Every time I read this over I find another thing to love.
First, I must applaud your sense of rhythm here. Your rotation of the rhyme is just right, leading the reader to speed up and slow down with you.
Second, your construction. The mind who presents the scenario observed it, understands it intimately, maybe even remembers it. However detailed in presentation, they were not present, let alone inside that body.
They weren't there.
A really great piece. Thank you.
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