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Coffee and unrealistic expectation |
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I decided to get up early on my day off to drive out to Garden of the Gods and catch the sunrise. I have found that it really is a wondrous place that allows me to think about life and to work through all the thoughts that run about my mind. I drove around the park until coming to the Balanced Rock parking area where I pull into a spot with my old pickup. I sat for awhile with a John Coltrane CD playing on the stereo and just gazed out across the park as the sun rose. Then I hopped out and scrambled up the Steamboat Rock to get a wider view of the park. From this vantage point, I could see the early morning sun strike Pikes Peak. The light is amazing with just a few cirrus clouds over the horizon. I really appreciate the ability to walk around the park engrossed in my thoughts. My mind is a whirling dervish and I am usually so absorbed that at times I ignore other people. It's not something deliberate. I have an assiduous mind. I've been told by others that I give off a very brooding and negative vibe. I don't feel like a morose person, but people's perceptions build their reality. After taking a walk around the park for an hour, I hopped in my pickup and headed over to Jack's for a strong brew with the new Beck CD cranked up. I was greeted as I walked in the door. "Hey, Will" said Paul "How you doing, friend?" "Good man" I said "How was your concert the other night?" "Awesome. You have got to come hear what we get down to, Brother." said Paul Paul's band was heavy into Jack Johnson, Keller Williams and John Butler Trio covers. I had only heard some strumming while he hung out in the coffee shop. My co-workers had said the band was actually pretty good. I just had not had the chance to go see a show. "I'll get to the next show, dude. I promise." I said "No worries, bra." said Paul in his best laid-back Hawaiian speak "Hi Will. Are you just having a brewed coffee?" said Julie from the coffee bar "Yep. I just watched the sunrise over at Garden of the Gods. Need a little pick me up before I go to class." I said. "Oh neat. I bet that was nice this morning." said Julie "Oh yeah." I said "Alright dude, I've got Costa Rican just brewed up." said Paul "I'll take it in your largest vessel and straight up to the brim, sir." I joked "Let me have a paper as well. I think I may hang here for a few." "Coming right up, my friend." said Paul I sat down in a comfy chair that faced Pikes Peak with my Costa Rican brew and opened the paper to the sports section. About 10 minutes later there was a huge rush. Paul and Julie were going full bore behind the counter and Jack came out from the back to help tackle the line. I was close enough to the end of the line to hear some grumbling from the 2 guys at the end - both were in a rush in their respective Brooks Brothers suits. "Man, I always get caught in a line here." said Brooks Brother #1 "I hate the smug, laid back feeling were supposed to feel here." said Brooks #2 "I just need a jolt of caffeine, not some hippy feel good moment." "Speaking of which." said Brooks #1 pointing his thumb at Paul - who's dreads were the antithesis of the Brooks Brothers crowd. "Damn it. We are going to be late. Not like these little shits care." said Brooks #2 Well fuck you too is what I was thinking. "Yeah, well we don't have time to go anywhere else." said Brooks #1 as they moved up in line and their conversation went out of my range. It's fascinating the irrational behavior that people can exhibit. They get in line behind 10 people and then are somehow shocked when the line does not move at the pace they want. They can always get out of line, but then they have a sense of commitment. They are here and they are staying until they get their drink. No matter the negative consequences. They are focused on getting coffee. If they only have 10 minutes, but get in line behind 10 other people, they will stay beyond the allotted time they have. It would be admitting defeat and having a feeling a loss which is anathema to them. They spent 10 minutes in line with nothing to show for it. They exhibit an irrational behavior that will not allow them to walk away. Even if it means spending an extra 10 minutes and being late to work or a meeting, they'll do it. They cannot abide the lost time with nothing in return. You can see - by the look on their face - that they are in a hurry. I have noticed many of these instances and have never seen anyone walk away. No matter how frustrated they grow. I know it's not us either. Brooks Brother #1 and #2 will want to blame us for being slow or inept. Neither is true. You guys come in at the same time everyday - when a lot of other people have a break as well. If you show up 10 minutes earlier then you would only spend 2 minutes getting a drink in a stress free way. 10 minutes later and you blame the people behind the counter for adding to your already stressful day. Everything is about choice. If you are swayed by irrationality, eventually you will pay a cost for that behavior. After hanging at Jack's for a few, I waved goodbye to my friends. I had called Brooke and we visited for a few minutes. I was as nervous as a bowling pin at a PBA tour event. Despite myself, we had a nice conversation and decided to see a movie and go on an actual date. The sense of giddiness had returned as I headed over to school and arrived just in time for class. After class I decided to go visit my favorite bookstore to hang out and peruse some books while killing time before my first date with Brooke. I love bookstores. They almost have an energy about them. I have an addiction to reading. I crave knowledge. I'm getting a lot out of school, but I always have a book or 3 around that I can fall back on. There are always interesting people at bookstores. Inevitably people come to find answers for whatever need they have. I have observed people standing in the self help section just looking for the right book that will change their life or give them answers that they seek. The same can be found in the religion and philosophy sections of any bookstore. Most people just get lost and either leave or get the gumption up to ask someone to help them find what they are seeking. People who work in bookstores abide by books as the prescription for life - though some are rather self important. Like librarians -they see themselves as protectors and gatekeepers of knowledge. No matter the issue, the answers can be found - if you know where to look. Bookstore owners have a philanthropic view of their business. Yes - money is exchanged, but a good book is undoubtedly worth its weight in gold. That's what I love about going to the bookstore. I don't know what I might find. Maybe I'll end of with something I read about in the New York Times Book Review. Maybe I'll find a great biography or science fiction book. Maybe I'll find one of those books that stay with me so much that I become a part of it as Teddy Roosevelt once said. I have books that I re-read once a year just because they are so poignant and identifiable. Today of course, I find several books that fit the bill, but with money tight, I cull my choices down to two - A biography about John Adams and the latest Chuck Palahniuk novel. I always leave a bookstore a little happier and more content than when I entered and that is saying a lot today as I am heading back to my dorm to get ready to go out for our date. At 6 p.m. I met up with Brooke at the movie theatre "Hi, it's good to see you again." I said "You too." she said with a smile I was very nervous as I fell into step next to her. She looked great in a red sweater and jeans. I had opted for jeans and a polo shirt. "You look great tonight." I said Good enough that I'm completely self conscious is what I was thinking. "Your not so bad yourself." she said I felt my face go flush and tried to quiet the self doubting voice in the back of my head. Just relax and be yourself is what I was thinking "What movie would you like to see?" I said "I'm not sure." she said "Have you wanted to see any of these?" There was an action thriller that would be fun and a couple of comedies that I had wanted to see, but I was not going to be picking the movie tonight. "Yeah, there are some good ones right now." I said "Have you seen any good reviews on these?" This was her cue to select the current romantic comedy with the heart warming love story where the man learns about love and life from the girl of his dreams. He has issues and must learn some humility of course - but nothing that musical montages, the wounding of his pride, and acceptance of his imperfections would not cure. These movies portray men as selfish and lacking any emotional ability. Not every man is limited by having the emotional range of a toaster you know. The basics of the movie include an initial period of attraction. The man then does something stupid and the girl realizes that all men are immature. The guy then has to beg for the girl back as he could never live without her. This always puts the women up on an unattainable pedestal that is pretty far from reality. Life is rarely as dramatic as the movies. Some women do need this level of drama and usually end up alone and locked in an endless and fruitless pursuit of the perfect guy willing to bow down at their throne. The movie was as expected - A few funny moments and the movie ending with an act of contrition by the man to win the endless love of his girl. Halfway through the movie, Brooke had grabbed my hand. I was very flushed initially, but I got used to it after awhile and tried to enjoy the movie as much as one can enjoy this type of movie. Afterwards we walked out to our cars to part for the night. "I really liked that movie." said Brooke "I know it was a little sappy, but there were some funny moments.....right?" "Yeah there was some funny stuff." I said as I was more focused on her than the movie. "I really liked the part where you grabbed my hand and I forgot about the movie at all." Feeling giddy is what I was thinking. "Yeah." she laughed "I liked that too." Feeling good about the night, but still a little apprehensive, I fished for another date. "Would you....um...like to do dinner sometime?" I said "I would love to go out again." said Brooke quickly "What are you doing on Saturday?" I said "We could go to dinner and then maybe catch a show that my friend Paul is doing." "Oh, Paul from the coffeehouse?" she said hesitantly "Yeah." I said "I keep promising him that I would come and he's actually doing a show at Jack's. I've heard that his band is actually pretty good." "Okay." she said "Should we do dinner and then go or wait and see what happens? "Let's do dinner first." I said "Then we can hang at the coffeehouse after the show and imbibe a few coffee drinks." "That sounds good to me." she said All of the sudden we had an awkward moment as she was standing by her car. I kinda froze not sure what to do next. She made eye contact and held her gaze on me for a moment. What do I do know is what I was thinking. I thought briefly about a kiss, but thought that may be too forward. 'Be yourself, stupid' I heard in the back of my mind. "It was so great to hang out tonight." I said as I went in for a hug She returned the hug and, I thought, briefly held on as I pulled away. She had a bemused look as I pulled back, but then she quickly recovered. "It was great." she said "I'm looking forward to Saturday." "Me too." I said "Drive safe on the way home." "You too. 'Night." she said |
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