I enjoyed that poem. I am an old tech guy. Technology paid my bills and has made life easier. But, don't we hate those buts, I hate what Technology did, no kids playing in fields. No basketball hoop crowds. Nobody on street just walking. Playgrounds empty. Everyone, myself included, in front of a screen of some sort, TV, or Computer. You brought this all out very well. I loved the thoughts it brought forward. Please keep writing, and may your days be filled with joy. Thank you.
I enjoyed that dinner. Picked this up on the read and review click. Good story, easy to follow. Dialog very clear and not hard to follow. Loved the little twist at the end. Very good picture. Thank you for dinner.
Keep on writing. May your days be filled with joy.
Such a beautiful poem. Very clear in what it is saying. Look into someone's eyes and you see their soul. Read their poetry you feel their emotions. Very well done. Reaching someone's emotions through words is awesome to me. Thank you for the journey. Keep on writing. May your days be filled with joy.
I'm an old syfy fan. Andre Norton, Issac Asimov. Love those. Your story was very good, it held my interest and I noticed only a couple of oops. Words dropped and comma or two. But I'm not a technical writer/reader so the story was what I focused on, and it was very interesting ending. I like it and think you could stretch it out even more if you can get the word count higher. Thanks for the journey, keep on writing. May your days be filled with joy.
My heart goes out to you and anyone that is forced to leave their home. To me its not a matter of right or wrong, because morally that falls way short. I can not imagine being forced out by a government, but that does not keep me from feeling for you. Prayers that you have the strength to overcome whatever comes your way. Keep on writing. May your days turn to joy soon.
Very good! Interesting as well. You explained something that some people really are clueless about. They use resolve and determination but do not realize it. I see resolve as an engine, and determination is putting it into drive. I enjoyed the thoughts this brought forward. Good job. Keep on writing. May your days be filled with joy.
Very nice little poem. Using the prompt in first line then painting the picture as you move down the lines. I enjoyed it. It kept my interest and brought back a memory or two. Thank you. Keep writing. May your days be filled with joy.
Very cute and different story. You did a great job pulling the reader down the line. It held my interest and had to chuckle a bit, about not being able to go thru the main floor where the sign was posted. Good job with dialog, very clear. I enjoyed reading this. Thank you. Keep writing. May your days be filled with joy.
It actually brought me to tears. Its such a beautiful picture you have painted with words. We just lost our big Bubba couple months ago. He would do exactly what your Warrior Queen did. Thank you for sharing and the memories. Keep on writing. May your days be filled with joy.
Love that poem. I see the picture painted with your words. The lights of Christmas does lift our hearts and spirits. Not only reminding us of the time of year but the colorful lights affect us as well. I love the lights and hope to see more like the 'olden times' as my granddaughter says. Thank you for the picture and journey. Keep on writing. May your days be filled with joy.
Awesome story! Gripped me at the start and didn't let go till the lamp at the bedside. Wonderful trip through someone's mind and what they face in a place such as that. Very descriptive and not over whelming with it. The picture you painted was wonderfully done. Pulled me down the hall easily.
I enjoyed the journey. Keep on writing. May your days be filled with joy.
Really enjoyed that poem, the journey was a bit familiar. Years ago in my youth I boxed as well. You have caught the intensity and struggle of a true fighter. Excellent piece and thank you for the journey. Keep on writing. May your days be filled with joy.
Sounds like an illicit love. The feelings are so hard to repress when they show it so full of emotion. Listening to the words paints a picture of sadness on only one side, it leave you to think what is the other side? I loved reading this, very engaging. Thank you for some memories of days past. Keep on writing. May your days be filled with joy.
As they say Good On You!! It took me a year to put something up myself. Not because of fear, just many other things going on. But now as I have met and talked with many of the people on here I'm so comfortable. Its like one big family. Reaching to help whenever and where ever possible. Please keep writing. I use Grammarly and only pay attention to the red lines, spelling and punctuation. May your days be filled with Joy. And your words flow with ease.
I suggest looking over writing.com 101 on top of your screen for any help you need moving around this site. I would also suggest watching the newfeed (on your left menu) and getting familiar with the other writers and readers. Then write something in your portfolio. You can make open for everyone or private just for you. Good luck in your adventure. keep writing. May your days be filled with joy.
Such a good story. Its hard to comment on the real trails of a serviceman after their duty. This explains through the story the challenges that can be there and what thoughts can be held by one in that situation. So glad it has a happy ending with hope. Keep on writing and may your days be filled with joy.
Thats very good writing. I notice everything you mention is definately visual. Words are different to me. I see as you do, the visual stimulation but I also see the path words use. Words are like the tip of a paint brush, applying feelings and emotions in just the right place. Keep on writing, you may find a surprise as you grow.
May your days be filled with completed and easy breakfixes.
Very interesting story, with the DnD characters. I never played DnD but have played many RPGs over the years. I believe this story could be fleshed out to continue even more. Only technical thing I would do is change the font to Verdan and size to 4. That way mobiles (phones and small screens) can display it well for us old people LOL. Keep writing and great imagination. May your days be filled with joy.
Awesome! Pulled me in hook line and sinker. Very sweet and looks like a song. I'm sure some one could put this to music very easly. I could just see rolling eyes and young man trying to make some sort of impression. Rode that bus many times myself growing up. Really enjoyed the journey. Thank you
May your days be filled with joy.
Very good flow for an excellent story! Was very entertaining and pulled me through nicely. I enjoy little stories as such because they hold so much meaning. A watch from her Mother and bringing the memory back is so nice a touch. I really enjoyed reading this, thank you. Keep writing. May your days be filled with joy.
Very cool! Two excellent starts and then add them together to get a great story. Good job. I enjoyed it and even with two starts they both kept me going and looking for more. Being a newbie just means your honing your talent and you have a very good starting point! Keep writing. May your days be filled with joy.
Excellent message without being preachy! I loved the story and having been to many country churchs to fill in I understand him looking over and 'reading the room'. God always gets his message across. We just have to learn to deliver it properly. Very encourageing story!
Thank you. May your days be filled with kindness.
Excellent poem. I could feel the connection you have with your grandfather even though you may never have met him. I believe this poem honors all those who served and were not mentioned in specific heroic deeds. It took all to win those battles. I really enjoyed reading this and giving it a bit of thought. Very inspiring. May your days be filled with joy.
Excellent short poem. Seems to totally catch what dreams are. Everyone dreams but seems only a few will remember most of their dreams. Maybe if we would heed some of them things would not be so bad. Excellent poem and shows you have given some real thought to it. I enjoyed reading it. Keep writing and may your day be filled with joy.
Excellent poem. I could see this with illustrations for a child's book. Has a very good
rhythm and very descriptive. I really enjoyed reading this. I can see Mom lean out the door calling for supper time and this child getting up and calling his dog to supper. Great story. Keep writing. May your days be fill with joy.
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