Jaye P. Marshall's (jayepmarshall) Reviews

Jaye P. Marshall

Review Requests: OFF

7,061 Public Reviews Given

7,951 Total Reviews Given

501

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3134567

Review of The Old Iron Bunk Bed

Review by Jaye P. Marshall

In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC

Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

Hi, I'm Jaye. I'm reviewing this piece for the Rising Stars Member-to-Member Reviews.

General Impressions: This is a beautiful little piece where you've written some terrific description of the place and the residents who live there. These pictures painted made me homesick for the fields and woodlands that I used to roam.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.

These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!

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502

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3134433

Review of Quiet Memory

Review by Jaye P. Marshall

In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi, I'm Jaye. I'm reviewing your story today for the Rising Stars Member-to-Member Reviews.

General Impressions: This is a beautiful little story that was a real delight to read.

Characters: You have done an excellent job of portraying Father Samuel as a really human person.

Dialog: No dialog is utilized.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.

These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!

beautiful signatures crafted by dear terryjroo

503

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14 days may be credited.

#3134347

Review of Night Action

Review by Jaye P. Marshall

In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi, I'm Jaye. I'm reviewing your piece of part of August's Rising Star Member-to-Member reviews.

General Impressions: This is a thrilling read of a hot and intense battle between the few and the many.

Characters: You did a good job of personfying your characters. You might want to give them more personality by way of individual speech patterns or quirks.

Dialog: Dialog seems natural under the cincumatances.

Plot: The plot builds nicely to its climax.

Grammar & Punctuation: When writing dialog and using a name, nickname, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.

There seems to be a considerable amount of missing punctuation, i.e. commas at the end of quotes and periods at the ends of sentences.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ “Its here somewhere” he heard the signaller '
Suggest: “It's here somewhere,” he heard the signaller

In this segment, ‘ “It’s me Corp, don’t shoot” Len whispered, “Its quiet behind us”.'
Suggest: “It’s me, Corp, don’t shoot,” Len whispered. “It's quiet behind us”.

In this phrase, ‘ “That’s their’s, Mr Green isn’t going to fire'
Suggest: “That’s theirs, Mr Green isn’t going to fire

In this phrase, ‘ answered the round faced signaller '
Suggest: answered the round-faced signaller

In this phrase, ‘ knocking Barnard of his knees sprawling in the sand.'
Suggest: knocking Barnard off his knees, sending him sprawling in the sand.

In this phrase, ‘ as he scrabbled backward in the dust. . . .he turned to scrabble toward Len '
Suggest: Replacing one "scrabble".

In this phrase, ‘ smile as he helped page climb on board '
Suggest: smile as he helped Page climb on board.

These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!

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504

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14 days may be credited.

#3134040

Review of The Reflected Horror

Review by Jaye P. Marshall

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Horror/Scary Newsletter dated August 5 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a strange, strange story. I found it weird that the person being run from was the person himself.

Characters: You did a good job of putting the reader into the mind of the narrator - even though I got lost there!

Dialog: No dialog per se is utilized.

Format: Some of the paragraphs here are very long. You may want to break them into shorter ones.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this sentence, ‘ I decided to take a shortcut through the dense woods of Redpine Valley, as they offer a much faster way home than the main roads, against my better judgment.'
Suggest: I decided, against my better judgment, to take a shortcut through the dense woods of Redpine Valley, as they offer a much faster way home than the main roads.

In this segment, ‘ he went into the same forest I am currently running through. The fear now rises within me, thus I begin to run.'
Suggest: he went into this same forest. The fear now rises within me, thus I begin to run.

In this phrase, ‘ it seems as if all the fears I have ever encountered in my past life are beginning to manifest itself into one massive and fearsome reflection.'
Suggest: all the fears . . . are beginning to manifest themselves

In this phrase, ‘ I commence to sprinting away from these men in black.'
Suggest: I commence sprinting away from these men in black.

In this phrase, ‘ reflective eye sockets follow me where ever I hide.'
Suggest: reflective eye sockets follow me wherever I hide.

In this phrase, ‘ sinister hunters is now pummeling me with their clubs savagely. '
Suggest: sinister hunters is now savagely pummeling me with their clubs.

In this phrase, ‘ myself in a freezing, gloomy looking room. '
Suggest: myself in a freezing, gloomy-looking room.

These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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505

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14 days may be credited.

#3134010

Review of See No Evil

Review by Jaye P. Marshall

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the For Authors Newsletter dated August 5 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a good story where you did an excellent job with the first-person viewpoiint. The story however seems as if it isn't finished. I, for one, wanted to know what was going on and what had happened.

Characters: You did a good job with the portrayal of the narrator and worked the other characters in through his observations.

Dialog: Dialogue if believable.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ A high school senior whose family had been upstanding members of Belzoni since it was founded,'
Suggest: A high-school senior whose family

In this phrase, ‘ and a good for nothing son-of-a-bitch.'
Suggest: and a good-for-nothing son-of-a-bitch.

In this phrase, ‘ but some of us new the real reason.'
Suggest: but some of us knew the real reason.

In this phrase, ‘ and kept fighting on till it was time to go home.'
Suggest: and kept fighting on 'til it was time to go home.

In this sentence, ‘ Most of his information he was receiving came from the diner.'
Suggest: Most of the information he was receiving came from the diner.

In this phrase, ‘ How near sighted and unprepared '
Suggest: How near-sighted and unprepared

These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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506

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14 days may be credited.

#3133826

Review of Old Glory

Review by Jaye P. Marshall

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is a beautiful and very moving story that brought tears to my eyes and a lump to my throat.

Characters: You've done a terrific job of personifying all of the characters so that we can visualize each one and what they are going through.

Dialog: Although dialog is sparse what is used sounds natural for the circumstances.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ Ears straining for the tell tale whistle of the incoming missiles,'
Suggest: Ears straining for the telltale whistle

In this phrase, ‘ Cross town rivals since Pop Warner foot-ball,'
Suggest: Crosstown rivals since Pop Warner football,

These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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507

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14 days may be credited.

#3133812

Review of Tell Not A Soul.

Review by Jaye P. Marshall

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is a very nice poem of a sad secret kept buried so deep inside that it cannot crack the happy facade. I did find the use of "you" a bit confusing because some of the time it seemed as if it should be "I".

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.

These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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508

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14 days may be credited.

#3133806

Review of Something To Remember Me By

Review by Jaye P. Marshall

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is a terrific story even though I would have liked to have seen it more "wrapped up". Mama could have dug herself up.

Characters: You have done a very good job of personifying your main character so that I felt his reactions right along with him.

Dialog: Dialog is realistic and feels natural.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ Cheryl’s high school graduation picture.'
Suggest: Cheryl’s high-school-graduation picture.

These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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509

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14 days may be credited.

#3133327

Review of The Holiday House

Review by Jaye P. Marshall

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Drama Newsletter dated August 5 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very interesting story, though it did leave me with a lot of questions like, "Who is Kathryn?" "What is she taking the meds for?", that sort of thing.

Characters: Kathryn certainly comes across as a very lovable eccentric and the narrator as a caring friend.

Dialog: Dialog is believable and the different personalities are shown nicely through it.

Grammar & Punctuation: Watch for usage of "than" when "then" should be used.

Specific Suggestions:
In this sentence, ‘ My knee is still bad from my accident last weak so I cower.'
Suggest: My knee is still bad from my accident last week, so I cower.

In this phrase, ‘ than when would Santa come?" '
Suggest: then when would Santa come?"

In this phrase, ‘ tried to make him less comfortable.'
Suggest: tried to make him more comfortable.

In this phrase, ‘ ; about six feet tall, thin and a little sparsely bowed.'
Suggest: ; about six feet tall, thin and a little sparsely boughed.

These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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14 days may be credited.

#3133136

Review of The Condition

Review by Jaye P. Marshall

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Short Stories Newsletter dated July 29 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a really cute story that I found absolutely hilarious. I can very easily imagine such an addiction.

Characters: Your narrator is believable and gains reader sympathy.

Dialog: Dialog is minimal but seems natural.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.

These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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#3133112

Review of The Ghost Train

Review by Jaye P. Marshall

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Romance Newsletter dated July 29 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: The is a very strange story indeed, though it is a bit hard to follow in some places.

Characters: The characters seem very much alike with few individual characteristics to identify them – i.e., mannerisms, quirks, speech patterns, etc.

Dialog: Some of the dialog seems natural though some seems a bit stilted.

Format: When writing dialog, each individual speaker should have his/her own paragraph.

When writing dialog and using a name, nickname, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.

Grammar & Punctuation: This needs a considerable amount of additional work.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ saw a blonde haired bombshell wearing a long red dres.'
Suggest: saw a blonde-haired bombshell wearing a long red dress.

In this phrase, ‘ "No she doesn't and stop talking'
Suggest: "No, she doesn't, and stop talking

In this phrase, ‘ he always liked watching the sceneryy.'
Suggest: he always liked watching the scenery.

In this phrase, ‘ They heard someone complain "why does it have to be hot'
Suggest: They heard someone complain, "Why does it have to be hot

In this sentence, ‘ He walked to the friends door.'
Suggest: He walked to the friends' door.

In this phrase, ‘ door from the inside anbd laughed.'
Suggest: door from the inside and laughed.

In this sentence, ‘ "That is so typical of you Jon.'
Suggest: "That is so typical of you, Jon.

In this phrase, ‘ said, "she's always serious, isn't she?" '
Suggest: said, "She's always serious, isn't she?"

These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!

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#3133021

Review of Joseph's Prayer

Review by Jaye P. Marshall

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi, Jaye here. I'm reviewing this piece at your request.

General Impressions: This is a very beautiful yet so very, very sad poem that moved me to tears. Yes, it certainly makes this mother's heart ache and be thankful she did not have to face this.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this line, ‘ and rescue them from rhue'
Suggest: I think you may want "rue" here.

In this line, ‘ I beg of you Almighty'
Suggest: I beg of you, Almighty

In this line, ‘ So, I ask of you, Magnificient one'
Suggest: So, I ask of you, Magnificient One

These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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513

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14 days may be credited.

#3132574

Review of The Secret Knower

Review by Jaye P. Marshall

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Romance Newsletter dated July 29 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: Wow! What a strange story. I hope I don’t meet your Knower some dark rainy night!

Characters: You do a nice job with your main character here, making her very human for the reader to understand.

Dialog: Dialog seems natural and believable.

Format: You might want to add a line between paragraphs for easier reading.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘that she was a 22 year old single exchange student,’
Suggest: that she was a 22-year-old single exchange student,

These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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514

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14 days may be credited.

#3132492

Review of Mavrick Realm, Part 1

Review by Jaye P. Marshall

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Mystery Newsletter dated July 29 and was intrigued by the description.

General Impressions: This is a good beginning that really grabs the reader’s interest and carries it onward. I think your main character has more courage than I would have under the same circumstances.

Characters: You do a good job of making Travis believable and gaining reader sympathy for him.

Dialog: The little dialog utilized sounds natural.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ powered by a small generator the Dr. had set up.'
Suggest: powered by a small generator the Doctor had set up.

In this sentence, ‘ Darn, Now I can’t even get some food!” '
Suggest: Darn, now I can’t even get some food!”

These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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515

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#3132470

Review of A Town Called Remember

Review by Jaye P. Marshall

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi, I'm back for another sample of your terrific tales.

General Impressions: This is a beautiful but very sad story. I, for one, would like to know more about this little girl's life. A great tale ripe for expansion.

Characters: The characters are very believable.

Dialog: The dialog seems natural and realilstic.

Format: Numbers one through ten should be spelled out.

You may want to check the Public View as I think some line breaks aren’t where you intended.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.

These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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516

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#3132106

Review of Secret Admirer

Review by Jaye P. Marshall

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Request Reviews Page and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: Wow! This is certainly an impressive story that brings across very well the workings of a strange mind.

Characters: You have done a very good job of characterizing all of the main characters, giving each a personality of his/her own and bringing them to life for the reader.

Dialog: Dialog seems natural.

Format: Suggest eliminating the parentheses and, if the information contained adds to the story, work it into the regular narrative.

Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative

Grammar & Punctuation: When writing dialog and using a name, nickname, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ I perched behind the counter of desolate hotel lobby,'
Suggest: I perched behind the counter of the desolate hotel lobby,

In this phrase, ‘ and turned to the full length mirror behind me.'
Suggest: and turned to the full-length mirror behind me.

In this phrase, ‘ voluptuous build would most defiantly '
Suggest: voluptuous build would most definitely

In this phrase, ‘ I could see you before you left baby."
Suggest: I could see you before you left, baby."

In this phrase, ‘ shutting the door just enough so that I the front desk was still visible,
Suggest: shutting the door just enough so that the front desk was still visible,

In this phrase, ‘ two cream, no sugar.'
Suggest: two creams, no sugar.

In this sentence, ‘ “You cant stay though. '
Suggest: “You can't stay though.

In this phrase, ‘ fumed my way up to my loves first turn down room. '
Suggest: fumed my way up to my love's first turn-down room.

In this sentence, ‘ “Your so beautiful.” '
Suggest: “You're so beautiful.”

These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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#3132081

Review of The Promotion (Chapter to "Hotel Hell")

Review by Jaye P. Marshall

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Mystery Newsletter dated July 29 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a good beginning to what feels like a much longer story.

Characters: You done a good job of putting the reader into the new Corporal's shoes and showing his personality through his thoughts, words and actions.

Dialog: Dialog is minimal but sounds authenically "military".

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ The two punches were off set to each other '
Suggest: The two punches were offset to each other

In this phrase, ‘ All John could do is smile and told Bailey that he is excited '
Suggest: All John could do was smile and told Bailey that he was excited

In this sentence, ‘ “So how was the big party? Anderson asked.
Suggest: “So how was the big party?" Anderson asked.

In this phrase, ‘ said, “That’s Corporal asshole to you”.
Suggest: said, “That’s Corporal Asshole to you”.

In this phrase, ‘ then whispered, “Yes Corporal”.
Suggest: then whispered, “Yes, Corporal”.

These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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#3132073

Review of Instant Reaction (revised)

Review by Jaye P. Marshall

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece on the Request Reviews Page and was intrigued by the title.

General Impressions: This is an interesting article that makes some good observations on human actions and reactions. You've made some good points.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ a bicycle to go to classes, and I also to ride it outside of school ground to find '
Suggest: a bicycle to go to classes; I also ride it outside of the school grounds to find

In this phrase, ‘ Scenario was that riders were astounded '
Suggest: Scenario one was that riders were astounded

In this phrase, ‘ Other was that various options'
Suggest: The other was that various options

In this phrase, ‘ People behave in sub conscience in time of emergency;'
Suggest: People behave in a subconscience manner in the time of an emergency;

In this sentence, ‘ Human performs poorly on reacting to emergencies.'
Suggest: Humans performs poorly in reacting to emergencies.

These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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#3131954

Review of Naked Murder

Review by Jaye P. Marshall

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Mystery Newsletter dated July 29 and was intrigued by the title.

General Impressions: This is a delightfully creative little tale where I think you did a very good job with the prompts.

Characters: Your characters were realistically drawn even though you had little space in which to thoroughly develop them.

Dialog: Dialog seems realistic under these circumstances.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.

These comments are only my personal opinion. Keep writing!

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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#3131858

Review of A Masterpiece

Review by Jaye P. Marshall

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a beautiful little poem that seems as if it might have been written for a newborn child. Terrific! I loved the picture you painted here.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.

These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!

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#3131855

Review of I'll try - Edited

Review by Jaye P. Marshall

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: I can easily imagine this as a very, very sad song of love lost yet never forgotten. (The kind I used to love to sing way back when.) I especially liked the chorus. Do you also do the music for your lyrics?

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this line, ‘Your still apart of me'
Suggest: You're still a part of me

These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!

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522

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#3131828

Review of God

Review by Jaye P. Marshall

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a beautiful piece that bespeaks of the mysteries all around us that all too often go unnoticed. This is a terrific reminder of all of the "everyday miracles", we frequently ignore.

Format: You might want to add a line between paragraphs for easier reading.

Some of the sentences here are very long. You may want to break them into shorter ones.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ I don’t know with certainty if when I die there will be something more '
Suggest: I don’t know with certainty if, when I die, there will be something more

These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!

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523

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#3131801

Review of Thinking of You

Review by Jaye P. Marshall

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...

Rated: 13+

| (3.0)

Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is an interesting poem, but I'm not sure of the message you're trying to get across. It seems to be addressing a broken love relationship due to addictions that the significant other doesn't understand the hold on the addicted - but I may be way off base.

Grammar & Punctuation: The pronoun "I" should always be capitalized.

Specific Suggestions:
In this line, ‘ too many words and i feel like scum.'
Suggest: too many words and I feel like scum.

In this line, ‘ but you cant see my predictions with the lies your speaking'
Suggest: but you can't see my predictions with the lies you're speaking

These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!

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524

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#3131794

Review of Daffodils Haiku

Review by Jaye P. Marshall

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a nice tribute to an event that many of us have always looked forward to after a long hard winter. I think you might be able to improve some of the word choices to paint a more colorful picture.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.

These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!

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#3131790

Review of Sing A Song Of Endless Summer

Review by Jaye P. Marshall

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a really nice poem that beautifully describes all of the summer activities enjoyed by everyone. You've done a great job choosing words that paint a terrific overall picture.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this line, ‘ tree limbs and act as indian scouts.'
Suggest: tree limbs and act as Indian scouts.

In this line, ‘ with green colored garden strings.'
Suggest: with green-colored garden strings.

These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!

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