Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
One of our young authors writes about love and heartache.
Suggestions:
I would suggest that first you go and write out the word you. While it is common for teens to use abrievations, you should not in formal writing. It really take away from your poem. I do not want that to bring your rating down and it has.
Also make sure all you 'I''s are in caps. I am horrid at this too. The normal spell check does not always catch those. I am also horrible at forgetting to type the R in your. So I look like I am silly when I saw things like 'I liked you poem'. Try and go through this and make sure all little errors are fixed.
The poem seems a little like a suicide fantasy. I am hoping that you would never consider killing yourself to get the attention of a boy. It is normal to fantasize about what would make another love us, I just want to make sure you would never do it. I know young love is hard.
The poem could use some 'tightening up'. I think you should try and match the number of lines through all your verses. This would be the first step at making the poem a little better. It is a start.
What I personally liked the Most:
I liked that you expressed yourself. It is quite a long poem and it seems like you thought about what to write.
Also, it was an emotional piece. i could see your pain when reading your words. for you to be able to express yourself in words in a way that the reader can also feel the pain you felt when writing is a good thing
Summary:
I hope you continue to improve this piece and are not daunted by people's suggestions on here. I am sure anyone who reviews and rates your piece only wants to help you become a better writer. I know that is why I am here. I have been writing for years and years and still have so much to learn!
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A very chilling poem about a sleeping aide. *shudders*
Suggestions:
The only suggestion I have is the rhythm seemed to go off a bit with the third verse. i think it is the long second sentence. I know all of the sentences are not the same length but I read smoothly until that one part.
What I personally liked the Most:
I have taken Ambian and it has never me this effect- to write stellar poetry:P I do understand the pill thing though. That little girl is freaky! I know she represents part of you- but *shudders* creepy! I love the way this read and the words you used. you painted a picture of a very scary night.
Summary:
I shall look through your port soon. If this is just a sample of your talent, I want to read more.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
I am sitting here laughing out loud, literally. I know the tune to which you rewrote the words. The author takes on "Invalid Item" and does a stellar job. Believe me this is not as easy as it sounds!
Suggestions:
None!
What I personally liked the Most:
I tried to do this contest. My husband really got into this idea of francie's and I could not get him to leave me alone about it. It is the most interest he has shown in my writing and this site since I began. I could not make it fit. Here, you do it effortlessly. It fit the tune!!! It was clever and funny!
Although I have read enough of you work to know you have some great talent, you still give me hope (with my limited ability) to try this again...sometime soon
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A sad poem about what I think is about an abusive marriage. The poem is written about a friend of the author.
Suggestions:
The first line is a statement spoken. I would use italics or quotation marks on this sentence. (I prefer using ilalics when it is something said from the past or it is my thoughts stated like I am thinking to myself.
You might want to go back and captitalize all your 'i's
third line: thats: should be that is or that's
in the line: who died.... I have learned here from another author that you should only use three dots if you are continuing in thought. I was told four dots signifies the end
The words need to be spell checked id, its, theyre They are two words combined and they are missing something. I think if you look or spell check you will see all the words that need revising.
I did not understand this sentence im mean i must not mean much to you {/b"} I would consider revising it a little.
What I personally liked the Most:
Even with the errors I noticed, I rated it higher then I normally would because I felt the reader's pain and confusion. I am not sure of the subject matter, but assume from what i read it is about an abusive relation ship. I liked how you revisited certain refrains through out the poem.
Summary:
Please email me if you decide to revise this. I would be happy to read it again and rate it accordingly:) Good start!
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A very accurate picture of someone who suffers through panic attacks. It is written as an acrostic poem. Even though it seems short in words, those words are powerful and say so much.
Suggestions:
In the sentence: Nearly overtaking, breaking, yet
You can tell by the next line that it is your heart you thought was breaking but I had to read this a couple of times for it to flow naturally for me. I think I got stuck on the word 'yet' and also you do not mention the heart until two lines down.
What I personally liked the Most:
As a sufferer of panic attacks, I can relate. I also think there is something physically wrong rather then mentally. I am so frightened that i am losing control or going crazy. Neither is true-but one can't help but wonder why they are feeling this fear. I also yearn for normalcy.
Summary:
I think you are brave for speaking out about this topic. there is so much stigma concerning mental ailments. Just because you are a sufferer of PAD does not make us crazy. It should not be something to be ashamed of, but I am often ashamed.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
I do not think I have ever rated a crossword. This will be a learning experience for me:) I do not watch the show that you based the crossword on, so i could not do it. I am sure many fans of the show would get e kick of it though.
Suggestions:
Question 7: The scariest creatures in the 'verse. do you mean to have that (') there or should there be another behind the word as well?
What I personally liked the Most:
The spelling seemed spot on. I think you did a wonderful job at asking questions that any fan would be able to answer. It looks like a fun crossword. I need to find one for 'Harry Potter'
Summary:
I enjoyed looking through the questions. This was a fun review to do and something new too!!!
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A contest entry using the prompt: “It was the longest night of my life." The topic the author chose is 'smoking'.
Suggestions:
I noticed a couple of spelling errors:
The bartender glared at him and waived his thumb at the door. waived should be waved
He really oughta quit oughta is misspelled. I would personally use the word 'should' in its place. This is just my opinion of course.
There are some places in your story that I would suggest you give a second look and decide if you might want to edit it a little.
A couple of examples are:
“Whaddaya mean I can‘t smoke in here?” The young man shrugged. “ Where am I supposed to smoke then?” Why is the man shrugging? He wasn't asked a question. This sentence kind of confused me with that word
“Anywhere but in here.” The bartender glared at him and waived his thumb at the door. “Take it outside.”
I would put an explanation mark after the statement if the bartender was very angry. I also do not know how you wave your thumb. I think I kind of understand what you mean but the sentence seemed a little funny to me. Again, this is just my thoughts.
There are other parts of the story that I found needing a little more work. I am sure that if you go back and read your story out loud, you might find them as well.
What I personally liked the Most:
I found the use of the prompt was correct. I found it kind of humorous as I smoke, (yes, I know- "yuck" ) and I think if I quit it would be much more painful then it was for the gentleman that quit. Lucky him! I thought you did a good job at dialogue.
Summary:
If you have time to edit this before the contest ends, I would go back and make sure it is as good as YOU want it to be.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
I am not sure if this is poetry or prose. You did state it is free style. I think it would fit better in the prose category as that encompasses everything almost.
Suggestions:
There is no definite rhythm to this piece. I can suggest that you might take out some unneeded words.
Example:My devastated soul aches with longing for how we once were but no longer are.
I would take out- but no longer are. That is already implied in the piece.
There are some lines, IMO, that could be revised to read a little smoother.
Anything and everything I see brings a pain to my chest. For they taunt me with remembrance of things that we once treasured.
I would suggest that you are more specific with this line. The beginning of the line states anything and everything. I would take out the 'anything and' part.
Although I like that you started and ended with the same line, I wish it was a stronger statement. I can not suggest anything here as I do not want to rewrite your poem. I do think a stronger statement would add to the prose though. I would also like to see more lines in it. really let it all out!
What I personally liked the Most:
I can relate to losing a loved one. I am not sure if this person is gone from this earth or just your life. perhaps you could add where he/she has gone to. I think that with a little work, this could gather a higher rating.
Summary:
If you do revise it and would like me to read it again and rate it again accordingly, please email me. i hope you take all this as just my personal opinion. I do not wish to discourage you but encourage you to strive to tell the best story you can.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
Whoot:) Thank you for fixing those spelling errors and putting it in 'poetry' free style:) It reads much better. I said I would review it again and here I am:)
Suggestions:
Again, these are just suggestions I have. you can take them or leave them and I won't be hurt I also do not want to hurt you with my critique- know I am not an expert.
ohhh, guess what. I found no errors this time! Very good job at editing. You might hear others mention flow and rhythm in their own reviews. I read it like it was half prose, half poem so the rhythm was not as important to me as the meaning of the words. I also appreciated that you corrected it and mailed me noting the corrections:) Good job!!!
What I personally liked the Most:
I said it in the prior review but will say it again. I love the imagery in this. I pictured the scene in my head as I was reading. You know I was saddened in the end I wish all our days could be as happy as the one you painted.
Summary:
Thank you for responding to my review so positively. I enjoyed reading this again. I hope to read more of your port when I get the time:)
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
This is a poem another of our young authors has written. I am amazed of how many young teens have joined this site in their quest to be heard and to improve in their writing.
Suggestions:
I am going to address this personally, rather then go through and 'correct' things here and there. If you wish for me to go back and explain something like meter and flow, spelling errors and such-let me know. (warning, I am not the best at this sort of thing, but I could help)
I have a 15 year old daughter who is suffering much like you are. I had to go to your bio and find out if you stated your age. You did. You are very close in age to my own child.
I have to say, I am so saddened by what I read and not because the boy does not like you like you like him. I am sad because you are beautiful and should know that. You deserve a boy who cares as much about you as you do him. Although I think both you and my daughter are too young to be in love..it obviously is very real to you both and I feel your pain. This boy is not a God...he is a boy! *shakes head* My daughter is beautiful, really pretty outside and beautiful inside. She has let a boy tear her down. While other boys wait in line to tell her how much they like her, she only focuses on this boy who hurts her. She does not feel beautiful and wonders why this boy does not love her. I read your words and it seems like the same thing. Please know that you are special.
I am glad you are writing down your feelings. i am glad that you joined WDC and hope you find support and friends here. I hope also that you learn more and more about writing those painful words down in a beautiful way- eventually letting them go inside but being able to look in a few years at these words and say 'whoa..I have changed'. That really is the neat part
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A preface to the book this author is going to right. You notice I said GOING, not TRYING. I believe in you! I think you can do it if you really want to write this book, then it shall be:)
Suggestions:
I only had a slight problems with the thoughts of the girl who wonders why she is the chosen one. I think those are some very complicated thoughts from someone so young. I worked as a preschool teacher and know even the deepest of our 6 year olds didn't express their thoughts so well. I would consider (just my opinion) making the character older when she starts thinking about who she is.
What I personally liked the Most:
I loved this! the poem in the beginning was great. It made me wonder who the heck is 'Muerte' and where did the moon go, and who is the girl who will save us all!!! I got very excited reading this.
Summary:
Believe in yourself. If you want to write a book then you can do it. From now one start saying I am writing a book, not trying. You are trying to make it a great book. I think positive thinking will aid you on your quest to produce this book:)
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A prose, 'something different she is trying'.
Suggestions:
First, I would like to say I found your words contained in this prose to be wonderfully used. The words used were to describe the author's questioning and show examples of what could make the world a happy place.
I found a lot of spelling errors in this. It really distracted me from fully enjoying the piece. I suggest you copy and paste this into a editing program and spell check it. The have one here on the site or you could use a program built into your computer, such as Microsoft word, to edit. I also have problems with spelling and punctuation. Your punctuation seemed fine- so you are ahead of the game there:)
I think, personally, that this would also be a better read if you broke up the paragraph into a poem-like form. Just spacing between lines could make us pause and think about what we just read rather then rushing through it. No worries if it does not rhyme, not all poetry or prose does.
What I personally liked the Most:
I really enjoyed the picture you painted with your descriptive words. It made me sad at the end to think your story might all be fantasy. I loved the lines where you used appropriate adjectives.
Summary:
I think you have some great 'bones' here with this writing. I hope you revise and correct it a little. I would be more then happy to come back to your port and read it again. I will of course rate it higher when spelling is corrected. Do not feel dismayed or over concerned with the rating. I would have actually rated it lower (my norm for excessive spelling mistakes) but your beautiful words merited (IMO) a higher rating then I would normally give.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
I do not usually rate folders, but decided to make an exception here.
Suggestions:
I have none.
What I personally liked the Most:
I loved the image as I think I have noticed it in some of your other writings and it seems personal to you. What I must comment about is the poem, or should I say bit of poem, you used. It draw the read in with a link-brilliant. The verse is beautiful, so beautiful that i will be clicking that link:)
Summary:
Great job at creating this folder and leading the reader to what I am assuming will be a terrific poem!
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
The author writes a poem about the effects of having her (his) heart broken.
Suggestions:
I had some trouble understanding the wording you used.
in the third and forth line you say:
a hand reaches for me as our lips touch
it grabs me when we embrace
who grabs you? who did the hand belong to? and grabs where? I am a little confused by these lines. I do not have any suggestions to offer you as to what you might try because i am not sure who the 'hand' belongs to.
In regards to the next line: I am pulled to safety not with your arms are you saying someone else pulled you away from your love?
I really think you should read you words again and look to see if you can word some of the lines differently. I do not wish to tear your entire poem to pieces. I think could revise it and make it better without me doing that. My intent is not to discourage you but encourage you to put out a fantastic piece of work. I know my own poems are not the very best they can be. I find it hard to revise something that I wrote long ago or something I wrote in a moment of passion- and sometimes I do try but usually I just leave it be. If this is the case with you, then please ignore my plea to edit. This is your work and if you feel it is complete then it is.
I would go back and at least capitalize the first line.
What I personally liked the Most:
I absolutely loved the first two lines!
Love this line: Leaving me and my thoughts naked
Summary:
I hope you do decide to work on the poem a little and if you do, I would be happy to go back and read it again.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A sad story of a person with an eating disorder. I also suffered from anorexia and other eating disorders- before the doctors even knew that it was a common disorder
Suggestions:
There are a few places where there could be improvement. If you wish, you can ask help with editing. I can only offer my own (not so great) editing help. I am thinking, at this time, I will just respond 'personally' to your writing. I would rather focus on the topic and not how it was technically written.
What I personally liked the Most:
I can relate, as I already stated, to your story. I made up lots of ways to deceive others. I would shuffle around my food, spit it into a napkin at the dinner table. I would feed pieces secretly to the dog. Later, i would use laxatives to purge as I could not make myself vomit. This is a sick, vicious disease. This is not something that goes away. You fear it coming back, it is already there. The fact that you know it lies sleeping helps you not allow it to rear it's ugly head again. I went from one extreme to another. I went from not eating to overeating. It was all about control. I am glad that you are okay!
Summary:
I do hope you edit this a little and perhaps even add some more of your story to the 'pages'. This is an important story to tell.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
The writer tells us that this is a poem about love, not a relationship. I do, however, see that the writer seems to be speaking of two separate people.
Suggestions:
I see that you state you live in pompeii. I am not sure if this is why I do not understand some of the references and words you chose to use.
For example, you write:
You’re not mine
neither yours
you are the universe
behind your lawn
I did not understand the second line or the last. A lawn, to me, is like a backyard. I will have to check my dictionary for perhaps you are meaning something else. the second line just plain confuses me.
I do not wish to copy and paste a lot of your words here but do want to express my confusion in other areas. In the fourth verse, the reference to the brush- perhaps you meant broom? The verse would still need some slight rewording (to me) but the thought behind it all is very good.
What I personally liked the Most:
The third and fourth line in the third verse is something I felt was a strong point. It made sense to 'me'. I could see clearly about what you were saying and felt I knew what the ice represented.
Summary:
I think the poem needs some work. The ideas behind the words seems to be a strong one, filled with power. If you can find a way to edit it a bit so your emotions are better expressed i would be only too happy to come back and read it again.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to give you my opinion, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A prose wondering if the love will remain.
Suggestions:
You stated this was written "off the cuff" and has no rhyme. did you intend for this to be a poem? If so, I would work on putting it in verses of some kind. I saw some errors in punctuation, but since this was JUST written and quickly, I wonder if you plan on fixing those errors in the future.
What I Iiked Most:
I like the message in this post.It was a bit sad and tugged at my heart. You, with your questions. It is a good start:)
Summary:
I hope you work on this. If you do and would like me to read and rate it again, I will:) Email me if you wish:)
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Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
This piece of erotic treasure won 3rd place in the 'No Repeat' 100-word Contest. Makes me wonder what won first and second and where can I find them to read them as well. This is good, very good, so the other winner's must be great reads as well.
Suggestions:
I have one, the ending was so down to earth, it kind of seemed out of place with the rest of the erotic tale- then again, this is much like life and the activities described:P We must all come down from the high sometime.
What I personally liked the Most:
Whoa! This was electric. It reminds me a little of one of my own poems (Whisper) but not in poetry format. The words used (and not repeated I must add) were descriptive and vivid. It sent a tingle down my spine. What a romantic you must be:) I fear copy and pasting my favorite lines for fear that they are too much for the review board to handle. *tingles*
Summary:
This is my last review for today. I only have a ribbon to award. I am happy to have had the honor of reading your work. I am pleased you were a winning bidder of the package I offered- my first- (SherryG too has a part to fill and I am sure she will be on her way soon if not already). I will be picking the color of the ribbon since I know you are busy right now with your contest. I think i will find one to suit the winning poem:) I hope you are happy with what you received from me:) Have a great day!
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1587098 by Not Available.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A (quite funny) writing dedicated to the need to pee:P
Suggestions: In the third paragraph you said: (some words are 'substituted' to stay within public review standards)
The other is first thing in the morning when that (insert word here) your man has signifies an extreme need to relieve himself of said (insert the other word here)!
My problem with this sentence is that you say "of said ----" as if you were just talking about it. Now, I remember you talking about it, but since this is a new paragraph and you have not mentioned p---, I feel you should either mention p---- again to refresh our memory after telling us about our man's morning h----- (this is very distracting:P)or connect the paragraphs together? I think just talking out the words 'of said' would make the pint understood:)
What I personally liked the Most:
This was funny. I always thought that a man had that morning 'thing' because of a dream. That is until i did reach out to my husband and he told me what was really going on! I still find the entire thing funny and like to get grabby in the morning- I am mean chick:P I cant say as much as i would like because this is going on the public review forum. I do suggest if anyone wants a funny read- about a not so common topic- to head on over to this story. It is quite funny and yes, to me, cute:P
Summary:
The stuff you come up with to write about is fantastic. My hubby would probably enjoy reading your stuff. I think it is 'man' thing that the most seemingly mundane topics or things can become fodder for story telling..but you are good at making them readable and relatable-well..I kinda relate to this story
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1587098 by Not Available.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
This is some sound advice on what to expect as a author on WDC.
Suggestions:
I really do not have any. I do notice that you use the double bar a lot. -- do not know if this is standard for you personally or something that I just have not seen before--:)
What I personally liked the Most:
I loved your opinions about objectivity. It is sometimes hard to remember as reviewer, especially when we 'know' the author that it is best to try and stay objective. If I read a friend's or author's work and it touches my heart, I may rate it on what feelings it evoked out of me rather then check for punctuation or grammar errors. I also might just leave that review off the public review page. I choose when to be objective, depending on what I THINK the author is searching for in regards to a review. I may not always hit the mark with my reviews and I remain new to the 'game' of reviewing, but am here to learn. I also have started to develop a thicker skin. I also thought that I was a good writer. I was always told I was until I was grouped with others who were also great (if not greater) writers. We are here to offer so many things, friendship, support and yes...criticism (critique). I think most authors on the site are striving to be as good at their craft as they can be.
Summary:
I enjoyed this piece a lot. I saw it was also highlighted, so I thought you might like the read:)
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1587098 by Not Available.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
This is the authors tribute to a friend met here at WDC through a program called 'Secret Pal.' I have yet to find this group and if anyone has the link *hint hint* I would love to check it out. The author makes some very good points in describing friendship:)
Suggestions:
Take my hint above is the only suggestion
What I personally liked the Most:
I can relate to this. I met my husband online. I know some will find this odd. I met him on a forum and after yahooing for weeks, then endless telephone calls, we finally met and knew we were not mistaken- we were in love. The same goes with friendships. You really take the time to get to know the person online or through conversations (whether they be in mail or through a phone call.) In 3D people tend to DO things rather then just sit and get to know each other. I am sure the person this post was directed to feels the same way about you:)
Summary:
I know you are busy judging your contest, so I decided that instead of doing just your poetry, I would expand to other folders. This story was highlighted so i felt you would like it read:) I will do ten reviews and most of them are in poetry. You have much to offer a reader:)
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to give you my opinion, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
No formal form was used in writing this poem, as far as I know. It is written in a style that seems unique and pleasing to the eye.
The author asks if there is differences between youth and the elderly.
Suggestions:
I have none for you. I do, however, suggest to myself: "check you templates!" It seems some of them are messed up and for that I am sorry if it distracts from the reviews. I have doubled checked and hopefully this one will be with out html errors.
What I Iiked Most:
I loved how you formatted this poem. It read beautifully and was attractive. No image was used and I do not think one was needed.
I love how you began and ended this poem. It drove home your point of view on the subject and made me realize how simular the 'two' are. The poem left me a little sad. I wish we appreciated our elderly more.
Summary:
This was beautiful:) Now I am not sure anymore about what I am going to award. I thought I had my choice almost cemented. LOL, that will be the hardest part of filling this package-awarding my favorite.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
I am pasting the form (in the authors words) as it is just so difficult: 'Form: Rondelet
This poem is a French form consisting of a single septet (seven lines) with two rhymes and one refrain written in iambic meter: AbAabbA. The capital letters are the refrains, or repeats. The refrain is written in tetra-syllabic (four syllables) and the other lines are twice as long--octasyllabic or tetrameter (eight syllables).'
I do not think I will be trying this form anytime soon.
The author's subject matter is 'cotton candy':) Yum!
Suggestions: I absolutely have none.
What I personally liked the Most:
I loved this poem. How does one make another crave something by only a few words written? Perhaps the picture added ot the poem, but the words made me want to run out to the local fair and grab me some candy fluff:) It also brought back pleasant memories of childhood anticipation of the upcoming fairs and carnivals.
Summary:
Hmmm...I think I will have a hard time with picking my favorite poem for awardification, but this one is top runner so far:)
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to give you my opinion, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
I am really being inspired by my trot through your port. I am also humbled.You take on so many different,and seeming difficult, forms of poetry with a certain ease. This poem was written in the Lanturne style. 'The Lanturne is a syllabic form of five lines with syllable counts for each line numbering 1, 2, 3, 4, 1'.
Suggestions:
I have no suggestions. This poem was lovely.
What I personally liked the Most:
Even though the poem is short, it said a lot. It told about love with perfection. It described love as I see it: two as one:)
Summary:
I am so enjoying this ride. I think I might favorite you and take my cues to my future writing styles from your own. I love how WDC and the people on this site urge you on to becoming a better writer by example and contests and such.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
Wow! I am very impressed and want to start challenging myself to write more complicated forms of poetry! I am inspired by your own poem. The author wrote in the Kyrielle form- 'Kyrielle is a rhyming quatrain (four stanzas), in which the last line of each stanza is repeated throughout the entire poem, and each line has 8 syllables. The rhyming pattern I selected was aabB, aabB, aabB'.
Suggestions:
The only line that I confused me a little was: A split, no two, I had to pout,
Being that a split is always just two pins, I did not get the 'no two' part. I would have used the word 'just' but of course this is just me
What I personally liked the Most:
I loved how well written this was with the difficult task of staying with the confines of the rules of the Kyrielle form.
I also loved the topic:) Bowling, such a common activity. I am always being told by my husband to write something common, everyday...
I would have never thought a 'bowling poem' could be such a fun read:)
Summary:
Thank you again. Your writing inspires me to step outside my little box and look outside for something new to try.
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| (3.5)
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I wish all our days could be as happy as the one you painted.
A review due to you from your win of package #10
