\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED ITEMS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://webx1.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/tm_lvn_nurse/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/12
Review Requests: OFF
2,653 Public Reviews Given
4,011 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 8 9 10 11 -12- 13 14 15 16 17 ... Next
276
276
Review of The Pet Shop  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Flower1* Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies.
THE DROP-OFF BOX  Open in new Window. (13+)
Monthly newbie contest.
#530577 by Tammy~Catchin Up~ Author IconMail Icon


My Overall impression:
Your rating, title and genres are good.
I enjoyed your story and the walk through the pet store.

Your story holds some reminders and makes one think.
Your story flows well and I wasn't left with any questions.

I did not notice any typos or errors.
Good job!

Suggestions/Errors:
In a few areas it is really hard to believe that your character is only nine years old.
It could be just the way you phrase things.
ex
When he asks about the meaning of life...would a nine year old ask it like that?
Also the part on the pets..like the fish only defecating and being low maintenance.
With some different word choices I think this would be more believable.

*Flower1* Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
277
277
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Gift1*Thanks for entering your poem in
 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#962569 by Not Available.
and good luck.

*Gift2*OVERALL IMPRESSIONS*Note3*
Unique form, you do it well.
I like that you include the info on it because I've never see it before.

Your title is good and fits this well.
Your rating and genres are good.

I agree with your feelings/thoughts here.
Especially that everything happens for a reason.

Stanza two is good but really hard to do!
You end this with a question, one that leaves your reader with something to think about!

*Gift5* Keep writing!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
278
278
Review of 12 ft 6 in UNDER  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Overall Impression:
Your title, rating and genres are good.

Wow, your starting lines in para one are really good and grabs your readers attention.

You share a fear with your readers.
This is some honest writing and I hope it helped you in conquering your fear.

Suggestions:
Watch your repetition of words throughout.
ex
were screaming in pain and shaking. I felt like screaming it hurt
try
were screaming in pain and shaking. I felt like yelling it hurt

I'd like to know if you finished the class, your ending leaves the reader hanging.

Keep writing!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
279
279
Rated: E | (4.0)
Overall Impression:
Welcome to the site.
Your title,rating and genres are appropriate.

Your character sketch is good.
I could see this elf-like character very easily.
I like that you break it down into sections.

Suggestions:
You use her name over and over, maybe exchange she for her name in a few places just to cut the repetition.

Keep writing!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
280
280
Review of The Harlequin  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:
I'm seeing a whole new side to you!
Girl, you are so talented.
You conquer poetry forms well...

I really enjoyed this poem/tale.
I like the way you present the poem with the image and the two colors.
Your story flows well and your imagery is good throughout.
I could see this Harlequin.

Thanks for leaving the author's note with all the extra details.

My favorite part:
'Gave a light whistle of pleasure and rose to her feet.
Hopping out to meet him in a cloud of tiny butterflies'

KEEP WRITING,
TAMMY

REVIEW ON BEHALF OF
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
281
281
Review of Seize the Day  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:
Your title, rating and genres are good.
Very short poem, but says what it needs to for you to make your point.

I like your last line on reality!
Your poem also holds a gentle reminder on how/why one faces each day.

It's a unique form.
Thanks for including the link to the contest and to the form.

KEEP WRITING.
TAMMY

REVIEW ON BEHALF OF
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
282
282
Review of This Line  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Flower1* Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies.
THE DROP-OFF BOX  Open in new Window. (13+)
Monthly newbie contest.
#530577 by Tammy~Catchin Up~ Author IconMail Icon


My Overall impression:
Great ending.
And I hope you find it!!

I think anyone who has been in a broken relationship will identify with your thoughts/feelings.
(especially women!)

Your rating, title and genres are appropriate.

Your poem flows/read well.
Your rhymes work good together.

My favorite lines:
'But she was too determined
So she conceded.'

*Flower1* Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
283
283
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Flower1* Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies.
THE DROP-OFF BOX  Open in new Window. (13+)
Monthly newbie contest.
#530577 by Tammy~Catchin Up~ Author IconMail Icon


My Overall impression:
Very romantic poem!
You capture a first kiss well.

I think all will remember their first kiss when they read your thoughts/feelings.

My favorite part:
Stardust around you and me
—our galaxy

Suggestions/Errors:
Add some genres to your poem, they help it get exposure.

*Flower1* Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
284
284
Review of Will We Learn?  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Overall Impressions:
"This is a reciprocal review on behalf of writetight, whom you were so kind as to have reviewed recently, and is in connection with "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.."

I think you capture the events & the results of this day very well.
You ask some very good questions in this.
Many of us ask these same questions.

Your poem has a big reminder in it, especially stanza 6.
Thanks for sharing.

Suggestions:
It was a sad, sad, day today
I'd remove the second comma.

I'd end line 4, 20 & 24 with a period.
I'd end line 16 with a ?

Keep writing!
Tammy
285
285
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Gift1*Thanks for entering your poem in
 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#962569 by Not Available.
and good luck.

*Gift2*OVERALL IMPRESSIONS*Note3*

Your rating, title and genres are good.
Very pretty poem and words you have here.

Love the presentation of your poem, the colors and the snowflakes.

My favorite part:
'Puffed white clumps
to the naked eye belie
intricate beauty, deployed
and destroyed by union;'

*Gift3* SUGGESTIONS*Note3*

A few things that should help with the read/flow of this:

In line six, I think you could cut the comma.

so I can inhale their essence,
try
as I inhale their essence,

*Gift5* Keep writing!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
286
286
Review of The Forgotten Man  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Flower1* Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. "THE DROP-OFF BOX " Open in new Window.

My Overall impression:
Your title, rating and genres are appropriate.
I worked in Nursing Facilities for over 10 years and some of what you have is right on.
There were some in there that really fit this description.

Suggestions/Errors:
are the life he now knows and nothing more.
and as he manages to arrive in the room
try
are the life he now knows and nothing more.
He manages to arrive in the lonely room

*Flower1* Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
287
287
Review of Joslyn's Folly  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Flower1* Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies.
THE DROP-OFF BOX  Open in new Window. (13+)
Monthly newbie contest.
#530577 by Tammy~Catchin Up~ Author IconMail Icon


My Overall impression:
Your title and rating are good.
What a twist at the end, I wasn't expecting it at all.

Suggestions/Errors:
Add some genres.

I'd suggest spacing after the dialog and maybe putting this into 3-4 paragraphs.
It will be easier for your readers to follow the dialog and it will help with the overall presentation of your story.

I think you should expand a little on this, set up the characters and their relationships a bit more.

*Flower1* Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
288
288
Review of So Many Rivers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Gift1*Thanks for entering your poem in"Invalid Item" Open in new Window. and good luck.

*Gift2*OVERALL IMPRESSIONS*Note3*
Very creative and unique poem.
I really love the way you use river/nature to tell about your life.
You comparison works very well throughout.

Your title fits very well.
Your rating and genres are good.

My favorite part:
Some measure life in minutes,
some count the time year by year.
I have measured by the crossings;
Great rivers have brought me here.

Your ending stanza is really good and strong too as you show yourself settled and waiting to go Home.


*Gift5* Keep writing!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
289
289
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Overall Impressions:
Well, I feel like I know you a bit better.

Your bio is very inspirational as you briefly tell your readers a part of your life that you have had to overcome.

Your writing is honest...but makes the reader want to know more about you!
I did not notice any typos or errors.
Your title and rating are good.

You have been a great addition to WDC and your reviews are always helpful and encouraging.
Keep them coming!

suggestions;
Add some genres, they will get your item exposure.

Mayb add to this and tell the readers more about you!

Keep writing!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
290
290
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Gift1*Thanks for entering your poem in
 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#962569 by Not Available.
and good luck.

*Gift2*OVERALL IMPRESSIONS*Note3*
Your rating, title and genres are good.
I like the repeating stanzas.
Your poem flows well as you tell this of this prophecy.

I think you have done very well at writing this so that a child can understand the meaning behind these words. Good job, it can be hard to write at that level.

I like stanza three the best and the image you show your readers.

Good luck with your book.

*Gift5* Keep writing!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
291
291
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Gift1*Thanks for entering your poem in
 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#962569 by Not Available.
and good luck.

*Gift2*OVERALL IMPRESSIONS*Note3*
Your title, rating and genres are good.
I think many will identify with this; any who has an ex!

I like the repetition that you use with the watching, I was feeling watched by the time I got to the end!
: )

I like this part the best:
i still love you
that's why
you're there
tucked away
in the corner of my mind


*Gift3* SUGGESTIONS*Note3*
I think you could combine some of these lines and it would make the poem read/flow a little better.

*Gift5* Keep writing!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
292
292
Rated: E | (4.5)
Overall Impressions:
The review you requested.
Your title and genres are good.
You really bring music to life with these words.

My favorite part:
'The note spreads its wings and circles around
Larger and bolder the note has a heart
Stronger and louder the note torn apart'

Suggestions:
Add some genres.

Lest the weight of the note doth fall to the floor
This is the only line like this, I'd cut lest and doth just to go with the rest of your poem.

The timps are now crashing like waves on the shore
Is this supposed to be temps?

Urged on by this-the conductors baton
I think I'd cut this.
Urged on by the conductors baton

Keep writing!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
293
293
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Gift1*Thanks for entering your poem in
 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#962569 by Not Available.
and good luck.

*Gift2*OVERALL IMPRESSIONS*Note3*
Your title and genres are good.
Your poem is very vivid.

I like the repetition you use it makes the read even more dramatic.
The colors and the contrast also helps with this.

I like that you include the author's note and set this up for your readers.

*Gift3* SUGGESTIONS*Note3*
I'd suggest changing this to a higher rating, 18+ mainly for the explanation you give.

*Gift5* Keep writing!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
294
294
Review of UNTIL THE END  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Thanks for entering my contest
 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#962569 by Not Available.
and good luck.

These are very pretty words.
I could feel the love and pain that you have for your mother.

I lost my Mom in 2004 and this fits perfect!
Thanks for sharing.

My favorite lines:
'When I shed a tear, you wiped it away.
When I stumbled, you showed me the way.'

Keep writing,
Tammy
295
295
Review of Sea Change  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Gift1*Thanks for entering your poem in
 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#962569 by Not Available.
and good luck.

*Gift2*OVERALL IMPRESSIONS*Note3*
Very unique poem.

I like how you mix the turtles and nature to show the birth of your grandson.

Your poem looks almost like a flower...were you going for shape poetry??
(If you added pink or red for the top and the rest green it would look like flower!!)

Your poem flows well and I really like the repetition of the 'floating' line.
Your rating, titles and genres are good.

My favorite part:
'and the cord is cut
you bobble to the surface
rising to the light,'

*Gift5* Keep writing!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
296
296
Review of Life Is A SeeSaw  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Gift1*Thanks for entering your poem in
 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#962569 by Not Available.
and good luck.

*Gift2*OVERALL IMPRESSIONS*Note3*
This comparison of the see-saw and giving/taking in life works really well.
I like you last few lines on asking/seeking and knocking.

My favorite lines:
'smiling all the way
Screaming in joy
Balancing always.'

Your poem flows/reads well and your words are very true.

*Gift3* SUGGESTIONS*Note3*
You could add one more genre, they help your items get exposure.
maybe personal or emotional

*Gift5* Keep writing!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
297
297
Review of A Pause In Time  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Leaf4*Thanks for entering your poem in
 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#962569 by Not Available.
and good luck.

*Leaf1* OVERALL IMPRESSION:
I love the title you picked for this.
You show a womam's distrust and weariness well as she tries a new love.

My favorite lines:
'No, the dominos slide.
The icycles hang from the palace
of dreams.'

Your comparison of the sleigh in the ending stanza is very creative.


*Leaf2* MY OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS:
Why worry?, I say to him.
I'd remove either the ? or the comma.

In the above line icycles should be icicles

Keep writing.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
298
298
Review of Dance in the Rain  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Gift1*Thanks for entering your poem in
 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#962569 by Not Available.
and good luck.

*Gift2*OVERALL IMPRESSIONS*Note3*
Great title.
Your poem flows well and your rhymes are good.

I like the examples you use.
nature
the trails

This is a very inspirational read.
I like your ending the best.
Thanks for sharing.

*Gift3* SUGGESTIONS*Note3*
You could add one more genre, personal would work.

*Gift5* Keep writing!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
299
299
Review of Kings & Queens  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Gift1*Thanks for entering your poem in
 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#962569 by Not Available.
and good luck.

*Gift2*OVERALL IMPRESSIONS*Note3*
I like your thoughts on growing up and life moving right along.
I like the repetition you have in areas.

I like stanza 4 the best.
Your pace is steady and your rhymes work well together.

*Gift3* SUGGESTIONS*Note3*
Add some genres, they help your items get exposure.

for treasure to be?
I think this would read/sound better as treasures.

*Gift5* Keep writing!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
300
300
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Flower1* Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies.
THE DROP-OFF BOX  Open in new Window. (13+)
Monthly newbie contest.
#530577 by Tammy~Catchin Up~ Author IconMail Icon


My Overall impression:
Your title, rating and genres are appropriate.
Sad story.I like your ending and your thoughts on the salt/tears.
It really helps the mood for this.

Suggestions/Errors:
I think maybe just set this up a bit more.
Maybe show a memory of two.
As it is, I was left with a few questions.
About her husbands illness, his death.
Just maybe add a little more on their relationship and his death.

*Flower1* Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
1,030 Reviews • *Magnify*
Page of 42 • 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://webx1.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/tm_lvn_nurse/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/12