Review Requests: OFF
1 Public Reviews Given
1 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by D.P. Wilcox Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR ★★★★★ | (3.5)
A nice bit of slice-of-life flash fiction with a message that I hope more people take to heart. There's nothing wrong with laughing at your own joke from time to time if it makes the day palatable.

Your writing is sincere and has a clear voice. I didn't notice any grammar and mechanical errors (I'm an English teacher, so they tend to be something I look for instinctually). I will say that if you are going to continue to work on the piece, there's a bit of distance between the narrator and the reader. You can close that by bringing the reader closer into the thoughts and feelings of the narrator. It wouldn't take much, a brief description of the first confusing time they heard the clerk say something like, "Would you like some charcoal to go with those pens and pencils?" I can just see the confused pause on the narrator's face, before the smile forced its way through the awkwardness.

Just a thought.
Thanks for sharing.
1 Reviews • *Magnify*
Page of 1 • 25 per page   < >