Hi, ellzjohn,
It's Richard here, a long tenured teacher of poetry, answering your request for honest, helpful critique.
What I'm sharing will not only apply to this piece, but can be used in whatever else you write.
There are a few ideas I'll share, along with recommended edits, that will offer what I believe will help this basically lovely little Free Verse become the virtual masterpiece it deserves to be.
1. Eliminate as many meaningless talking "the" and "a", words, either omitting or replacing them with something poetic … be creative and inventive in using poetic voice. For future compositions, add "and,", "but", "that", and as many other "normal language/talking/prose" conjunction words as possible to this omit list.
2. Avoid as many repeats like "or", "for" in this piece, and any other repeats in any poem.
3. A poem is a literary work of art, therefore, should include proper punctuation and capitalization, etc; complete and polished. Remember, your work is your signature
4. Line-breaks and enjambments should always occur where a breath would be taken, or with a change in natural tempo flow.
5. The heart of Free Verse poetry lies in imagery, metaphor, emotion, and poetic voice.
6. Avoid a smothering, jumbled, rushed, run-on effect by separating moments of thought, feeling, emotion, etc; each into their own verses … adding an additional sense of interest, anticipation, and rhythmic ambiance, etc;
7. Think poetic syntax, rather than common talking; e.g.:
Here is a basic definition of Free Verse poetry:
{centerFREE VERSE
Free Verse is unrhymed poetry without a set meter or syllable count, but must flow.
This is NOT a narrative or prose form ... it must have a poetic voice, spoken with rhythmic
word-flow, and thoughts grouped into verses, with appropriate line-breaks and enjambments.
Properly composed, Free Verse will have proper capitalization and punctuation.
The heartbeat of Free Verse is imagery, metaphor, poetic syntax, and poetic voice,
well-placed line-breaks and smooth enjambments. Iambics work well with Free Verse.
There is no limit to lines or verses, topic or theme, mood, timbre, or ambience.
MY BELOVED
Oh, Beloved,
know waiting….
for you to find yourself
back in my arms
is like watching tectonic plates
reshape earth’s crust,
torpid melting of glaciers
raise sea levels,
or witnessing water weather
ancient rock into canyons.
But, “Oh, My Beloved,
make no mistake —
I’ll wait!”
Any questions, disagreements, or comments, I'll read and/or respond accordingly, soon as possible.
Thank you, ellzjohn, for the honor and privilege of full critique for this delightfully romantic Free Verse. ⁓ Richard🖌 |
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