Pain of Living

How I feel in my worst states of depression. Note: Klonny=Klonopin

Why do you constantly
look at me?
Do I look that bad?
Am I a freak
in Sheep's clothing?
Does my depression
really show up on my forehead?

I thought my depression
was a normal state of mind.
The professionals told me
my depression was normal.
Then why the hell
do I have suicidal ideations
and intentions to cut and mutilate
myself.

My mind tells me my family
would be better off without me.
I am useless
I don't work.
I am a burden
taking up precious space,
another could use.

Life without me means,
my meds would be gone.
There would be no Melia.
She'd be dead!

I still have feelings of self-harm
with intent to end my suffering;
But thanks to Klonny
I can break the cycle of desire.
And thanks to my children whom need me.

I'm scared to know
what will happen when
my two little one's grow-up
and have live's of their own.

Will the desire return
to end my life come back
stronger than before.
I don't know.
Life is a weight
Constantly dragging me
to the ground.

I wish this upon nobody,
but myself.

How much longer can I stay strong?
What is life on earth for anyway?