Please remember that these are only my suggestions, and not necessarily how you wish to express yourself. Take what works for you and disregard the rest.

INTRO: The title fits and is appropriate.
CONTENT: First Heat is a provocative story about a first meeting of online friends who've acquainted themselves with each other, and then decide to meet for dinner. What happens afterward draws a person in to see what happens next.

Their eyes meet, and they hug, but soon this leads to kisses and then more kisses, and before long they can't wait to be alone with each other.

FEEDBACK on imagery, punctuation, sentence structure, dialogue, formatting, etc. Vivid.

Details are everything. It can make or break a story. Showing what a character is doing in a story, helps make the character seem more real. Maybe he or she sees or touches something, and it looks or feels a certain way. This conveys mood.

I liked the use of some of the words such as "rich baritone voice", rather than simply male voice. I longed for more of a description such as in describing his eyes or the way he moved or the firmness of his body...maybe just a little description enhanced with certain words that make her long for him. that she finds him attractive. I liked the mention of his cologne.

I wanted some imagery to set the mood, although the main subject would be their intense attraction and need for each other. I wanted to see their surrounds some too. I also wanted a slower build up of tension and anticipation. Maybe some flirtatious talk. Maybe anything interupting or postponing their first sexual encounter. It could be anything...an accident on the way to the hotel room, a phone call. Maybe her baggage got lost if she had any. okay maybe her return flight ticket.

I realize that sometimes things like this happen just as it is, but for story purposes I would make them wait as their desire builds.

I'm also thinking this should have been rated xgc because of the content and words used. It is more explicit than some other 18+ rated items.
There certainly is alot of sizzle in this story.

I didn't like that the line spaces were missing from the character's or person's dialogues. Each person should have their own separate dialogue areas. and treated like a paragraph.

Example:

"It's good to see you. How are you?" I said. Jim smiled--a smile that made my heart feel glad and gave me a thrill.

"I'm great now that you're here," Jim said. He kissed my cheek. "You're lovelier than I could ever imagine."

Okay so that wasn't very interesting but you get the idea. Line space between each person's dialogue. Keep what they are doing with it and you won't have to use dialogue tags much either.

SUGGESTIONS AND OTHER COMMENTS:
I liked that you started the story with the action of the phone ringing. It set things in motion. You wrote it in italics though. I am not sure why. I would take out all the italics. I often used them for thoughts, rather than anything else. But this is my way of doing things. It's up to you how you want to do it.

I also felt as if things were happening way too fast if they'd never met before. I wanted a slower build up of tension. I think I said that already. LOL OOPS.

Thanks for this interesting read.
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Please remember that these are only my suggestions, and not necessarily how you wish to express yourself. Take what works for you and disregard the rest.

INTRO: The title fits and is appropriate.
CONTENT: When I first starting reading this I was intrigued because I do think art influences people and can sway them in a certain direction or at least bring out some kind of feelings about whatever it is.

Details are everything. It can make or break a story. Showing what a character is doing in a story, helps make the character seem more real. Maybe he or she sees or touches something, and it looks or feels a certain way. This conveys mood.

This felt so long and to be honest with you, I skipped over part of it, which is probably a shame because I am sure there is a lot of good information in it. I am not sure if you did this for a class or what, so maybe that is why it is so very detailed.

Art in any form whether it is color or sounds or whatever, creates a feeling--good, bad or indifferent. It feels good to express those feelings even if they are not like everyone else's. Maybe the idea is to be heard? I found it interesting about the children of war and how the drawings of flowers and skys ..that those children are probably mre troubled than the others since they aren't expressing or revealing deeper emotions. How often has a grown person also done that? What things we talk about we care about, but what of those things we don't? Maybe they are so deep that to share them feels heartbreaking or the person feels it is senseless. I don't know.

I think a person who listens carefully, might notice something in what and how a person says something, and that reveals more along with body language. Think of tv shows, movies too.

I did like the little comments you interjected about the content, so if felt more personal rather than an actual essay. Those gave it some character, revealing bits of yourself, rather than simply information.

Have you ever noticed that often times a person's blog or journal has some good stuff in it. Ever wonder why? Maybe they feel like they don't have to produce anything, but just be themselves. This felt partly like that.

SUGGESTIONS AND OTHER COMMENTS: Don't worry if I am far off on this. I might be being swayed by some (art) music coming over the speakers in McDonalds where I am now. "How far is Heaven" is playing. HAH

You are invited to a Dream Team monthly event "Dreamer's Sanctuary" 

For your efforts using imagination and creative expression, tangerinedream has left a rating level.
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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