I had tears in my eyes when I read this story. It touched my heart and I could relate to the "empty nest" feeling. Of course it wasn't the same for me because while my oldest left I still have three at home.
Your story takes the reader through a range of emotions. I love the picture of Bear you included with this story. She is gorgeous! Your story my friend is perfect. I can't think of anything that would improve it. I hope you are going to tell us what happened with the disclosure of the "I'm getting married," story.
What an absolutely adorable story! Kids can be so funny; even when they don't even try.
I loved this story and it gave me a good laugh. I can't believe Mirabelle thought the ______ was a monster. I don't want to ruin it for anyone else. I didn't see any technical issues with your story and there were no errors. Awesome writing Diane!
It seems to me that you followed the prompts for this entry quite well. I found this short story to be believable and if leaves the reader with the question of "what happens next?"
I didn't find any spelling or grammatical errors in this short but see some areas where you have to much space after your sentence endings; as if you hit the space bar twice. You should also leave a space between the prompt and the actual story.
I am not going to pretend for a moment that I know what the effects of any of these drugs are, but I can say from what I have read about them your interpretation of them sounds real enough. However, I don't know why someone would want to be any of these.
I find your poem to be controversial because it speaks about the use of illegal drugs and then mentions having a good time. I like the form you chose for this poem. It stands out well. The meter is great and I didn't come across any errors.
I am truly impressed with the complexity and the profound nature of this poem. If really gets one thinking. I personally think it is brilliant.
I am usually a real stickler for things that normally look out of place; such as ellipses (...). In this case however, I feel that they have an impact on this poem. They give the reader a chance for an extra pause at the end of the line to absorb what was written.
I found no errors in this poem. Excellent writing my friend.
You have an interesting outlook of a summer fling in this poem. I suppose when you think about it nothing lasts forever. I didn't see any spelling errors in this poem but I would suggest you capitalize all of your "i's" and add some punctuation. It would give this poem more polish. This of course is just my opinion.
There were no spelling or grammatical errors noticed in this poem. I thought it was a lovely tribute to this amazing place many of us call our second home. I saw no issues with the form of the Pantoum and the overall flow is great. Keep up the good work.
I can't even begin to imagine what this must have been like for you. This short poem says SO much more than what is actually written. I could feel your pain in this poem. If writing helps ease the hurt then I encourage you for forge ahead. God Bless.
What a way to find out what really happened! This is a fantastic story. I was on the edge of my seat right until the end. The ending was a holy crap moment.
I didn't see any technical issues with the composition of this story. There were no spelling errors found and all of the grammar looked fine. Great write.
I would have to agree with your description that this was a bad dream. I can honestly say I wouldn't want to have it.
I felt that this piece would be better suited for a story. For me, there was far to much going on and happening too fast for it to read like a poem normally would. This is only my opinion.
I think you did a great job describing this item before we find out what it it. I figured it out pretty quickly. I figured it's because I am a techno weenie! Not many people here would believe that.
The main body of your story needs some editing. It looks kind of haphazard right now. See you you can bring it together more. You should also consider using quotation marks around the objects dialog. Even though it really can't talk, the internal dialog you have here should be in quotations.
Other than that, I didn't come across any mistakes.
I could sense that you are steadfast in your beliefs about love and relationships in this poem. It sends a message to its readers that bonds that have been forged aren't broken easily.
This poem is free from error. I like the form and rhyme scheme but I found the meter to be slightly bumpy in a few places. See if you can even it out by looking at the syllable count in each line.
I am so pleased to see that you have kept this contest going. This contest is a great challenge to all writers. I know because I have done it before. It's harder than it looks.
Your forum is set up perfectly. All of the guidelines are cut and error free.
The beauty of an acrositc is that it can be whatever you want it to be. It doesn't need to have dozens of words to make it sound good. I think you did well with this one.
There were no spelling errors notice and all of the grammar is fine. Nice write.
It takes a special kind of person to be able to put their life on the line for others, yet we see them everyday. Soldiers, Police Officers, Fire Fighters and countless others. It is because of their dedication to what they believe in, we live much safer.
You tell a gripping tale of a soldier's last moments in this poem. It's sad but true. It happens everyday. I didn't find any spelling or grammatical errors in this poem.
Going to the dentist isn't a trip that anyone would enjoy let alone a young boy. This is a cute little story but I fail to see how the title relates to it.
I didn't see any spelling errors but I did notice this:
Tim struggled swallowed
I think you may have left something out. Such as "struggled as he swallowed."
I am sure that the person you wrote this for would be very happy to know they inspired a lovely poem. Falling in love is an amazing feeling and that is expressed quite well in this poem.
No spelling or grammatical errors were found. Nice write.
This story just gets better the more you read as James gets worse. This man really has some serious issues. I can only imagine what will happen when Shannon gets home and finds Jace. I am truly looking forward to the next chapter.
I sense that this isn't the first time you have written something of this nature. This part is perfect. I didn't find any errors whatsoever. Awesome write!
I like the content of this poem but I do feel it requires more structure. None of the lines are even and it looks a bit sloppy. By creating a more uniformed poem, it will aid in reading and be more aesthetically pleasing. I also feel that this poem needs punctuation to create a pause while reading.
I couldn't imagine what it would be like not to see my kids. I feel your pain in this poem. I hope things work out for you.
This poem is well written and I didn't see any spelling errors. I do feel though that this piece could be brought together a bit more by not having a space between each line. That is of course personal opinion.
I had a hunch that the injured guy was Bill but I needed to read more to be sure. This chapter is awesome. James seems like a complete whack job. I hope Bill makes it and kicks his a**.
I surely hope you continue to post chapters of this fantastic story. I would love to keep reading it.
Write On!
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