This piece of writing is incredible - there is the perfect mix of drama and action and the first sentence really draws the reader in. The reader really wants to know who Toby is, how he knows Dylan, and what Dylan's connection to Lisa is. Although Dylan seems to be the main character, I think it's Toby who really draws the reader in, because he makes the reader care.
This piece of writing really makes me want to know what happens next... It's practically perfect in every way :)
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