ok first please make your font larger and add some space between lines, because as it is it is too hard to read. next the story needs either a few less words or many more to complete the set up. you seem to be moving the story in more than one direction a little too much to grasp as a reader without knowing why we the reader should care about these people. good start just needs some work. just my opinion keep on writing.
first thank you for making the letters larger. I liked the character building along with his movement. the running helped develop a sense of time passing. the story developed well. The door was a bit inevitable after the key discovery so not totally unexpected. the end twist was nicely finish off with the clockwork in his head stopping. good job. You could be a little more ruthless with the edit pen. you could lose about 100 words and make it pop. keep writing.
well done. the descriptions of the food and setting are great the story arc sad but again well done. the characters are well formed for such a very short piece. the end thou sad again brings a solid believable conclusion. I would have given you 5 stars, but... there is a spot in the middle of the piece I cannot figure out. keep on writing.
ok you have the beginnings of a cool description, but you left a big piece of info out of the picture. why should I, or anyone care about these characters they know nothing about. I can not figure out what your trying to say. try again. just my opinion but I don't see a story here at all. don't give up just try again
outstanding. always good to hear a success story. you have 1 under your belt now so to speak. the butterflies should be easier to manage now. best of luck on your next installment.
ok first changing the spacing helped a lot. I can see you are getting the ideas down for a solid story. As it stands it is a little wordy. by that I mean you can get the old edit pencil out and look for a couple of things; first watch for changes in past and present tense. Next be ruthless and get rid of any words that don't move the story forward. Finally try and show a smooth transition from one scene to the next. Most important to remember this only my opinion keep on writing. you got this.
I would love to read your story but the print is too small and the spacing too close together. I wish I could tell you how to fix it. I do know it can be done. sent me a message when you change it and i will gladly give you a review.
well done. I liked twist starting right away without giving it away. the middle such as it is helps the story move to the verdict reading. on with the end and the twist her thought about not liking Megan much brought it out very well. great job in a short as can be form.
nicely done. The beginning confused me for a moment, but I caught up. seems ol'boy he did too and was quite a bit angrier than you first thought. The end left me wanting more good job.
ok here goes. The scene felt jumbled when he parked. there are alot of misspellings. I don't get the end. It may just be me, but a rewrite is in order.
Well done the article has a good set up. I liked the timing and transition to the second character. An interesting dichotomy of viewpoint. funny unusual and humorous at the same time. This could almost be a fable.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.10 seconds at 4:00am on Aug 11, 2025 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
