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Review of Caesar's Limerick  Open in new Window.
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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#1734623 by Not Available.


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THIS IS A REVIEW FROM THE POWER REVIEW SHOP


Item Title: Caesar's Limerick

Author:♥tHiNg♥ Author IconMail Icon

Type:Poetry

Reviewed by Ash Author IconMail Icon

First Impression:

My first impression was that this was a humorous limerick about betrayal. I like that the text is big, and also done in a font like comic sans, making it easier to read, and it fits the mood. I've never written a long limerick before, but I think it helps elevate the form from coming off too cheesy.

Suggestions:

For me, I'm not too clear about the significance of Shakespeare but I assume a literature aficionado would get it. Did he write "The Ides of March?"

Conclusion:

I thought your limerick was funny and not too cheesy. It told a story.

I have a hard time writing limericks that I think are any good, maybe adding more rhyming stanzas would help.

I also like that you left notes about the rhyming sequence at the bottom. Rhyming is not my strong suit.

Congratulations on winning the contest!

Ash


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Review of Dragon Boy  Open in new Window.
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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#1734623 by Not Available.

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This is a review from The Power Review Shop.


Item Title: Dragon Boy

Author: Tim~Tu We've Got This

Type: Short Story 25 kb in size (I couldn't find one bigger than 24.90 kb that fit.)

Reviewed by: Ash Author IconMail Icon

First Impression:
         The narrator does a good job of thinking as a child when Timmy is the focus of the story. He has a lot of thoughts about things, and jumps from one idea to the next, but it still makes sense. I like the connection between the dinosaurs and the parrot Friday and thought the image of a seven year old with a big parrot-dragon on his shoulder was funny.

When Timmy’s mom enters the story, the narrator calls him Timothy, changing the tone to something more adult—though maybe she also calls him Timmy.

I like the image of the magic pond, but it’s a little alarming at first, because it tastes like metal. I was glad that at the end of it, the pond is a magic portal to the other world, and that we are prepared for this through Timmy’s dreams. Without the dreams, I still feel like the pond could have been poisonous and Timmy’s imagination was adding dragon-like characteristics to them to explain why they were changing.


Excerpt: For just a second, Timmy thought sure he glimpsed that same dragon fish he'd seen before. As he leaned over the water, he realized it was more like he was seeing his own reflection. But that couldn’t possibly be right. What he saw in the water, looking back at him, looked like the face of a real dragon. Horns and all.

I like this particular paragraph as it does a good job of setting up his emotional turmoil. His life is about to change forever, and he no longer has to feel envious of the humming-dragon bird.


Suggestions:

         While I like that Timmy’s mom reminds him that he already has a pet, I’m not sure I can picture a kid and a cat going down to the pond together as easily as a boy and his dog. Cats are often depicted as creatures with a will of their own, while dogs are more willing to stay by your side, especially if they live in the woods. After reading through the story, I am curious if Margo the cat was ever a regular cat or if the pond changed what she was. I am also curious as to whether Timmy came from the other world, and how he got to Earth as a baby.

The setting of the story is a little confusing. When I think of Arizona, I think of cactus and desert and the Grand Canyon. The state and the town don’t have much to do with the story until the very last minute. I’m curious about their significance. Maybe you could add more detail about the strangeness of the town. It feels like more is going on, especially if Timmy’s parents already knew what he was, and had adopted him.

I like that we get a Dragon girl at the end, though you could easily substitute Will here, as they are both crazy about dinosaurs and dragons, and Will isn’t a complete stranger. I feel like Timmy should have been more apprehensive, especially as his seven year old world comes undone very quickly. I also thought it might be helpful to Timmy if the girl was older, and had a little more authority. She also lived in his world, but we don’t know if she had her own magic pond or where she even came from.

Conclusion:

I really enjoyed reading Dragon Boy. There were some things that confused me, but the overall story is great! I’ve also tried to write stories about people who are part dragon, but I think that you did a much better job of executing the how and the why than I have been able to. Building multiple worlds is difficult work. I like that you also use a young character and for the most part do a good job of seeing through the lens of a child.

I would love to see more of the dragon story, if you have any.

Ash


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Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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I thought The Fiery Treasure was a fun adventure story. One thing that I think you could add, is some detail about his various other exploits. I think it could give the explorer a little more credibility, or perhaps give him less. Maybe he hasn't been as lucky in the past, etc. I am glad that you use the lava as the device that comes for the adventurer when he springs the trap...it was beginning to sound a lot like Indiana Jones and maybe that's who this is about, but you never come out and say who the explorer is. I was actually hoping that he didn't make it out when the boulder got in his way. It sounded like that was where it was going and would have made for a more unique ending. I also like the way you describe the volcano as a beast. Maybe there is something in the volcano or cave as well...like a dragon?

A cool story though either way!

Ash


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Review of Fathering  Open in new Window.
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Fathering is easily one of my favorite poems on writing.com. I love the imagery of butterflies with faces in the snow. The narrator continues with the metaphor (if it is a metaphor...maybe about humanity?) wanting to capture the butterflies to keep them warm but is afraid that once they are with him, they will sizzle out on the narrator's fire rocks.

This is a beautiful poem! *ButterflyR*

Ash


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Review of RAINDROP PRELUDE  Open in new Window.
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Raindrop Prelude has a nice rhythm to it. I feel like the narrator is trying to show us the sound of the rain, though I'm not sure if it is soothing, or if it is just soft rain. I like that Raindrop Prelude seems to be more than just about lost love. It seems to be about emotion in general, being locked away from the rest of the world. The narrator does a nice job of using vocabulary of music in this poem as well.

Ash


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Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
One thing that I love about this report is that you take an old story, made new in recent years (Is Sherlock Holmes considered pop culture?) and apply it to the issue of cyber interaction vs real communication and social dynamics. I like that the interaction between the two students seems to be in character, and that the language feels elevated, but not in a way that would make it seem too high brow for others. The language seems to fit the dynamic. Also, I'm assuming you're a very smart writer. I think that you make good points about the new structure of our conversations, and how you apply it to politics. For me, it's a little harder to consider politics falling into the issues of the new social scene, regardless of age. I think that people in power probably look at a situation, and decide whether they should act more professionally in speaking and typing...of course politics is a circus, so that might not hold as well anymore.

Ash


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Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Web1* Ash's Daily Horror Reviews*Web2*


         Hi Cody! You are receiving this review because I am looking for people who like to read and write horror fiction.

         Would you like your item to be featured on my blog? I like to share what I'm reading with others.
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#1971184 by Not Available.


         I must say this is one of the most amusing horror stories I've read in a long time. I think a lot of people like their horror gorier, but in "Dancing in the Flames" your horror is more subtle. It is a feature of the plot, but the real issue is the relationship that is about to fall apart. I like that by the end, the couple seems to accept their fate, whether it is that they've fallen under the curse or they can't fix their marriage, or they have to find some other way to make the marriage last.

         Have you heard of "SCREAMS!!!" Open in new Window. [GC]? If you haven't, you should check it out. I prefer the 48 Hour contest that runs every Wednesday through Friday. It would be great to have some competition.


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Review of Togetherness  Open in new Window.
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like the idea and the overall verse of your poem "Togetherness". With the first "And yet--" the poem feels like it flows out of "Together" but it doesn't seem as happy. I wonder if this is because I feel a little jarred by the repetition of "and yet", especially in the first stanza. I like the repetition, but it feels like there are so many in the opening it takes away from the message of that stanza and the effect that you are trying to create. The lines that are most powerful to me are the ones found before and between the longer stanzas.

Ash


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Review of Camping  Open in new Window.
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is probably one of your shorter poems so I don't have a lot to say about it, but I thought it was good. I think it's a little bit humorous as the narrator is trying to avoid the stress of the everyday reality, simply thinking about it or mentioning it, makes it real again.

I plan to go through Part 2 of Bottle in the River this month. I've been putting it off for a while.

Ash


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Review of The Red Rocks  Open in new Window.
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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This is an "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. Raid Review to thank you for hosting a party event at WDC's 15th Birthday Bash! *Balloongo*

I love when writers explain the type of poem they have written, but especially when the style is something I've never heard of before. I usually try to read the poem as it is first, and then read the description, to see how it affects the reading. The first time I read it, I wasn't sure about the repetition of red rocks. I got that it was significant, but that was about it. After reading the note about ghazal poetry, I read the poem more slowly/rhythmically which changed my mind about the repetition for the good. I also thought it was interesting about adding the name in the last stanza.

Ash


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Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with 30-Day Bloggers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This is an "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. Raid Review to thank you for hosting a party event at WDC's 15th Birthday Bash! *Balloongo*

As someone who has read and watched a few Mary Kate and Ashley (and Boxcar Children) stories in my youth, I found the idea of the girls opening a detective agency and a lemonade stand believable. (I think a lot of grown ups try to make kids out to be less ambitious than they are.) The dialogue for me was a little too "grown up" for eight year olds, but it wasn't bad. I think the little girl's dialogue would make sense if she was a little closer in age to the older girls. I like that there is such specificity in what kind of animals the girl likes to collect. I also really like the detail of the apple stealing story in the beginning.

Ash


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Review of The Stacks  Open in new Window.
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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This is an "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. Raid Review to thank you for hosting a party event at WDC's 15th Birthday Bash! *Balloongo*

I enjoyed reading "The Stacks". I personally find flash fiction hard to write because the word count is so limiting. I'm good at back story. I like back story. With flash fiction you have to establish the story very quickly. In "The Stacks" we get a brief idea of what the characters look like, but the emotional stakes are there. The relationship is fairly new, established by the fact that it is their first kiss, and she's worried she has been too forward. I think that you also do a good job of setting up the setting, or I have an easy time of picturing the quiet room in the stacks. (I work in a library.) I think my favorite part of the story is that the couple thinks they are alone, but the grad student at the end seems unsurprised to see them locking lips.

Ash


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Review of Entwined  Open in new Window.
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Entwined is an interesting poem. The beginning stanza makes me think that the entwined relationship is between the narrator and their religion, but this may just be wording. The other stanzas read like two people in a relationship, giving their partner their own sort of strength, love, and support. The physical interaction, a simple touch, makes the difference in the reading of the relationship.

Ash


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Review of Dream World  Open in new Window.
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Dream World is a poem that I think people can connect to on some level whether they want to admit it or not. Everyone has things that they want to be blind to, and some people manage to slip into a fantasy place where they can pretend the troubles can't get to them.

I think that the poem is well written, but I also would love to see more imagery/description--I would like to be able to see the rose hued fantasy world. On the other hand, the lack of additional imagery may have been done intentionally as the poem seems to be more about facing the real world, that cuts into the fantasy and makes you have to feel even when you'd rather not.

Ash


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for entry "Masquerade" Open in new Window.
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Masquerade is an awesome poem! I felt like I knew the narrator was going to show another mask after the first is taken off (it just makes sense), but the inner being behind the makeup and the mask blew me away.

The inner being is decaying quite imaginatively. There are things crawling inside of them as they fall apart. The unmasker seems not to notice however, and it makes you wonder how well they know each other, what kind of relationship they have or had. The person behind the mask feels like things are doomed to fail regardless.


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Review of Mom  Open in new Window.
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Mom is a great poem. I like that you start with a "snapshot" of the narrator's mother in the garden, after doing things that moms do. It was a sweet poem, but it didn't feel bogged down by sentiment. The narrator gives us entrance into this other world and we learn a lot by the end of the poem about how the mother feels about things, whether she actually likes lemonade or not, she makes it because presumably the narrator does and it is a memory associated with the mother. When the kids get in trouble for correcting a teacher they are rewarded rather than punished for speaking up (and paying attention-gasp!).

I like the note you added at the end about the way photography worked back then. My mom still has a box full of Walmart prints with bronze strips. I like the timelessness of the poem, the mom could be a mom at most any time, but the way you talk about photography places it in a more concrete time and place.


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Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Wildflower Surprize is one of the best poems I've read on writing.com. I could picture the poem in my head like a movie--one where the sound is muted and is probably in black and white (except for the one pink flower left standing at the end). I really liked the lines about the silent carnival and the "freak show facade" of a crowd made up of "mirror images" escaping the fun house.

Ash


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Review of Road Trip!  Open in new Window.
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I really love the use of metaphor and imagery in your poem! The metaphors "rivers of verbiage" and "collapsed bridges of expression" worked really well, I think because there are other elements of the nature you travel through throughout the piece. Also the reader already knows what restraints you are writing under. I think that you did a great job incorporating the prompt and theme in such a way that made it interesting. You have the scenery, but you also have all the emotion. People are tired and concussed by the end of the journey but they come away having learned something.

Ash


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Review of Flower Fields  Open in new Window.
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like the first few lines of Flower Fields, especially the style. You start with a one word line, then describe her as being as delicate as a flower, then go on to describe what she is doing. I like the overall idea of the poem, and I think that the one word line works in other instances too, but in some cases I think it would have worked even better if it didn't happen every other line. That's just my thought... an example I think, would be:

perhaps
or romantic movies (could have been a pause though)
...this may also stand out more to me because it is followed by another, bolder Perhaps.

Overall, I liked your poem. I can't wait to read more *ThumbsUpL**ThumbsUpR*


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Review of Half Moon Risin'  Open in new Window.
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Half Moon Risin' is a great poem! I like that you left comments on the format style that you were going for. It gives the reader a better idea of how to read it, especially if they have access to some kind of background music or can just picture it in their head. I like the imagery and the story of the poem a lot. Is there significance in the half moon phase for the chant?

Ash


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Review of Only Then  Open in new Window.
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Only Then is a great poem! I like that you have an image of your warrior. You don't spend a lot of time talking about the location or the character, as the narrator of the poem is telling about their journey through life. It wouldn't matter to the story whether it was a man or a woman, but thinking of the narrator as a lady warrior gives a different twist to the poem.

Ash


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Review of Change the Doors  Open in new Window.
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I like what you did with this prompt. I am personally using these prompts to work on a Camp Nano novel and the first chapter is about this key, which has the power to control, but also unlocks something (I haven't decided if it is a door or not.)

I like this poem. I think that you convey a sharp/strong meaning with such short lines.The shortness makes the words more important, and they seem to convey great emotion. I like that by the end of the poem, the words have shifted from being helpless, waiting for the keys, to more of an active line "Change the locks, change the keys".

Ash


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Review of Odd  Open in new Window.
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I came across Odd via the Random Review Reward system. I thought that the imagery in this little outline of dreams was very strong, especially the image of Jerusalem being destroyed. While I have not seen Roger Moore's Bond character in action, I have seen Sean Connery, Timothy Dalton, Pierce Brosnan and Daniel Craig, the first two actors being my favorite so far. That being said, I like the reference, and I think that it is well written. :)

Ash


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Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Comfortable, Satisfied, Elegant, Reserved is a cool poem. I think that the opening stanza about the jury or 'jury' is really strong. I was a little confused by the middle stanza, but I liked the thought of the last line in it. I also liked 'you'll traverse the red carpet, too, before the day you die.'

Keep up the good work,

Ash


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Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
The child of my Heart is a great story, even if it is really sad at the end. I love the vivid descriptions that you give because I can actually picture the scenes as if you had taken a photo of each moment and placed them in the story.

Keep up the good work,

Ash
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