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Review by Chowtyme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ ★★★★★ | (4.0)
I like it. There's a good balance of character development and exposition easing the reader into the world you are creating while making it feel organic and unforced. foreshadowing and open questions drive the reader's thirst for the next bit of information. As a draft, it has some verb confusion and a curiously physically aggressive female (maybe) love interest.

Only a couple things stuck out as rough; the primary one being "lovely set of tits" as it makes your protagonist less sympathetic when there are a million other ways to say that the girl has a slammin' body in a way that oozes desire instead or creeper or crass vibes.

Looking forward to seeing this develop!
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