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Public Reviews
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Review by Boston Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about, "Chapter 1 The Dream." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.


The first paragraph, I thought, was a very good start to this story. It set the scene beautifully. I usually don’t read much stories about vampires, witches, and those types of things, but I do know that they (vampires) are a very hot topic these days with all of the movies and TV shows being written about them. After reading this I felt that there was a lot of information that had to be added to this story. To me it seemed like there was a previous chapter written. Things like who were the “Watchers” that had to be put on alert, and why? The time of the prophesy…what was the prophesy? There is more that needs to be told. The night at the ball, and what transpired could use some more expanding upon. Also, regarding Damien’s recollections about being attacked and left for dead; this could have been expanded more also. Who was the strange man that attacked Damien, and why? These are some of the things that I feel can be worked on more to improve this story. You have a good story here so don’t rush it along. Expound more upon it. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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227
Review of Media Memoir  Open in new Window.
Review by Boston Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Media memoir." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

This is a very good piece and it is well written. One part that brought back some memories to my mind was when you told about how you collected music and listening to it for hours. At an early age, before I could read or write, I would hear records playing in our house. There were certain songs that I really liked. I couldn’t read, as I have mentioned, so I would crease the edges of my father’s album jacket covers, marking them so I would know where the particular songs were.
Now as an adult, and a musician, I have a massive music collection. Thank God for technology and MP3 files, it takes up a lot less room now. At any rate, I really enjoyed reading this, and think that you have done a great job writing it.



Suggestions:


None that i can think of.


Overall:

A very interesting read.

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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228
Review of Kristilove  Open in new Window.
Review by Boston Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Kristilove." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

This is a good poem and a very nice sentiment to put into words about your friend. I thing that you’ve done a fine job on this one.



Suggestions:

None that i can think of.



Overall:

A good read

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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229
Review of Forgiven  Open in new Window.
Review by Boston Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)

Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Forgiven." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

I like the message you are trying to send in this piece. “He came down from above To show unconditional love He died on the cross for me So that I could be free.” This surely is a great message of the good news found in Christ. I think that my favorite part though, is the first stanza. It speaks of confession. Realizing that you have done wrong and asking for forgiveness. Then in the next two lines-wondering how it all began. How did it ever come to this? Sometimes we start off doing small things that, deep down inside of us we know are wrong. We rationalize and think that they will be harmless at the time. Then from that point we stray even further without even realizing what we have done. You have some good thoughts throughout this poem.
What I felt that needed some work is the rhythm of the piece by rearranging some of your words and staying with a moiré constant syllable count. This is especiall evident in the second verse line two.



Structure:

What I felt that needed some work is the rhythm of the piece by rearranging some of your words and staying with more of constant syllable count. This is especially evident in the second verse line two. Also I found some areas that needed to be re-worded for clarity. ["I now know who I am in this fight."]


Suggestions:
You have a good poem going on here. I would take another look at some of these areas and see how you can improve upon them. I think that you have done a fine job and that this just need a little tweeking




Overall:

A good poem that needs some work.

Thanks for sharing,keep writing, and have a great day.
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Review by Boston Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Education or Health- Which comes first? Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

You have written an interesting article, and i enjoyed reading it. I will attempt to make comment on most of the points that you have given.
Education is obviously the backbone of a nation. But does it come prior to health? One healthy person means getting one step closer to a better country.

I think that what you are asking here is; is education for an individual of greater importance than the importance of their health. If that is what’s meant here, then I would have to say no. Education should take a back seat, and sometimes will for certain, take a back seat to the person’s health. The old saying, “if you have your health you have everything,” certainly applies here. If someone is very ill, how can they study? I am not talking about a cold, the flu, or something minor here, but rather a more serious illness. Getting well must certainly take top priority.

Student life is definitely very harsh. Scholars in various fields of study, for example medical science, engineering etc must study till late at night to fulfill their academic requirements. Those students are often unaware or tend not to care about the health hazards caused by this.

Many students have worked hard and studied to the wee hours of the morning. Some because they had to, and others because they may have procrastinated or choose to do something else. A lot of people thrive and seem to work well under the pressure of “the last minute” while others do not. The same applies for late hours. There are some who are use to staying up all night. “Night people.” They simply seem to operate better in these late hours. Also, an individuals physciall condition would play a factor too. Some students are healthier than others. I think that your statement has a lot of variables to be considered to draw on any certain conclusion. However, I will say that a lot of students, especially younger ones, don’t give much thought about their health being a problem because of their studies.


People who stay up late at night to study gradually decline in their mental and physical condition.

Again we shouldn’t generalize here. Age certainly plays a factor, as does health, and a person’s mental being. If the person is getting enough rest, eating well, and having some enjoyment time; I see no problem with the hours of their study. It seems to be irrelevant so long as their health is good. It is true that disturbed nights and mental illness have been linked, but how and to what extent, I would have to look into.


If students are forced to study certain subjects against their will, instead of the subjects they really want to study, then lack of interest will also cause mental problems.

This sounds to me like something my son would say to make an excuse for not studying, or for getting a poor grade. I have always just wanted him to give it his best, but on the other hand; I knew when he wasn’t really putting forth his best effort. No excuses! At times he just needed a father’s push. Can a lack of interest in a subject cause mental problems? I don’t think your head would explode.

Parents should also look after their children’s food habits during student life. Healthy food always means a healthy brain. Junk food should be avoided as much as possible.

I agree wholeheartedly with this. Proper diet for children and adults alike, is very important to maintain good health.

Remember, you can be a great influence on your child during those hardships of student life. A little care can turn your child into a gem.

Lastly, I agree that you can be a great influence on your child’s life, and along with parenting comes a great responsibility. A lot of care and love is needed.




Suggestions:

This is a good article and a good subject. However, what I think is needed here is some more information to substantiate your claims. Then the reader would have more information to draw his conclusions upon.



Overall:

An interesting read.

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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Review of Polynesia Kiss  Open in new Window.
Review by Boston Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

This is a very nice love poem that has some wonderful imagery. My favorite part is.” A cool, listless afternoon Just before the surf recedes I see her sparkling eyes.” Great job!




Suggestions:


None that i can think of


Overall:

a great read

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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232
Review of Forgotten  Open in new Window.
Review by Boston Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Forgotten." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:


I like short poems and tend to write them myself. This is a good poem and it is something that I can relate to. I guess I am at the age where I am experiencing a lot of my friends passing on. Some are older, and some much younger then I but never the less, they are gone. However, they still live on in my memory. My favorite part of your poem is;"Forgotten breaths where once was life; an image from a time of strife." Very nicely done.





Overall:

A good read

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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Review by Boston Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is third of three reviews won by you in the “Images Through Time Auction.”



Hi

Here are my thoughts about Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

I like this poem quite a bit. It is a very good expression of a fathers love and devotion for his daughter. A parent’s love for their child is a special kind of love, and the love between father and daughter seems even more so. You did a good job bringing all of your emotions out in this piece. Very well done!



Structure:

The only part of this that I found a little troublesome is the line;” But, if you’re in trouble I’ll be there at the drop of a hat.” It doesn’t seem to flow along as nicely as the rest of the poem, and sort of broke the rhythm of it for me.



Overall:

A great poem

Thanks for sharing,keep writing, and have a great day.
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234
Review of Love's Habits  Open in new Window.
Review by Boston Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is the first of three reviews won by you in the “Images Through Time Auction.”



Hi


Here are my thoughts about,"Love Habits." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.




Content:

I think what you are trying to express here is the different aspects of love. Sometimes it can be soft and sweet, but it can also be rough. Love can change. As it is said; there is a thin line between love and hate. You have done a fine job expressing these emotions about love.


Structure:

I felt that the second stanza could have been worded a little differently. It is just a matter of my taste. The words hard and soft are fine, but I feel that in the next line you could have chosen a different word that would contrast [old] a little better.




Overall:

A good poem

Thanks for sharing,keep writing, and have a great day.
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Review of Illuminated  Open in new Window.
Review by Boston Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Illuminated." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

Light always exposes what is hid in the darkness. Once the light shines and you can see, you have hope.


Structure:

This piece is true to its Haiku form with your 5-7-5 syllable count. Usually done with a nature theme, but this is good.


Suggestions:


None that I can think of


Overall:

A good Haiku

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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Review of The Mirror  Open in new Window.
Review by Boston Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"The Mirror." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:
I think that you wrote a very good story. It grabbed my attention and held it there throughout the entire story. The story moved along very well, and I thought the part about Mary conversing with Anne, by writing words on the steamy mirror was creepy. You have done a great job with this.



Structure:

There are a few things that I thought could be improved upon. You should break up this story into paragraphs with good spacing. It would make it an easier read, especially for people like me with vision problems.
Also, I felt that the part where Mary mentioned Daryl [“Darryl did this to me. The pain won’t stop. Please help me, it seemed to cry.”] To me this should have had the immediate response by Anne; who’s Daryl? Then go on to ask, who are you? I would be curious to know right away who this Daryl was. This is just my thought on it. I would like to have seen a different ending to this story, but all in all yours was good. I may have left it with Anne killing the wrong man, different Daryl Johnston….a mistake. At any rate, I really enjoyed reading your story, and I look forward to reading more of your work.




Overall:

A very exciting read.

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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Review of What the f*ck?  Open in new Window.
Review by Boston Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"What the f*ck Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:



At first I haphazardly read over your article not giving it too much thought, but then I realized that it is an interesting subject after all. I did a little searching in the limited time that I had, and found the origin of the word f***. I know it is not really your question, but I figure it is a good place to start out. It seems that it came from the word Ficker, an old Germanic word which means to hit, or strike. Thus some of the terms like “I’d hit that” were derived. Before that scholars believed that there was a language that all European languages were based on called indo-European. In that language there was the word fuk that means to hit or strike. So from that you get the following: Dutch word-focken, meaning breed, begat, strike. Also,the Norwegian word fukka which means to have sex, and the Swedish word fokka, meaning penis.

As far as the editing of those words are concerned; you have the options of taking the word out, using a milder replacement, or use symbols, like you described. Interestingly enough I learned that the use of these, as they are often used in comic books, is called grawlix. Mort Walker, a cartoonist named them that in 1964. Maledicta, is what swear words are sometimes called. And that word is an arciac word meaning; speak ill of something. The opposite of a curse is a blessing, and I wish that you have a blessed day. I hope this is a good start for you. If I had more time to spend I think I would be able to come up with the answer to your question, but in the interim I know that I have learned a little something.




Overall:

A good read

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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Review of Cherished Gift  Open in new Window.
Review by Boston Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Cherished Gift." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

I like this poem. Music is indeed a cherished gift for both the one receiving and the one giving this gift. Feelings of love, and other emotions flowing out through song enhances even more the words that are being spoken, and it allows you to hear the ones which aren’t. I have often said; "If you want to hear me talk; just hear me play." Your poem says this and more. Great job!



Overall:

A great read.

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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Review of Love Defined  Open in new Window.
Review by Boston Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Love defined." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

You wrote a beautiful poem defining love. Your words were penned wonderfully giving the piece a nice flow while writing a good message. I believe you were using Corinthians 13 as your highest authority; if I'm not mistaken. At any rate, you have done a fine job with this.




Suggestions:

While reading your poem I felt that, in a few areas, you could have phrased it a bit differently to keep an even rhythm and syllible count. It is just a thought and a matter my personal taste.



Overall:

A very nice poem

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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240
Review of Unsure  Open in new Window.
Review by Boston Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Unsure." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

A good piece. You were able to express a lot of emotion in this short poem. Good job!



Suggestions:


None


Overall:

A good poem

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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241
Review by Boston Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"It's A Monster's World." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

Although short, I thought your story was good. You probably had limits due to contest rules. The fact the character was hanging on to his good human emotions is a good idea for this piece.


Structure:

I noticed a few errors throughout this piece. Require should be aquire, and the usage of repeat words and phrases should have been avoided.


Suggestions:


Mentioned above.


Overall:

A good story but can use some editing.

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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Review of Impossible Peace  Open in new Window.
Review by Boston Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Impossible Peace." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

This is an interesting and thought provoking poem. Peace is what everyone ideally wants, but never seems to achieve. War is an age old institution that will always be with us. Human nature is corrupt and there will always be discourse so long as there is evil; which is in a age less battle with good. At any rate, you wrote an interesting piece. Nice job!




Overall:

A good read.

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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243
Review by Boston Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

I think that this is a good start to a larger piece. Your characters are good and developed well and the story is set up nicely. I enjoyed reading it.



Structure:

I feel that you have over done Jenni’s description a bit. You described her thin waist then right in the next sentence described her face and hair. Then, right after that you wrote;” She held her slender hand over her eyes. I feel that you didn’t need slender since it is plainly seen that she is of slender build.
….. but she couldn't wait to get to her and her sister, Jamie's, tree house.” I don’t believe you need to but a comma after sister. I may be wrong about this, but I had to read over the line a 2nd time wihich interrupted the flow of the story a bit.

“My grades." Jenni scowled and her sister. I think you meant to write [at] her sister. I have seen other errors throughout, but they are easily corrected.



Suggestions:


Go over and make the corrections. As I said they are an easy fix. I realize that this is just the beginning of your story, and maybe you are waiting to edit later.


Overall:

A good read

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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Review of Falling  Open in new Window.
Review by Boston Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Falling." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

I think that this poem conveys the feelings of helpless and despair. Ailing with no one to live for you feel trapped and helpless. At first I thought that in line 3 you made an error and meant to write nothing. Maybe you did, but I took the “none” as no one to live for. Maybe I am wrong for assuming that, but I think it works also. You done a fine job on this dark piece.




Suggestions:

None that I can see.



Overall:

A good poem

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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245
Review of Waves  Open in new Window.
Review by Boston Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Waves." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

You poem has some nice imagery. I really like the line;” Something will break the rhythm of the waves.” One can write a good piece based on those words alone. Well chosen! You have done a fine job with this.


Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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246
Review of You Were  Open in new Window.
Review by Boston Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"You Were." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

Your poem showed a lot of emotion and I liked how you used the different colors to associate with them. It had a nice flow to it also.



Suggestions:


I can't think of any


Overall:

A good poem

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
247
247
Review of Luster of Youth  Open in new Window.
Review by Boston Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1467581 Unavailable **


Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Luster of Youth." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.




Content:

A good poem on aging. I certainly can relate to this. I think that my favorite part is the fourth verse. The only part that seemed a little rough for me is the last line of verse one. It didn't seem to flow as evenly as the rest of the poem.



Suggestions:

Take another look at the last line as I mentioned above and consider it for yourself. Other than that it is fine



Overall:

A very good read.


Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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248
Review of One Moment  Open in new Window.
Review by Boston Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"One Moment." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

We all remember our first love and sometimes reminisce about those times in our past. Your poem shows the emotions felt about your first love. Good job!



Overall:

A good read

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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249
Review of Owl  Open in new Window.
Review by Boston Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Owl." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

I am not familiar with the Tyburn form of poetry so I thought that your note was a wise (no pun intended) decision. Without it; I don’t think the piece would be appreciated for it complexity. I am just learning about the different poetry forms, and writing them is sometimes difficult for me to do. In that regards I appreciate them. However, I don’t always like them. I can appreciate your poem for the challenge and effort it took to write, but I just don’t care too much for this poetry form. It’s just a matter of personal taste I assure you. What I like is that you do have a good subject, and your imagery was good too. The reader can imagine this raptor hunting its prey.



Structure:

From what I can see you followed true to the form.


Suggestions:


Can't think of any.


Overall:

It is a good Tyburn

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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250
Review by Boston Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Words of Withered Blur." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

This is a very emotionally powerful piece. The imagery painted here was good and you were able to bring to the reader the feelings that are inside you. My favorite part is the ninth verse, which to me sums it up. Good job!


Structure:

Your poem had some good rhyme and seemed to flow along nicely.


Suggestions:


None that i can think of.


Overall:

a very good read.

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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