the first half of the poem feels very melodic, almost like song lyrics. I even think it could be used as such. The second half is more argumentative and less poetic and melodic, but it has interesting development. When you mentioned wife and children, I knew there was to be some surprise at the end. Overall, it seems like a good idea, but I would take the cigarette explanation from the end and rather put it in the title because the explanation feels forced and disruptive.
Good job, nonetheless!
Raluca
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