don't excuse yourself for writing a story that is set in Australia. That's great!!! People from all over the world should join and talk about their culture. It only makes us richer (culturally speaking). I'm actually writing a story set in France. As you have done for your first chapter, it is always helpful to indicate things that might be strange to foreigners. I'm doing the same for my book.
I liked this chapter. There is some twist that fits in well and has to unravel later. I would say the dialogue of this chapter is a little stilted. But the way you can write better, and that works for me, is just write your whole story and then come back and revise. That has alwasy worked for me, and after a certain time of not working on a certain chapter or passage, you somehow know what to write, because unconsciously, your brain has worked on it. Try it, and you'll see. You also have the community's reviews that can be helpful.
There is one inconsistency in this chapter. Nick says he's coming to pick her up, but he doesn't even know where Allise lives. If you have problems with inconsisteny, the roughly write out the plot for each chapter and the details you have to check before posting. That has always helped me.
There are a few grammatical and typing errors.
I'm looking forward for the rest!!! Keep up the good work.
I like this short story for its simpleness, and yet poesy. Who has never dreamed of that when they were single?
There is one thing, though, I think is strange. You start off with quite detailed descriptions ("I grabbed my towel and dried my face, and then the rest of my body.") but when it comes to the dream, it's not very detailed and quite short. I know dreams can be very hazy and strange even, but if would probably be better to make the reader believe that this dream is reality until the very end. Just a suggestion...
Keep up the good work!
a very simple story, but very beautifully written. Who would not like to be awakened like that... You can literally feel the connection between the two characters. Keep up the good work!
I like the idea of a story of a blind date. It's an excellent idea. Unfortunately your story is spoilt by frequent grammatical errors and stilted sentences that sometimes are even a-grammatical. I suggest working on your text again.
And also think of double-spacing your paragraphs, because a reader can be put off a text when seening one huge paragraph.
Keep up the good work!!
I appreciated this short story. It reminded me of a friendship of mine that ended because of my going out with someone when my friend was in love with me, and then that friend came back to me after half a year. This story is very touching. Very concise but very touching. Nothing superfluous is in the writing. Well done!!
The only thing that bothers me is that you switch tenses which seems odd. I believe that is a grammatical error.
Keep up the good work!
this is a very beautiful story filled with touching characters and some very good passages. I loved the fact that you included a flashback immediately after the beginning instead of telling the story chronologically. I also appreciated that the love scenes were kept to a minimum which only amplified the sensuousness and magic of the encounter. Moreover, the fact that you did not rish immediately to the love scene is very good, because it gives your story more depth. On the whole, this is a very good story.
There are a few typing errors and minor grammatical errors that need revision.
Continue like that!!
Jéssica
this story is amazing. There is such sensuousness in it, it's unlike other erotic story I've read so far. I know the longing you can feel for someone you have written about in the first part, and the second part is of such beauty: you have beautifully depicted the first time. I just love it. And it reminds me of my first time. Congratulations for this beautiful text!!
There are a few minor typing errors that need correcting.
oh how very right you are!
I like this poem, it is very fresh.
The only stanza that sounds very heavy is the third one. It sounds inappropriate here. Firstly, the structure is broken (I suppose on purpose, for it is intended as a transition), but it is very serious and down to earth, very concrete, when the other three stanzas give more concepts that actual facts (I hope what I try to say is clear).
There are also grammatical errors: women (if you intend all women); even culture and religion GET rejections; let's
this short story is short but efficient. Excellent read!
I love the way you translated the imminent danger by shortening paragraphs. That's very interesting.
Keep writing!!
Jéssica
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