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Printed from https://webx1.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/tadpole1
Review Requests: ON
454 Public Reviews Given
1,179 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Depends. Sometimes, in depth, and sometimes, "just the feel of the item."
I'm good at...
I'll let you be the judge.
Favorite Genres
Sci/fi and fantasy. Anything with a happy ending.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything depressing.
Favorite Item Types
Static.
I will not review...
I do not like reviewing anything that was not spell checked. Do your homework first.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by Tadpole1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

Is Jessie the cowboy, bounty hunter, and guitar player? If yes:

Original: Jesse Crane perched atop a low hill, pale eyes narrowing on the frontier town of Istbirden. Perhaps he could still call it home… but not tonight. A man had killed a woman in Wilem then fled south, fast as flat feet could carry him, and Jesse aimed to end that chase.

Food for thought:

Jessie Crane, cowboy and bounty hunter when the money was right, sat upon his beloved mare, Daisy, and narrowed his eyes, contemplating the frontier town of Istbirden below--his town. (He would not think about his pale eyes.) A man had killed a woman in Wilem and made the mistake of coming to Istbirden. It would be the man's last mistake. Jessie grinned. After collecting the bounty, maybe he'd write a little diddy to celebrate. Money and music. Not bad for a lonely cowboy.

Good luck,

Tadpole1
2
2
Review by Tadpole1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi ya Wolfkingdom,

Poems always get five stars from me.

My thoughts, for what they're worth, are that I liked the poem. *Smile* I liked the subject. As I was reading the different stanzas and sliding into the music, I expected to hear a line in the third stanza with "da, da, the core" in it and was surprised not to hear it.

I really enjoyed your poem and its optimistic feeling.

Thanks for sharing!

Tadpole1
3
3
Review by Tadpole1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Carly,

I quite liked your flash fiction. Also, I like dragons, so I was hooked right away. By the end of the first paragraph, I knew there was a bit of fantasy/magic happening. Cool. Before the end, I was riveted as the tone shifted, bringing worry and unease. Great! I like happy endings after being scared. Ooo! *Smile*

What could I suggest? I simply noticed that the first three paragraphs started with the same word--the pronoun "I." In general, I try not to start more than two paragraphs in a row with the same word. Sometimes, just reordering the words in a sentence takes care of it.

It's a great little story!

Thanks for sharing,

Tadpole1
4
4
Review by Tadpole1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi ya, Jeffrey,

I enjoyed your flash fiction, and I didn't see the end coming. *Smile*

There were two lines that I particularly enjoyed because they gave me a chuckle.

"A drink and a think" and "In another man's arms."

Thank you for sharing!

Tadpole1
5
5
Review by Tadpole1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Claevyan,

Thank you for sharing your story. I enjoyed it very much.

This was my favorite line, and I like the way you used it: “It was a melody most recalled, but few remembered.”

What could I suggest? I believe that the cowboy, Jessie, and the singer were all the same person—the bounty hunter. There were moments when I wasn’t completely sure. Maybe you could say something like “A Colt 45 in each holster and a dulcimer slung over his shoulder, Jessie pushed through…” Since his name, Jessie, came rather later in the story, I had imagined that his name wasn’t going to be given and was surprised when I read it. In my opinion, it’s good to give his name sooner rather than later so that we can identify with him and care about him.

Maybe dialogue could come a little sooner?

Would he really half-chuckle?

Thank you again for sharing!

Tadpole1
6
6
Review of Judging By Looks  Open in new Window.
Review by Tadpole1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Bearclaw,

I threw my earphones on and listened to your short story. There is definitely a moral to it, and sometimes we need to be reminded. The characterization was clear, and I enjoyed the journey.

Thanks for sharing!

Tadpole1
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Review of Mountain Storm  Open in new Window.
Review by Tadpole1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Hollymerry,


Thank you for sharing your poem so filled with powerful imagery!

I love these lines:

Gnats circle in place of swallows
Now hiding anxious in the barn.

flaking Boulders like snow on a shoulder.

Tadpole1
8
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Review by Tadpole1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Intuey,

I fell upon your poem in the newsletter, and curiosity brought me over.

I like your poem. It looks on the bright side, and I love that. Live with a smile--Die with a smile.

Thanks for sharing!

Tadpole1
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Review of ONLY IF  Open in new Window.
Review by Tadpole1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Joy,

After reading your newsletter, I decided to pop over and take a peek.

You managed to make Dr. Dimmitt quite annoying with his plays on words—well done. It had me wondering if the character was annoying on purpose or was simply thinking in his singular fashion. Also, we note that Howard is amazingly patient. Kudos to him!

Suggestions: I think the first paragraph could be dropped. In the second paragraph, you could indicate that the man, Dr. Dimmitt, is standing next to the Honda showroom’s most recent model for setting.

After the first paragraph, I was pulled into the story because I wanted to know how long Howard was going to be able to remain patient with his peculiar client. The twist at the end made me smile.

Thanks for sharing!

Tadpole1
10
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Review by Tadpole1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi KS23,

I popped into to look at the flash fictions and saw that you story had won, so I decided to take a peek.

Great! I didn't see that one coming!

The story flowed well, and I could see the setting quite well.

Thank you for sharing!

Tadpole1
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Review of Staged  Open in new Window.
Review by Tadpole1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Staged,

Very interesting. I felt like I was led down one path, a path of worry and apprehension, only to realize that it wasn't the right path, in fact, the twist was that it was a path of celebration.

Thanks for sharing.

Keep writing!

Tadpole1
12
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Review by Tadpole1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Nice to meet you LLoyd,

I was wondering what this was leading up to, so I continued on the chapter 1 and reviewed it already.

In the beginning of the prologue, I was imagining Gary as a young child. It rather surprised me when he was older. We have a tiny hint that he's not a young child in paragraph three, and we learn that he is at least old enough to have his learner's permit in paragraph four.

We learn quickly that Gary's mother has issues, perhaps mental issues, and he has dealt with them all his life with the help of his father. Unfortunately, Dad is gone.

Maybe there could have been a stronger last line?

All in all, the ground is laid for perhaps an injured young person turned killer.

Good job.

Thanks for sharing!

T
13
13
Review by Tadpole1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi LLoyd,

I actually did read the prologue before coming here. *Smile*

Before I forget, I think that there were at least two pov blips in chapter 1.

I didn't mark them, but this is what to look for:

Imagine that you have a cameraman inside a person's head. Only share with the reader what that person can actually see, hear, touch, smell, taste, and only that's person's thoughts. That person cannot know what someone else is thinking. I think there were two blips in the chapter, probably with the thoughts.

Independent clauses that are joined by conjunctions: and, but, so, etc. need a comma before the conjunction.

Correct: Jack and Jill ran up the hill.
Correct: Jack ran up the hill, and Jill ran up the hill.
Correct: Jack ran up the hill, but he fell down the hill.
Incorrect: Jack ran up the hill and Jill ran up the hill. (missing comma)
Incorrect: Jack ran up the hill but he fell down the hill. (missing comma)

There are several instances in the chapter. This is one of them:

They're not completely blending together (missing comma) but the lines are getting blurry.

The writing flowed smoothly.

We start to care about Gary but in an uneasy way. I'm not sure whether he's going to be a psychopath or not.

I wonder if Cherie will find herself in danger.

Well done.

Thanks for sharing!
14
14
Review of A Precious Gift  Open in new Window.
Review by Tadpole1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi K,

Everyday: It's her everyday dress. Think ordinary dress.
Every day: He takes his lunch every day. Think every single day.
Sound fills (with an s)


This was a very interesting piece. I realized that something was going on right away, but I wasn't expecting DID. For a book, I actually did a lot of research on the subject, but this take is completely different.

Thank you for the voyage!

Tadpole1
15
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Review of It's Michigan  Open in new Window.
Review by Tadpole1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Fyn,

I wanted to browse your portfolio and landed here. The title of your poem pulled me in, which reminds me how important a title can be. *Smile*

Don't like the weather? Wait a bit.

That says it all, doesn't it?

Thanks for sharing!

Tadpole1
16
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Review by Tadpole1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Good morning!

May your day be filled with sunshine and joy.

I read through your poem, and my reactions are honest. My disclaimer is that I'm not a poet, yet I do like rhyming poetry.

Weakest point in my opinion: It didn't feel like it flowed into a story or a smooth description of inner feelings; instead, it felt like a series of disjointed lines.

My favorite passage:

Surviving thoughts scarce to the brain
Thinning out to moments of pain
Memoirs of innocence regained
Through the strength of thy inner human

Suggestion: Choose either the present tense or the past tense.
Suggestion: In "A dove's cry fall," change "fall" to either "falls" or "fell."
Suggestion: Change "strength of thy inner human" to ..."my inner human."

It was a pleasure to read your poem this morning. Thank you for sharing, and, especially, keep writing!

Tadpole1
17
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for entry "The Royal Decree" Open in new Window.
Review by Tadpole1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi massive friendly derg,

You suggested that I pop over to see what you wrote about dragons, so here I am. Wink.

After reading the above text, I was at first pulled in and curious. Then I felt like it was a bit short and needs a bit of work.

What I liked: I love the idea of pocket-sized dragons. Too cool. And I love the idea of the royal family keeping one as a free-roaming dragon pet.

Halfway through, the text felt like there was an abrupt subject change.

Starting at “In short,” I think you need a paragraph break and to develop the ideas.

All in all, it’s a super premise with lots of potential!

Thanks for sharing!

Here are a few gps just for fun and being so friendly.

Tadpole1




,
18
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Review of The Omega  Open in new Window.
Review by Tadpole1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Moonstone,

I love your handle! Also, I read the note you posted about how nice everyone was on WDC, so I decided to take a peek at one of your stories.

I loved it because I was drawn right in and wanted to keep reading to the very end, so that is really great. It’s not an easy thing to accomplish. I cared about your protagonist, and that’s really important. The writing and the grammar was good, and that was a relief. Lol ! It’s not always the case, so kudos to you. Oh, and I loved the world and the premise, very interesting!

The only weak point that I saw was the end, and maybe I missed something because it’s late here, and I’m tired, but I’m not sure that I quite understood. That’s not good. I’m guessing that he (or is it she?) (Long legs, …) is unwillingly going to become a tester? That’s pretty scary!

Thank you for sharing and keep writing! Good job,

Tadpole1
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Review of Herculaneum  Open in new Window.
Review by Tadpole1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Kathleen,

I saw the title and link to your poem in the newsletter, and since I'm going there in ten days, I couldn't help but hop over to check it out. *Smile*

My three favorite lines are:

Vesuvio broods silently

the question: not if but when

“It won’t happen to us!”

Thank you for sharing!

Tadpole1
20
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Review by Tadpole1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Fyn,

How cool! Thank you so much for sending me a link to your poem! It really made me smile.


Happy thoughts! *Smile*

Tadpole1
21
21
Review of FRIENDSHIP  Open in new Window.
Review by Tadpole1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Starchild,

This was a lovely story! It brought tears to my eyes. That's what stories are all about.

As far as giving you suggestions to improve it, I would suggest using the Microsoft Word Read Aloud function. You might find a few little things that you would like to edit.

This short story took me on a journey of friendship and loss. Thank you for sharing! *Smile*

Keep writing,

Tadpole1
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22
Review of The Algorithm  Open in new Window.
Review by Tadpole1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Why thank you, Finster, for the lovely read. For years I have wanted to write a novel around the concept of AI but never found a premise that inspired me. You chose a different angle and an interesting one at that.

I enjoyed the read from the beginning to the end. The language was interesting, and the the flow was fluid. I enjoyed the little chuckle at the end. Nice touch.

There's a typo: Troughout the centuries.
There may have been a couple of repetitions (words or thoughts).

In American English we put the commas and the periods inside quotes, but this is probably British English.

Thank you for a the divertissement!

Keep writing,

Tadpole1
23
23
Review of Boardwalk Sally  Open in new Window.
Review by Tadpole1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi P,

I received the request for a review and popped over.

Immediate reaction, surprise. I certainly did not expect the subject or tone. Nevertheless, I continued on, giving the poem and author respect.

The rhymes were good. Most of the poem flowed smoothly. Then, I hit a part that felt like a bump. I'm going to pause and see if I can figure out why...I'm not sure why, but the bump occurred starting on the line "Making sure my voice had a commanding pitch." Read it aloud, and listen to the music, the rhythm. It's not as smooth as before.

Now for the content, this of course is a personal opinion, the attitude toward women is obviously going to lead toward the protagonist being a loser and an eternal bachelor.

Keep writing,

Tadpole1
24
24
Review of Chapter One  Open in new Window.
Review by Tadpole1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Destiny,

I think you have a good chapter. We begin to care about the protagonist, and we know she has a problem, actually several. It seems that she has budding new powers that she neither masters nor fully understands yet. The chapter raises many questions to be answered in the upcoming chapters. Will be get caught for hurting the girl? Will Manny come after her? Will she be able to control her powers? What is she going to do next? Etc.

A trip or two through spell-check ally could only help the chapter. There were quite a few typos even if I'm not pointing them out.

Don't let the typos get you down, but please, do correct them.

Keep writing! And thank you for sharing.

Welcome to WDC,

Tadpole1
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Review by Tadpole1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi D,

This was very sweet. I loved the Twilight series too. I wonder if the way Jacob knew that it was Bella was because he could smell her?

I liked the idea of writing this "what if" story. It took me back to the books and the movie.

Thanks for sharing!

Tadpole1
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