The SS Rotterdam

Jimmy didn't have a ghost of a chance at surviving his marriage to Bess. Or did he?

“Were am I?” Jimmy Carringtton asked himself. “What day is it?” He was alone in a swaying room with a porthole. His stomach did a final flipflop before trying to exit his body out his throat. Everything in hist stomach, thankfully, was one hundred proof liquid. It became a human fountain spraying a bulkhead wall.

“I’m on a ship,” Jimmy realized, a little belatedly to do anything about it. “Have I been shanghied?” Did that kind of thing still happen in 1977?. He watched a wave smash up against his porthole. “Storm. Seasick. What next?”

A bodiless voice answered him, “Quiet. You’re disturbing my sleep. How’d you get in here, anyway? Everybody knows this quest room is haunted by me. No-one is ever allowed in.” A phosphorescent glow took form near the hatch. “Go. Get out or I’ll haunt you until you do.”

Jimmy couldn’t move. He was frozen in place. “You’re a ghost.”

“Not just any ghost, the only one allowed on the good ship SS Rotterdam. The ship’s captain named me Casper of all things. A friendly ghost I am not.”

Jimmy found himself lifted up into the air and flung towards the hatch. He landed on his hands and knees. “Is this a ghost ship?” He began crawling towards the hatch.

Casper floated over him offering a little more light for Jimmy to make his escape. “Not so lucky. We’re bound for a world wide tour with about a thousand tourists on board. I add a little excitement to some of their evil lives.”

Jimmy reached the handle of the hatch. “It’s locked.”

“Wait a sec. I’ll go tell the captain we got a stow-away.” Casper disappeared. He came back almost instantly. “Advantages to flying through walls. Cap said to handle it myself. Gave me free license to haunt you any way I want.”

“This is all a mistake. I’m no stowaway. Look. I’ve got a ticket.” Jimmy fumbled a piece of cardboard out of his pocket. Just celebrated too much. I’m in the wrong room.” It was coming back to him now. He and his wife Bess, had come aboard in an attempt to save their failing marriage. They’d started out the trip by having a grade A fight. He’d gotten drunk and fumbled his way here.

He began to sob, huge racking sobs. “Divorce and ruin. Bess will have finalized proceedings with her lawyer and have her nails out when I return.”

Casper let out a ghostly, shivering moan. “I can’t stand a man crying. I’ll make a bargain with you. If you stop, I'll help you out. Instead of haunting you, I’ll haunt your Bess.” The ghost glowed for a moment over Jimmy’s ticket to see which room Bess was in.

“Be right back.”

Casper wasn’t kidding. He was back almost faster than left. “Stop sniveling. Boy can that woman scream. And throw things? Not a movable object left whole in that room.”

“That’s Bess,” Jimmy nodded, rubbing at his hangover headache. At that moment the hatch handle wiggled and a steward motioned from the opening. “Cap said you had a guest.”

“Well? Tip the man,” Casper urged.

“I can’t go back to Bess. She’ll kill me,” Jimmy said, fishing a ten spot out of his wallet and handing it to the man. The Steward nodded knowingly. “Whole ship staff know who you are talking about. She’s a demon in female form. Nothing can happen that is done right. Cap wants Casper to do something before a riot occurs on board.”

“We’re going to make you a hero,” Casper mused happily.

“Better him than me,” The steward beat a hasty retreat, doing a disappearing act of his own.

Casper paused to admire the act for a moment. “Not bad for a beginner. He’ll do fine when he is dead.”

Jimmy found himself levitated off his feet once more and pushed down the gangway. Casper followed. “Here’s the plan. I enter and scare Bess half to death. You wait until she faints. I come out. You go in. You are the first thing she sees when she opens her eyes. Hold the bible in the desk drawer next to the bed and tell her you faced me with it, reading scripture that dwindled me into the size of a puff ball and made me disappear.”

“Instant hero. Marriage saved for the moment.” Jimmy was looking for flaws.

“Got it figured,” Casper laughed hauntingly. “While I’m alone with her, I tell her she and I are meant to be and If I leave it will be to make a place for her with me in the Neverwhen. You and your bible are the only things keeping me away from her. Get it?”

They were at the woman’s door. Casper disappeared through it. Jimmy plastered his ear against it waiting for his cue. “When did the staff have time to sound-proof the room?” No screams or crash of furniture, no violence of any kind. “This isn’t like Bess.”

Unable to wait any longer, Jimmy edged open a slit in the door. Bess rested prone on the queen size bed with Casper glowing a fiery red. “Oh, Casper, let me catch my breath,” Bess said, clutching her bosom.

“She threw herself at me,” Casper explained, looking like the shyest ghost imaginable. “It wasn’t my fault. We united.”

“I love you. No-one has ever made me feel this way. I want to be your slave forever, master. Do with me as you will.” And Bess flung herself at Casper with open arms.

“I don’t know if this is grounds for divorce or not.” Jimmy watched Casper become a shooting star, humming and vibrating in ecstasy as he flew around the room.

A starry eyed Bess agreed to sign anything if Jimmy didn’t stop her from staying with Casper in his room. Jimmy had the honeymoon suit to himself, exploring the hottest tourist spots as the SS Rotterdam made its way around its world tour.