Amazing, as usual. It's been nearly a month since I last read this story, but it still seems so exciting. The details are exquisite -- and there aren't so many as to make the reading dull. As I continue to learn about this world and its characters, I grow to love it even more. I actually think you could become one of my 5 favorite authors (though I'll have to continue to read until the story ends). You may not be a published author, but you are certainly an author. Keep up the great work!
Excellent story, but so sad. I feel so bad for the both of them, dying in such a way. Keep writing, you are really good. your details are superb and the events flow so smoothly. thank you for a wonderful read.
Wonderfully done! The main plot is coming into focus and it promises to be a good one. Yet I must be patient so that I can tell you my thoughts.
Several questions were answered in this chapter, but many more were found. i love your story thus far and hope that you will keep writing. Your details are spectacular and I enjoy reading them very much.
Now for a not so positive thought. as I was reading, I saw a line that made me think -- that might be confusing for some people. I know what the line meant, but it didn't sound quite right.
"Although he felt relief at delaying the journey, he wondered what he meant."
The word "he" is in the sentence three times, and it switches between two different characters. in a sentence like this, it is often confusing as to what each "he" means. I believe that you should change the sentence to something that includes something more specific than just "he" -- like a name or something.
Just an opinion, I truly love your story. Thank you for sharing it with all of us!
What a fascinating world you have created here! It is quite different from anything I've ever read -- and I've read quite a bit in my life. I am excited to learn more about this world and about the story you are telling.
Where did you find the names? Did you make them up yourself, or did you see them elsewhere? I love that they are unique -- I normally make up names for my characters because I think it makes a story world more... real, I suppose. I look forward to seeing more names and, of course, discovering what happens next!
This story is quite interesting. It's sad that Righty had to die, but karma came back to him, as it always does. At first I did not think I was going to like the story, but is has some good lessons in it.
1) Meet your goals before you try to get what you want. The goals must be more important, because you SET THEM.
2) Most people are greedy, but this does NOT mean that ALL people are greedy.
3) If you get a chance to do something great in your life, take that chance.
4) Continue striving to meet your goals until the moment of your death.
There are probably more that I cannot think of right now.
Keep up the good work!
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