BETTER NOT FEAR THE REAPER

An old lady starts wandering through the forests around G.H., and people start dying

         Verse 1:
         All our times have come
         Here, but now they're gone
         Seasons don't fear the Reaper
         Nor do the wind, the sun, or the rain
         
         Chorus:
         (We can be like they are) Come on, baby
         (Don't fear the Reaper) Baby, take my hand
         (Don't fear the Reaper) We'll be able to fly
         (Don't fear the Reaper) Baby, I'm your man
         La, la, la, la, la
         La, la, la, la, la
         
         Verse 2:
         Valentine is done  
         Here, but now they're gone  
         Romeo and Juliet  
         Are together in eternity   (Romeo and Juliet)  
         40,000 men and women everyday   (Like Romeo and Juliet)  
         40,000 men and women everyday (Redefine happiness)  
         Another 40,000 coming everyday
                   - (Don’t) Fear the Reaper, Blue Oyster Cult
         
         At BeauLarkin High School, in the Victorian countryside, they were planning to go on a camping trip. At the front of the stadium, three teenage girls were looking bored.
         “Why can’t we just go already?” asked Dandelion, Dandy for short, McKenna, a tall, honey blonde, fourteen-year-old.
         “You said it, Dandy,” said Caitlyn, Katy, Lawson, also fourteen, a raven-haired beauty, “the buses are already outside waiting for us.”
         “You know Mr. Williams,” said Morticia, Tish, Waitlynn a tall leggy redhead, “he loves the sound of his own voice.”
         “I don’t know why, he has such a thin, reedy voice,” teased Dandy and the three girls had to cover their mouths as they giggled.
         “Have you girls got your permission slips?” asked Boris ‘Pizza-Face’ Anderson, a tall geeky boy who fancied all three girls.
         “Yes, Pizza Face,” said Dandy, and the three girls took out their permission slips.
         “Ah, you may tease me,” said Pizza face, “but you are all so hot for me.”
         “Ooh!” said Dandy and Tish.
         “So, are not,” corrected Katy.
         Turning toward the stage, where Mr Williams, and other teachers were standing, Dandy shouted, “Get on with it.”
         Unfortunately there was a sudden lull in the crowd noise, just as she shouted.
         “Thank you, Dandy,” said Larry Williams, making the girl blush, and everyone else snicker.
         “Sprung badly, hot stuff,” said Pizza Face.
         “Why must you sit near us?” demanded Tish.
         “Because you’re all hotter than a blast furnace in hell.”
         “Yes, we know,” admitted Katy, “but you are so not.”
         Clapping his hands to get their attention before the two hundred students started nattering again, Larry Williams, a tall, fifty-something man with short black hair and glasses said:
         “All right, we are almost ready to go.”
         “Thank God,” said Dandy, again during a lull in conversation.
         “But before we do, what is the most important thing to know about nature, before going camping?”
         Tish stood up and put up her hand.
         “With a due sense of trepidation, Tish?” said Larry.
         “According to my Uncle Bob, Mother Nature is just the Grim Reaper in drag. She’s an evil bitch and she wants to kill us all.”
         “Yes,” agreed Mr. Williams, “very good. So everyone remember that when we’re out in the forest. Trust nothing and assume, as Tish said, ‘Mother Nature is just the Grim Reaper in drag. She’s an evil bitch and she wants to kill us all’,”
         “On yah, Tish,” said Katy.
         “I wouldn’t mind being on you, Tish,” teased Pizza Face.
         “Ooh!” said Dandy, Katy, and Tish together.
         
         Over in the police station in Morcambe Street in Lenoak, Terri Scott and company were enjoying some raspberry lamingtons and tea or coffee provided by Deidre Morton.
         “These Lamingtons are fabuloso, Mrs. M.,” said Sheila Bennett. At thirty-six, Sheila, a Goth chick with black-and-orange striped hair, was the Chief constable of the area from BeauLarkin to Willamby.
         
         
         
         
         Out in forest, students are setting up tents and building fires, et cetera, when two teen girts see elderly lady in curlers and a long, grey dress watching them
         Going across to her, they ask, “Can we help you, madam?”
         “Yes, I’m afraid I’m lost,” says the woman in a fragile voice.”
         “Let us help you,” offers the 2^nd girl.
         “Thank you,” says the old woman, taking them by the arms, aand gripping with surprising strength.
         Before the girls know what is going on the old lady has led them deeper into the forest, until they are lost too. Finally stopping, she asks, “What is the most important thing to know about nature, before going camping?”
         Redheaded girl puts up her hand and says: “According to Rusty’s Uncle Bob, Mother Nature is just the Grim Reaper in drag. She’s an evil bitch and she wants to kill us all.”
         “Yes,” agrees the old woman now in a strong voice.
         As they stare in horror, she starts to transform into a skeleton in a long black robe and hood, carrying a scythe.
         Screaming, the girls turn to run.
         Grim Reaper swings the scythe, which passes straight through one girl, as though she is a ghost.
         She screams and her soul leaves her body and floats away, as the body falls to the thick coating on pine needles and gum leaves which blanket the forest floor.
         Second girl is running, so Reaper starts after her. Her swings his scythe at her, but sddhe is out of reach.
         Scythe passes through a huge old-growth Blue Gum, which instantly withers, and crasses down into a pile of matchstick sized pieces, as though termite riddle.
         Hearing the crashing of the tree, the girl tries to run faster, but Reaper is catching up. He swings scythe a again and again, and two more great trees are reduce to termite fodder.
         Finally he gets within range and swings the scythe through the girl.
         She whimpers, and falls top the forest floor, her soul fleeing her dead body.
         
         “Now where the Hell are Dandy and Tish?” asked Larry Williams, the head teacher as they finally finish setting up tents and collecting firewood.
         “Skiving, knowing them,” said Piza-Face, and all the students titter.
         “Sad, but true,” said Larry knowledgeably, “well, I guess we’d better go find them.”
         Three teachers and half a dozen students set off into the forest, calling, “Dandy? Tish?” repeatedly as they wander further and further from the camp site.
         After half an hour or so, they find Yasmin’s corpse, then a little later Rosemary’s.
         
         Terri, Sheila, Colin, and Paul Bell are setting off to patrol G.H. in Terri’s police-blue Lexus, when they get a hysterical phone call from head teacher at B-Larkin camp site.
         To save time Terri calls Loui Pascall to take them by chopper, and calls for two air ambulances on the way.
         
         An hour later Terri and co. Arrive at campsite, where air ambulance choppers have already landed with Jesus, Elvis, Tilly and co.
         
         
         
         
         "That is not dead which can eternal lie, And with strange aeons even death may die" is a famous couplet from H.P. Lovecraft’s
         The Call of Cthulhu (1928), referring to the non-linear time, mortality, and cosmic existence of the Great Old Ones. It implies death is not absolute for these beings, merely a different form of slumber.
         
         

         THE END

         © Copyright 2026 Philip Roberts

         Melbourne, Victoria, Australia