The struggle goes on to be struggle free

Gail speaks at a 12-step program.

The Struggle Goes On To Be Struggle Free

"Hi, my name's Gail. It seems, that Life has always been a struggle for me. I'm forever crawling my way out of the latest pit in a path that seems pocked with them on my way to a struggle-free life. Often, I toy with the idea of just letting the next pit swallow me up.

"But just like Eve was drawn to the fatal apple in Eden, I feel like I'm under a spell that makes me want to find out what comes after the latest pitfall. What new things, good or bad, will be in store for me. I'm not sure where all that comes from, but I know one thing, without my insatiable need to see what comes next, my struggles would be unbearable.

"Then again, according to my dad, I have rebar in place of my spine and because I do, I'm much too strong and stubborn to ever give willingly. According to him, I'm my mother's daughter. I actually couldn't tell you since my mother died when I was two.

" In my heart of hearts, I want what he says to be true. I guess it's because I've always had this longing. At first, I was too young see it for what it is, but lately I feel like I'm getting closer to it. I think, no I know, that I long for a mother.

"It's funny but I've never longed to be a mother, although I like kids well enough. Instead, I pine for all the things I dream a mother is, I think. Someone to talk about girl things with, someone who loves me in spite of myself, someone who has been there, done that and lived to tell about it.

"Don't get me wrong, I love my dad dearly and he tried to be all those things for me, sometimes at the expense of his dignity. But as much as I adore him for the attempts he's made and continues to make in those areas, it isn't quite enough. Maybe it never will be.

"My aunts and female friends all tried to step into the breach as I grew up and even now, they are often my lifeline out of all the pits in my path. But sometimes, I just want it to be my mother's hand that reaches down to pull me out of the latest hole I've fallen into. I want it to be her arms and kisses that make me stronger.

"So, I struggle on, moving inch by painful inch toward my ideal. What is it you ask? I pine in my deepest soul for a life without struggles. Oh, I'm not talking a lifetime without minor tussles, that would be very dull. I'd just like to have smaller, shallower pits and holes in my path; ones that I could get out of more easily.

"I can see you all trying not to smile. You think I'm wishing on a hummingtree don't you? Perhaps I should back track and tell you a dad always told me whenever I wished for the impossible. He always said legends often have a seed of truth so, for what it's worth, here goes:"

"In the days of the long ago, Man began to lose sight of a higher power other than himself. He decided he would make his own destiny. So naturally, he would make his own possibilities as well."

"He began searching constantly for a way to make the impossible possible. He tried all the means in his limited power to find out that which cannot be found alone. To teach him a lesson, the Higher Power sent him dreams."

"Those dreams were vivid and alluring. They were all about an amazing rainbow-colored tree without leaves, flowers or fruit. It was a tree that hummed with a thousand voices."

"In these dreams, the tree, and there was but one, vibrated with both sound and color. It glowed like a beacon. It soon became the sole thing that Man thought spoke or dreamed of."

"The hummingtree became he believed, his only means of make his most impossible dreams come true. Over the centuries, dreams about the tree faded and became part of legend. All this occurred without Man ever finding the mythical tree. Some began to believe it was the tree of Good and Evil that was in the center of the Garden of Eden; some the tree with the golden apples from the Greek legend."

"But as you can see, the Higher Power made his point. There is no way to make the impossible possible without believing in your own abilities to do so. I know I can make my dream of a struggle-free life possible if I keep on keeping on."

By now, whispers had broken out in the crowd in front of her. Gail ignored them.

"I also believe that karma will help me get there. If I fight my way through all that Karma puts in my path, eventually it has to bring me good, bring me what I want in life..."

A sleekly dressed woman in the front row stood up and came toward her. She cleared her throat and spoke:

Excuse me Gail, is it? You do know that this is a meeting of Karma Junkies Anonymous, right?"

891 WORDS 8/27/2025