\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED ITEMS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://webx1.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/notjackson/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/10
Review Requests: OFF
467 Public Reviews Given
467 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I am not an expert reviewer, but I have some small amount of talent in the field of writing. I will not edit your work, but typos, grammar mistakes, etc. will be pointed out if I see them. I will give you my impression of your work, encourage you, and do my best to review the work.
I'm good at...
I do my best, whether I am good at it or not.
Favorite Genres
Action/adventure
Least Favorite Genres
Science fiction.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories and
Least Favorite Item Types
No least favorites.
I will not review...
Novels.
Public Reviews
<    ...  6  7  8  9  10  11  12  13   >
226
226
Review of The Metal Box  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)

An "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. review.

Hello Milhaud-Tab B,
Happy WdC account anniversary!
Your short story, The Metal Box held my attention all the way through. But, the first sentence of the story is not quite right. You wrote: ("What are you doing in that ice box?" my mother's voice rang out...)
The question mark after (box) ends the first sentence, so the next word (my) should begin with a capital letter, or you could say instead, (My mother's voice rang out, "What are you doing in that ice box?")
Other than that, it's a riveting story of a mother's secret locked tight in a metal box. I like the way the story was structured, it moved right along. The mother must have suffered very much, with her anguish over the death of her son. And all the time, over the sad, long years, she is blaming herself for his death, and no one knew till the metal box was opened. It's a great story.

Regards, jackson
227
227
Review of Unrestful Travel  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

Hello MEISAME,
Happy WdC account anniversary! I am sending you this review through "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.. Before I tell you my thoughts on your story: Unrestful Travel, I will show you some things which may, or may not, make your item read and sound better in the reader's mind. These things are only one person's opinion, so use them at your discretion.

In the first paragraph this sentence sticks out . . . (His day had started out normal, well no, normal not exactly right.) It should be, to make sense: (His day started out normal, well no, normal is not exactly right.)

In the same paragraph you write:
(Mortimer could hear voices were none were spoke . . . see vague figures in the distance were none stood. Most just went on there way . . .) In this sentence the first (were) should be (where) and the third (were) should also be (where.) Below that, (there) should be (their.) Also, be mindful that in most cases, a comma should be placed before the word (but) because it is a conjunction which connects two clauses, or two separate ideas, to make a sentence. Other than these things, for the most part, it's a good story. Your story has a lot of potential to become a much better story, if you read it slowly and make any edits you need to make. Again, happy WdC account anniversary.

Regards, jackson
228
228
Review of The Bench  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Positive Hearts Reviews Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
"Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.


Hello Emilila Wolfe,
Happy WdC account anniversary! What a heart rending story The Bench is. Here we see the true love of a man for a woman . . . We see his anguish, his despair, his loyalty . . . You did great work in your description of the old man through the emotions he feels. Overall the punctuation and grammar were steady, I'll just mention a couple of things I saw that can make a good story better. In the first paragrapgh ( passerbys) should be passersby. Also, you wrote, (How terrible! people said, when he told them his wife was in hospital.) To be good grammar this could be changed to: "How terrible," people said, when he told them his wife was in the hospital. Happy WdC anniversary.
regards, jackson

"Positive Hearts Reviews Group" Open in new Window.
229
229
Review of 18 and Alone!  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Positive Hearts Reviews Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" Open in new Window. review
and an "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. review. Hello J.S. Van,
Today I am wishing you a happy WdC anniversary month. I just finished reading your item: 18 and Alone! In my readingg of it, I noticed no errors in grammar or punctuation. My overall impression was that it was written well, and the details of the person adopted, their thoughts, their feelings . . . make the reader somewhat understand how alone some must feel when the base of their world is knowing they may have been abandoned. Also, the reader can realize the true love found within having a mother who wants them. Their hearts can be content. A good story . . .
regards, jackson
230
230
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)


An anniversary review . . .

"Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.


A "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" Open in new Window. review.

Hello thea marie,

Happy WdC account anniversary. I noticed your poll as I was looking at items on WdC. I have that same problem a lot of times, reading items so poorly written that it might take years to help the person become a writer. I don't have that kind of time in my pocket. I don't mind a few errors here and there, and am willing to show the person how to fix those, but I am not their editor. Still, if someone asks for help, I am willing.

Your item is thoughtful, well prepared and an excellent example of the question a lot of reviewers probably ask themselves from time to time.

Regards, jackson
231
231
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Positive Hearts Reviews Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
A "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" Open in new Window. review.


         Hello Serena Collins,
I just read The Lady Dressed in White. Lovely . . . short, but much said in only five lines. The layout and design of the item complements it. I noticed no errors in punctuation, grammar, or otherwise. I enjoyed the whole work, but what I liked best was the repetition of: the lady dressed in white. Those three words kept in the reader's mind, the vision seen by the writer. The vision which was so lovely. It's a great little poem.

Regards, jackson
232
232
Review of The Cowhand  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Positive Hearts Reviews Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)

An Anniversary Review

"Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.

and

A "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" Open in new Window. review.

Hello Ironworker,
Happy WdC account anniversary. I enjoyed reading (The Cowhand); it was full of good dialog, action, and a knowledge of the West. The story held my attention all the way . . . I liked how each of the men in the story seemed to have a bond of friendship with the others. My favotite line was: I couldn't pick a favorite, because each line fed the next line as they, together, told a great tale of a cowhand's life on the range.
Well done.
Regards,
jackson
233
233
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hello Spooky Striped Sox,

Dear Sir and Madam . . . I just read it; I like your sense of imagination. One of my favorite sentences is: (. . . but my position is untenable.)

The toaster who wrote the letter was a faithful employee, a long time companion to the household, but one day her owner's new cat begins to make unwanted sexual advances . . . Hilarious. I recommend the reading of this story; it's full of comedy for those with a discerning sense of humor. An excellent story!

Regards,
jackson
234
234
Review of Dead Man Talking  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Positive Hearts Reviews Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)

An anniversary review . . .
"Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.

A review from:
"Positive Hearts Reviews Group" Open in new Window.

Hello phyduex,

Happy WdC account anniversary!
Dead Man Talking, what a story! Before I read this, I did not look at the item description, the title wanted me to read the story. There I was, listening to a man who was about to be executed, taking in every detail: his words, his thoughts, his fear, his pain, a description of what will happen to him on the path toward his death at the hands of other humans . . . But it puzzled me that there was no mention of his crime, nor the usual apology from one who faces imminent death.

I continued to read . . . His last few words were paralyzing to me. I am not a criminal, I am a prisoner. Then we see it was not a man waiting to be killed, it was an innocent animal criminalized by its unintentional
sickness, and suffering a sad death because of it. An exceptional story. The only thing you might want to be mindful of is when you say: I guess the apple doesn't fall to far from the tree. There you need to use the word, (too) because (to) means: in the direction of, or toward. (Too) means an amount, such as: too much or too little.

Regards,
jackson
235
235
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
An anniversary review . . .

"Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.



Hello Prosperous Snow celebrating,

Greetings . . . I saw today that this is the month of the anniversary of your account here on WdC, so I'm sending you a review. First of all, Happy anniversary! (Glass Jars and Bacon Grease) your item about your grandmother selected me to review it.

It's such a beautiful item. I bet you did not know when you were writing it, that the mere title would ressurect memories in people other than yourself. In your words, I could see a little woman washing out her jelly jars and saving them to be used as drinking glasses. And I could see her pouring the bacon grease into, maybe Mason jars, and keeping it to flavor all sorts of foods. You did a fine job expressing your thoughts and memories about your grandma.

I saw no errors in punctuation or grammar. Overall, a sweet, memory evolking piece of writing.

Again, happy account anniversary!

Regards,
jackson
236
236
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)

An anniversary review . . .

"Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.


Hello wildbill,
Your plot is well developed for this story, following a good line from start to finish. In the story, we see a black family, just after the Civil War, on their way to California. We see the man, Pompey, struggle over his ingrained mistrust of white Americans. After being befriended and having seen himself and his family rescued by a white man and his wife, Pompey looks inside himself and decides to accept their offer to settle his family nearby and make a new life for his family.

Your story has just enough dialog for the reader to get a sense of being in the story. I noted no grammar or punctuation errors, and action was present throughout the item. My impression of the whole story can be seen by the fact I was not sidetracked in any way as I read it. Great work.

Happy account anniversary!

Regards,
jackson
237
237
Review of Rain  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
An anniversary review . . .


"Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.

         Hello Modest,
My name is jackson; I am stopping by your portfolio today because this is the month of your account anniversary here on WdC. I chose the poem Rain to review because of the title. Your poem, I am sure, is heartfelt, but it does need a few things. I am willing to give you a few tips to make it sound better when it is read, and to make it look proud when it is written on paper.

You wrote:

Rain

Indistant crying of innocence lost
A future taken at any cost
Dark cloudy skies where happiness sought
I hear you call me,I hear you through the Rain

Respected because of your integrity
Your magnificent trance
Slow music and laughter to unhappy to dance.
I saw you, you saw me,I heard you call me through the
Rain

My charm your intellignce
Above all holds much relevance
I'd give in to your very scent
I touched you, you touched me, I heard you call me
through the
Rain

A beautiful flower a sunny sky
You said you loved me but left...Why?
Your in heaven now a better place
Tears mixed with pain run down my face
As I stand here...In the Rain




These are some pretty words you have written, let's see if they can become more beautiful . . .


Rain

In distant crying
Of innocence lost
A future taken
At any cost

Dark cloudy skies
Where happiness is sought
I heard you call me
I heard you through the rain
I thought

Respected because of your integrity
And because of your magnificent stance
Spilt slow music
But you're too unhappy to dance

I saw you
You saw me
I thought I heard you call me
Through the rain

You charm me
With your intelligence
I would give in
To just your scent

I touched you
You touched me
I heard you call me
Through the rain

A beautiful flower a sunny sky
You said you loved me
But you're not here
Why?

You're in heaven now
A better place
Tears of pain run down my face
As I stand here lost in the rain


These tips are just one writer's opinion, use them as you see fit. Happy account anniversary!

Regards,
jackson
238
238
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)




An Anniversary review . . . "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.

Hello Naomi,
I happened by your portfolio today because it's your account anniversary here on WdC. I wanted to send you a review, so here it is.

Your item: (Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow) is very sweet. By sweet I mean, a person who reads the item can see what kind of person you are.

In the story, you tell about your life, how family is all important in the Philippines. Your siblings are your best friends, and you honor your father and mother.

You mention your love of God, how in your times of trial or sickness, he gives you comfort. Forgiveness lives in your heart, that's so commendable!

Yes, you are beautiful, Naomi; I can see this just by reading your story. Happy account anniversary!

Regards,
jackson
239
239
Review of Falling  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)



         Hello Jo Paynter,

So this man goes into the woods and is never seen again . . . you have written a pretty good poem here. It's in a rather unsusual style.

My two favorite lines are: And the jarring screech of the whip-poor-will & Where the moonlight couldn't even reach.
Regards,
jackson
240
240
Review of The Passenger  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)



         Hello Scare-emy,
The Passenger, is one of the better stories I have read on WdC. I like how John is just an innocent passenger on the night train, going about his business. I thought the Vietnamese lady was sweet.
The other characters were described well. Overall, the story is original and suspenseful. Well done . . .

I did notice this particular sentence . . . (Her English was broken but her tone was warm.) I think a comma needs to be placed before (but) because it joins two independant clauses. Great story.

Regards,
jackson
241
241
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
A
review
in
affliation
with:
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Open in new Window. (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon


         Hello E Scott leppert,
You have enterteined me with this story of the stranger in Agua Fria . . . a good story. Your descriptions of the town, some people in it, and the demeanor of the stranger are well done.

I noticed a few things that might, or might not, make it more structurally intact. In the first paragraph, the semi-colon after (. . . to the farming community;) should not be used, as a semi-colon separates two independant clauses. (two clauses which on their own can be a complete sentence.) A comma would do well instead of the semi-colon.) A comma after (Navigating her streets,) even visitors could feel the weight of stress on their shoulders. would sound better than no comma.

In the second paragraph, (the towns' attention) should be (the town's attention.)

In the sixth paragraph, (He'd best avoid any legal entaglements he decided) a comma needs to be placed after entaglements. (He'd best avoid any legal entaglements, he decided.)
These suggestions are only this writer's opinion, to be used, or not.

Overall, the story is an entertaining piece of writing.

Regards,
jackson
242
242
Review of Crossroads  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)


Hello Lukas D,
First of all, a good story, the eyes like seeing the words upon your page.

Just a few things to help this story have a pair of legs and stand out: you wrote, (bristling the wiry fur where skin meets tail) you should change fur to hair, because the horse's coat is referred to as hair.

You wrote: (. . . the mare does not see me in the same vain I veiw her) vein is mispelled . . . try this: . . . the mare does not see me in the same vein as I view her

You wrote: . . . (come along only to introduced them) Try this: (introduce them)

Also there is one sentence fragment: (If not into the mind and body of an animal with a greater herd instinct than our own . . .) Here in this part there is no subject, you need to tell us exactly what goes into the body and mind of an animal with a greater herd instinct than our own.

These things are only my opinion, use them as you see fit.

Regards,
jackson
243
243
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Open in new Window. (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon


An "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. review.


         Hello Prier,
I just read your story, Mister Daniels' Store. I enjoyed your descriptions of the things in the store, they reminded me of such stores in my memory. The words you wrote were easy to follow and made the readers see the inside of the store as they read. A couple of things might make the story more readable, these things are only one reader's opinion.

         In the sentence ("It's not a toy," insisted Mr. Daniels "but a scientific demonstration of thermodynamics.")


         You need to place a comma after ( insisted Mr. Daniels)


         The word (sometimes) is an introductory word when used at the beginning of a sentence, so a comma after it is appropriate. Overall, a good story. Happy account anniversary.

Regards,
jackson

"Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.
244
244
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
         Hello closscie,

You have made some good odservations in this. Yes, children, and even older students, should have a recess. Just as you pointed out, continuous learning without a break for a whole school day leads to a drop in retention reliability.

         I enjoyed reading this today, it was well thought out, and presented in the same manner.
Well done.

Regards,
jackson
245
245
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hello Michelle,

You have written some very special words for a special one in your heart. I am sure she loved it. It's got a good rhythm, sort of like a song, flows across the page like rose water . . . and it's a very sweet and kind gift from your heart.

Regards,
jackson
246
246
Review of Acts of Love  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)


         Hello Kenzie,
I just read your Acts of Love. I enjoyed how you explained yourself. I too, believe most holidays are a bunch of baloney. If you can't be kind and show love every day, why single out a particular day to do it?

          Your presentation of this item was just so, with nothing to catch the reader's eye in the way of punctuation or grammar.

Regards,
jackson
247
247
Review of Blue River  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)


Hello there Mary,
Your title called my name, so I took a look at Blue River. Your idea here is a good one, a river sitting all alone.

         If it's ok with you, I'll give you a few tips to make your beautiful words sound better.

         Below read your words with more punctuation, whether you use this information is up to you, as it is only my opinion.

         This wonderful river was sitting alone . . . with no companions. But when the sun shines on it, the river looks new. As a boat passes by, the surface of the river looks like glitter shining. The waves of the river sway as the boat passes along . . . I look, and I see a man by the river. He asks me, "What do you think about the river?"

          I tell him, "I have never seen such a beautiful river."

          Oh, I wish I could carry this river home with me, but there is too much water for me to carry this beautiful river. I am sad for the river, it can not come home with me.


Keep writing,
jackson
248
248
Review of Get Help!  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)


Hello Carly,
It's a good story you've written here, relatable to the reader who might have experienced such a scene. I am a reader of thousands of books, although I have no claim to being an editor, I recognize a good story when I have read one. This one goes in the good section.

Regards,
jackson
249
249
Review of Immigration  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)


Hello,

Your piece is well thought out, and expresses a good opinion on immigration. It was presented well, without technical errors.

         There is truth that U.S. immigration needs more critical thought on the subject, and if possible, to make it more reasonable.

         I suggest that every immigrant should provide police clearance from their country to enter the United Stated freely, and live their lives in a good manner to become citizens.

Great work in writing this . . .

Regards,
jackson
250
250
Review of The Wood Spider  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)


         Hello JoeMiller,
I once saw a spider on the wall, biggest one I ever saw. Got the flyswatter, but missed. I swear that spider hissed. 'Bout the size of my daughter's palm; I swung once more and it jumped on my back. (It really happened.)

Talk about being calm . . . I jumped up and down.

Enough . . .

         Your short story is hilarious. No errors. A good picture of havoc.

Regards,
jackson
325 Reviews • *Magnify*
Page of 13 • 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://webx1.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/notjackson/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/10