Leyla's Locket

This is a novel I am writing for a scholarship contest. This book falls into the Fantasy genre, written for 9 years old and up. This is the first, very rough draft, without any revisions or major editing. Please take a moment to read and review, I really need to turn in the best work possible for this scholarship.

What I am mainly looking for is whether the story flows well, if the characters are appealing, and whether the story line is compelling enough to make you want to keep reading.

I need honest criticism in order to ensure I present the best product I possibly can. Thank you in advance for your time and your opinion! :)