Break Me

I should have known.

you break my heart
when you prove to me
that i was right about myself
all along.
not good enough
not here enough
not pleasant
not present
not you enough,
to make you want me.
one after the other
you come walking by
i didn't notice
the parade you were in
that you were following the leader
i was just another kid to hand candy to
not someone you picked out of the crowd.
i should have noticed
with each of you that passed
should have seen the pattern
but i believed each new face
like i always do.
clearly it's me
obviously it's my choices
self-destructive
self-loathing
self-conscious.
i should know better
should have realized you were too good
to be true.
i don't know if you meant it at all
i don't know if i mean anything to you
or if i ever will
in that way
to anyone.
i break my heart
when i hand it away
hoping i'm wrong
about me.
i break my heart
when i don't see
when i don't realize
each time
that it's coming back in two.