think you have a gift, use it well:)
Hello final_cut and congratulations on your recent winning entry in "Invalid Item" .
As part of your winnings, you are receiving the EBB Love Fan Package! The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our FAN - ATIC gifters! I'm thrilled you were chosen for this honor
Review of
Limes (ASR) Prompt: a horse, an earring, and an ice cream cone #1554368 by romance_junkie
MY FAVORITE PART
I loved how you worked the prompts in with ease. It did not seemed forced at all, but a natural part of the story.
SUGGESTIONS
I did not see mention of icecream cone (a prompt) but am assuming that waffle cone is the same thing?
OVERALL IMPRESSION
I loved this short story on a first meeting at the grocery. It was cute and made me smile.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
I am assuming with the title this is a short about a fight with a family member?
Suggestions:
I loved some of the phrasing you used, but the events leave me a little confused. Example, you say "self-induced numbness" (were you high? or did you do something to make yourself numb?)
In the first paragraph, especially, you talk about imploding. I am not sure who you are talking to, us (the reader) or whoever it is your are fighting with.
What I personally liked the Most:
I love the way you write. the words you select are wonderful. I only had issues with the way they were put together. it made it difficult for me to understand completely what you were trying to say.
Summary:
Perhaps add to the story? Let the reader know to whom you are having this battle with.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to give you my opinion, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
Another great scary read. Good use of the prompts I know are offered up in the contest.
Suggestions:
In the very first line: 'Take you faith and heed your escape.' do you mean, take YOUR faith?
What I personally liked the Most:
I really enjoyed this entire poem. Well written and flowed so well (guess it is that meter again..but I don't know, i read all poems to my own musical tone in my head:))
I can't pick out just a few lines as my favorites, this was all good:)
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to give you my opinion, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
Wow! So brutally evil! Poor child! But woah, it scared this adult.
Suggestions:
I am still learning about 'meter' so i am sure some lines were worded to fit this meter...I would have chosen to say that last line of the first verse a little differently, but that is why my poems lack some of this 'meter' thing everyone is so gung ho on:) LOL
What I personally liked the Most:
I loved the cruel way this child is played (yes, I can enjoy a sick poem withe best of them:P).
I loved these lines the most:
'A child so torn shivers in fright.
Dark shadows lurk and play at night.'
'Her body shivers and grows so cold.
No longer will she have mommy to hold.'
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to give you my opinion, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A very dark, quite frightening poem! I loved the chill it sent up my spine.
Suggestions:
I do not have any really except one line that made me pause:
"I wish I only, could have chosen, not be granted."
I think I understand what you are trying to say but the commas placed where they are made me pause and reread.
What I personally liked the Most:
My favorite lines...although I loved all...
"Broken bones and splintered hearts never heal.
We are trapped in the shadow of God's backside."
and! I absolutely loved, loved the first verse!
Summary:
I love dark poetry, especially when written well. I think this was written well:)
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A sad and depressing poem describing the emotions the writer goes through when it rains.
Suggestions:
I would check spelling first. I would also read this over again and see if perhaps you could clean it up just a bit. It is a rough read for me. It is a very deep poem and would hate to have it marred by something simple like spelling errors or grammar.
What I personally liked the Most:
I like the idea of the poem. It is dark and haunting and yes depressing. I can relate somewhat to how you feel.
Summary:
With some extra work on this, I think it can be a quite amazing poem with a powerful statement.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
(from reference to having to go to school daily) I am assuming this is a story from one of writing.com's younger writers. This is a tale of this person;s believe in strength. It is profound and stated beautifully.
Suggestions:
I have no real suggestions, but to continue further with your thoughts. perhaps turn it into a short story with paragraphs and some personal examples of how your belief has helped you life...in more detail.
What I personally liked the Most:
I also believe that we have to come together to find real strength. My wish, although I know it may be a fool's wish, is that the world will come together without bias or prejudice and support each other. we see examples of it everyday, but I want more. call me greedy:P I loved the way you spoke so positively about mistakes being building blocks to success and how your friends help you out.
Summary:
a very nice read. I applaud you for your maturity and positivity:)
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
It is a poem about the northern lights. I have always wanted to see this wonder. A mildly decriptive poem.
Suggestions:
First, I would check your spelling. I know I am horrible at spelling and always try and remember to use 'spell check'.
I love the concept, I would look at your poem again and see if you could fix a few things to make them better and perhaps try and be more descriptive describing the lights themselves.
example:
(from your poem)
Look to the night sky,
magic to simple eyes.
Bask in heavenly glow,
happening since long ago.
Colors reflect on ice,
Sun will come in a trice.
Some great words, (magic to the simple eye is great!) but I would have liked to see more description. some people do not know how beautiful the lights are or even know they exist at all. Also the last line I do not understand.
What I personally liked the Most:
Loved the concept. I loved the lines:
Sliping by stoic trees,
innate desires to appease I would spell check that but beautiful. you should follow up on what the man is seeking exactly...
Look to the night sky,
magic to simple eyes. (very nice!}
Summary:
Again, great concept. I would just like to see more written to make the poem more complete. It can be really great if you expand:)
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.21 seconds at 3:20pm on Aug 27, 2025 via server WEBX1.
| (4.5)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
I'm thrilled you were chosen for this honor 
A Review to celebrate your WDC Birthday!
