\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED ITEMS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://webx1.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/soft_whispers/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/3
Review Requests: OFF
468 Public Reviews Given
477 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 2 -3- 4 5 6 7 ... Next
51
51
Review of Transformation  Open in new Window.
Review by Jéssica Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello RavenHawk,

I would like to comment on your poem "Transformation". I would like you to know that you don't have to agree with what I say. My comments reflect my views and are aimed at making a good piece even better.

Overall impression: once again a beautiful poem. You manage to convey a whole atmosphere in a few words.

Imagery: I liked the fact that you chose a beautiful and graceful animal like a butterfly. The fact that the butterfly sees the world through lenses is an interesting choice of imagery.

Errors and suggestions: "Copper encircled" should read "copper-encircled".
The second stanza seems very static to me (passive mode) whereas the first and third are very active and express movement (active mode). i think that's a pity, but maybe that was your aim.
I also thought that beginning each line with a capital letter when you didn't use any punctuation was disturbing.
"brass wings" sounds too heavy for me. Where "copper" in the first stanza seemed fine to me, "brass" in stanza three conveys the idea of metal and that makes the image of the light wings of a butterfly somewhat contradictory with what we know a butterfly is like.

What I liked best: "Listening to wonderful music/ Ready to embark on a new life" I think these two lines are the best in your poem, for they describe what life is like: it can be wonderful and yet you embark on it and cannot go back. It's an adventure.

Well done. Keep up the good work!!

Jéssica
52
52
Review of Two Young Men  Open in new Window.
Review by Jéssica Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Sitoria Moon,

I would like to comment on your poem "Two Young Men". I would like you to know that you don't have to agree with what I say. My comments reflect my views and are aimed at making a good piece even better.

Overall impression: a simple poem that tells a lot in a few words. This poem could also be applied to humans..

Errors and suggestions: no typing errors spotted. I would have avoided the "." at the end of each stanza, for that makes the poem too stilted and cut into parts that are all combined and linked. Maybe try ";".

What I liked best: "Mother loves them both the same," That's what mothers and fathers should do with their children all the time.

Keep up the good work!!

Jéssica
53
53
Review of Rendezvous  Open in new Window.
Review by Jéssica Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Mad_Hugger,

I would like to comment on your story 'Rendezvous'. I would like you to know that you don't have to agree with what I say. My comments reflect my views and are aimed at making a good piece even better.

Overall impression: a very well written story, a flawless plot and good images

Plot and characters: Your characters are well defined, especially Bill. His sufferings and indecisions were touching, and I felt for him. Somehow he reminds me of myself, though I'm definitely not a workaholic.
The plot is well written, with no moment where I thought: "oh, that could be altered" or " that's boring". Every words counts in your story. Even the eternal indecisions and Bill's wondering what would happen if... were not too many, and they were at exactly the right spots.

Errors and suggestions: I thought it odd to stress parts of speech by using capital letters, for I'm used to italicized letters, but it worked for me. It just seemes like they were actually screaming the words that were meant to be stressed. I also would have liked a bit more dialogue. It seemed that their thoughts were actually reserved to the characters only (that's how I felt). Maybe they could think out loud...
I didn't spot any typing nor grammatical errors (a rarity nowadays!!)

What I liked best: I liked the fact that you showed both characters' thoughts at the same time.

Keep up the good work!!

Jéssica
54
54
Review of Michi  Open in new Window.
Review by Jéssica Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello cloud9,

I would like to comment on your story 'Michi'. I would like you to know that you don't have to agree with what I say. My comments reflect my views and are aimed at making a good piece even better.

Overall impression: A very good story where the reader doesn't get tired from the beginning for there is enough to be intrigued about the male character. Your sentences flow freely and there are just a few sentences that sound forced or overdone.

Plot and characters[: The plot is simple and yet the characters' past histories are revealed. I believe that mentioning Rosanna both in the male character's thoughts and when he tells Michi is like repeating yourself. I mean, you can mention in Hiroshimas's thoughts that he is afraid of women who have small hips, but leave a bit of suspense for the reader and tell them the reason when Hiroshima tells Michi.

The character's background is well drawn. That both characters come from totally different social and cultural backgrounds (traditional Japanese and modern 'American-Japanese') is very interesting.

Errors and suggestions: I believe that with a bit of polishing, your story could become really good. Be attentive to your punctuation. Sometimes, you don't use a comma where one is required for better understanding. It happened that I had to re-read sentences to understand their meaning correctly. "She was enjoying the feelings that his warmth brought over her so much that even though the idea sounded awful she said okay, just so she wouldn't have to leave his embrace." This sentence would be much better if you put a comma after "that" and "awful".

There are errors with your punctuation. ""What's wrong?" He questioned." After the following punctuation marks (", ! ?") that are at the end of direct speech should you begin a sentence with a capital letter. ""What's wrong?" he questioned" is correct. Only after a "." should you use the capital letter to begin a new sentence. Here is another example where a comma is needed: "Startled she jerked around.". "She jerked around" is not part of the same sentence as "Startled", so you need a comma between both. "Startled, she jerked around."

Punctuation within the direct speech is very important too. ""No." She answered softly." is incorrect. Well, sort of. You can write it like you did, but then the sentence isn't flowing. Try something like: ""No," she answered softly." The "." is still in your sentence, but only at the end of the narrative bit and not within the direct speech.

Also, there is an inconsisteny in your writing. Sometimes, in the narration, you use contractions when at other times you don't use any. That looked weird to me. In the direct speech, using contractions is always best, unless you write a story that is set a long time ago, which is not the case for your story.

You should also pay attention when using ther gerund. "After she finished she rearranged the various dishes and waited some more." Here, I would advise the use of a gerund at the beginning, or the sentence seems stilted. "After finishing, she rearranged..."

I noticed that you used a lot of adverbs. Adverbs are quite helpful and I have to say the English language makes frequent use of them, but in a story, I would not advise their use. They tell and don't show. I would like to illustrate that, because I myself found it difficult to grasp the concenpt of not telling, but showing. Take the following example: "He sat down quickly." We know that the character sits down quickly, but it doesn't tell us how. Did he slmup? Did he drop himself in the couch? So instead of saying "He sat down quickly", it's better to say: "He slumped into the chair." That gives us an idea of how he sits down. Though sometimes you need adverbs, don't overuse them. Try to find a substitute for them, either a whole sentence, or another verb/ a synonym.

What I liked best: The first part, when Michi arrives at his place is the best. You introduce the whole atmosphere, the totally different characters and there is something restrained and yet beautiful about it. I felt sad for Michi.

I hope this comment was helpful. I you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask.

Keep up the good work!!

Jéssica
55
55
Review by Jéssica Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Colin Kelly,

what a cute story. So very innocent and yet somehow deep.
I like the fact that Kevin and Ray get on well straight away and that the even make jokes and puns and all. The only thing that I missed were uneasiness when they say the ambiguous sentences. Somehow I thought that this was missing.
Sometimes I got lost in the dialogue and didn't know who was aying what. Maybe that was on purpose...
Also, the first part is quite descriptive, revealing the character's history, but then there is practically only dialogue, which is a bit disappointing, because the reader would like to know what is going on in the character's mind.
Remember that this is only my opinion and that you don't have to agree with it.

Keep up the good work!!

Jéssica
56
56
Review of That Memory  Open in new Window.
Review by Jéssica Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello 17Cherry,

an emotionally charged poem. I can relate to that situation, so I feel for you.

There are a few suggestions I would like to make. You don't have to agree with what I'm saying, I simply give them to make your poem better.
I liked the attempt at rhyming for the last two lines, but I missed the rhymes for the last two stanzas where you didn't use any. Why that? I liked the repetition of "It’s that memory " at the beginnning of each stanza, but the repetition of "The one where" is too much in my opinion. I even skipped this phrase completely by the second stanza and only read what followed. As for "No it’s this memory", I personally would make the transition much more abvious, using punctuation marks, for example "..." after "No". That's just a suggestion...

Keep up the good work!

Jéssica
57
57
Review by Jéssica Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Butterflies,

I liked your poem. It's simple (and with simple I don't mean anything negative) and yet conveys all the right feelings. I like the use of the future tense, so evrything is an open possibility. The choice of vocabulary is good and I see synonyms (or "sort of synonyms" describing the woman), but they are quite repetitive, in my opinion.
There is a little suggestion I would like to make: "to capture the whole you". This line is weak compared to the others. Nothing really describes how she is. The same could be said for the last line: nothing describes the woman's face, whereas her beauty and grace are mentioned in the line above.

Rememeber that this is just my opinion and that you don't have to agree with it.

Keep up the good work!!

Jéssica
58
58
Review by Jéssica Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Dave,

this story of yours is very emotional and very well written.

When I started reading your story, I was intrigued by the "pre-prologue" if I may call the three sentences before the prologue thus. I didn't quite see the link with the actual story, and it's only at the end that I understood. The link is subtle but well done. But only on looking at the beginning of your story reminded me of those sentences, and then I made the link.

While I read your story, I wondered when the skin-condition would come up again, as an explanation to what is was or whether it was gone. That's what I missed a bit in your story. I also wondered when the visit at 13 would be mentioned, but I think that at the very end it's perfectly placed.

I liked the fact that you mixed actual story and flashbacks very easily. There was not a single moment of hesitation where I was wondering "is that flashback or story?" (And that sometimes happens, and it's unsettling, as you can imagine).

I would like to point out the sentences that struck me as well observed or even funny:

"As we left, I was somewhat puzzled. Is she pregnant? My only experience with such news came from television shows and TV often portrays the announcement of pregnancy as a grand event with soft, sweet music in the background."
"That Kodak Moment is another story Tracy delightfully describes still today, "While I was going through twelve hours of labor, ready to give birth to twins, David had to sit on a hard chair, got sick, and threw up... poor David! If men had to give birth..." > funny thought and well observed!!

There are a few errors I saw and that I would like to point out:

"Midway through the evening, we a received a call from the Hurley Medical Center."
"It seemed meager compared to so many, so strong who I have encountered or learned about since. " > there seems to be missing "people"
"I'm Dave White. Ours boys were admitted there yesterday." > our boys
"Tracy and I sobbed and embraced in the glow of the most beautiful sunrise I've ever witnessed: ours sons' first. "> our sons'..

There are also a few suggestions I would like to submit to make your story even better. I'm talking from the perspective of a reader and am simply suggesting changes.

"Membership is forever." > I would not include that sentence, for the membership of being parents can be annulled very quickly because of death. Just a thought...
"I think we were both a little scared, though, (I certainly know I was) but we had each other to carry through and that was what kept me with chin up and moving forward." > the "chin up " seems a bit too strong here, for it suggest a great struggle... that's how I see it.
"A sports magazine was my companion as I waited as the only person in the room." > this sentence seems awkward to me. Why not stay simple and say you waited alone"?
A diagram on the wall across the room from her bed illustrated her ominous dilation goal for us." > "ominous" seems much too strong here.
"Tears began to pour from my eyes." > the passive struck me, and I thought that an active mode would be better.
"...he had experienced childbirth, and for a short time, such happiness that day." > I kknow what happiness you are talking about, but I think the sentence sounds odd.

With that nothing remains but to say: Keep up the excellent work!!!

Jéssica
59
59
Review of Might have Been  Open in new Window.
Review by Jéssica Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello TK,

A very beautiful poem. I loved the free verse form, because it fit the atmosphere so well.

Sometimes, the lack of subject, verbs or relative pronouns is very beautiful because they are space fillers that can spoil a beautiful poem. But on two occasions I missed them: "there a smile." the lack of verb made me stop at that line and ponder for a while instead of reading on; "fearful of the things/ might be said." here, my mind spotted the big grammatical error...

Furthermore, I didn't understand the following line: "Passing time with distance gain." Did you want to say "passing time with distance is a gain"? or "again"? If the latter, I would suggest using an apostrophy as in " 'gain" that way it's clearer.

I liked the fact that some sentences were long, so run-on lines, and others were just a single line. Sometimes your sentences are incomplete grammatically speaking, but that only adds to their beauty. I'm thinking of "Trying to catch this moment's time." in particular.

Your imagery is scarce but the more precious. Comparing the other people to scattered leaves is maybe daring (at least in my viewpoint) but renders very well. Bravo!

I loved the first and last stanzas very much, and would even say the last one is perfect. It expresses all that the poem is about. I particularly liked the fact that you didn't repeat "It was there", but instead wrote the sentences with this phrase implicitely mentioned. Very well done!

I also have a comment about the choice of title. It's fine, but doesn't fit the poem. In your last stanza you said "Just never to "might have been". So why this choice of title?

I hope you understand what I tried to say... sometimes it doesn't seem clear to myself *Wink*)

It would be nice if you could check out a couple of my poems that talk about almost the same subject: "Chance Encounters" and "Looking...without seeing".

Keep up the excellent work!!

Jéssica
60
60
Review of "Julian Draft"  Open in new Window.
Review by Jéssica Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello SeraphimLynn,

a beautiful story about love and the fact that one cannot control one's feelings.
I liked the characters, and the fact that Elaina is poor, which makes her kind of an outisider, is a good choice, even though she has good friends. I didn't get the joke at the end...

The idea for the story is original and yet there is the old story about love-triangles. The way you treat the subject is refreshing.

I like the images you use, especially this one: "But the water of those tears are not complete sorrow. They are soft waves. They roll briefly down the shores of a cheek and break. "

I believe this is not the end of your story, or I didn't understand the end either. Well, no, to say I didn't understand it is wrong, but there is something missing. The twist is missing.

There a re a few things for which I suggest reviewing. Rememeber that these are only my opinions and you don't have to agree with them.

"She sees the love for a child shining back at her." This had me confused in the beginning and I thought that Julian was Elaina's father. But then Elaina wants to kiss his neck just underneath his ears, which is rather erotic, I believe and which mislead me once more. I understand that Elaina is in love with Julian, but she shouldn't be doing things like this when her best friend goes out with Julian. Or she should just be wishing to do them. Just a thought...

Keep up the good work!!

Jéssica
61
61
Review by Jéssica Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello again Fanged Smile,

this is probably my favourite chapter, but then again they are all good, so it's sort of hard to decide.

I liked the fact that Misty and Kyle have that special relationship that hasn't changed a bit even through time. It's great too that they can communicated mentally or by touching. And the fact that Misty can feel people's feelings is a great idea. That will probably come in handy at some point in your story.

There is one thing I did not understand completely... or maybe I have't read attentively enough. You said that Misty is a vampire (implicitely, but that was clear from the first!), and that Kyle, Misty and Zell run very fast. So, is Zell a vampire too? If so, I'd develop that a bit more, either in this chapter ar the one where Kyle comes back home to the dorm (chapter 2 I believe). What about his ability to see ghosts?
There is also the thing with the birds. Do they react differently when a vampire is around? That was not very clear too, though you mentioned in chapter 2 (?) that Zell would know that Kyle was coming home when he heard the birds. That sounded quite normal too me, as birds quite often make noises when people are near, for example by flying away. That point needs a little development in my opinion.

There are also a few errors that I picked up:

"When they left the bus, Kyle lead them to a late night group of improve actors holding a play with no script," > improvising?

"Past Christmas window displays and giant Menorahs set up with pride. "> this sentence without verb seems out of place here

"She ended her conversation with,
“Thanks! See you soon.” Misty flipped the phone shut and let out a breath. “I found us a ride.” > you don't need to change lines here.

“Ands see here where you’re turning; this isn’t even a through street.” > And?

"“It’s just the murder,” > murder? murderer?

"Her voice was so sweet she could of said she wished everyone in the world would die "> she could have said...

There is once more a whole chuck of text that's in italics.

Keep up the excellent work. I'm looking forward to reading the rest of this excellent story!!!

Jéssica
62
62
Review by Jéssica Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Chris Haines,

wow!!! That's a beautiful poem. I liked your rhymes, because I can see that you put a lot of work into them. I also liked the run-on line between stanza 3 and 4. I particularly loved the following lines: "Though love may bring pain and anguish,/ Sometimes... sometimes that's how you know love's real."

I would like to make some "negative" comments though. The following line sounds a bit too weak in the whole poem: "Baby we'll be more than fine." As for the next line, I don't understand your use of "know": "This could be the life we know,".

Keep up the excellent work!!

Jéssica
63
63
Review of Unspoken Love  Open in new Window.
Review by Jéssica Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Dead-Deep-Inside ,

wow!! That is a beautiful poem, though finishing on a sad note. I liked your rhymes, there is clearly a lot of work behind it.
Your poem flows effortlessly and all the right feelings are brought to the reader's attention. I can even relate to the first part of the poem...

Keep up the excellent work!!!

Jéssica
64
64
Review of Infinity, Simply  Open in new Window.
Review by Jéssica Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Lance Phoenix,

a very beautiful poem that reads without effort and the long lines make it the more slow-paced. I like that fact. The last line is the one I loved best.

There are however a few things I would like to underline. The first stanza has no verb. Is that on purpose? I think it's a afbrilliant idea, but somehow when I read it, I want the line to ter a comma only to reveal another line with a verb.
The following line, in my opinion, sounds better with an "a" after the verb: "My logic is mystified pondering magnitude without limit,". Then again, that's only my humble opinion, and you don't have to agree.

Keep up the excellent work!!!

Jéssica
65
65
Review by Jéssica Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello TK,

I quite liked your poem. The first stanza is the most beautiful one, in my opinion. You certainly create a strong feeling here and a sense of regret.

Have you tried to respect metre? If so, there are sentences that don't respect the metre, or sound completely wrong, and somehow break the fluidity of your poem. And if you didn't attempt to respect metre, these sentences still seem to break the fluidity.

The 4th and 5th stanza seem strange to me. The staccato rhythm of the sentences seems starnge to me, because it once again breaks the fluidity. But maybe that was your intention. Remember that what I say here is my humble opinion and you don't have to agree with me.

There is one more thing. The following line ("What might have been if once,/ I'd share my feeling, my thought?"), shouldn't it read "I'd shared"?

Keep up the good work!!

Jéssica
66
66
Review of Trust Me  Open in new Window.
Review by Jéssica Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Marty ,

a good story, though it's brief. But sometimes not much needs to be said to convey a feeling or an atmosphere. You clearly have conveyed an atmosphere her. Your characters are very different, and each reacts in a different way. The cautiousness of Cheryl is touching, and the promises of Stanley seem sincere until the very end. Bravo!

Keep up the good work!!

Jéssica
67
67
Review of Land Lover  Open in new Window.
Review by Jéssica Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello dogwood212,

a very good poem about not belonging in that place called life. I know that feeling. You described it very acurately, giving strong images. Bravo!

My opinion as regards the title is that is somehow doesn't fit in. It goes with the poem, with the images, but it does not convey the feelings you are expressing: the fact that you feel you don't belong. Then again, that's only my humble opinion, and you don't have to agree with it. In my humble opinion, the "You may be a whale/ You may be a dolphin" lines seem weird.

I particularaly loved the following lines: "You’re just not meant to live there"; "Some people learn to tread the water/ But you were born too late"; "They say you’ll float/ And you believe"

If you want to read a poem I have written about this feeling you are expressing here, than you are welcome to check out my poem "I don't belong".

Keep up the good work!!

Jéssica
68
68
Review by Jéssica Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello blkstarline,

an interesting story from the historical point of view. You choose the right words to describe this situation, and that is what I liked most about your story.
The characters are interestingly full of humanity.

There are a few errors that I would like to point out:

"...but I wanted us to have the wedding right here in Boston, at the same church where my parents walked down the isle” > it should read "aisle"

"now the doctor was smilingly warmly, almost as if he were relieved. " > smiling

"I’m sorry to have kept you for so long." > I'm not sure if this is a grammatical errors, but it seems strange to me without "waiting".

Keep up the good work!!

Jéssica
69
69
Review by Jéssica Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Rachwrites82,

a very beautiful poem that flows effortlessly. The words used are all well chosen, and the rhythm is beautiful.

There is just one line that doesn't fit into that rhythm: "Her world became purposeless". That's a bit of a shame.

And what does "revalance" mean. I couldn't find it in my dictionary.

Keep up the good work!!

Jéssica
70
70
Review of A Moment Together  Open in new Window.
Review by Jéssica Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Tim Chiu,

a very good poem about love and togetherness. I particularly love your use of adjectives. They are far from flat and describe every situation perfectly.

The only thing I have noticed when reading your poem is that there is a gradation from a strong image "luscious" to less strong images. Was that on purpose? The poem ends on a string image, though.

Keep up the good work!!

Jéssica
71
71
Review by Jéssica Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello again Fanged Smile,

Once again a very convincing chapter. I still like the slow-paced plot and I don't think I could ever get tired of it. I'm impatient to read the next chapters.

The ending is particularly well written, revealing a bit more of Kyle's history.

There are more errors here, and I will point them out, if you don't mind.

"up stairs" should read "upstairs"

“His majesty will see you now,” she explained. Cathy nodded and chirped out a quick,
“Thank you,” before heading ..." > in this case, you don't need to begin with a new line, because the narration goes after a comma. You only need to change lines when direct speech begins when the narration does not go on after the direct speech, and then you have to use ":" before the direct speech. I hope that was helpful.

"At the moment, Kyle noticed, his spiked hair was blue with thin strips of black..." isn't it "stripes"?

"His dark green eyes drifted to Kyle, and his brow furrowed in concern as he stated a sardonic,
"You look happy.” > here you should use the ":" before the direct speech.

"...out the oval-toped oak double doors that led outside." > isn't it "topped"?

I hope you don't mind my correcting you. It's just that with my job I'm used to it, and I like it when people correct me when I make a mistake, so I do the same to other people... Tell me if you want me to stop.

Keep up the excellent work!!!

Jéssica
72
72
Review by Jéssica Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Fanged Smile,

a very good second chapter. So this chapter starts off like any first chapter would, but the reader who has read the prologue knows who Kyle is. But the way you wrote your first chapter is very interesting, because not once do you mention who Kyle is - a vampire. I like the fact that Kyle has grown up. The fight scene is very well written, but I had a little difficulty picturing it (then again, that's maybe because English is not my mother tongue and I don't want to check the meaning of every unknown word...). The chapter is slow paced, describing the sourroundings and Kyle, instead of focussing too much on the action. I like that. The first two paragraphs are absolutely exquisite. Bravo!! (I'm almost jealous, because I would like to write like you did in the first two chapters). They sound reminiscent of the big classic authors.

There are a few minor typing errors and one orthographical error that kept recurring: "incase" should be "in case".

Keep up the excellent work!! Now I'm officially hooked and will keep reading till the end.

Jéssica
73
73
Review by Jéssica Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello Leighoire,

once again a good story that made me laugh at the end, but not because it's funny, but because of the imagination you have. You manage to bring up the strangest situations and make them look natural. Bravo!!

Keep up the excellent work!!

Jéssica
74
74
Review of Time Is Short  Open in new Window.
Review by Jéssica Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Leighoire,

A good story that had me captivated from beginnning to end. The way you bring your characters to life is astonishing. I could clearly picture the scene.
The death at the end is tragic, but I believe that's part of everyday life. Your story is clearly anchored in reality.

Keep up the good work!!

Jéssica
75
75
Review of Maureen  Open in new Window.
Review by Jéssica Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello BryanLee,

your story had me captured until the last line. It's really good. The plot is excellent, the first-person narration fits the situation and the characters are intruiging. What esle could a reader ask for?

Keep up the excellent work.

Jéssica
159 Reviews • *Magnify*
Page of 7 • 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://webx1.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/soft_whispers/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/3