Life As A Cliche

The only thing worse than an overused cliche is a bad pun. You're in for a ride.

Contest Prompt

"The Writer's Cramp" write a cliché-heavy story or poem, and make Comedy one of the genres.'

O.K. It was just a silly bet. what happened seemed as easy as pie. The problem was it felt like getting hit with pie in the sky pie in the face. The bet was with my fiancee, Mary. “Prove you love me," she sighed, "or it's back to the drawing board."

"How?" I cried.

"See if you can only speak in a cliche today and we're a piece of cake. If not? Then don't cry over spilled milk. We're toast. I mean eggsactly what I say.” Mary knew she had me eating right out of her hand.

"No pain, no gain," I replied, feeling a little put off by her strange request. How was I to know she might be glad handing both of us?

Mary loved cliches. That part I got down right. So I loved them. We might have been the only two in the world who loved them, but? Our boss loved using cliches. She'd picked up the habit from him. He thought it kept us motivated. It motivated everyone else to keep out of listening distance as he tried giving everyone an ear full.

I thought I was getting called on the carpet into his office. It quickly became the red carpet. “This is a hairy situation, Harry. You've been bending over backwards and by cracky, you're no brown noser. We’re looking at a major advancement in the firm, Harry. You've been keeping your nose to the grindstone. Now it's time to climb the corporate ladder. I need you you answer a few questions. Ready?”

I felt out on a limb but had to stand on my own two feet. I pondered a moment and joked “Better late than never," It turned out to be a nose dive.

“What’s that? I’d want you to hit the ground running.” Henderson said, not believing his ears. “What do you mean by that wise crack? You're being too cheeky for words.”

More pondering. My boss's offer was no bum deal. My mind was on Mary's promise. “Every cloud has its silver lining. What goes around comes around.” I had to really notch up the number of cliches for her.

Henderson looked at me like I’d offered him lemons instead of lemonade. “This offer may be dead as a door nail. We’ve also been looking at your fiancee, Mary Harden. she's a bit of a diamond in the rough, but has shined with promise, She could be a ringing success, right?”

I gulped. Did Mary know about this? The girls in the office had a better grapevine than we boys. We were sour grapes. “Only time will tell,” I adlibbed. "She's not all talk and no action."

The CEO grunted. “How true. . Where was I? Final question. If you take the position, Mary would be working directly under you night and day. You'd have to have the endurance of a dyed in the wool wolf to shoulder the responsibility right. I’ve got to make a decision with the speed of light. Can you handle it with gentle fingers. It's a touchy situation, isn't it? This is no fly by night operation.”

This one was easy, or so I thought. “It’s clear as a bell. Either way, with me on top or Mary. It's a win win situation.”

Henderson looked at me like I’d gone mad. “I’m afraid we’d need someone not screwing around like that, Harry. The position will go to Mary. Thanks for coming in.”

When I got home I was going to tell Mary I wouldn't take things lying down. Mary got up off my best friend, Will Conway, while adjusting her clothing. Will looked at me and said with a shrug, "Where there's a Will, there's a way." Using cliches around Mary was obviously catching.

I’d recently gotten him a job working under Mary. I hadn't thought he'd be working under Mary exactly this way.

She knew about her change in position, “Things just got out of hand, Harry.”

I reeled and did my best to shrug off where my life was headed. I felt a little behind at the moment, but I wiped her out of my mind with, “The grass is always greener on the other side.”

Henderson called my cellphone the next day, wanting me back. “It’s been raining cats and dogs here without you, Harry. I’m afraid I’ll have to let Mary’s new hire go. I thought she was fit as a fiddle, but she’s been raising cane by giving that new hire of hers your old position. Won’t you re-consider quitting the firm?”

“Easier said than done,” I thought aloud, knowing a good cliche when I’d found one. Mary would have loved using it.

Henderson continued as if I hadn't spoken, “Accidents happen. I shouldn’t be telling you this, but I’m putting myself out to pasture. Oh, I’ll still be on the board, but you'll be the muscle needed to exercise pumped up decisions like never before. You're just the body we need.”

I invited Mary into my new office with the label on the door ‘CEO in training’. “Thanks for flying right in. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush," I said, "What kind of nest should I offer you, "Eh, Mary?”

I waited. It was Mary's turn to bend over backwards or she'd have to take it on the chin.

"Will was just a bad cliche, like Betty was for you," she winked. "Don't let us become a day late and a dollar short. Let's make merry and get married."

What's a body to do? she had me over a barrel. I caved. Love is best served blind to past mistakes which is the last cliche you'll hear me or my new wife utter. And if you were wondering, Mary works under me just fine. At home, she's the boss.


Wc 999