Confused

A relationship that i am no longer in.

I hate him so much i love him
I love the way I beg for his attention
The way I avoid thinking of him
When he is on my mind 24/7.

The way I swear he better not call me
Yet would never turn my phone off,
Just incase.

Why does he make it so easy to hate myself?
Were these my dreams when I was a little girl?
Is this where I wanted to be?
Is this all i'm worth?

I want to be loved,
I just don't know how.