Reflections On a Marriage

How love is lost in tiny bits, day by day.

In my tortured dreams
I relive
the past
where the woman I loved
was angry
mean spirited
depressed
her biting words
seeking to hurt me
in every way

No failing of mine
was too small
to miss her attention
the way I held my fork
or cut my hair
or presented myself
to the world

In her mind
she supported me
but rarely did
leaving me on the field alone
then blaming me
for the loss

Forty-three years ago
we were so in love
teammates for life
then dead babies
a war
too much work
too little fun
too many changes
depression
the realization
that being
good and kind and honest
are not the tools
for survival
in a difficult world

Along the way we separated
again and again
with each return
her resolve diminished
her resentment building
until we struggled
exhausted
to the end

My sleepless nights
were my penalty
for watching
clueless
as this gentle soul
became an empty shell

Now much later in life
I’ve found love again
I remind myself daily
to do the little things right