Subtle Changes

To me, this poem explains existence.

It’s been happening… slowly but surly…  things are changing.

It’s been slow yet fast.

I’ve been happy, yet sad.

I’ve been alive.. yet dead.

I forgive without even thinking anymore.  Sometimes I put my foot down…

But I mostly want forgiveness.

Sad, sometimes I did nothing wrong…

The pain I feel now is worse than the pain I ever felt.

The funny thing is, when I was suicidal and cut… I never felt this way.

I hurt, yet I have an increasing desire for life instead of death.

Part of the pain is a desire to live.

Death, the only sure thing in this world.

Death is something I hate.  Something… horrible.  Unbearable

I never want to cause anyone the pain of losing me… yet am I losing myself?

Hard to eat, sleep, hard to breath.

Hard to exist… knowing I hurt others… but I won’t give up.

I should give up on people who hurt me, but I can’t.

Until I hear the words “I’m not your friend”

I’m stuck.

I’m stuck in my existence.

My existence with a person… it continues.

Even after they cut me off… because the string of memories is still attached to me.