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467 Total Reviews Given
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I am not an expert reviewer, but I have some small amount of talent in the field of writing. I will not edit your work, but typos, grammar mistakes, etc. will be pointed out if I see them. I will give you my impression of your work, encourage you, and do my best to review the work.
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Science fiction.
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Short stories and
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No least favorites.
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Public Reviews
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Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)


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Anniversary Reviews email siggie


         Hi Amy du Lac Bleu,
In appreciation of it being the month of another year since you became a member of WdC, I send you this review. Happy anniversary.

I Thought I Saw You, is a lovely verse. It's pleasing to the ears and the soul. I think it would be a sweet song if it was performed as a ballad, Just the one verse, then repeated, and ending with the first line again, voice going lower with each word and fading out. I thouhgt I saw you . . .


Suggestions:


None of the written word is perfect, but some words are better left untouched; these are some of them. Well done!


Conclusion:


Lovely! My favorite line was: Every line. Keep on writing.

Regards, jackson
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Review of Reflections  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)


An "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. review.
A "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" Open in new Window. review.

         Greetings Pumpkin Spice Sox,
Happy Writing.Com account anniversary! In your story, this guy is almost out on his feet when he steps from the bar into the alley, but not quite. He's still cognizant. In the alley, he sees the creature. Even though it's beyond horror in its looks, fear does not know his name, had never known his name. But, he realizes later, he should have been afraid.

In the dim light of the alley, he bravely walks on, stepping over the creature's shadow as he does so. In that instant, his world changes . . . normality is gone.

Somehow, he manages to get home, gets inside and heads to the bathroom. He wets his face at the sink, looks up and into the mirror. The face looking back at him is not his; it's the creature's face. Now, he is the one who lurks in alleys forever.

It's a good story, told well, and it held my attention throughout. The plot was well formulated and it was easy to follow the storyline throughout its entirety. This reader could sense the fear the protagonist should have felt. The story is a thing of beauty. My favorite line was: I tasted the William Tell Overture and felt prickly.

Regards, jackson
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Review of Pajama Feet  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)


A "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" Open in new Window. review.

An "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. review.

         Hello DJ. Venson,
Happy Writing.Com account anniversary! Your item, Pajama Feet, is beautiful, but at the same time, sad. The emotions and fear that little boy must have went through . . . to have his momma die when his need was the most.

         To be so happy one moment, because beneath the Christmas tree he saw the many toys Santa brought. And in the next second, to his momma run, to tell her Santa came despite her saying he would't.

. . .to find her cold beneath his touch, his heart will cry forever.

In the spirit of poetic license, I offer no suggestions for changes or improvement.

Regards, jackson
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Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)

A "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" Open in new Window. review.

Good afternoon, KingsSideCastle,

Your story, (The Wandering Child) was a good read. It was easy to fall into the story as I read along. It's about a man named Tom and his quest far into a desert in search of the oracle. Eventually, Tom succeeds in his adventure and leaves the desert to go home, happy with the knowledge he received from the oracle.

This review is meant to be helpful; the suggestions I will make below are the opinion of one reader. It's a great story, with potential to be better.
Below are my suggestions for the punctuation.

Punctuation:

Your sentence in the fourth paragraph: "Did you?" the child asked.

My suggestion: The question mark after (you) ends the sentence. It's better to write it like this, (The child asked, "Did you.?")

Your sentence in the sixth paragraph: "I admit it can be farfetched but I wouldn't go so far as to say it was impossible."

My suggestion: You need to place a comma before (but), as it joins two independent clauses.

Your sentence in the eighth paragraph: The dog barked angrily but the kid put an arm gently on its head calming it down.

My suggestion: Place a comma before but, it joins two independent clauses.

Your sentence in the eleventh paragraph: "Of course not" he quickly added

My suggestion: You need a comma after (not) and a period after (added.) "Of course not," he quickly added.

Your sentence in the final paragraph capitalizes (Oracle), but where it appears in other parts of the story, you do not. To be consistent, it's a good thing to capitalize (oracle) every time, or not at all.


It's a good story, and can be great . . . These suggestions are only the opinion of one reader.

Regards, jackson
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Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.0)


A "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" Open in new Window.review.

         Hey drboris,

Squirrels? While you were on vacation . . . seems like a scurry of unruly squirrels caused you all sorts of problems. You've came up with a good tale here. I enjoyed reading it. You created a good setting and plot, and your telling of the tale was consistent. Good job.
I noticed a few things while reading . . . to help make your story better, I'll pass them along.

Punctuation

In this sentence, (It looked pretty innocent from that distance; after all it is simply . . .)

A comma needs to be placed following (after all) because it introduces the rest of your sentence, it's an introductory phrase.

In this sentence, (He steadfastly refused to let go until I hit turned the windscreen sprayer on.) Hit needs to be changed to had.

Spelling

Un bagging is spelled incorrectly, it should be spelled: unbagging.

Gut wrenching should be spelled: gut-wrenching.

The above noted things are only one readers opinion, to use at your discretion. Overall, it's a good story.

Regards, jackson
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Review of A Box of Weeds  Open in new Window.
for entry "Meal Ticket" Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

An "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. review.
A "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" Open in new Window. review

Good morning, IceSkatingSugarCube,

Have a happy WdC account anniversary! Your story, for the reader of this review, is about a man named Rex. Rex has been altered by the situation he now finds himself in. In a past part of his life, things had been better. He hadn't had to climb into dumpsters in search of his next meal. He hadn't had to become a beggar, hoping for small change to put in his pocket. He hadn't had to sleep in a park, or some other borrowed, unsafe place . . . but that all changed and he found himself doing all these things.

Now though, these things were just reminders that what he was doing now, even if it was repulsive to his heart, had put him in a better life. He had a home, a place to be himself. He had a job, with a steady paycheck. What he was doing did not matter to him, whether it was right or wrong. And in his lost heart, he knew it was wrong. He was a (finder.) He found whatever was on his employer's list and delivered it to him.

The job put a roof over his head, and some change to jingle in his pocket. Now, he could listen to the sounds dollar bills made when extracted from his wallet. The particulars of the job did not matter to him.

Find out what Rex is doing for his employer by reading the story for yourself; I highly recommend it.

The grammar, spelling and other things a story needs to be successful, are all first rate. I have one suggestion: When Mr. Fernberry croons, "Nicely done."

Depending on the style guide you are using, a new paragraph needs to be started with Rex's reply.

"Want me to undress her, Boss?"

Thank you, for sharing your story.

Regards, jackson
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Review of How Old Are You?  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)

A "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" Open in new Window. review.
A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. review.

Hi QueenNormaJeanmaybe...

Your item: (How Old Are You) is a lovely example of a grandmother's love and care for her granddaughter. Jamie, the grandaughter, who's only just turned the age of four, is like most children, curious and inquisitive. She's playing with her Barbie doll and at the same time, asking her grandmother. "How old are you, Grandma?" A sweet scene . . . They converse, back and forth, until at the end Jamie climbs into her grandmother's lap while saying " I love you, Grandma."

Grandmother hems and haws and never does get around to telling her exact age. Your item is punctuated very well, with no other kind of errors. The good grammar, spelling and other aspects of a good story are all present in your writing of this story. Thank you for sharing your excellent story with us readers.

Regards, jackson
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Review of A Box of Weeds  Open in new Window.
for entry "Hiding Out" Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)


An "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. review.
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IceSkatingSugarCube,
I love it! For one who reads this, it's the story of two brothers who share their misadventures in the world of life. They each have a compelling sense of humor. Laughter and delight give them energy. One incident, which the author shares with us is: The brothers, Jasper and Roly decide to go out, mess with old man Crowley's chickens, and have a little fun. During their fun, they had to dodge a red liquid Mr. Crowley sprayed at them. He missed, and the liquid's fumes entered his house, chasing his wife and children out from the effects of the liquid. Roly and Jasper rolled in the dirt, tears coming in ther eyes from laughing so hard.

Old man Crowley chased them a long way, but they escaped, and full of merriment, went home for a nap until their next escapade.

The part I like best . . . The whole story is exceptional, but in the last sentence where it is revealed that Jasper and Roly are (raccoons) is special.

Punctuation: One tiny thing in this sentence, ("Hey, Jasper, what was that stuff?" my brother asked.)

I would capitalize (My) because the question mark ends the prior sentence, and write it like this: (My brother asked, "Hey Jasper, what was that stuff?")

Your grammar, spelling and other mechanics of writing are excellent. Great story . . .
Regards, jackson
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Review of A Box of Weeds  Open in new Window.
for entry "🏆A New Friend" Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

A "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" Open in new Window. review.
An "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. review.
A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. review.

Hello IceSkatingSugarCube,

Happy WdC account annivesary.
What a lovely scene you've created. I like it! It involves a bartender who's an old man soon to be put into an assisted living home. Despair is in his heart; he wants to be independent, to stay in his own home. Then, as he stands behind the bar getting ready to throw out the stale coffee, the bar door opens. He eyes her rosy cheeks and silver hair as she takes a seat at the bar, gives her some coffee.

She says, "They'll be here soon."

A van, from the same assisting living place he is being forced into, pulls up outside. She goes out and is helped into the van. He smiles as he eyes her in his mind. Just maybe . . . he thinks, it was not a bad idea, living in the same assisted living home as her.

I noted no errors of any sort while I was reading this. The punctuation, grammar and the whole story is great.

Regards, jackson
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Review of A Box of Weeds  Open in new Window.
for entry "Goodbye, Jayjay" Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

An "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. review.
A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. review.

Have a happy WdC account anniversary! Oh boy! This is a heck of a story! Great! The lead character, Mark, is a second grader. On this day, he is all dressed up for the funeral of his best friend, Jayjay. Suit and tie, solemn in his heart, and all the other things a boy feels when his best friend has died.

The part I liked best . . . because until I read it, I thought Jayjay was a human, was when Mark lifted the cigar box and placed it in the hole by the bed of roses.

I have two tiny suggestions for these sentences: "Okay, kids! Come get refreshments!" his mother called . . ."

Capitalize (his)

"Do you think you'll get another lizard?" one of his classmates asked. (One) needs capitalization. Or alternately, begin each sentence with the phrase at the end, followed by a comma. (One of his classmates asked, "Do you think you'll get another lizard?")

I loved this!

regards, jackson
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Review of A Box of Weeds  Open in new Window.
for entry "A Box Of Weeds" Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

An "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. review.
A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. review.

Hello IceSkatingSugarCube,

Happy WdC account anniversary again. I had to read this story because of the title, A Box of Weeds. For those who haven't read this, it's a story of innocence, love, compassion happiness and at the last, sadness. The narrator of the story is Isaiah, an eight year old boy. Isaiah is returning from a roadtrip with his parents when he first sees the box on the floor of their car; it disturbs him. Many speculations run through his mind as to what it could be. Later, he finds out it is a box of weeds. Isaiah has no clue; he thinks it is so strange that his parents are carrying around a box of weeds, and guarding the box.

After a few dramatic happenings, the family arrives home. There, the box of weeds is presented to Isaiah's grandmother who is suffering from cancer . . . she cries with love.

I do have one suggestion. In this sentence: ("Flat tire?" his mom questioned.) (His) needs to be capitalized. I loved the story, great writing.

Regards, jackson
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Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. review.

Hi LightinMind,
Your item is a great story; the tale of a son's memories of his dead father . . . a tale of an old cowboy who talks in the way of the old-time cowboys. It's also the tale of changing times, how new things try to replace the old ways, how the farmers' barbed wire fenced in the cattle range. The spirit of an old cowboy dies hard . . . the body dies easy.

That is what befell that old-time cowboy; he died in the range war, or so they thought. No body was found, but his boots showed up and he was assummed to be dead. But that old cowboy, or his spirit, had a few more things he figured on doing before fading away.


The part I like best is when the old cowboy's son is riding his horse toward his stepdad's farm. There, he sees a section of stepdad's fence torn out and lying on the ground, along with the posts. The son knew who did it, because on the first post still standing, sort of like a calling card, was his father's hat. An old cowboy dies hard . . .


I have a couple of suggestions in these two sentences . . .

#1 Homesteaders are dull music for cowboys but times change and the corral dust blowing from the east is going to bury these lands . . .
#2 Jacob's father saw the changes coming for his friends and his lifestyle years before it hit but he stayed a cowboy.

Both sentences need a comma before (but) as but is connecting two independent clauses.

Great story,
jackson
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Review of A Box of Weeds  Open in new Window.
for entry "The Hobo" Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. review.
An "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. review.

         Hi IceSkatingSugarCube,
Happy WdC account anniversary!
Your flash fiction story, (The Hobo), is a good example of the haughtiness that lives in the hearts of some people. Good old Bob seems to be one of those people. He's setting out on a business trip, but encounters a group of hobos near the train station. His distain for them is revealed by his words and interactions with them. Good old Bob just don't get it, life is not the same for all of us. Each of us have our own tribulations.

A few things happen to Bob between the train station and his destination which might make him see the error of his ways. Some coffee gets spilled onto his shirt. Later, that same shirt is ripped, pulled out of his pants and hangs down, wrinkled and flapping. Disheveled in appearance, Bob begins to exit the train at his destination. As he does, a little girl points him out to her daddy.

(Your sentence here . . .) "Look, Daddy, a homeless man." a child pointed at him.) The letter (a) in (a child points . . .) needs to be capitalized.

Good old Bob sees his reflection in the glass of the ticket window, and to him, he looks much like the hobos from the train station.

All in all, great writing!

Regards, jackson
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Review of you were gone  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. review.
An "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. review.

Good morning,
Happy Writing.Com account anniversary. Your item touches me. Some powerful emotions flatten themselves on this page, and spread themselves upon it, until this reader hears a siren of something akin to slivers of despair. Great writing . . .

My favorite lines are: (I can still feel how longing tasted . . .) and (I cuddle up with the ghost of you). Again, happy Writing.Com anniversary.

Regards, jackson
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Review of Doorstop  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)

A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. review.
An "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. review.

Greetings Serena Blade,

This month is the month you created your account; happy Writing.Com account anniversary. Today, I will be reviewing your story, (Doorstop.) To me, it was intriguing, with a good plot and an unpredictable mystery. My favorite section was the ending, where Josh and Jessie were transformed into the antique doorstops they had found.

Below are my suggestions to improve your story.

In the last sentence of the story, your (had become) needs to be (had became.)

This sentence you wrote, doesn't make sense: (A dinner was prepared as it contained dancing and drinks.) Try changing it to: (A dinner was prepared, with later, dancing and drinks.)

In this sentence, (To keep her mind from running wild she decided to walk around and explore the house.) A comma needs to be placed after: (To keep her mind from running wild) because it's an introductory phrase to the main part of the sentence.

Thank you for sharing your story with us readers.

Regards, jackson
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Review of Sky Gifts  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)


An "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. review
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Hello debmiller1,
Happy WdC account anniversary again. This review is meant to be helpful; any suggestions I make are just that, suggestions.

I noticed one tiny thing in the story. Instead of saying: (The lake hid the deep green, brown depths of a cold water world.) Hyphenating the words green and brown would give your readers a better knowledge of what you are saying. (The lake hid the deep green-brown depths of a cold water world.) The story itself is great. The old woman fears the lake, hates it, and at the same time, loves it. The gifts from the sky are her true loves: the lonely sycamore leaf separated from its companions as it floats through the air; she saves it from final death by catching it and planning to use it in some kind of artwork, the barn owl feather which the lake falsely presents to her, although she knows it is another gift from the sky . . . Great descriptions, debmiller1.

Regards, jackson
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Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)


Hello J. Allen Trick,
This review is coming to you through, "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. Have a happy Writing.Com account anniversary When I saw the title of your item staring at me, In Search of Floyd Collins, I was compelled to read it. You see, even if I no longer live there, this area is not too far from the place I call home. I read and reread the stories about Floyd Collins when I was young. I enjoyed reading your story, In Search of Floyd Collins. It's a fascinating tale, true to the events which actually happened, and woven skillfully into your story of Floyd, is another story . . .

This other story, of you being drawn to the story of Floyd Collins. Of your experiencing a compelling desire to see where Floyd died, and perhaps feel yourself, the thoughts and pain of Floyd Collins is a great story. How you felt you were guided by the spirit of Floyd Collins, each time you attempted to find, and stand in the places where Floyd stood, is remarkable. For future readers of your story, I will not reveal the details, but highly recommend the reading of it. It's the story of a man who is pinned in place in a cave; he can not move or free himself. People try to save him, but encounter great difficulties which prevent them from doing so. The man eventually dies in the cave. Thank you for sharing this story, great work!
Regards, jackson
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Review of Prairie Wind  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)

A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. review.
An "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. review.


Hi Justin,

Another WdC account anniversary review is being blown by the wind toward Kansas . . . In your item: Prairie Wind, you give to the reader, many facets of the wind, which some people never think about. It smells like cattle manure . . . Wind tastes like soil, these are two of my favorite lines. I found your item to be a great story of the attributes of the wind, and the many words and thoughts you used to describe it made me see the wind as more than an acquaintance. To hear you speak of the wind as your friend is gratifying. I enjoyed your final statements: (In his absence is calm. But without wind, the plains are not the world we know. When the universe is in perfect equilibrium, we are
off
balance.) The way you wrote, (off balance . . . I love it. Again, happy WdC account anniversary!

Regards, jackson
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Review of Made  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)



A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. review.

Good morning Serena Collins,
How appropriate a work of the mind, giving honor to the one to whom it belongs. It's lovely, the sound of the rhythm when read aloud. Made, how sweet a title, again giving honor to God. Thank you, for sharing your magic!

No errors of any type dwell in the beautiful lines of your item. I send you my regards.

jackson
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Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)


         Hello HuntersMoon,

From the pages of Read and Review, your story, Conquering Dragons caught my curiosity this morning. I took a look, and I'm glad I did. It's a story of two courageous brothers who share a great love for each other, the younger, afflicted with autism, shepherded by the elder. The feeling I got out of the story is that life itself can be the dragon that needs to be conquered. Frank, the elder brother possessed the wisdom, the love and the will to guide his brother, Jeff, through the rocky path of the dragons in his life. The story makes one think of Frank as a hero, and indeed he was, to his brother, Jeff, and to life itself.

It's a great story, the punctuation throughout is excellent, and the telling and showing of the story is done in a good manner. My favorite part is when Jeff conquers the dragon his brother, Frank had wanted him to conquer.

I have one suggestion to pass on. In the first paragraph where Jeff is remembering his brother's words, he thinks: You can do anything you set your mind too! You need to change the word (too) to (to.) I am sure it's only a typo . . .

Regards, jackson
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Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)

"Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.

"Positive Hearts Reviews Group" Open in new Window.

Hello Pennywise,
Happy account anniversary. I just finished reading your short story: The Tragedy of Aunty Ivy. I enjoyed the story. You developed a good plot, followed it through with plenty of action, and led it to a good resolution of the conflicts between the characters. I especially enjoyed how you dealt with the serial killer, seems he received just retribution from the spirits of his victims. And Aunty Ivy . . . even though she was in an urn on the mantlepiece, her ashes still settling comfortably into place, wrought revenge upon her killer by killing her in the same manner she was killed. Overall, I found the story to be a good read. Thanks for sharing your work.
Regards, jackson
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Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

A review from "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.
Hello Dave,

Happy WdC account anniversary!
I enjoyed Eddie and Dave, the story seems so realistic. The tale of a couple of teenage rascals going about their everyday lives . . . Their emotions, wants, needs, and haves are all on display in your story. It's a delightful story, full of energy . . . I urge others to read it.

In the fourth paragraph you need a comma before (but) in these two sentences:

He tried to look as if he were paying attention but his mind was firmly on Anne . . .

He had finally got Anne to go out with him but . . .


Check out the later parts of the story, did the font of the quotation marks change? I rate this item as five because the weight of positive parts of the story overwhelms these little things I mentioned above. The five doesnt mean it's perfect. but close . . .

Regards,
jackson
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Review of The Spring Burn  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)

Hello Justin,
This review is coming to you through "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.
Happy WdC account anniversary.


First off, I can' believe I am the first to review this item. It's, for the reader of this review, a story mostly of Jim Griggs, a man living in Kansas, who takes it upon himself to make a homemade, tourist attraction.

Your story, The Spring Burn is one of the better stories I have read lately. It's written in a laid-back, down-to-earth style which appeals to me. It's hilarious without appearing to be trying to be. It's told and shown in a conversational manner. Great work!

Regards, jackson

A "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" Open in new Window. review.
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Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)

An "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. review.

         Hi Detective,
Happy WdC account anniversary. I enjoyed reading your story, (Message in a Bottle.) I thought it was written well, with no rough points that might make a reader read a few lines again to clarify its meaning. I didn't comb over it with a fine tooth comb, but in my reading of the story, it seemed to have good grammar and punctuation. The plot was excellent, and overall, the story achieved what all stories want to be . . . a good story.

Regards, jackson
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Review of Unicorns and Luck  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)

An "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. review.

Hello KingsSideCastle,
Wishing you a happy WdC account anniversary . . . Your item (Unicorns and Luck) was a delightful tale to read. Within its lines were held: plenty of action, dialog and a well thought out plot. Well done.

There were a few instances where a comma needed to be placed, and/or a word needed to be capitalized. You wrote: Liam snapped his fingers and threw his hat on the ground angrily "Drat!"

A comma needed to placed after angrily to separate what Liam did and the words he said.

This next sentence needed the word (he) to be capitalized. You wrote: "I'll give ye a bit of me luck." he gestured to the coin that Skip had tried to touch earlier. Overall, I enjoyed this story.

Regards, jackson
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