Eren

A true story of a very confusing phone call and a small description of my death hole.

Eren

Tonight I think I had a very nice dream. Confusing, but very nice. Funny, I don’t remember sleeping. We’re on the same public forum and we exchange thoughts. Sometimes and I couldn’t find the words to describe why, I go to her page and go through her pictures. Is she pretty? I sure as hell think so. But there was something quite surreal feeling surrounding the whole conversation.

At some times we were talking on different wavelengths, it was obvious she was hurting, but it was hard to glean why. At one time during the conversation that I thought perhaps she wanted to have an affair. That being said, she is a friend of mine. You may want to read my book, “How to Fuck up a Friendship” to get a better understanding of how I misread something some woman said to me. Ten to twelve of them puke. Five percent of those aim at me purposefully. And 80% just laugh and throw their drink in my face. Hell, I’ve got plastered sometimes if enough women do it during the course of the night. So yeah, sometimes I get the wrong inference. I consider it a birth defect that didn’t manifest until adolescence. That’s my diagnosis and I’m sticking to it.

Still, I’m an older man and I didn’t know whether she was talking to me under the influence, or what. Again, I blame myself for that. I have trust issues and were I to take anyone through that list, this would be a long, long story. But you would understand. You’d understand why I stood in the middle of a busy street and just said, “What the odious FUCK is occurring?”

So, back to the main subject, I just really like her on a friendship level and that wall could easily crumble. As I talked to her, I felt harmonious tremors in that wall. Harmonious tremors usually are precursors to a volcanic eruption. She has all these amazing qualities about her. Like taking pictures of what she’s cooking that night. I want to print it out and eat the picture. She is also a magnet for wild animals. I mean ‘here’ animals. Raccoons. ‘Possum, Squirrel and the like. And she seems to be everywhere when something around the area is happening. That and other things she does, even in the local political arena. And she makes her mark!

Call me a cynic, but I look at political arena as voting as is my civic duty. And I liken it to pissing in a fan and the drops that hit you are the ones calling the shots.

I might have said this, but I’m just really curious about her take on the talk we had tonight. She had so much distress in her voice and I wanted to be there face to face, because I thought maybe eye contact would help me understand more of what she meant. It was kind of like talking to a snow globe and I was just catching vignettes of what she was saying.

Meantime…

I’m trying to figure out how I’m going to get out of the hole I’m in. Friday the 7th this doofus that I will call “Squirrel Lady” is riding around on a broken scooter and got stuck across the street from where I live. She calls a friend with a speech impediment stops me as I go out for a smoke. She holds out the phone to me, and I hear fuckin’ Squirrel Lady screaming that she is stuck. I told the other girl I would go get her. She had said she was stuck by the old water tower. She can walk, but she uses other people’s scooters so she can camouflage up and creep up quietly on her mortal enemy, the hawk. She once told me that she heard a hawk laughing at her. Seriously.

Once, I was sitting on the porch, watching a particularly strong storm moving through. The tornado siren went off and I wasn't particularly alarmed. My radar pointed to the rotation was going to go south of us. Then, above all that din, I hear Squirrel Lady screaming from her window for the squirrels to take cover. No shit. Do squirrels laugh?

So, I drove around, yelling out her stupid name. Now, that compound has entry points, because part of the ground is actually used as a park. There were however, points that no one was allowed in, and Stupid was in one of those places. I headed toward the water tower and inched forward until my car dropped in this hole. It was covered with pine branches and it was deep enough that no one could see my headlights.

Now remember I’m going out to smoke, not camp. I had a flashlight and that was about it, but I was pretty far into the campus and I wasn’t walking...I’m sick. So now I’m stuck and shining my flashlight trying to get someone’s attention.

A couple of teen boys came running up to see if I was okay. (There is hope for the future, folks) They call the police and it wasn’t long before they show up. I tell them the story as we were waiting for a wrecker. The kids leave. Two of the cops leave when they see the wrecker.

The driver walks around the car, looking for the best way to get my car out of the hole. He hooks up his winch to my car, pulls a bit, and gets out. He made some minor adjustments and the car came out, but, yeah, it was a fucking mess.

Now here’s the stupid part: I’m following trying to assess the damage and I walked right the fuck into the same hole my car just got pulled out of. I was really busted up. The two guys there wrestled me out of the hole. I had nothing left. They decided to call an ambulance and they came along a scooped me up and drove me to the hospital. I had a cervical collar on and was strapped down with needles in each arm. They wouldn’t let me up to go to the bathroom until they were sure I didn’t have any neck damage. All I could see with that collar on was a fucking clock. Finally, I just let it flow.

When they decided I wasn’t going to kick off, they let me go. I was humiliated and mad as hell, which is always helpful to keep inside at our hospital. She gave me scrubs to replace my pants and she gave me a few packets of warm wipes to cleanse myself. After being cleaned and released, they called me a cab and when it showed, I had to explain that my money was in my apartment and the cabbie dropped me off at my door,

I had so little strength that I couldn’t even make it to my door. I fell four or five times on the concrete walk. The cabbie asked if I wanted her to call an ambulance, which I turned down. I already had one ambulance ride. I did finally fall into the wall by the door. It held me up long enough to unlock the outside door. She said she would bill the hospital for the cab ride. Hand rails run all through the building. It’s a safety feature to protect idiots that fall in holes. I got upstairs finally and hit the first piece of furniture I could get to. I didn’t sleep for two days. My whole body was a.
toothache
I was strong enough the next day to go to the entrance and pick up all the shit I dropped that morning. And when the hospital offices opened, I complained. The lady treated me like I was a kid that skinned his knee. I bitched that they didn’t give me anything for pain. Bunch of slackers probably playing video games and snacking on Versed and Vicodin.

I’m still waiting to hear if my car can be fixed. The insurance company urged me to clear out my belongings. “I will once I know it’s irreparable.” And for two days, I hadn’t spoken a word until I spoke with Eren.

That felt like an opium dream. I surely hope she calls again, less upset, of course and we could straighten out what was actually said. But, that little bit that we did start woke up something in me. I miss the company of a female and she would fit the bill nicely. The feeling was strange—hope mixed in equal parts with confusion. We’ll see Sunday. In closing out this little bit of story, I’d just like to say that I always wanted to punch Madeline Murray O’Hare in the mouth.

“God help and breed you all.” John Lennon~