Measure

My greatest fear is that I'll be visible.

My greatest fear, I think, is not that the world should come to an end.
My greatest fear is that my vulnerability should be measured.
I could not imagine a deeper treachery,
Than the kind that governs my heart.

They say that emotions are only temporary
But their raw potency engorges
the chambers of the emptiest hearts.

I wanted to stop.

I deduced that
pain could only be induced
In opposition to something lost.

So I resigned to a self-sustaining numbness,
But I could not anticipate the drawbacks.
Instead of repelling the trauma,
I absorbed the finest, most potent particles
Reserving them like a bear
storing fat for the winter.

It would be my undoing.

I thought that avoidance was the key.
It has never been in my character to be whole
I've always been fragments, pieces, somewhat absent
My attempt at assemblage has failed.
I cannot convince myself that I am not broken.

Maybe that is okay.
Maybe I'm more beautiful this way.
My emotions are my fuel.
I am inoperable without them
They provide a lucidity that
cannot be obtained otherwise.