I read this earlier and thought I had reviewed it, but I can't find it. So, I'll review it now.
I loved reading this! The imagery paints a vivid picture of pure emotion. That's impressive! This piece is compact but not terse. Not a word is wasted and none are there as mere clutter. Every word speaks volumes. Again, very impressive!
This poem is probably universal, but I see myself intimately embedded in it personally. That's great writing!
First, and to be perfectly honest, there is much I didn't like about the structure and technical aspects of this poem, but it all comes together in the meaning and the imagery. The poem strikes some very real chords, and in a pleasant way but with an under-current of regret and, more deeply, of resignation. I can't fully identify with the setting, but I can definitely participate in the universal emotion of the poem.
It was a slightly challenging read for me, but well worth reading to the end --- three times. Overall, it's a very good poem.
I seem to sense an urgency of fear in this poem. Your choice of free verse for this poem is probably the best one. It gave you the 'space' in which to allow the urgency and futility to be counter-balanced by strains of deep, clear reasoning.
It's a very meaningful poem and one fraught with emotion. I doubt that any other poetic form would have done it justice. There's a certain familiarity about it, yet it also has a sense of immediate freshness.
Overall, it's a very good read.
This is one of the best items I've read on WdC or elsewhere lately. Very impressive! It speaks volumes without *telling* anything, much like a wry smile can say everything on the mind without a word.
The setting is described in terms vague enough to make it surreal, but solid enough (mention of the guest check and fortune cookies) to make it as real as though I was with my wife at our favourite Chinese restaurant. You have created nicely rounded characters in a truly believable situation and told quite a fascinating tale that takes place entirely within a few moments. I find myself surmising that this is a first date and speculating about the characters' background. Co-workers? Classmates? I feel like I've been shown a small area with a flashlight and it's such a compelling scene that I can hardly wait to look around at the rest of the scene!
I enjoy poems of hopeful love, and this is definitely one of them! I can feel the happiness and the feelung of security in this poem. It's vividly written.
The rhyme flows well and does a good job of stating the thoughts and emotions. The theme is strong enough and the rhymes cohesive enough that I'm able to overlook the lack of meter. (Sorry for that negative remark. The poem is very good, but I'm just a stickler for meter. Lack of punctuation is another of my pet peeves, but this poem is well enough written that those aspects don't detract from the work.
Overall, it's a very good poem. I only review works I feel are good writing, and I reviewed this one. Nice work!
I'm very impressed! The meter of this poem seems to work hard, but it yields a remarkably smooth flow and connects the rhyme quite well.
The cryptic elements remind me of some of my own early work, but this poem is far and away much better crafted than mine!
The allusion to a "they" who are defined but not actually named in the poem, induced me to read hard to get the meaning. (Might be just me and the fact that it's after 1 a.m. here.) I enjoy being challenged. Your poem challenged me intellectually and was pleasant to read. It doesn't get much better than that!
This is among the best items I've read on WdC. I'm always interested in learning about other cultures. Traditional tales, legends, and history all serve as windows into the hearts and minds of other peoples. From one earth springs many cultures, each unique yet each identical in our most basic circumstances. "Ex uneus pluribum" or summat?
Many years ago, I knew a tiny bit about hindi language, but the years have blurred my memories. The word 'bhabi' seems very familiar, but I can't recall its meaning.
This is good writing, but my knowledge of hindi is far too limited for me to know how accurate it is as a translation. I would love to read more of these translations.
As you've found, a blank page can stop a writer as effectively as a concrete block wall. I can't think of anything useful to comment, other than "relax". Giving a well-written piece of work is a bit like giving blood. If you tense up, it's harder to insert the needle, it hurts more, and the flow won't start. It's not the needle, but the thought of the needle that keeps the blood from flowing. Writing's the same way. It isn't the big white space that prevents the flow of words. It's the thoughts about it. So, my most useful comment is simply this: Relax and remember that the written word is good and necessary to the human race. Someone out there somewhere needs and wants whatever you have to offer. No writer's style is right for everyone, just like no blood type is truly universal. Your style isn't right for everyone, but it IS right for someone. So, relax --- and have a mental tourniquette onhand to deal with the pulsing flow of thoughts and words that will soon come.
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