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3,370 Public Reviews Given
3,418 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual for the most part. I will point out errors I see and offer suggested corrections. I like to focus on the content and formatting of the item. I love providing helpful comments and feedback that may improve the item if acted on.
I'm good at...
I like to provide suggestions to the author on things I see that may need a second look. I'm not afraid to do a little research to verify a poem's format, or the contents of a story (if requested).
Favorite Genres
Mystery, Horror, Sci-Fi, Comedy, and Suspense
Least Favorite Genres
Honestly, I will read anything if asked. I just prefer those listed above.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novellas, books (though a review of that may take days/weeks due to my schedule), Poetry of any format.
Least Favorite Item Types
I find non-structured poetry difficult to review, unless there is a short disclaimer about this non-structure that would help in understanding the reason it's in that particular format.
I will not review...
I'm not interested in Vore, In and Out's, Growing/Shrinking, or other items that are similar to one of these.
Public Reviews
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701
701
Review of When life ends  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Dear Michelle,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 7th WDC Anniversary!

         Your poem speaks volumes about love lost, and the path one might take then they feel rejected. I liked your repeated refrain for "Darkened Sky, Fallen Shadows, Heavens cry", it tied things together, and reinforced the image of someone at the end of their rope. There was just one small thing I saw that you might want to look at, and it's very minor. In the last verse, you used the word 'anymore' twice, it just seemed to detract from the read a little bit. Don't get me wrong, it's beautiful as written, but that verse stuck out if you ask me.




Sum1

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702
702
Review of Whisper  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear Simona,
         Wow, you say so much in this beautifl poem! It flows well, the images you bring to mind, the love the woman felt for her family was evident in every line. I loved the ending, it's appropriate, it fits well with the image you painted of the woman. I will say that this looks more like prose than poetry, mainly because of the formatting on the page. If I may show you a small suggestion on the, without changing any words.

Like a serpent, it sneaks through the grass
and whispers in her ear…then, she feels cold…
her brittle bones creak as she walks in fear,
but her heart pounds strong, She will not disappear,
or will she wallow in sorrow as time grows near.


         Notice it's now centered on the page, and the lines are broken to give it a more 'poetic' look. You could (if you chose), eliminate a few words and not change the meaning; sometimes in poetry, less is more. *Smile* Whatever you though, keep working at your craft, you have a nice talent here. If I may put in a plug, I have a poem in my folder also titled 'Whisper', but it's entirely different from this one.
Whisper Open in new Window. (E)
A poem of Faith, Love, and Hope, that fades to a memory
#1692869 by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon


         Enjoy your time here on WDC. I hope you find it to be a second home, like I have....




Sum1

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703
703
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Dear Jeff,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 11th WDC Anniversary!

         There is no way I couldn't review this, and I'm surprised I haven't done so yet. This video brought home a sense of family and love that I haven't felt in quite some time. I still watch it in awe, and often wonder who everyone is. I recognize two or three, more because of how they present themselves than anything, but I would love to see a list of who's who, and in what order in the video.

         I can't imagine the time it took to put this together, nor the resources you had to use. This gift to the SM's is more than words can convey, at least for me. When I first saw it, I was speechless; all I could do is sit there and stare, wiping my eyes once in a while. I've grown to love "Safe And Sound" since first seeing the video on the StoryMistress's newsfeed, so using this song brought it all home even more. Thank you for this, and all you do here on WDC. I truly hope your inbox is inundated with reviews from people sending Anniversary Reviews this month.



Sum1

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704
704
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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Dear Arakun,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 7th WDC Anniversary!

         Well, now you've gone and done it. I may just have to come back and read the rest of this diary! Excellent story, had me hooked early on with the creepiness of it.

         You described the atmosphere around the house well, and the storm only reinforced your descriptions. It's these kind of ghost stories that can raise the hair on the back of my neck. It didn't quite happen in this first chapter, but I know it would if I read the rest. *Smile* I liked the way you had the girl appear at the top of the stairs, then again right in front of Melissa. Overall, the story has a nice quality of creepiness to it. I did see one thing you might want to look at in this.


1. As she was on her way, a thunderstorm had arisen out of nowhere. This seems to be worded a little awkwardly. Perhaps something like this would help. While on her way, this thunderstorm had risen out of nowhere.


Sum1

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705
705
Review of TALL TALE  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Dear Geoffrey,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 7th WDC Anniversary!

         I swear, only a fisherman, or a man of the sea, could tell a tale like that! *Smile* You wrote in a tone that was as if we were sitting next to each other in a bar. In telling the story, you'd lean over so only you and I could hear what was going on. Me, a middle aged man from the city. I've been on ships (okay, Submarines), but I'm not a man of the sea. You, a grizzled old man, 3-4 days growth of beard, caps tipped on the back of your head. See what images your story created? I did find myself wondering what kind of deep sea monster you saw. Was it 'The Kraken'? Nicely done, well told!



Sum1

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706
706
Review of June 14--Gun  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
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Dear Nikola,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 10th WDC Anniversary!

         First and foremost, GO SEAHAWKS! Been a fan since they joined the league, not about to quit now. *Smile* You cheer the Broncos, I'll cheer the Seahawks.

         Man, you had me with this one. I wondered how she killed him, or how it all came about. you brought it to a shattering conclusion rapidly, and I loved it. I've never been in a situation even close to that, so I'm not sure how I'd handle it. Then again, I'm a male, so it would be a totally different perspective. Still, you wrote this so it was all real to me. I've re-read it, and still love it. Happy Anniversary!



Sum1

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707
707
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Dear Nicole,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 13th WDC Anniversary!

         As you stated in your post script, this letter could be used by anyone who had fallen in love, and lost. We've all been there, felt that ache that never seems to go away. I love how you describe your feelings the moment he said, "Hello." That movie quote fits here quite well I'd think. *Smile* You say a lot here that all of us would like to say to a former love. Words unsaid, that need to be said. Well done! I did see a couple of things you might want to look at in this though.

1. And when you said hello I knew there was no hope for it, I would've gotten away with my heart in tact if you wouldn't have said that one word. In tact should be one word, intact.

2. When I accepted that I fell for you, hard. As written, this doesn't make sense. But I think you meant to place the comma after that, instead of after you. Then it would make sense paired with the previous sentence.

3. Like I should've a long time ago. While there's nothing wrong with the way this is written, it would look and read a lot better if it was should have, instead of the contraction.


Sum1

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708
708
Review of Math  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Dear Just Me,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 8th WDC Anniversary!

         Your poem is very cute, and one of the most original one's I've read recently. I checked your math, just to be sure. *Smile* I do think it would be nice if you could use other words than just plus, minus for the majority of your lines. Something like, "adding 30 deep breaths", or after you say plus once, then say, "and 5 notes to a song, along with 58 minutes of cutting class". This way, you aren't reading the same word over and over.



Sum1

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709
709
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (2.0)
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Dear Masked_Writer,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 13th WDC Anniversary!

         You have a good idea for a story here, you have started it off nicely. However, it needs a bit of work to make it complete. Every story has a beginning, a middle (plot), and an end. But yours has a beginning, and that's about it. It seems like you got as far as getting Shanti to the 'new Earth', but then dropped it. I think you have a great beginning here, the idea is sound (been written before I know, but still, it can always be written again, perhaps with a new twist). But Shanti gets to the new planet, and that's where it stops! In reality, your story is just beginning, so finish it for me so I can come back and read it! *Smile* When you do edit it, you will want to carefully check it. Here's a small sample of what it looks like when reading it.

1. Shanti watched Tracy stand on a green circle and a chair came out of the floor and she sat down. She waved to Shanti as she took out her



personal V-Pad and started poking madly at it. Spacing like this occurs throughout the story, making it very hard to read and stay engrossed. In one as short as this is, it makes it doubly hard to get into it. Also, when writing Sci-Fi, be careful using names for things that sound like something in today's world. An example is the V-Pad; it sounds an awful lot like an I-Pad. I don't think they would have something so close to an I-Pad this far in the future.

         Like I said, this does need some editing, a thorough going over to check format, as well as a middle (plot), and an end. Example: We know why Shanti went to the new Earth, but what happened once she got there? Did she find it to be the Utopia she thought it would be, or did she find something going on that a reader wouldn't necessarily think of. Add a twist, give it some depth, and see what happens. *Smile*




Sum1

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710
710
Review of The Email's Tale  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Dear Zelda,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 8th WDC Anniversary!

         Never having much to do with Ballads, I had to carefully read your explanation before re-reading this poem. I found it to be very entertaining, but the end left me a little bit surprised. He burnt the birthday cake, and she was coming at him with a knife? It sure sounds like an extreme reaction if you ask me. *Smile* You did paint quite a few images in my mind as I read this; I know I smiled a few times while reading it. I did see a couple of things you might want to look at in this though.




Title:  Excellent for this poem.




Description:  Very good also.




Rhyme/Rhythm:  Your rhyme scheme was very good, but I thought the rhyme of again, and pain was a little bit of a stretch. The rhythm was almost perfect with the 8/6/8/6 syllable count. I did see a couple of lines you might want to look at.

1. that made everyone sick. As written, this is seven syllables (should be six). If you deleted the second e in everyone (ev'ryone), then it would work. Depends on how you pronounce everyone.

2. I stepped into streams of light This line also has seven syllables, and should be eight.

3. she was surprised to see me. Seven syllables, and it should again be six.

4. she took her iPhone. This line should be six, but is only five.

         Don't get me wrong by my comments, I really liked this. But I guess it's my ODC, when a poem is written to a syllable count, I end up counting,,,,


Overall impressions:  A really good poem, written from an E-mail point of view.


Sum1

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711
711
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Dear MyLynDoll,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 10th WDC Anniversary!

         You know, this is a pretty adaptation of the Three Little Pigs. I love the characters you created in the three pigs, each was very unique. You managed to keep 'fairy tale' type of approach to it throughout that made it work well for me. The end seemed a little abrupt, but then that's how fairy tales are, aren't they... Still, it seemed like the ending didn't quite fit with everything else. I do have a few very minor comments on this for you.



1. You see, Sully was quite the taxidermist and he couldn't very well hang up his collection in the pig sty, but in his own home, it would be very different.
So he took his mother's advice and purchased a home made of wood. For some reason there's a hard return in this line, and it seems to belong with the previous paragraph.

2. No, she was more concerned about friendship and she had many woodland friends, some of which were female wolves.
She wanted to have them over sometimes, but knew that they wouldn't be welcome in her Mother's home, oh, but I am getting ahead of myself in the story. Another misplaced hard return it seems.

3. I don't understand why there's a rose graphic in the middle of the story. It seems out of place.



Sum1

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712
712
Review of Not His Name  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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Dear Leger,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 10th WDC Anniversary! There is no way I could let this occasion pass without visiting your port.

         For someone who says she writes terrible poetry, you do a decent job at free verse. *Smile*

         This is a nice poem about what seems to be a one night stand. Possibly even less than that, since you never learned his name. I love the flow of it, plus the formatting makes it look a bit like a tornado, as if something started big between the two of you, then dwindled away over time. A very short time at that. If I may make one suggestion, it would be to delete the words 'and so' at the start of the last line, they are unnecessary. Sometimes in Poetry, less is better. *Smile*



Sum1

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713
713
Review of Trayvon Martin  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Dear Kiya
         Happy 8th Anniversary again! I thought I'd drop by and see what else I could find to review, and this one popped up on my screen.

         Your poem speaks volumes about this controversial case. I think this case has caused many people to reassess their thoughts on the state of our country, and some of the people in it. I look around at people all the time, especially in my travels, and wonder what their lives are like.

         My only comment on this, and it's a personal thing here, is stopping a line with one word, only to complete the thought on the next line. I'm not a trained writer, that may explain it, I call it just 'being me'. Other than that, this is well written, and fits the fibonacci sequence perfectly.



Sum1

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714
714
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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Dear Kate,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 8th WDC Anniversary!

         Powerfully written. You grabbed me at 'Hello', and kept me enthralled the throughout the read. I was no where near NY on 9/11, but I do remember that day vividly. I was in the NYC area on business a couple of years later, and on other occasions, and try to stop by the site each time to pay my respects. My first time there was about October 2003. A cold, wet night; I couldn't see much, but it was still a sobering sight. I hope we remain ever vigilant against things like this, but as you point out at the end, 10 years to the day, and something like that happened again. We don't learn from history, do we? Thank you for an enlightening read.



Sum1

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715
715
Review of At What Price?  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Dear BScholl,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 4th WDC Anniversary!

         Your story is very interesting, I loved the idea of a house being built around the fountain of youth. Your description of the house in the first two paragraphs really helped set the scene for the age of it, especially the line, Many of the boards had severe water damage, and had slid down revealing the original logs. I did see a couple of things you might want to consider in this, hopefully my suggestions will keep this at 300 words or less.

1. Overgrown shrubs encroached upon it. He had to turn sideways to get through. These two lines seem disjointed, making this portion of bit rough to read. If I may offer a suggestion. Overgrown shrubs encroached upon it, forcing him to turn sideways to get through.

2. The initial dialog between Jed and Aiden is a bit abrupt and forced. I know you were under a word limit, which is probably the reason for it. But it seems like Jed would introduce himself a little more in his initial greeting. Of course, that would add to the word count, so I'm at a loss on how to do this. If this was for a contest with a strict word limit, and the contest is now over, you might consider revising your dialog a little.

3. “I’ll hook up outside and bring in the modem in a few minutes. As you can see, you are missing closing quotations marks here.




Sum1

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716
716
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Dear Winklett,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 11th WDC Anniversary!

         Okay, I'll confess. I saw the Crouching Spider story, and had to read it again first. I got just as much, if not more, amusement from reading it as I did last year. *Smile* This story is cute also, but I do have a question for you about it. Aren't you worried that there might be spiders hiding in the dark corners of your house??? I love the allusion to that at the end, when you said, "Don't turn on the light." Or was that a reference to not turning it on in fear of seeing spiders? *Smile* Overall though, an enjoyable read, one that made me smile again.



Sum1

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717
717
Review of CASCADE  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Dear Dave,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 8th WDC Anniversary!

         I've never written a Cascade poem, had never heard of them until I read this one. I love the form, the repeated lines of it. You did very well in making this read coherently while adhering to the required form. I love the story you tell here, it's so true! Now, I know it's not a requirement of the form, but I'd love to see the lines a little more consistent length/syllable wise. Rhyming is not required, but would be good also. Just a personal opinion/thought.



Sum1

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718
718
Review of my bad luck  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
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Dear GreenEYELover,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 5th WDC Anniversary!

         What I like in your poem is the message you tell. You scream your love for this woman throughout the piece, telling the reader how much she means to you. However, there are numerous typo's and misuse of English that detracts a bit from the read. Also, I'm not one who believes that a rhyming poem has to have perfect rhymes, some of your close rhymes are a bit off for me. My specific comments are below.



Title:  There is no title in the body of the poem. I know you have it at the top of the poem in your port, but it seems you titled it there only because it has to have one to be posted in your port. I think the title belongs in the body of the poem, centered on the page.




Description:  I think your description needs a lot of work. Tell the reader why they should drop in and read this!




Rhyme/Rhythm:  Specific rhymes that didn't make it for me were, yours/friends, unconditional/girl, O.D./freak, again/friend. Read this aloud and see what you think.




General Comments:  

1. Unless it's a specific type of formatted poem, I believe poetry presents itself best when centered on the page. Personal opinion.

2. The use of a few comma's and periods in your lines would really help this read better. I'm not one who believes you have to have specific punctuation for each line, but a comma at the end of a line does help in those places that require or need a pause.

3. Not only does a singular i require capitalization, any compound word (I'll, which is I will) must be capitalized. There are several places in your poem that this occurs.

4. broke some hearts now i'm paying the cost This line is a good example where a comma would help it read a bit better. broke some hearts, now i'm paying the cost

5. I just give my love all my love unconditional Be careful using the same word(s) twice in succession in a line. I know what you're saying here, but you might want to consider re-wording this line, and other lines like it.






Overall impressions:  A nice love poem for the one they love. A little editing TLC will allow it to be stronger, and receive better grades from future reviewers.


Sum1

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719
719
Review of Frozen  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
April,
         I accepted your review request, but not for the GP's, so I'm returning them to you. I accepted your request because to me, it's always an honor when someone asks you to review their work.

         I'm not into Haiku's a lot, I've not written one since the cave man days of school for me (1960's most likely). I know what they are supposed to be, their rhythm scheme, and the subject matter. So I have to say that yours fits the form of a Haiku. But I think it could be a little better. I think it's the wording of the second line. The idea you are portraying here is great, but it seems it could be worded slightly differently. If I may, here's an idea for you.

Frozen blades of grass—
Winter sun sneaks out from clouds
Shines on frozen turf


         I don't know really, I'm not sure this is any better. I just wonder how a sun can be 'promising'. I know what you're saying there, but it just throws me off some. Don't get me wrong, your Haiku is fine as written. You asked for a review; I'm just trying to make a small suggestion. I hope I've helped you with this. Thank you again for requesting my review.




Sum1

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Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Dear Fishtail
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 8th WDC Anniversary!

         I liked your approach to this story. A bit of comedy, a bit of suspense. The twist was good, but I would think that if someone was doing what she was doing (I don't want to give away the twist), they realize what the noise was. However, I've been in a house while a blizzard raged outside, so I know how every little sound can grab you. I do have a little feedback for you about this.


Title:  Very good for this story



Description:  Very good also



General Comments:  

1. You jump right into this with the character hearing a noise in the night. But if I hadn't read the intro, or the title, I wouldn't know it was night time. Maybe you could preface things a little by explaining where your character is when she hears the sound. Something along the lines of, "It was late in the evening when I first heard it. My heart jumped and my body felt a twinge of terror at what I heard in the kitchen. My first thought was that someone was trying to break in, and I had no idea what I was going to do."

2. I remembered that earlier I set it by my computer desk in my bedroom. Since she's remembering to an earlier time, the use of 'earlier' is redundant.

3. I stood in one spot, stiffened for more than two minutes, while I tried not to assume the worst. This seems to be worded a little awkwardly. Perhaps this would work for you. I stood in one spot stiff as a board for more than two minutes, trying not to assume the worst.

4. Perhaps it was not my first thought-someone breaking in to steal from me, or rape me, or kill me. Instead of using the dash to break the sentence, try using a semi-colon. I don't think you need the or in front of rape either.

5. I was either going to first dash to my bedroom, and quick grab my phone, or or I would somehow figure out what that rustling noise was, and where it was coming from. You don't need to say 'first dash', or 'quick grab my phone'. Your character is a bit panicked, so dashing to her room and grabbing her phone as fast as she can is obvious. Also, you use the word or twice in a row here. Perhaps a minor editing along these lines. I was either going to dash to my bedroom and grab my phone, or I would figure out what that rustling noise was, and where it was coming from.



Overall impressions:  A nice story, a good one to tell around a campfire, with a little added looks and such to make it more suspenseful and scary.


Sum1

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721
721
Review of Burnt Rope  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Dear Nemesis,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 8th WDC Anniversary!

         This is very good and quite humorous. I could see where it was going when you burned the rope, and laughed a little at your predicament. I've never done this type of work, and being the rookie I am, I'd probably have done the same thing you did, except I'd have tossed the rope in the bed of the pickup. There is one small area you may want to look at in this.

1. Now I’ll admit that my load wasn’t exactly perfect and surely there was no chance he could have seen my earlier illegal u-turn and even if he did, ‘one in custody?’ is this a police state? I'm no English major, everyone knows that. But it seems that the is in the part about police state should be capitalized. It looks like a new sentence. But I think you were also quoting from earlier, so that makes me unsure of the rule here. What I suggest is a slight re-wording to make this separate sentences, avoiding any confusion.



Sum1

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Review of The Metal Box  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Dear Milhaud,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 5th WDC Anniversary!

         Wow, what a sad story you tell here! It's a wonder your mother managed to live as well as she did, feeling she was the one responsible for her son's death. You mention Port Orchard in your story, a town I'm a little familiar with. My in-laws lived there for about 15 years; it's an area I love to be honest. I was in Bremerton and Silverdale while stationed at Sub Base Bangor.

         You tell this story well, I am at a loss for suggestions to improve it. I do think your mother chose a strange place to 'hide' a very private box. I think it's great that everyone honored her request to keep that box private. Well done in telling this story.



Sum1

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723
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Review of The End  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey Mike,
         I thought I'd drop by to welcome you to Writing.com (or WDC as most of us call it), and return the favor of a review, since you were so kind to send me one recently.

         In reading this, I didn't get the impression of it being a satire. It is a good, free verse poem that runs well for the most part. One can read it as a serious endeavor, or take it tongue-in-cheek if they want. I chose the serious approach to it. I know you say you're not a poet, but at one time, I thought the same about myself. I just write, at least that's what I said at one time. Then I discovered the joys of rhyming (quite out of the blue really), and have never looked back. But I agree with your statement, sometimes things just come out of the blue, almost demanding to be written. I do have my thoughts on it of course, they are noted below. But keep in mind, I am not an English major by any means, so my comments are more based on what I've seen than anything else.


Title:  Excellent for this poem.




Description:  Very good overall




Rhyme/Rhythm:  Being free verse, there is no rhyme or rhythm scheme required.




General Comments:  

1. You mention poetry etiquette in your statement before the poem. I'm not sure there really is one to be honest. It seems to be more a personal preference than anything. If you're writing to fit a certain form, such as a Kyrielle, then it might help. But otherwise, do as you wish, at least in my book. (Oh wait, I'm not an English major, so what book would that be?) *Smile*

2. This flowed well for me, until you got close to 'the end'. Maybe that's where the satire came out, and I missed it initially. In these two lines though,

If we sit and we fear
And we scream and we jeer

you used we four times, and started the next line with we. Also, look at the number of times you used and. Even in satire, you might want to revisit this part. Now, if the whole piece was this way, the overuse of and we would give it an almost sing-son quality to it, and it could stand. But it's just here that you did this. Just a thought....

3. This starts very abruptly. But for some reason it fell through I think a little prelude to this would help it start out better, I had no idea what you intended at first. Then I got into the flow of the poem, and almost forgot to mention this. It almost seems like you left a line out when you copied this into the site.



Overall impressions:  An interesting free verse poem that can make you think. And that's what it is intended to do.


         Now with the review all done, I thought I'd say hi again, and tell you a little about WDC. It's a great place, you can meet a lot of people here, improve your craft (You should see some of my of my older stuff, and how rough it is). The contests, the groups, everything. May I recommend joining a group? It's a good way to become involved in our community while learning the ropes. Either way, I hope you learn to love this site as much as many of us have.


Sum1

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724
724
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Dear Incurable Romantic
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 13th WDC Anniversary!

         Okay, you have me by at least 10 years when it comes to computers. I'm not a certified programmer, far from it. But I'm pretty savvy when it comes to using them, but I've never heard of CICS, nor WIZZ. No matter, I liked the flow of this, and love reading about the cave man days of computers. I can see that today's e-mail programs had nothing on the WIZZARD Mail, other than being a little more flexible, and can send more than just text. I can imagine how you felt though, when you heard 'Wizz' the first time. Probably about the same I felt when I heard the term WFF when still new at Motorola. Believe it or not, WFF stood for 'Warm Fuzzy Feeling'. *Smile* Thanks for an informative read!



Sum1

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725
Review of Moments of Gold  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Dear Jack,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 10th WDC Anniversary!

         It's always amazing what we can learn from very young children. They haven't been 'touched' by society yet, and haven't learned to be self centered. This is shown in your touching story of Kaleb and Arianna. You have a way with words in your stories that really make them easy, and enjoyable, to read. You say your ways have been touched by time. I would like to think that your ways (and the ways of people), have been touched by others. We've been hurt in one way or another, and as such don't trust much anymore. Babies haven't experienced that, so they are much more trusting and forgiving. Beautiful story, thank you for sharing.




Sum1

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