texts to not send

A text I know I shouldn't send at 3 in the morning.

There are many people in my life, both past and present, where theres something I want to say to them. Or something I think about. And a majority of the time its not the greatest idea to send these texts. Especially at 3 in the morning exactly a month after the breakup.
But I do find it really important to get those words out, I also I think it would be quite a stupid idea for me to send these texts.
So what do I do in this instance?
Well right now I'm on my computer writing this because who needs sleep anyway. But my most frequent place is my notes app.
And I am telling you right now, my hidden notes app has some of the most beautiful peices of literature in it. My best writing happens way past when I should be asleep with tears in my eyes. Some of the times it'll be simple, others it will be pages long.
But heres one I need to get out now.


Hey, I know its super late and this is really random. But I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I am sorry for that day if it seemed I didn't care. Cause trust me, I care a hell of a lot more than I thought I would tbh. But I just didn't want to start crying right then because I knew I wouldn't be able to stop it once it started and I didn't want you to see me like that. In the moment it also didn't make sense to me and I was a little bit in shock you could say. Lets say it was a mixture of shock and denial. I do get why you broke up with me and I guess it is for the better if it happened now rather than later if that was how you were feeling about the whole dating in college thing. As much as I absolutly hate that you broke up with me,I do appreciate you for doing it in person. While it was only like a 3 minute interaction it felt a lot more personal that you came and did it. I know it would have been so much easier just to do it over the phone, and it would have saved a lot of driving. But I do appreciate that you came to me and did it. I also know the texts I sent before weren't great and I regret sending that because I know I would've been really upset to get a response like that. I shouldn't have sent anything like that and I genuinly am sorry. I wasn't really thinking in the moment and I was just caught up in the emotions and the moment. I would unsend it if I could. So I am so sorry. I also wanted to congratulate you on your college commitment. Not gonna lie, when I first saw it I was sad to get such big news and hear about such a big thing in your life through an instagram post, but just know I'm so proud and I know you're going to do great things!

While it technicallhy isn't a bad text. I just know theres no good thats going to come from this.
I don't WANT to talk to him because I just know if I be friendly with him then thats just more communicating and it will be just like reopeening a wound every time. And I know I don't need that. I doubt he wants it either.
But for some reason, I have had this urge to text him many many times, and my notes app is getting pretty full.
It just hurts to know that before I used to send so many texts a day and now instead of sending him texts they just get written out to never be sent. And still I am so tempted to just copy and paste that into my texts and send it. But I won't (hopefully).