Hi, Shirley I found this story in Twisted Tales. Congratulations on the winning entry. I was waiting for the twist and the intimation that Oma had a tail under long heavy skirts was quite unsettling!
I really love your stories and your inventive descriptions. As someone who has the "nose of a cadaver dog," (my husband described my sense of smell this way)I find your descriptions of taste and smells so impressive. I particularly liked "damp earth and dirty socks" I know exactly what you meant.
I do hope you publish your work, they are so reminiscent of the Grimm brothers tales. I would love to hear them read on an audiobook by someone with a suitable voice for this type of story. Maybe Neil Gaiman or yourself Shirley!
Hi, I found this story on The Bradbury. It's certainly a cautionary tale and one which kept me on edge as I hoped there would be a happy ending. Getting locked out is something which has happened to all of us but not on a below zero night with two small children. I certainly feared for the baby.
He made his way, dragging, back to the door. Julie turned to go back inside. In this sentence I think adding dragging his feet it would sound better.
It's a good story, well written. Thanks for sharing.
Hi, Jeff I came across this interesting little story in The Bradbury. I really enjoyed the idea of this new world. Your world-building was really good.
While the invention of teleportation had been a welcome and necessary technological advancement at first - allowing her to live near her family in St. Cloud while keeping her tenure-track position at Boston University - like so many modern marvels, it quickly separated into a premium offering for those who could afford the privilege, and a more economical offering that everyone else used instead. This sentence I felt was just too long, the clause between the dashes is long enough that some readers might lose the sentence thread, and that everyone used instead is not needed as it is implied.
If you didn't have money, you had to take the Sub-Net, which was the "Subsidized Network" that most people had to travel along.
To avoid the two "had to" in this sentence you could delete-- had to travel along and say most people used.
These are just suggestions Jeff, please use or ignore.
Hi, I found your story whilst reading some of The Bradbury entries. This superstition about the number 24 was an interesting fact I hadn't heard previously heard about.
The Offering of 24 is a good telling of the folklore. It's a pity Sam hadn't purchased 25 chickens. The outcome might have been different.
Sam's refusal to believe Iron Sky led him to accuse his neighbour of burning the coop, preferring this conclusion to the spiritual one. The conflagration must have driven Sam to doing what he did, but to kill himself outside McCallum's house was certainly extreme, there must have been more to it which we are not privy to.
The story left me with more questions than answers.
By the way, do chickens scream?
Suggestions: The chickens shrieked
The chickens squawked wildly
The chickens set up a frantic din.
Hi, Shirley, I found this story in the Bradbury. I am so pleased I selected your story to read as it did my old heart good. The fantasy genre isn't one I'd normally seek out so maybe this magical tale sought out me.
Your vivid imagination is one very much like other more well known writers of fantasy such as Tolkien and Terry Pratchett. The story is beautifully written with gorgeously inventive synonyms.
I haven't visited your portfolio but I'm guessing this story is part of a longer piece, perhaps a novel? Peanut and Oma are great characters and ones you seem comfortable with and have written about previously.
Just a few suggestions for improvement: delete the comma after: Usually she had to sift through dozens of slips...
It just makes the sentence flow smoothly.
The complaints of the stones. I think grumbling of the stones sounds more fitting with the rest of the tone you used.
The last sentence: but its magic stayed for tea.
You used all the senses throughout the story, I tasted, smelled and heard which gave an almost physical and edible quality. I loved it. Well done. Keep on writing.
Hi, Bill, thanks for sharing one of your old stories. I see you wrote this back in 2003 and like all the best horror stories it has lost none of its impact.
I guessed poor John Steele wasn't about to get his bonus at the beginning, I just hope he got out of that house in one piece, unlike Martha.
Another gem from your backlog of stories. I enjoyed the read.
Hi, Bill, as usual you've succeeded in telling a truly gruesome tale. I enjoyed reading it and particualrly liked plucking of her silken harp strings, it's a strong metaphore combining spider silk with music and sensuality. The whole short piece conjures up gothic horror.
Just a thought,does the word Widow neeed capitalising? Im not sure.
When she raised her bulk addomen from the husk of her previous lover, it actually made me shudder, great image.
Hello again, Debanjan, this story is full of wonderful descriptions of the daily sunset. You described the occurrence so well I almost could imagine standing with you as the sun sinks into the horizon. I too love watching this spectacle as in Western Australia where I live we have the added deliciousness of watching the sun disappear into the Indian Ocean.
Well everyone must know where to find you if they need to, they only have to check the time of sunset on that day. I liked the idea of a super-artist residing in the heavens selecting which colours he'd use today, wonderful imagery.
Thank you for allowing me to share those images with you.
Hello, it's great to read something unique. I had a look in your portfolio and saw you're quite prolific in your writing, so many items there. It's a wonderful gift you have in being able to write your thoughts down in this sort of style. You sound quite young but I was so disappointed to see you hadn't filled your bio blog and I was able to confirm my image of you. I hope you'll rectify that as readers get more from knowing about the author.
I've only read this poem so far The Dream and I really liked it. The rhythm was good, a bit inconsistent but that didn't detract from my enjoyment. I think you're speaking for all of us when we were young, about all we want from the future.
I know it's toxic, but I can't see past it.
Wanna wear dresses confidently, This made me stop in my tracks. In one way I'm pleased that you know the pressure that society places on we females to always look like the airbrushed models in magazines is toxic, but was troubled you think so badly of your body and was succumbing to that pressure.
You sound like an amazing, talented, happy, mostly confident young women and I'm looking forward to reading more of your work.
Thank you for writing and sharing this story. It's so powerful and unfortunately it could be so true. The thoughts which passed through my mind were that tragic stories such as these will become less as homosexuality is accepted as just another way of life.
The prompt format for this contest was quite different from the normal story prompt wasn't it? It had me interested enough to have a try myself and I also chose the 'blot' out of the three choices. It made think of searching the newspaper stories and using them as a springboard to flesh out an incident or to fictionalise it.
Yours was a worthy winner. I liked the different fonts you used and the formatting which made it easy to follow. Hopkins was such a complex character, in such a short story , under 1,000 words you told his life from boyhood to man so well.
Hi, Debanjan, what a delightful story. A classic English story played out in your country. I love the idea of these little boys fighting a duel. I must say Debanjan, I'm enjoying your writing more each time I read one.
I loved how patient and kind Mintu was to his little brother, he certainly was very annoying -- he pulls Mintu's hair and then pours icy water on him. Having the aggression defused in this way was the perfect way to wind up the story.
Thank you for sharing this children's story. I think this is where your talent lies.
Hi, Kare, I love the way your mind thinks. I'm sure you realise it's not the same as most people's.
You grasp the ordinary and make it less so, even making it extraordinary sometimes. I remember this prompt for the Drabble Contest. It was write a story about hair.
It could be as we age we think of hair differently to when the hair we had was plentiful, strong and the right colour. I was thinking maybe pubic hairs would make better eyelashes?
Having a wig made to wear for the viewing after death sounds like a reasonable idea to me, after all no mortician could style my hair to my liking.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts with those who appreciate you.
Congratulations Debanjan, it is a worthy winner. The story is well written and amusing. I'm so pleased for you. I liked how you set the scene, we were instantly transported to India.
The protagonist, a Mumbai housewife, has a plan, which she proceeds to implement. I would have liked to know her name though, so I felt emotionally attached.
Although the mouse escaped, a missing item was found and that is always satisfying.
Thank you for giving me a smile tonight before I close my eyes. Thank you for giving me a taste of ‘home’ when Ollie and Betty spoke in the accent which apparently I still retain a little of despite not living in the Midlands for 55 years.
I know there is also a bit of reality in this little story—almost every week it seems, we see on the news houses teetering on the brink and folks left homeless. But I chose to concentrate on the humour and the image of this lovely couple who always looked on the bright side of life. I liked how, even in the midst of disaster, they bickered about the size of the rescue vessel— they reminded me of my husband and I, who after 60 years of marriage still continue to argue over trivial matters. It’s a way of keeping our marriage alive I always say.
Great teaser for more. To paint your character’Cord’ so well in so few words is a testament to your talent. This is the beginning of a very intriguing story and left me wanting to know who dun it. You included so much, the weather, the state and the type of man the protagonist is—impatient, conscientious and a stand-no-nonsense kind of fella. A deserving win for the Daily Flash.
Sue
Hello, Naomi, I thought I’d pay your portfolio a visit. I am so pleased I did because of this beautiful story which came out of a dreadful time, not so long ago.
Although the virus took so many lives and caused so much heartache it also brought out the best and the worst in all of us. It made us realise what was important and that it is family. Money couldn’t cure this sickness and it was only the by the hard work of all the medical staff in our hospitals and the determination of the scientists to find a vaccine that more of the world didn’t succumb to it.
It is a heartwarming story and I am sure there are many more such stories of bravery during that awful time.
Thank you for sharing.
Sue
Hello, Tee, I came across your letter to yourself on the Read and Review site. You have certainly given yourself some tasks to fulfil this year, I hope you manage to complete them but if you don’t please don’t beat yourself up. New Year’s resolutions, if you’re anything remotely like me, are great to inspire but not to give stress.
I’m so pleased to hear you have made friends here at WdC and have received some good advice. I have found nothing but good cheer and friendship here too.
I hope by writing to yourself it clarifies your intentions and plans, it really is a smart thing to do, isn’t it? Maybe I should write a letter to myself too, but I know I won’t. But I did decide to enter The Bradbury which requires a new story each week for 52 weeks! Now I’ve really given myself something to stress about.
I see your birthday is three days before mine which makes you a Cancerian, we usually stick to things or feel we’ve let ourselves down if we don’t, so keep on with your dreams and schemes.
Happy New Year.
Cheers Sue
Hi, John, thank you for giving me something to smile about on this final day of 2025. I will take a lesson from the story and not attempt something as radical as Winston. I was wondering if Bartholomew would somehow get mixed up in the purge accidentally.
There’s always the danger when throwing stuff out that something precious will get accidentally tossed and invariably it will become that something, which has never been touched or used for years, which becomes the one item you require for a task and nothing else will do.
I was relieved Winston managed to retrieve his box from the compactor in the end and the near miss brought him out of his temporary madness.
I loved this story. Although the reader must suspend belief, I wanted to believe it’s possible to slip back to a more peaceful place and time.
Your description of the town of Pine Hollow was sweet and lyrical giving me a yearning for such a simple time. And even though Maria needed to learn the old ways she still remembered her old life, the modern conveniences and her mobile devices. It was cool she was given the choice to return which made me wonder how many of us would opt for “the old days,” given the opportunity.
You took the prompt and ran with it. I hope you do well in the contest.
Thanks for sharing.
Sue
It is a great concept as it encourages the participants to enjoy the whole of the WdC site. Already I’ve travelled to the Newsfeed and posted an item, something I rarely do. I had a visit to someone’s notebook, who is not already a member of the activity, to encourage him to checkout 26 Paychecks as I think it would be of interest to him. It felt a little like knocking on someone’s door without an invitation. A bit like a cold call I guess.
Annette is so organised I am confident the activity will run smoothly as she runs a tight ship. Although it’s early days I am sure 26 Paychecks will be a hit.
Hi, Damon, thank you for such a great read. I guessed you wrote it for the Quotation Inspiration Contest and I’m sure you’ll do very well with this entry. As a fellow entrant I’m now feeling so much less confident in my chances.😂
I really liked the larger font and the easy to read formatting. The stars denoting the breaks were offset to the left, they would look better centralised. Check Writing ML on how to achieve this.
In the tenth paragraph you could use an m-dash for the sentence: they worked in an open park with no lost and found.
The two characters, Wally and Clyde were believable and I had my own image of the pair, especially that money grabber Wally!
It’s a lovely heat warming tale, if a little unbelievable, but one never knows when honesty might pay off.
I wish you success with your novels which I did take a peek at on Amazon. Perhaps like Clyde, your pay off is just around the corner.
Hi, John, congratulations on achieving third place in the ‘What a Character,’ contest.
Envy was a good choice to write a story about, it’s such a self destructive trait.
Tiffany was an unwilling participant in this sad tale of a family slowly heading for destruction.
I suppose Phyllis’ envy of everyone and of everything could also had been about greed too.
It reminds me of the obsession or sickness some people have. They purchase numerous goods on line but when the items arrive the person doesn’t even open the parcels. The pleasure was achieved from the actual purchasing.
Phyllis was a sick woman, neglecting her children, especially poor Tiffany, to the point of losing her.
The first line: It’s a striking image, but I found it confusing—mainly because the metaphor isn’t clearly anchored. Here’s why:
“Phyllis’s eyes were a sprawling, glittering bazaar” is vivid and works as a metaphor for busy, colourful, expressive eyes.
“their perpetually unfulfilled customer” seems to be referring back to… her? Someone else? It’s unclear who is the customer of the bazaar.
Because the two halves don’t connect cleanly, the line feels more puzzling than poetic.
Perhaps it’s just me as obviously the judges thought it was ok, but maybe you can revisit it and make the meaning a little clearer.
A great story about a woman driven to great lengths to fulfil her desires.
Sue.
Hey, Jim, this poem makes me so happy. I know so many people who are estranged from their adult children. In each case, although they’re dreadfully sad, they are reconciled to the fact that a beloved child is missing from their family. Yet when and if a reconciliation does miraculously take place, it isn’t until that moment they can admit to themselves how much it was hurting.
My daughter’s son will not speak to his mother even though I’ve tried to encourage him to just let it go, whatever ‘it’ is.
So I’m really pleased for both of you. Enjoy your reconciliation meeting next week. What a great poem and a wonderful Thanksgiving Day.
Sue
Hello, thank you for sharing your feelings towards a blood test. I loved the metre and rhythm of the lines. The only rhyming stanza is the final one, but as I read the whole poem out loud I realised there was no need of rhyme because it flowed so well.
I liked how the poem led us through the process of blood taking from the first moments until completion .
I guess we must all of us have to steel ourselves, just a little, against the intrusion of someone sticking a needle into our arms.
A lovely piece. Thank you for a smile.
Sue
Thank you so much, Jane, for sharing a little of your life, the highs and the lows. As a fellow Australian I understand what those country towns can be like. I’m sorry your own experience caused you so much darkness. I also understand the changes which have happened over the last twenty years to our public schools and the exodus of so many fine teachers, having teachers in my own family.
But the pleasure and love you found in your dogs have been your saving grace. They are the best aren’t they? Always there, non judgmental and protective.
I’m pleased you are in a better head space now, thanks to those precious four legged friends.
Sue
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