In Limbo

Trying really really really hard not to cheat

If only I could resist
If only I couldn't
If only I could turn my conscience off
If only my values were as pure and as strong as I thought

If this sweetness weren't such torture
If I weren't so bent on the faithful
If my body weren't stronger than my reason
If I could lie to my lover,
Hide this wretched ache,
Face my ugly truth,
Then I could give in to this.

If only I had taken the chance when I had it
If only I hadn't had the chance.

If our hands never accidentally brush together
If I never have to smell his cologne again
If I never have to see his hands, shoulders, jaw again
If I never hear his laugh,
Feel his breath on my ear,
Meet his gaze again,
Then I might forget this feeling.